Synopsis: Y/N has OCD
Y/N really struggled with OCD on a regular basis. It took over much of her day-to-day life and despite the fact she had had it for so long, it didn't stop her frustration with it.
A lot of people liked to think OCD was about staying organised and keeping things clean and tidy but it was so much more than that and Y/N was living proof of that. Everyday was a struggle for her mentally and physically.
Y/N was preparing for bed, following out her usual routine which consisted of five steps.
Step one was showering and evening skincare. She'd shower for exactly fifteen minutes, or twenty on the days she needed to wash her hair, she applied her favourite apricot body scrub and coconut body wash which she had been using for years and made her skin feel extra soft. Her skincare was simple but effective. First, she double cleansed, then applied eye cream, toner and her facial oils which she'd roll into her face with a jade roller. She then put on a thin layer of moisturiser and some strawberry lip balm.
Step two was changing into pyjamas that were normally laid out for her already before she stepped in the shower. Today she chose to wear her favourite silk pyjamas since the temperature of the weather had been warmer recently.
Step three was taking her vitamins and filling up her water bottle in case she got thirsty during the night. She didn't like walking into the kitchen because the tiles were cold against her bare feet so she wore a fresh pair of socks which she put into the wash straight afterwards.
Step four was checking the lights. She would walk into every single room and switch the lights on and off three times to check they were working. She would also triple check to see if the front door of her apartment was locked.
Step five was when she would crawl into bed. She would read fifty pages of her book for about an hour and then turn on her essential oil diffuser to help her get to sleep. Y/N plugged in her phone and checked three times to see if it was charging, even waiting for the percentage to go up in front of her eyes just to make sure, and double checked to see if her alarm was set at the right time.
Some would say her routine was exhausting but it was what helped her feel safe and at peace in her own mind. She wouldn't often look at her phone until the morning after but she caught her screen light up in the corner of her eye.
Harry: Hey
Y/N's eyes widened. Harry was a man she had been seeing for the last three weeks. She met him at a book signing when her favourite fantasy author was doing a meet and greet at her local bookstore.
He had just finished working at the office so he was still wearing his tailored trousers and a buttoned down shirt, he pushed his glasses up as he read the backs of the books he had picked off the shelf and asked Y/N whether she had read any of them. It was then that they spent the evening discussing their favourite authors and genres of books to read.
Y/N hadn't spoken to Harry for the last three days. It wasn't because she didn't like him, she was actually very fond of him. She'd be lying if she said she didn't think about him in moments she was alone.
It was because he invited her to stay the night. The words 'stay at my place for the night' made all her hopes and dreams for their relationship come crashing down on her.
Y/N had been in a relationship previously that lasted a whole month with a woman called Claire. She managed to avoid staying the night at her place all that time and she had assumed it was because she was playing hard to get but the truth of the matter was that Y/N couldn't stay anywhere but her own home. It was too much for her brain to handle and she couldn't stand the idea of not carrying out her usual routine.
Eventually, Claire gave up on Y/N and assumed she had no interest in her. Therefore, Y/N's doubt and fear of being in a relationship arose from the darkness which was why she had no choice but to push Harry away.
Y/N stared at the text for a good ten minutes trying so hard to read into it like if she were to stare at it long enough she could crawl through the screen and get a good look at him so could find out what he was up to.
She slowly lowered her thumb to the keyboard and began to type something out.
Y/N: Hello.
She got an immediate response.
Harry: I didn't think you'd reply
His response seemed backhanded and she wasn't sure how to respond at first. No response seemed fitting enough to fix what she had started.
Y/N: Ouch I guess I deserved that.
Harry: Yeah
Y/N frowned and felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. As she was about to type out an apology, she received another text from him.
Harry: Was it something I did? Listen Y/N, I really like you and I was kind of hoping you liked me too. I mean it came across that way the last month so forgive me for asking but I think about you a lot and it's killing me not knowing whether there was something I could have done to fix it.
Y/N: Harry, I've loved every moment we've spent together, believe me. It's just... I'm not a very 'normal' person.
She waited a good minute or so for a reply.
Harry: Have you killed someone?
