Rays beamed through the pines high overhead, and a morning dew soiled the dirt beneath my body.
I was dying. That was very much apparent.
The hungry straggler's teeth sunk into my flesh, blood dripping from its jowls.
Always so fucking hungry.
The pain was extraordinary, but I didn't fight back. That's what it wanted- a fight- something to play with, a game that would only increase its appetite and satisfaction.
For a moment, the beast's eyes met mine. Green, crystallized prisms that held so many untold promises and fur that shined chestnut when the sun hit it just right. The same beast that saved me in some far distant memory that I will surely forget when my body wakes, but in this body, I remember her.
——————
I stared blankly at my laptop screen, tapping the end of my pen against a worn notebook. I needed to study, I had to, but the words on the screen were simply just something for my eyes to fixate on while my head wandered.
Even with Ellie out of sight and out of mind, I still always think about her, whether it be something she had said or done. I can't help but micro-analyze everything when it comes to her, and with last night's events still fresh in my mind, now, I don't know what to think.
No, this isn't me regretting the decision, but I think anyone would question the morals of their partner if they started such a thing. What was the reason? Was there any other than the fact she wanted to- that I wanted to?
I groaned into the empty room and slammed my laptop shut. For the first time in a while, I was alone. Abby had gone to the gym, both her and Ellie giving me the space I needed, but this time, I actually felt alone.
It is nostalgic feeling like this, singular, and insufficient. A small thing that takes up more space than what it's worth, and only had value when needed by unforgiving hands.
Abby enters the room, giving me the distraction I was secretly hoping for before I over think myself to death.
"Heya" She greeted, waving a small hand and sweat shining against the highs of her cheeks.
"Hey."
I returned the smile, looking back down to my notes on the paper, but still snuck glances at her. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be, hell, neither of us had brought it up since, but I felt like it needed to be talked about.
Abby threw a towel over her shoulder, and a duffle bag over the other before looking at me, "I'm gonna go grab food after I shower. Do you want something?"
Somehow it felt like a relief, and both a disappointment that she would ask such a simple, innocent question. A relief because I don't think I'll ever be ready for a sex conversation with a friend/ ex friends with benefits, and a disappointment because I was too chicken shit to bring it up first.
"Oh... uh-"
"I was gonna go to that Mexican restaurant on 12th. I know how much you like that place." Abby pushed, raising her eyebrows playfully with a smirk.
I scoff, rolling my eyes, "I'm good, but thanks for the offer Ms. Anderson."
Abby's eyebrows raise, "Oh wow... Ms. Anderson, huh? I can get used to that."
This time, I rolled my eyes harder, turning the page in my notebook, "Careful, or else I'll sic Ellie on you." I looked back up, giving her a look that oozed empty threats, but it felt good that we could still joke like we did before without it being weird.
Abby's hands go up, mimicking a surrender, "Oh no, we don't want that. She was just starting to warm up to me." She laughed under her breath, and I joined in.
Abby turned away and turned the door handle before glancing back at me, "If you change your mind just text me, yeah?"
I give her a thumbs up but keep my eyes on the paper until I hear the door open and close. Once again, I am alone, and the silence has never been so loud- ear shattering.
The tip of my pen continued to draw absent minded lines and swirls in the margin of my paper, head racing with so many thing at once that I couldn't comprehend a singular thought when my phone buzzed,
"Hey baby."
Speaking- or more like thinking of the devil.
"Hii."
"How are you feeling? Does your back still hurt?"
"It's better. Thanks for checking in on me :)"
For some reason, I felt anxious texting Ellie. It's not like our conversation is stressful in itself, but I feel like I'm lying to her, or at least lying about how I'm feeling even, if my worries are not on the physical level.
"Is Abby there?"
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
Why does she want to know?
"She just went to shower and get food, why?"
"Can I come over? I miss you."
Wow, for someone as tough as her on the outside, she sure is a sap.
"Fine, but cuddling only. Got it?"
