Home, let me come home,
Home is wherever I'm with you.
Start Destination: Paris, France
End Destination: Metz, France
Via: /
9:14AM (GMT) / 10:14AM (Local Time)
"Well this trip went downhill fast," Elise jokes, "Levi is newly single and we hate the people who make up our ex-favourite band."
"You make it sound so dramatic El," Rosie says, "we're all dealing with it."
Gazes turn to Levi to see if this is true. Unlike yesterday there are less tears and he is no longer swearing which I take as a good sign.
"I'm fine," Levi says when he notices we're looking at him, "I'll get over it."
With that he settles into the backseat and expectant gazes fall on Elise.
"Today would be nice," I tease, "I'd actually like to get there before I turn eighty. I mean Levi looks terrible with a beard."
Elise frowns at me before letting out a sarcastic laugh.
"You're so funny Jess," she says sounding unimpressed, "have you ever considered becoming a comedian?"
"Year Eight," I reply dreamily, "Charlie Martin laughed at my joke about tractors and I decided I wanted to make him laugh all the time. The only normal way to do that seemed to be by becoming a comedian."
"Charlie Martin isn't even that hot," Rosie tells me disapprovingly.
"Year Eight Charlie Martin was."
Elise murmurs in agreement and Rosie sighs.
"He was alright."
"He was model material and you know it," I say, "I don't know what changed, he used to be so perfect."
"He became a douche," Elise says.
"Seriously?" Levi asks. "He stopped being hot because he was a douche."
"It's a scientific fact that guys with a horrible personality can't be seen as hot," Rosie replies in a matter-of-fact tone, "and there doesn't tend to be many hot guys who aren't douches, at least not at our school."
"Hey!" Levi says after a few moments. "I'm hot and I'm not a douche."
Rosie and I turn to look at him with raised eyebrows before sighing simultaneously at his look of confusion.
"The fact that you even said that suggests you are a douche," I tell him.
"Well I'm not."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Rosie mutters, "you did cheat on your girlfriend."
"Hey! At least I didn't tell everyone that I was going out with Zac Efron."
"That was like in Year 8!"
I can sense a full blown sibling argument coming on and I prepare myself for the impending headache and lean back in my seat. Elise seems to sense it to, although she is certainly more proactive about it.
"Nobody is a douche!" She shouts quickly before Rosie can reply. "Now that that's settled who fancies stopping for some ice cream?"
There are various murmurs of approval for the idea and the tension between Levi and Rosie seems to subside although I can still hear Levi grumbling under his breath.
"You good?" I whisper questioningly towards Levi after the car has quietened slightly.
"Fine," Levi replies, "and again I'm sorry for how shit I acted yesterday."
"I already said I forgive you."
"I know, but I still feel like a douche."
"At least you're admitting it now."
"Shut up," Levi says, "and hey at least you think I'm hot."
"I don't think you're either," I tease, "I think you're merely an average looking douche."
"And yet you still went out with me."
"Please don't remind me of those dark days of my life."
"Hey," Levi says sounding offended, "dating me wasn't that bad was it?"
"It was alright," I say in a monotone, "I mean it had it's good points and it's bad points."
"Like what were the bad points though?"
"Jesus Christ Levi do you want me to write a fucking report on our relationship or something?"
"That'd be nice."
"Levi..."
Just as I am about to explain to him that I do not have the time to write a report on the pros and cons of our relationship and that even if I did have the time, I wouldn't want to I am rudely cut off by Elise swerving dangerously around the car in front before pressing her foot down harder on the accelerator. Levi grips onto his seatbelt.
"Fuck El," he mutters, "fancy slowing down a bit."
"Sorry," Elise says sarcastically, "the sexual tension between you two was distracting me."
"There's no sexual tension," Levi and I tell her in unison.
"I totally believe you," Elise replies, "I mean you two totally act like exes."
"We've decided to be friends," Levi says.
"That never works."
"That's a terrible way to think, if exes can't be friends then this world is stupid."
"All I'm saying is that you're always going to think about each other naked whenever you're together."
"Unlike you El, Levi and I are able to keep our animal instincts under control," I tease.
"Fine," El huffs, "but when the two of you are ripping each other's clothes off when you're trying to be 'just friends' then don't blame me."
"Why would they blame you anyway?" Rosie asks.
"I don't know, I'm just preparing my case in the off chance that they do," Elise replies.
Rosie rolls her eyes and shakes her head in disbelief while Levi and I exchange knowing – and slightly embarrassed glances – we know that the chance of Elise's prediction coming true is more likely than expected, although neither of us plan on it ever happening again so maybe not.