Y/N: No.
Harry: A criminal of some kind?
Y/N: No.
Harry: Do you wear socks to bed?
Y/N: No.
Harry: You sound pretty normal to me
She giggles and shakes her head.
Y/N: That's not what I mean Harry. It's just, I've done this before and it didn't work out and I don't want to get too ahead of myself because I like you a lot but I don't know what's going to happen further down the line... I'm not very good at opening up to people and I think that's going to be my downfall in this relationship.
Harry: Y/N... We've been seeing each other for a month, I'm not asking you to list every fine detail about yourself. These things take time and I like you enough to wait as long as you need to feel comfortable around me. It's just killing me, you're killing me, love.
Y/N's heart flipped at the last sentence of the text message he had sent. She couldn't tell if it was in a good or a bad way but the pet name he gave her was enough to make her feel things she'd never felt before.
Y/N: Harry...
Harry: Y/N...
Harry: Give me one more date.
Harry: One more date and then if you're not hopeful about us I'll leave it.
She thought about it, she glanced at the time and checked to see she had five minutes until she needed to go to sleep before work tomorrow. There was no chance she was sleeping past her bed time so she needed to make a decision fast.
Y/N: Okay.
Harry: My roommate just looked at me weird from the squeal I just let out but it was so worth it.
Y/N: Goofball. What time?
Harry: The sooner the better, I need to see you Y/N.
Y/N: I finish work at 4 tomorrow. We could go out for dinner afterwards?
Harry: Sounds good, text me the address of your building and I'll come and pick you up.
Y/N: Okay.
Y/N: Goodnight Harry.
Harry: Goodnight love.
She placed her phone back on her nightstand and as she was about to turn over to sleep, another text lit up her phone.
Harry: I'm really excited to see you.
She smiled at that and turned over to sleep.
Y/N did her usual routine in the morning of buying a coffee at a small cafe, five minutes away from the office block. Her office job consisted of the same thing every weekday, sending emails, planning meetings and organising projects but it was enough to get her brain working and keep her comfortable.
She had texted Harry halfway through the day letting him know her address so he could pick her up later on. She had already mentally planned out her hours once she left work. If she got home at eight, she could successfully get herself ready for bed in time to read the rest of her book and fall asleep on time.
Once her work day was over, she washed her hands three times and asked her office buddy, Esther, to double check her work to see if it was all correct. She wiped down her laptop with a sanitising wipe and checked twice to see if she had logged out of all her accounts before switching her computer off and checking to see if it had definitely switched off.
She waved goodbye to a few of her colleagues and walked out the building, catching sight of the curly haired, green eyed man she hadn't seen in three whole days but it felt like a lifetime. She did miss him, she'd be lying if she said she didn't, but she was also very nervous because ultimately this would be the date that decided the future of their relationship.
"Hello," He smiled, greeting her with a kiss on the cheek.
She turned a light shade of pink and tried her best to meet his eyes. "Hi," She replied.
He opened the car door for her and she slid in, releasing a shaky breath as he walked over to the driver's seat. She noticed he was wearing a very smart outfit, his top buttons unbuttoned. He must have noticed her staring when he said, "I left work early to be here."
Her eyes widened, "O-Oh I'm s-so sorry."
"Y/N," He placed a hand over hers, "It's fine. I would have quit if it meant I got to spend a little extra time with you." She knew from previous dates, that he didn't like his job all that much. He worked as a car salesman but he wanted to be an artist.
She kept quiet and looked down at her lap. She glanced out the window and noticed they were driving out of town.
"I've been meaning to bring you to this place since you told me you wanted to try a steak for the first time. I think it was around our third date and since then I've forced my roommate to come out with me so we could try out all the steaks and see which was best." He explained, one hand on the steering wheel whilst his other scratched his chin.
"You did that?" Y/N looked at him with a glint of awe in her eyes.
Harry turned into a small diner which looked pretty empty from the outside. He steps out of the car and runs to the other side, "M'lady," He teases, reaching out his hand for her. They walk to the diner with Harry's hand gently placed on her hip as she finds herself leaning into him.