I sent the text, cheeks starting to hurt from how hard I was smiling, and it was annoying. She's the reason for all my uncertainties, but is still the only person who can pull this reaction from me even if it's a simple text.
"I'll behave, promise. See you in a few."
———————
"That's how the movie ends? Are you serious?!"
My hands go up before slamming back down on the comforter in total frustration.
Ellie, who was curled under the same comforter, simply laughed because of how predictable my reaction was.
I sighed deeply, shutting the laptop and placed it down beside me, giving me room to turn over and place my head on her chest.
"Ellie, that was the worst ending ever." I grumbled, nuzzling my body further into her side, and wrapping my arm around her torso.
Her hand came down softly across my shoulders, rubbing a hand over my bicep, "I know.... m'sorry I put you through that." She mocked in a comforting manner, turning her head to look at Abby.
"Is it okay that I'm here? She looks very focused."
"Hmm?" I questioned, lifting my head to look where she was looking, and Ellie was right- Abby did look painfully focused. She was sitting up in bed, headphones on, and papers and textbooks littering the bedsheets and dark-framed glasses resting in the nook of her nose bridge, illuminated by the blue screen of her laptop.
I chuckle, and placed my head back down, "Why? You feeling awkward about last night?"
"Wha-" Ellie scoffed, "No... I just don't want to disturb her."
Right.
"It's fine, Els. This is my room too you know."
Ellie hums in acknowledgment, but doesn't press it further, which I was secretly hoping she would in case it would lead to a proper conversation about last night. And what better time to do that when all three of us are together?
"Hey Els" I said quietly, playing with her fingers that rested on the base of her stomach, "Can I ask you something?"
Ellie continued to rub soothing circles on my arm, her chin resting on the top of my head, "I don't know, can you?"
I sat up, resting my weight on my elbow, and retracted my hand from hers to anxiously fidget with the seems of my sheets, "Why-" I started to speak, but the words quickly got lost in the back of my throat.
"Hey-" Ellie placed her hand on top of mine, and encouraged me to look at her by squeezing gently.
"Talk to me, baby."
I searched her eyes for any chance that this could lead to a fight, but all I could see was what I wanted to see- love.
"Why-" I took a deep breath in, "-why did we do that last night?"
I watched her face carefully- studying, and examining for a hint of the truth just in case she decided to lie to me about it.
Her eyes go wide, shifting from looking at me to looking just about anywhere else.
Not a promising start.
A few seconds of silence passed, and Ellie was slowly working herself towards an answer, even if she didn't have one that she was consciously aware of.
"Look sky.." She sat up, and braced herself, twirling her fingers together in a self soothing manner, "I didn't do it to make you uncomfortable, and I should've discussed it with you beforehand-"
"Ellie-" I cut her off, and sat up with her, placing my hand on top of hers as a means of comfort, "I don't regret or felt pressured or whatever- I just want to know why?"
Ellies pov
First, we were laying in bed, watching a movie like normal couples do, and now I feel guilty all over again- serves me right, I guess. It's not very often that you'd subject your girlfriend to a threesome with no prior warning.
I looked down at her hands that were cradling mine and at the same time, rearranging my thoughts.
"I didn't expect to get along with her, but- " I took a deep breath and pinched the skin between my brows, already regretting how I was starting this off.
"- I don't know. When I caught you, and you looked so fucking needy, I just-" My voice trailed out as my head dropped down. Skyler remained silent and patient and continued holding my hand with both of hers.
"- I just... I don't know... I got jealous or possessive- whatever you want to call it, and I wanted to show her."
"Show her what, Ellie?"
My eyes shift from my lap to her face, momentarily glancing over her features, soaking her in like it was the first time all over again before meeting her eyes, "I wanted to show her how good I make you feel."
Skyler's pov
At this point, Abby leaves the room, asking if we wanted anything from the cafeteria. I don't think she heard any of Ellie and I's conversation, but maybe she did, and the cafeteria was just an excuse to leave.
And honestly, I don't know what I expected Ellie to say. But leave it to her to make her answers as vague as possible.
