Stuart was nine when his brother left. Most people don't remember too much from when they were nine, but Stuart sure did. He remembered a lot of things. He remembered Jennifer Torres, a girl from his Kindergarten class who left later that year. For some reason, everybody in his class had forgotten about her. He remembered his worm friend, Macie, he met playing at recess. He was playing with dirt when he found her, and he loved Macie, but his teacher made him put her back before letting him come back inside.
He remembered lots of things, but most of all, he remembered a lot about Axl.
He idolized him as a kid. He was his big brother, and Stuart felt like he wanted everybody to know it. Why wouldn't he? He had the coolest big brother ever! He walked with him and Amy down the street to the bus stop every morning, and he'd hold his hand to help him leap over great big mud puddles and when it was so rainy that it soaked his little shoes he'd let him ride on his back. His hand was much bigger than his, and his shadow was so much taller on the pavement. Axl was always so cool, he wore such cool clothes and he listened to such cool music.
Axl had a little radio he took with him almost everywhere. Dad didn't allow him to have it or any other music in the house, but he had it anyway. He listened to it under the blankets at night sometimes and now and then when he promised to be quiet he let Stuart in too. Afterschool sometimes he would play for him and Amy Queen and it was so awesome.
He was such a good big brother. Stuart was kind of a sensitive kid, Dad always said he'd make a man out of him someday. He never felt really big or strong or manlike. Besides, all the other boys in his grade always bragged about how manly they were, just like their dads, but Stuart didn't really want to be just like them, they were loud, and so was his dad, he didn't really want to be like him. If anything he wanted to be like Axl. Axl was so awesome.
But his dad was always angry about something. He always drank that icky smelling stuff that he said for Stuart to never drink, and he would smoke cigarettes all the time. It hurt his nose. But all his friends always boasted about how they're so cool, just like their dads. Stephen left a pack of cigarettes out one morning before going to work. Stuart thought it was kinda cool, so he took them off the counter, stuffed it in his backpack, and went off to the bus.
Stuart came back home afterschool that day and he heard his father making a ruckus about something. He never knew why his dad was always mad. A lot of the time though he blamed it on Axl. Stuart always wondered what his brother had done that made Dad always mad at him.
Stuart set his backpack down on the bench and tucked his shoes under it. "Dad..?" he asked quietly, "What's wrong...?"
His father chucked a couch cushion across the room, "Your fucking brother stole my cigarettes!" he spat.
Stuart swallowed guiltily, "Dad...." he squeaked.
His dad growled, "Not now Stuart I don't have time!" he barked, trudging to his feet and down the hallway, and Stuart felt his heart race knowing he was going to his brother's room. He didn't want William to get in trouble because of what he did. He heard his father yelling, "Where did you put my cigarettes!?"
Stuart hurried after him, standing meekly in the doorway and watching as his dad barked at his brother. Axl, who had been sitting on his bunk, studying his Night At The Opera cassette tape, set it down. "What?" His dad ripped Axl's cassette out of his hands forcefully. Axl hissed, "Hey that's mine!"
His father held it away from him, "Yeah and those cigarettes are mine!! You give 'em back and you can have your tape back!!"
"I didn't take them!"
"DON'T LIE TO ME YOU LITTLE PUNK," His dad yelled, pulling at the tape from the cassette.
Axl scrambled from his bunk, "Stop it please I'm not lying I didn't take them!!" It was then that Axl noticed Stuart in the doorway, cowering frightfully like a scared puppy, and he must've realized what was going on. Something flashed in his eyes, biting his tongue. Axl took a deep breath, looking down, "You're right.. I took them..." he muttered quietly, "I shouldn't've lied sir......"
His dad had a triumphant but furious look in his eyes, "Where are they!?"
Axl glanced at Stuart, then lowered his head again, "I already smoked them all..." he mumbled.
"YOU SMOKED MY WHOLE PACK!?"
Stuart felt a hand on his arm. He jumped, startled, only to find his sister, "Hey, Stu why don't we go out and play a game?"
Stuart nodded, still jittery, "Okay.." he let his sister escort him out of the house just as he heard sounds of things breaking.
"William..?" Stuart asked tentatively, poking half his face in through the crack in the door.
He heard a heavy sigh, "You can come in Stuart." Axl sat on the bottom bunk, leaning on his knees, his head in his hands. His eyes were heavy and his lip was bleeding, but he wore his flannel shirt, to hide if there were any other forming bruises. Stuart looked at the floor, his brother's cassette tape completely destroyed, smashed into little pieces.
"Your tape..." Stuart mumbled.
Axl took a deep, shaky breath, "...It's just a cassette..." he muttered hesitantly, and Stuart knew how much Queen meant to him. His older brother was always scolded for his love of rock music, and his admiration for Freddie Mercury and Elton John. People disapproved of it, but Axl didn't care, he knew it was real music despite what they say, and he knew it was art. But nobody really understood, and Stuart knew he must be really upset about the tape.
"C'mere, sit down," Axl patted the bed next to him. Stuart hopped up next to him, looking up at him with round eyes. "...Did you take Dad's cigarettes?"
Stuart looked down, pulling the pack out of his pocket and setting it on his brother's leg. "I'm sorry William..." he mumbled, looking down in shame, sniffling, his eyes watering.
Axl sighed, opening up the pack, counting the cigarettes. They were all there. "It's okay........ Why did you take them?"
Stuart wiped tears from his eyes with his fist, "I just- wanted to show my friends..." Axl used his thumb to dry tears from Stuart's small face. "Are you gonna-gonna tell Dad now?"