When they step into the diner, they're led to a table and Y/N immediately pulls out a sanitising wipe. She notices Harry watching her with amusement, "So you're a germaphobe huh?" He smirks.
"Something like that." Y/N tries to smile but it comes out more of a grimace as she realises how stupid it must look.
"It's fine, my sister's the same." He reaches for the menu and takes a wipe to clean it before handing it to her.
Once they had ordered their food, a minute of silence fell over them. "I'm a little nervous." Harry confesses, "I don't want to mess this up."
Y/N's eyes soften, "Harry," She reaches for his hand across the table, "It wasn't your fault I never got back to you. I-I just," She tried to find the right words to say to him to explain that she wasn't normal like everyone else, that she feared she could not factor him into her everyday routine because it would break her mentally, "I've really enjoyed the last three weeks with you, I've never felt this way before about anyone but I'm not-"
"Here's your food." The waiter placed the two steaks down on the table. "Enjoy."
Harry smiled and turned back to face her, "What were you going to say?"
She sighs and looks down at her hands, noticing the time on her watch and realising she only had an hour until she needed to be home. "It's fine." She smiles and tucks into her steak.
Y/N takes one bite and nearly melts on the spot. "It's good right?" Harry grins, proudly.
"It's incredible!" She takes another bite.
They converse even more as they finish their meal. "Want to order dessert?" Harry's eyes scan the dessert menu.
Y/N so badly wants to say yes. She could quite happily spend the rest of the night here with him but she looks down at her watch and sees the time. She cursed herself for being this way but if she didn't go now she would be able to do her five step evening routine or finish her book in preparation to start a new one or go to bed on time so she could have the correct amount of sleep before work or-
"Actually, I think I need to get going." Harry's shoulders drop and he tries his best not to look so solemn about it.
"Okay," He said and released her hand that he had been holding the entire time under the table.
The drive home was nothing but awkward silence. Y/N thought it best not to speak because she knew it would add nothing to the situation.
As Harry pulled up into her building, she rummaged through her bag for her apartment keys. She furrowed her brows when she couldn't find them anywhere until realisation hit her, "Oh no," Her head fell back against the headrest. "I left my keys at the office."
"Oh shit." Harry cursed, "Is the office open?"
She shakes her head, "The office doesn't open until eight." She could feel her hands start to shake, "Oh no, oh no," She could feel a compression against her chest. "All my stuff, my routine, my book, my bed, oh no."
"Hey, Y/N, you okay?"
She shook her head and opened the car door, hunching over and letting in the fresh air. "In and out, in and out, in and out," She tried to breathe, repeating the words her therapist had told her to use whenever things got like this.
"Hey," She could feel the presence of someone beside her and a gentle touch on her knee. "You're okay, love."
She looked up and came face to face with Harry who was on his knees in front of her, he reached for her hand and held it to his chest, "Feel that? See if you can match your breathing to that rhythm."
She nodded her head and inhaled through her nose, exhaling through her mouth afterwards. "That's m' girl." He whispered, kissing the inside of her wrist. His thumb brushed over her pulse to check the speed of her heart rate until it eventually began to ease out.
"I-I'm sorry," She murmured, "For everything. This is so embarrassing. I'm so embarrassed."
"Y/N, look at me lovie," He says and Y/N looks into his eyes, "Look at those pretty eyes," He teases and Y/N blushes, "There's nothing to be embarrassed about. People freak out all the time, myself included, you had a little moment and it's happened, it's over. Now we can fix it."
She nods her head as his words settle inside of her, "I have stuff at my place you can borrow and you can spend the night there, my roommate's away on a work trip so I'll sleep on the couch and you can take my room."
Y/N shook her head, "Y-You don't understand I have-"
"OCD?" Her lips parted, "You didn't think I noticed? Y/N, no offence, but you haven't been the best at hiding it."
"I haven't?" Her shoulders tense.
"Baby, on our first date you asked me to pick you up at three and then drive you home at exactly five. You unbuckled your seatbelt three times to make sure it was locked in to place and you asked me four times if I was annoyed by you. You wipe everything down before you touch it and your hands scrunch up into little fists when you see something out of place. I know you refused to come to my place on the fourth date because you'd rather be in the comfort of your own home where you know where everything is. " His eyes were soft, "My sister has it too."