I retracted my hands and rested my head against the wall, staring ahead, "Okay, but why did you need to "show" her?" I asked plainly but remained firm.
I needed more.
"Don't play dumb, Sky. I know she's the one who gave you those hickies-" Her voice grew louder as frustration kicked in, but she stopped herself and took a deep breath before continuing,
"Look... I'm not blaming you or even her for whatever you two did, but I don't want it happening again... it can't."
My head cocks to the side, and first, I was confused. Did she think that I would cheat on her? No, that would be putting it too simply. Ellie was scared- of what, I don't know, but it seemed like whatever it was had been weighing heavily on her for a while.
My fingers tighten around hers, pulling her hand into my lap, "Hey, look at me", I demanded softly, knowing that she was sensitive, "Ellie, I need you to listen to me carefully, I love you, okay?"
"But, what if-"
"No, stop." I silenced whatever ridiculous hypothetical scenario she was about to say before continuing, "You have me, and you've had me for a long fucking time, Ellie, even back when you were so mean to me-" My voice began to tremble with rage, and reminiscing on memories that still felt too fresh. Too painful.
I diverted my face away from hers, and choked back a tear, taking a deep before continuing, "Even back then, I still loved you."
——————
The room was dark, well, mostly. Abby's bedside lamp illuminated a soft orange glow from behind, followed by soft tapping of a keyboard.
I closed my eyes for a bit, but between the keyboard clicking, and how the conversation ended with Ellie, my mind was still very much awake.
I turned over, silently observing Abby in all her educational glory before she catches me.
"Oh, hey. Sorry I thought you were asleep." Abby spoke quietly, and placed her glasses down by her bedside.
"It's okay. Whatcha working on?" I kept my tone light, and playful, propping my head up with my hand.
"Oh, uh-" She takes a deep inhale, stress practically oozing from her pores, "I have this research paper due tomorrow, and it's worth 80% of my grade, so you know... no pressure or anything." She said, the last part being heavy on the sarcasm.
"Hmm... sounds fun." I mumbled.
Again, heavy on the sarcasm.
"Yup... so, so fun."
It became clear that this conversation wasn't going anywhere, not that it needed to, but friends have pointless conversations all the time, right?
"I'm sure you'll do just fine, Abs. It's late, you should get some sleep."
"And what's your excuse for being awake?"
Her question caught me off guard, not because I thought it was out of pocket, but because she made it sound like she was getting at something.
"Just can't sleep." I jabbed, more coldly than I expected it to sound.
Abby hummed, lying down with her hands behind her head, and a knee bent, "Could it have anything to do with Ellie?"
I sat up, twisting my upper half to her side of the room, "Why would it have anything to do with Ellie?" I snapped- maybe because of the lack of sleep or maybe because Abby was asking all the right questions when I wasn't ready to answer them.
"Skyler.." She sighed, "I could tell you've been crying when I got back, and Ellie wasn't here so-"
"We're fine, okay? She didn't saying anything to upset me or anything, it's just-"
I paused, unsure of how much I wanted her to know, but she's my friend, I should trust her.
"it's just hard to navigate her emotions sometimes, that's all."
Abby hums, almost in acknowledgment, which doesn't surprise me because she has seen Ellie's complexity first hand.
She sat up and turned towards me, and the seriousness in her body language shifted the feel of the room.
"Listen, I know it's not my place and all, but clearly, she cares about you. But I'm not convinced it's for the right reasons."
"What's the supposed to mean?" I scoffed, giving her an annoyed, dumbfounded glare.
Maybe it's unfair of me to be so defensive when I know she's just looking out for me, but sometimes, I'd rather be ignorant to the reality of a situation when I know it will hurt.
Abby signed, a long and defeated one, lying back in bed and reaching over to turn off the lamp, "Never mind. Goodnight, Skyler."
A click followed, and the dark acted as a shield to prevent our conversation from progressing.
Maybe it's for the best.
———————
THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGG 😭😭🤭