Deciding that she has had enough of this conversation Elise briefly takes one of her hands off the wheel and turns the radio up so that it is blasting Taylor Swift at a decibel that threatens to give me tinnitus. Elise has to turn down the radio just to hear our complaints about how loud at is, however she merely shrugs before resuming the volume.
Rosie – in the passenger seat – reaches over and promptly switches it off before replying to Elise's glare with an icy expression of her own.
"You're moody today," she tells Elise, "something happened?"
"No," Elise says, "I'm just really hungry and you lot all seem to be doing nothing but argue."
"It's because we love each other," Rosie jokes, "but hey if you're hungry then why don't we stop for that ice cream you suggested earlier."
A smile breaks onto Elise's face at the thought and promptly she pulls over at the side of the road, parking in front of a quaint little shop. Through the large front window I can see a display of several flavours of ice cream and my mouth begins to water before I even enter the shop.
Levi links arms with me when I step out of the car before offering me a wide smile.
The four of us walk into the shop amid chatter, now that we are out of the car and in more space the four of us seem to be less likely to kill one another. Elise's posture has slackened and an easy smile is now resting on her face. Rosie and Elise's arms are also intertwined and Rosie – much to my disgust – halts our entrance into the ice cream parlour by stopping to take a selfie. Elise and I share eye rolls whilst Levi desperately tries to get into frame.
When we finally make our way inside we are greeted by a cool breeze and a friendly waitress quickly rushes over to us, proffering menus and gushing excitedly in French. Without hesitating, Elise quickly replies and I barely have time to glance around the shop before we are led towards a table in a corner of the cafe that is easily big enough for the four of us.
"Merci," Elise says to the waitress as she wanders off whilst we make decisions.
Rosie bites her lip as she stares at the menu.
"I hate going out to eat," she sighs, "the stuff always sounds so nice and I'm always torn between every single option."
"We could just buy it all," Levi suggests jokingly.
To be honest I think neither Rosie, Elise nor I would complain if we did that but our wallets and waists certainly would.
As we are staring at the menu in intense concentration, all our phones start to ring simultaneously. Instantly we share nervous looks and one glance down at the caller ID only serves to make our hearts beat faster.
"Shit," Rosie murmurs and it kind of seems like an understatement, "shit, shit, shit."
Even Elise offers no optimistic words and instead her face drains of colour as she continues to stare at the phone.
"We have to answer," she says after a few beats, "else they'll just keep calling."
She says that but Elise still makes no effort to accept the call. I know what she says is true and so I take a deep breath and press the phone to my ear.
"Hello," I murmur.
There are no pleasantries, just my mum screaming down the phone at me.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She asks me without giving me a chance to reply. "You're supposed to be in Brighton, last time I checked Brighton was not in mainland Europe."
I consider explaining, but I decide that just letting her get this all out is a better idea.
"This is the stupidest thing you've ever done Jess. I mean I know you love the band, and I know you were disappointed to not be able to go to a show but this is just absurd behaviour. How the hell the four of you are managing to afford this I have no idea? And speaking of the fact that there are four of you, Levi? Really Jess? I thought you knew better than that, that boy is no good for you. Do you not remember what happened last time?"
My mother is starting to intrude into more personal territory – an area that I really do not want to visit and so I quickly intervene.
"Mum," I say gently, "I'm sorry but we wanted to do something before we all went our separate ways."
"I get that Jess, but that doesn't change the fact that you lied to me."
"Mum..."
"No Jess, I want you on the next flight home. We'll discuss the repercussions of your actions when you get home. Understand?"
"Yeah."
"I'm really disappointed in you Jess."
With that my mother's end of the line goes silent before a stream of buzzing announces that she has ended the call. Slowly I place my phone down at the table and look up at the rest of the group, the three of them are all wrapping up their calls too and from the looks on their faces I can tell that all four of our parents said very similar things.
"You got mum?" Levi asks Rosie.
"Yeah, I guess you were stuck with Dad."
"They told you to go home?" Rosie asks.
Her question interrupts the sharing of disappointed glances and panicked looks. The air around the table seems suddenly stagnant and every movement seems as if it has been slowed down. It is as if my brain is deciding to remember this horrific moment in microscopic detail.
"Yeah," Elise replies when she realises no one else is going to.
We leave without ordering, placing a few coins on the table to thank them for letting us sit.
The silence surrounds us, and it is almost like I can feel it on my skin, as if it an actual substance. I can feel it in my throat, something me holding me back from saying a single word. I want to say something that might make the situation better, I at least want to try to fix the problem just a little bit but there is something lodged in my throat that stops me.