Y/N felt every ounce of fear and doubt escape her and her eyes started to well up as she looked at him. She threw her arms around his neck and buried her face into the crook of his neck, "I'm sorry." She whimpered but she was also so relieved.
"You really think that was going to push me away?" He rubs his hand up and down her back, "I like you too much to care about your OCD, especially when there are so many other things I like even more. I'm pretty sure I fell in love with you when you ordered the biggest burger on the menu on our first date." She giggles and pulls away from him, he tucks a strand of her hair behind his ear. "Stay at my place for the night. I promise I won't do anything that will make you uncomfortable, just... stay with me."
And for the first time in her entire life, Y/N found herself saying yes.
Harry's apartment wasn't messy but it wasn't the cleanest either. Y/N was already antsy about everything but she was trying her best to push it all down and just be present with him.
"My roommate isn't the cleanest but I try to keep it as tidy as possible." He kicks something under the sofa as he speaks, "Follow me."
Y/N takes a deep breath and composes herself before following him to his room. When she walked in, her eyes landed on a room that was much different to the rest of the house. It was warm and cosy and as clean as it could be.
"I know you probably wouldn't want to wear my clothes but I got you these." Y/N followed Harry over to a drawer he opened.
Inside were new pyjamas for her to wear, an unopened toothbrush, face wash, moisturiser, socks and underwear. "Harry," Y/N gasped.
"I don't want it to seem creepy. My sister bought most of it but after our second date, I kind of figured if you were going to stay at my place for the night you'd need your own things. I wasn't intending on getting you to come over so I could you know... but I guess I-"
"Harry," She stopped his rambling, "Thank you, this is the kindest thing anyone's ever done for me."
He tries not to smile and instead just nods, "I'll let you get on with it." He left the room so she could get ready for bed but she was still too shocked to move. All this time she had spent worrying about telling him of her OCD and yet he knew all along. She couldn't help but chuckle and picked up the pair of white pyjamas he had for her.
Harry was sitting on the couch in a grey t-shirt and his boxers when Y/N walked in. "I-I'm going to bed now." She blushed, she looked so small from where he sat.
"R-right." He stuttered, clearing his throat afterwards, "Goodnight."
"Goodnight Harry." She smiled, walking into his bedroom.
She fell back onto his bed and looked at the time, it was exactly her bedtime but she wasn't tired at all. She looked up at the ceiling and contemplated before calling out, "Harry?" She heard a thud and then footsteps walking into the room.
"Are you okay?"
"I-If you want you can sleep in here. I feel bad for taking your bed." His eyes softened.
"It's okay Y/N, I don't mind." She shook her head.
"But I want you to sleep in here." They were both shocked by her words. This was not part of her routine and they both knew that.
"O-Okay." He nodded and walked to crawl into the other side of the bed.
There was a gap between them as they both lay flat on their backs, staring at the ceiling. "Harry?" Y/N spoke, and he hummed a reply, "Thank you for... not judging me."
He smiled, "That's okay. Thank you for saying yes to this date, best day of my life."
She giggled and the sound was so pretty in Harry's ears. He turned to his side and got a good look of her side profile, "Y/N?"
She turned on her side, "I know it's not part of your routine but... can I kiss you? I really need to kiss you."
They hadn't kissed since a week ago and Harry would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about kissing her constantly within the last few days. "You know it's past my bed time?" Y/N teased and Harry laughed.
"How could I forget?" She smiled.
"You can kiss me, Harry." She whispered and Harry didn't waste another second before he turned over and lay above her, leaning down to press his lips to hers. What started off as a sweet kiss soon turned into one of hunger as he placed his hands on her bare skin under her shirt as all the feelings he felt for her combined with hers.
"More." She whimpered, surprising him.
"Are you sure?"
She brushed her fingers through his hair, "More." She nodded and he happily accepted.
The following morning, Y/N awoke with her bare chest pressed against Harry's. She looked at her watch and saw she woke up with an hour to get ready for work. However, nothing inside of her was willing to move as she traced patterns on Harry's skin.
