What was I made for- Billie Eilish
Zaliah pov
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"You kidnapped me for cake tasting." I snatched my arm from his grasp as I put distance between us.
"It's what engaged people do." He mumbled as we walked down the street leading to different stores. It was pretty busy out today which is why we're walking to the cake tasting place. There's so many occupied parking places. "Well we're not like usual engaged people. They're usually in love" I said as I pulled my shades down covering the sun shining directly in my eyes.
He turned the corner as a bright neon sign came into view. Wedding catering, Labeled in cursive. As he opened the door, I stepped in before he could. 'Accidently' , stepping on his foot with my heel. "Stronza" He whispered slowly as I ignored him.
Taking in the place. It was like a usual cafe except it had white stairs with a pink strip in the corner. Following as Marcelo walked really quickly up the stairs. I wasn't ready for the amount of cakes on the white clothes tables. Three tables sat in rows as I stared at the various colors of cakes.
A lady appeared as she set down the last place. "Shoot! I couldn't put down the other set of plates. I'm sure you guys wouldn't mind sharing?" She looked roughly five feet. She had her blonde braids in a bun as little curls stuck out. She wore a white button up with black dress pants and an apron.
"I'm actually a germaphobe," I smiled at her. Her eyebrows furrowed. "But you're marrying him. Eating after each other should be the last of your worries" She winked at me as the thought of what she was implying made me want to throw up.
"She'll be fine" Marcelo cut in as the lady nodded. My traveled down to her name tag Laura as she handed us a checklist of all of the cakes before going downstairs wishing us good luck.
Approaching the first table I stared at the first cake. German chocolate cake with coconut. Taking the fork I tried a bite of it before passing the fork to Marcelo. "I don't like it" He said about almost every fucking cake up here. Either that or he called 'Dibettes in a cake' . We were on the third table. I looked down at the yellow cake with cream cheese icing.
Taking a bite I almost moaned at the tartness that was quickly covered with the sweetness of the icing. Lemon cake. As I put down the fork I looked to Marcelo to see him staring at it in disgust.
"Are you going to try it or..?" His natural frown deepened. He looked at me for a moment as if he was considering something "I'm allergic"
I threw my hands up with a smile "Looks like we've found the perfect cake." I liked my lips as the thought of knowing his weakness caused thoughts of different ways to kill him ran in my mind.
"I'm not having lemon at my fucking wedding" He gets angry fast. Letting out a low chuckle I took another bite of the cake.
"Seems like you don't have much of a ch-" His hand reached out gripping my chin forcing me to look at him. "I always have a fucking choice." The way he always wants to be in control pisses me off, Mostly because I want to be in control. I want to have some grasp on my life. The way I signed my life away knowing it'll help and protect my family proved that.
I know when the time comes on the wedding night he's going to expect it, I've been preparing myself to give it up like i usually do but this time it's hard. Knowing how much of a fucking control person me feel repulsed by giving it to him because then hes going to think it's just his take whenever.
Most men do. A part of me is disappointed by the way I feel about my body. The part of me that wants to be in control is fighting with my mind to take back my body.
"So which is it-" I finally zoned back and stared at Laura.
"The lemon-"
"The rum cake" Marcelo cut me off, his voice overpowering mine. My face scrunched up as Laura looked between us.
"We could do a split cake?" I nodded before walking past them. Practically skipping stairs I made my way inside digging into my purse as I quickly walked to the car. I took out a cigarette, lighting it as I needed something to calm my nerves.
Just when I think I'm back to being Zaliah, Lola and her thoughts appear making everything black and white again. Leaning against the car I watched as families walked around hand in hand. In the distance I could see Marcelo walking towards me with flared nostrils and clenched hands.
"Don't even. Just take me home" I mumbled as he got closer. His reaction was quick as he snatched the cigarette from between my fingers as he threw it down on the floor stepping on it. He braced his hands on each side of me "Listen, and listen really fucking well Zaliah. You will play your part. You'll learn to shut the fuck and become a house wife. If not, Deal or not I will pay your family a visit" His eyes darkened as he spoke. For the first time I was actually intimidated.
I let out a small laugh as I watched him get even worked up as he lowered his head closer. "You think it's fucking funny? Alright, keep trying me amore"
Leaning closer I was inches away from him "Hm. That's cute, truly. The family threats can only go far Marcelo. If you want to go there we can. I don't care who the fuck I hurt. Kid or not" I said hinting towards his nieces. I watched as his jaw ticked "I will get my lick back"
Smiling, I go to push him away but he roughly grabs my wrist "I'm warning you" I snatched my wrist. "Consider mine a promise. Not a warning" I started my walk away. Like hell I was going to get in the car with him.
*
Family dinners usually are filled with raven talking but she was silent as a mouse. I watched around as everyone made conversation about their day. Raven picked around with the food on her plate. Which is what she usually does while she talks the whole fucking dinner.
"How was cake tasting?" Mom asked before she took a sip of her wine. I shrugged. "We fought like usual" It's actually trying to have an urge to kill someone every time you're around them.
"Aw. It'll get better baby" Raven let out a snort as my eyes darted to her. "I don't get why he wanted to marry you" She looked up at me with heavy bags under her eyes.
"Hell I don't get it either" I took her words as a grain of salt as I took a bite of the roasted vegetables mom made.
Raven shook her head as she dropped her fork "I mean you're literally.. A slut" her eyes connected with mine. Nothing was behind her dark eyes.
"Raven!" Mom gasped.
"Shit" Nico shook his head.