And so the quietness remains. Nobody comments on Elise's erratic driving and when I see a single tear slide down Rosie's cheek we say nothing, Levi just takes her hand and squeezes it reassuringly.
Nobody makes any move to turn the car radio on. The silence is horrible but at the same it feels good, it feels as if it belongs. Because although this was just a trip, it was so much more than that, something I thought, but wasn't sure of, until it came to an end.
And so we sit in the car and none of us say a word.
I can almost hear the cogs in everyone's brains turning though, trying to work through what's just happened. We had become so comfortable, had been on the trip for so long that I had almost forgotten how easily it could all go wrong. I suppose I relaxed too soon.
12:52PM (GMT) / 1:52PM (Local Time)
When we reach the latest hotel, the tension in the car has become palpable and the silence is heavy.
Elise pulls on the hand break and the four of us sit still in the car, waiting for someone else to make the first move. After a few moments Levi slowly unbuckles his seatbelt and leans forward.
"I don't want to go home," Levi says simply.
It's an opinion I think is shared by all of us but it's nice to have it out in the open. There's something about converting the feeling into words that makes me relieved, I'm not sure why.
"We have to," Rosie replies, "the parents were pissed."
Rosie stresses the last word as Levi's brow furrows in thought. The silence resumes until Levi begins to rhythmically tap his finger on the back of my seat.
"I was thinking," he tells us and instantly I get a bad feeling in my stomach, "how much more pissed off at us can they get? I mean surely finishing off the trip can't make this much worse and I mean, we're all over eighteen, we can surely do whatever the hell we want with our lives."
For a moment I can't help but think that what Levi is saying is right and then I remember how my mother sounded earlier and my excitement deflates once again.
Elise is shaking her head at Levi.
"We can't do that," she says, "I mean they know where we are, knowing our parents they'll just fly out to bring us home."
"They won't do that," Levi assures us, "they'll just stay mad at us and to be honest do you really care? We're all going off to university next month and they can't stay mad at us forever."
We fall into comfortable silence but Levi's words dance around my brain and consume my thoughts. I can't help but think back to when we first thought of going on this trip, I had been reluctant at first but I know that I would never have stopped regretting it if I decided not to do this trip. This trip has exceeded all my expectations and I can't imagine not having done it. It occurs to me that maybe this decision is a similar one, how much would I regret it if I gave up on this trip now? Stopped it before it even finished? The thought itself makes my heart sink and I realise that executing it would make me feel even worse and so I turn to Levi with a contagious smile.
"I'm in," I say.
Rosie and Elise turn to me in shock but it is almost as if they can read my thoughts on my face. After studying my expression for a few moments, a smile graces their faces too and the mood in the car lifts slightly.
"I'm in too," Elise says.
Rosie pauses before answering and right then; it almost feels exactly like it did when we made the decision to come on this trip except I was the one deliberating then.
"I'm in too," Rosie says eventually.
And perhaps a call to my mother might go over better but at the moment I cannot face it. So I quickly send her an apologetic text explaining the situation before turning over my phone so that I cannot see the reply come through. I am determined to relax tonight, and to enjoy the little time I have left on the trip, dealing with angry texts from my parents does not fit into that in any way, shape, or form.
7:13PM (GMT)/ 8:13PM (Local Time)
The four of us are in a surprisingly good mood as we finally get back to the hotel after treating ourselves to a meal at a nice French restaurant.
We're all in much better moods than we were earlier and even Rosie and Levi have decided not to fight tonight so that we can all have fun.
My cheeks hurt from laughing so much and my feet are killing from the high heeled shoes I decided it would be a good idea to wear but I'm still in high spirits. It might have something to do with the fact that it finally seems like the four of us are on the trip together as friends, and not just so we can see bands or girlfriends. For the first time in this entire trip I feel like I fully appreciate how amazing it is that I've got this opportunity to spend so long with three of my best friends and I feel a pang of disappointment in my chest when I realise that it's nearly over.
We all stand in the reception area of the hotel and prepare to say goodbye to Levi as we go down separate corridors to the two rooms.
He pulls Rosie and Elise into tight hugs before doing the same to me but before he can withdraw I find myself landing a soft kiss on his cheek.
Levi offers me a shy smile in return before walking away and suddenly I am surrounded by Rosie and Elise who have already decided not to let me forget that I just did that, even though I myself acknowledge it was a mistake.
"You two are totally just friends," Rosie says sarcastically.
"We are," I insist.
"Please," Elise replies, "I could feel the sexual tension between the two of you from back home."