Axl shook his head, rubbing Stuart's cheek, "No. I'm not.. It's already done, Dad thinks I smoked them all, there's no point in telling him, and I don't want you to have to get in trouble.."
Stuart sniffled, "Thank you.."
Axl nodded, cracking a little smile, taking a cigarette from the pack and flicking his lighter. "No point in wasting these I guess.."
Stuart smiled, resting his head against him, "Can a try one?"
Axl grin, chuckling, ruffling Stuart's brown hair, "Not a chance, kid."
Axl sat in the driver's seat while Slash rested his head on his shoulder. It wasn't really for Slash's benefit, he wasn't exactly tired, but he knew Axl liked it when he did. It was like a stress thing, like a therapy dog. Therapy dogs don't lay next to you or let you pet them for their benefit, they know when their human needed something to relax them. And right now Slash could sense that his human needed him. And there was just something about petting his hair or feeling his weight on his shoulder that Axl just found very comforting about Slash.
Slash could almost feel Axl's anxiety radiating off him. Slash had to remind himself that this was going to help Axl. He had to tell himself that it was going to be hard but Axl was going to be okay.
Slash watched how Axl had a complex, serious look on his face as he was thinking, but his hands turned the steering wheel seemingly on their own, as Slash figured he must've been down this road so many times in his life he didn't have to think about where to go at all, his mind someplace else. They were driving behind Amy, but I guess it didn't really matter, being that Axl knew the way secondhand.
"You okay?" Slash asked gently, looking up at him with soft brown eyes.
Axl didn't look down, "Yeah... I think so...."
Slash kissed his shoulder, "..I can't imagine how tough this must be..." he muttered.
Axl sighed, "....It's not exactly delightful..."
Slash rested his hand on Axl's leg comfortingly, "It'll be okay... And if it's too hard for you, we can leave anytime you want."
Axl huffed, "I'm not a quitter, you knew this when you decided to go out with me."
Slash smiled, "I know. You're always tough, and a stubborn fucker, you've never been one to leave something even when you should. Just... Don't overdo it okay? You shouldn't have to fight as much as you do, if it's too difficult for you, it's okay if you want to leave. Alright?"
"I guess..."
Slash noticed Axl's breath hitched as he made a right turn and his eyes seemed to widen, his body tensing, "Fuck...." he breathed as Amy in front of them pulled into a driveway. The driveway was short and dirt like the road leading up to the house.
It was somewhat tall but one-story, nothing particularly special about it. Old painted wooden fencing surrounded the house and the backyard, big trees in the woods around it and a gap between them behind the backyard fencing that Slash noticed gave way to a clearing. The trees were sparser down the road which gave away that the clearing behind the fence must be a lot bigger than what he could see.
If Slash didn't know better he wouldn't notice anything about it that seemed off. But the way Axl was so apprehensive and what he had told him about everything that happened there, it seemed much more eerie and ominous, like it were haunted by the ghost of a murderer or someone who was killed, their soul trapped there.
Slash felt a little unnerved by it himself, and he'd never even been here before, meanwhile he could practically feel Axl near trembling, and he couldn't begin to understand what it must be like for him. He could feel how nervous he was, and hear it by the way his breath was wavering. Axl huffed, "Fuck I think I could be sick..." he murmured, looking out the window. Slash's heart ached. Poor baby. He hates getting sick, fucking must be awful that he's so anxious he might physically get sick.
Slash kissed Axl's cheek compassionately. Poor baby.
Fucking hell it's like a nightmare.
Axl stepped anxiously through the door behind his sister. He glanced nervously around the entrance, at all the things from when he was younger. Everything was so simple and commonplace. Things just part of his every day routine that he wouldn't ever even think twice about.
That's what made it so unreal.
It felt like he was dreaming. Like when you spend the night somewhere else but you dream that you're at home, only to wake up and not be in your own bed. That's what it felt like. It was so mundane he almost didn't notice the unsettling feeling of dread that overwhelmed him entering through the door.
The bench where he tossed his backpack afterschool as a kid or after returning from Izzy's. Axl took his boots off after Amy, putting them under the bench next to hers like he had done a million times before, Slash doing the same after him.
The doorframe had little notches in it, noting names and ages of him and his siblings' heights growing up. Axl was surprised to see his name still there at all. But he figured that it was carved in, and Stephen didn't care enough to get an entire new doorframe just to get rid of Axl's name, and when there were still two other kids in the house who hadn't run away, and whose names were also embedded in the wood.
Axl tentatively stepped inside behind Amy, glancing around nervously like a puppy brought somewhere new for the first time. Since he had been gone, several different furnishings had been replaced, offsetting the uncanny feeling he was getting. It was different... But there was something about it that made him feel very anxious, some irreplaceable feeling in the room that still lingered, that no amount of redecorating could get rid of.
"I think, maybe two years after you left Stephen got a promotion, like the whole place's been refurnished." Axl nodded, not particularly listening fully, his mind still distracted by the feeling of upset that weighed on him.
Axl jumped when he felt a hand rest on his shoulder, whipping around in alarm to find only Slash giving him a compassionate look. The way his gentle brown eyes softened Axl could tell he must appear as anxious as he felt. Slash caressed Axl's cheek, brushing his red hair off his neck, "It's okay if its too much Axl..." he murmured. Axl took a deep breath, leaning into Slash's hand. He appreciated Slash being there for him, but he knew, despite his words, there was no turning back now.