"I'm a what?" I stood up as anger radiated off of me. I'm not a slut. I tried to believe as I watched Raven scoot her chair back making a screech sound as she laid her hands on the table staring at me.
"Zaliah. Raven sit" Father's voice echoed but I wasn't focused on that as a smile lifted on Raven lips. "You're a fucking slut who lies! That night you felt guilty about being such a slut so you were the girl who cried rape to daddy so he can feel sorry for your sorry mental ass-" I lunged at her before she could say another word. I reached my arm back ready to punch her. I barely grazed her face before I was pulled off of her.
My knife clenched in my hand as I threw it aiming for her foot. She fell down to the floor with a loud cry. "Zaliah! You stabbed your sister!"
Pushing Nico off of me I stood there staring at my mother as she once again rushed to Raven side. "Did you hear what she just fucking said?" I looked at dad for him to help me. He looked down, ignoring my stare.
"Yes. but that doesn't mean stab your sister." She yelled as she pointed to Raven who was crying in her arms.
"I-"
"No excuses! She's sick can't you tell?" What about me I wanted to say. I stepped back as I looked at dad one more time. This time he held my gaze.
"Raven, apologize to your sister. You don't throw that in her fucking face or call her those names." He looked between us "Yall are sisters. Act like it. Raven has a bad eating disorder that we've been figuring out. That doesn't excuse her actions but" I zoned out.
I wanted to kill her. At that moment I wanted her to feel how I feel on the inside. Ignoring them I jogged upstairs closing my door as I grabbed a suitcase. I can't do it. I can't stay here anymore.
I cant feel like this around my family anymore. Throwing different clothes into the suitcase my door was opened. My eyes darted to the door as I saw Nico standing there with glossy eyes. "You- you were-" His voice was wavering.
Not wasting time I brought him into a hug "I'm okay Nico" I assured him as I heard him silently crying on my shoulder. "Fuck Zaliah I co-"
Shaking my head I felt my own tears falling. "I protect you, remember that" I assured him as we broke away.
"Who's going to protect you?" Taking a seat on the edge of my bed the tears came more rapidly. A sob came out of me as I placed a hand on my mouth squeezing my eyes shut. I tried to gain my breathing as Nico sat beside me trying to calm me down. I gave him a sad smile that trembled "Don't worry about me, got it?"
He shook his head disagreeing "I do worry Zaliah, So fucking much. You're my big sister and seeing you struggle and hurt i-" He couldn't finish his sentence as he held his head low.
"I'm okay. I just need to go somewhere else for a little while."
"Promise you'll be back" I nodded, giving him a slight smile.
There was a knock on the door as I saw Raven. Her foot was in a bandage as she stood on the opposite leg. "Can I talk to you, Zaliah?" She asked slowly. I looked at Nico making sure he was okay. We agreed to meet before I left. Raven closed the door as she took a seat beside me.
"Truth?" I nodded trying to hear her out. "I was there that night" Everything stopped. I came looking for you.." I stared at her as she licked her lips before speaking again. "I- I blame you for what happened to me" no they couldn't have done it to her. I was there right? I should've protect my little sister
No no no. I was there alone.
"They made me watch" Her voice cracked as she let out a slight sob. My eyes were draining like a waterfall as I listened to her "Then when you passed out-"
"No" I cut her off as I turned to look at her. My throat felt tight as I looked at her broken face. "They made me leave before you woke up. I- I tried to help you" She broke down as her whole body shook. Hesitating, I wrapped an arm around her. "It wasn't your fault." My voice trembled.
"I've had this.. Hate and need to be perfect. Every day thinking what was I made for? To feel pain? To be taken advantage of?" Her words were as clear as my thoughts.
"We were made to overcome this Raven. I get it's hard. You'll never be the same. Because now you're stronger" I couldn't take my words as she nodded.
Leaving was the last thing on my mind. But I needed to get away. After Raven left my room. I was all cried out. Walking down to Mom and dad's room. I knocked once before the door opened revealing dad. His eyes wandered to the suitcase in my hand.
"I need to help myself. I need to find myself and living here.." My voice cracked "It doesn't help dad"
"What can we do-"
"Nothing.. Just let me do this before I get married. Okay?" He nodded before throwing me in his arms. "Come back, okay? Let me know if you need anything. Let me know where you're going and most importantly help yourself okay?" He tightened his grip on me as I nodded.
"I'm going to be daisy. Thirty minutes outside of town" He nodded as He offered to grab some of my bags but I told him Nico already offered.
Surprisingly I had ten suitcases filled with clothes, knives, my computer, skincare, hair stuff and makeup, then I had a tote filled with shoes. "I love you Zaliah" He gave me a kiss on the cheek before letting me go.
"Love you too dad" I walked away going to Nico room. Knocking on his door It swung open like he was waiting for me. He twirled a blunt between his fingers. "One for the road" I nodded as I told him we could do it outside. He helped me load my bags into my car.
I lit up the blunt with my favorite lighter as we passed it. "I'll be back ya know. I just have t-"
He cut me off "Don't explain yourself. Go be free, and happy. As long as I can come over whenever I want"
"Ehh, We'll see" I joked before the moment was over. "Hey. Look over Rave. She's.. Been through a lot" He nodded before he got out of the car. I waited until he was in the house before pulling off starting my drive.
That night I was on so much drugs it would've been impossible to see Raven there. Knowing went through the same thing made me understand her more. The need to be a daddy's girl, The wanting attention, The wanting to be perfect.
We were the exact same. I just hid mine better.
*
"Hey Roomie!!" Daisy opened the door with a huge smile.