"Morning baby," Harry's voice, raspy and deep, spoke and she inhaled his scent.
"Morning," She whispered and tucked her face into his chest.
"Are you okay?" He wanted to make sure she was alright since last night was a new experience for her. It had been a while since she had slept with someone so Harry made sure to be as gentle and loving as possible with her.
"I've never been better." She looks up at him and he cups her cheek.
"My girl" He whispered, "that's what you are now."
She grinned and leaned forward to kiss him.
Despite the fact that neither of them wanted to get out of bed, Harry and Y/N got ready for work. It was more difficult than anything they had ever done before since they were practically joint at the hip. Harry was clinging onto Y/N as she made them coffee and at one point Y/N walked into the bathroom without a shirt on as Harry was brushing his teeth and he swear he died and went to heaven right in that very moment.
He dropped her off at the office building but not before pulling her wrist so she fell into him and kissing her deeply. "Hey," He whispered, "You come home with me."
She bit her lip and nodded, "Okay."
One Year Later...
"I'm home!" Y/N called as she walked into her new house and slipped off her shoes. She was greeted by a little, white cat who nudged its head against her calf. "Hi Tinker." She grinned and walked further into the house.
She had just finished a day at the office and was more than happy to be home so she could carry out her everyday evening routine.
Y/N's usual routine consisted of five simple steps.
Step one was finding her fiancé in his art studio they had specially made in their new home they had just moved into three weeks ago.
"Hi baby," Harry beamed, covered in paint from carrying out his latest commission.
"Hi," She smiled and kissed him standing on her toes to reach him.
"I missed you a lot today." He whispered against her lips. "I miss you everyday though."
"How's it coming along?" She sat on his lap as he showed her his painting.
They would spend the next hour catching up and talking about how they were feeling or sometimes not even talking at all, making most of the time by doing other activities instead.
Step two was making dinner. Since neither of them could cook that well or had the time to, they were part of those subscription dinner plans where everyday they'd receive a package with instructions and ingredients to make a certain meal. Tonight was tacos and a side salad which was Y/N's turn to make.
"This looks good baby." Harry hummed as they sat at the kitchen island. "These plates look extra shiny too." He teased.
"I bought a new dish soap, makes them extra clean." She didn't like it when the dishes had small stains on them because she was scared of cross contamination even though Harry had told her multiple times that's not how it works.
"You never know Harry, it's better to be safe than sorry." She argued.
To which he said, "Oh don't you worry baby, I completely agree with you."
Step three was winding down and getting ready for bed. Y/N had really, really struggled to live with Harry in the first month of him moving into her apartment. So when they bought the house, they made sure to have separate sinks just to make Y/N feel slightly more at ease.
Sometimes they would get ready for bed separately depending on how Y/N was feeling but tonight wasn't one of those nights.
"Open your mouth my love." Harry brushed her teeth, holding her chin gently. He then applied her facial creams to her face to which she did for him too.
"I'm sleepy." She whined and her head fell on his shoulder.
"Almost time for bed baby." He comforted her and let her cuddle up to him as much as she wanted to.
Step four was making sure all the lights were off and the doors were locked. Harry would be downstairs, turning the lights on and off three times and making sure the back door and the front door was locked.
Whilst he was doing that, Y/N would be upstairs, doing the exact same thing.
Step five was Y/N's favourite step and it had been ever since Harry moved in with her.
Step five was going to sleep but she no longer had a bedtime, instead she lay on top of Harry as he brushed his fingers through her hair, reading a book and kissing her at random moments. Sometimes she would fall asleep like that and sometimes she'd fall asleep with Harry humming gentle melodies in her ear but she would always fall asleep with Harry beside her and that was something she never thought she would have.
Despite her five step routine, Harry would never tell her but he secretly had a step six which may or may not be his favourite step of them all.
Step six was watching as Y/N fell asleep, clinging onto him like he was everything she needed. He would count her breaths to make sure she was okay and wonder how he deserved moments like this where he held love in his hands like it was always meant to be.
Y/N really struggled with OCD but Harry loved her and that was all she needed.