2015.02.05:
Dear diary,
It's been a long time since I last wrote to you, keuchi? My last entry for you was over a month ago, after I rejected Channie. The only reason why I haven't wrote to you after a month is because I don't have anything to tell you. It's still holiday and Wonwoo and his family flew to Jeju-do for a holiday. How I wish I can have a normal family like that.
Well, nothing much has happen over a month. Dino and I are just friends. That's all the news I can tell you.
Oh my gosh, it's hot here right now. I wish I can eat some patbingsoo right now. I would head down to a nearby patbingsoo store if I could but I didn't want to face a sobber mom right now. She's drinking in broad daylight. She's crazy, I'm telling you!
.
.
.
.
Don't ever contact me again, unni.
That was the email Sooyoung, my little sister, sent to me over two hours ago. I spent the other hour crying and breaking things. I didn't break anything, I swear, but I threw everything around my room that it's going to be hard to clean it up.
Why did Sooyoung send me that letter, ani, email? Why all of a sudden, as well?
I did compose a message for her to send.
Waeyo? Did I do something wrong? Sooyoungie, don't do this.
Unni, just don't. You'll make it harder on everyone.
That was her reply. She was online after I composed the message.
Harder? It's already hard in life and you're... Sooyoung, don't do this. You're the only one left in my life who I still love. I made a promise to you. A promise to bring you around the world. Just the two of us. Together.
Ani, unni. You shouldn't make promises you can't actually keep.
Sooyoung, traveling with you together has always been my dream. I'm not going to give up on it.
I advise you start finding another dream. Goodbye.
Sooyoung!!
But that was it. My message couldn't go through because she deactivated her account after sending her last email to me.
Now diary, you've been with me from the very start to know how complicated it is to live as me. If someone were to fit in my shoes and see from my perspective, they would have a hard time surviving for even just a day. And I've been doing it for a year already.
I lost my trust in people. That's why I'm so cold to them. I was never this cold to people before. In fact, I was changeable a few years before the 'big fight' happened. Afterwards, I forgot everything that makes people happy and became almost isolated in my own world.
If it weren't for Dino.
Dino... helps. He pushes me and I push him more.
But Wonwoo...
Wonwoo is a different story. He... he... takes me to new worlds while keeping my heart beating at the same time. It's crazy because I don't even know what to do.
Maybe my life was supposed to turn out this way. For some people to leave so better people could occupy those empty spaces.
Maybe... maybe, just maybe, I should try my best to open up to people and let them in so my life would go as smooth as I always hoped it would be. But it's not so easy to change. Change doesn't happen overnight.
I should at least try, right? Change doesn't happen overnight but progress happen if you try hard enough.
- Hani