It was late at night, soon after I had turned nine. Clio and I were asleep when the sound of fighting woke both of us up. We shared a room with twin beds, placed at a distance.
We both didn't get anything from the early conversation but it was loud enough to have woken us both.
"What?" I woke up disheveled and groggily, "Wrong?" Rubbing my eyes I looked at my brother.
"I don't know," He was more awake than I was and he even looked more worried.
But we did walk to the corridor of the second floor in the dark. It was the place that gave a view of the lounge where Dad and Mom were fighting.
"What have you done!?!?!" Mom screamed at Dad, "How could you!?!?"
"It wasn't intentional!!!" Dad screamed back. He looked drunk, he couldn't even stand straight, "They forced me!"
We both stood in the dark corner, away from the light. In fact, none of the lights were on in the house except the one in the kitchen. And the light from the kitchen was illuminating the figures of our parents.
"What are we going to do now?!!" Mom grabbed her head, "God! You should never have taken her with you!"
"How is that my fault?!?!?" He yelled back, "How was I supposed to know it would turn out this bad?!??!"
I was scared.
The whole scene was frightening for me. Mom and Dad had never fought before this. They had arguments, but those arguments weren't aggressive.
And seeing them scream at the top of their lungs was making my body shake in horror and I wanted to cry.
Tears brimmed in my eyes
"Does it make any sense!!?" Mom yelled, "They're taking our daughter as collateral?" I didn't fully understand what it meant but my gut told me something was very wrong.
"We were losing everything!!!" Dad screamed, "All the assets we made, all the money, everything was disappearing."
"SO you gave into temptation!?!? Gave away our child??!"
"I said I didn't do it intentionally!!" He grabbed his head, "They got me drunk!! I blacked out!!"
"Well you shouldn't have drunk so much then!!" There were tremors in both of their voices.
"I went there to relieve some stress," He glared at mom, "I had no idea his men would pop up out of nowhere and make me sign and stamp a contract." A tear slipped down his cheek even though he was angry rather than sad. Or maybe that anger was masking the sadness he was drowning in.
I sniffled and was about to cry when Clio put his hand on my mouth.
"Shhh," He placed his index finger on his lips with one hand, then used the same one to grab my hand and dragged me back to bed.
Everyone always said Clio was a lot more mature than I was. And at times I couldn't help but agree. This was one of those times.
"We can still save ourselves," Dad's voice got lower, "We're getting the investment, I just need to make sure this doesn't fail."
"Oh!" My mother gasped, "You fool," Her knees gave out and she fell to the floor, "What makes you think they weren't the ones who made all of what we worked for disappear?" Her voice faded to a whisper, "What makes you think they didn't do it and won't do it again?"
Dad went still after her words. His eyes went dark and his body limp and the only word that escaped his lips was a devastated sigh of realization.
"Ah...."
***
Mom was right.
Dad tried, he really did, but things just wouldn't go his way. It wasn't like he was a bad businessman. But he was nowhere near powerful people.
And though he gave his all, he failed. My mother was constantly worried, and her temporary solution for things was to make Clio and I look the same. My hair was cut and we wore the same clothes.
As kids, we looked identical.
My brother and I were playing in the front yard when it all happened.
Men in black came out running to the house to thrash the place while another car pulled up from the opposite side. Some other men came out of that car and we both were scared out of our wits till the time we noticed our Dad.
"Don't you dare," Dad yelled as he came running towards us while the other men came to grab us as well.
It was all hazy and frantic. I can't even recall what happened in detail.
There was so much commotion. I remember running towards Dad with Clio's hand in mine. From somewhere far I heard Mom's scream and turned my head to look back at her.
"NO!!!" She was screaming at the top of her lungs and I only got to turn my head halfway when it all happened.
A loud reverberating sound of a bang that made my hearing go deaf for a moment.
The view of red blood droplets in the air as the bullet tore through my brother's skin and organs, all in slow motion, as if my brain had all the time in the world to see the details.
A pull that I felt as Clio fell to the floor and I was dragged along with him, followed by loud screaming and yelling mixed with confusion and terror.
The next moment, Clio and I were both on the ground but I had only scraped my knees a little while Clio, who lay face down, started to bleed.
His clothes started to dye red and the same thing was happening under him. The green grass around us began to turn red.
My eyes went wide and my heart started to pound in fear and I yanked my hand away as I crawled a step back.
"NO!!!" Dad came, sliding on the grass as he yanked Clio's lethargic body delicately in his arms, "No..." The commotion died for a moment. I stared at them as Dad stared at his son with wide eyes, "No..." A tear dropped down his cheek and for a few seconds, there was nothing else but silence. Then he shot his head towards the man with the gun, "What have you done!!!" Dad screamed as he hugged Clio's body, "You murdered my daughter!!"
It took me a moment
??
Wait, what?
That's not his daughter. I'm his daughter. Why is he saying that?
"What?" The enemy guards looked at each other, "What the hell have you done?!" They fought amongst themselves, "Why would you shoot the girl?!"
"I didn't!" The guy who shot Clio said, "I shot the boy!" He was frantic, "I'm sure I shot the boy!" He looked at us again, "Why would I shoot the girl? We have to take her..." His pupils shook, he was probably worried that he messed up and his master would kill him for it.
"Oh my God!!" My mother came running towards me and took me into her embrace before I could say anything. She buried my face in her breast and ran onto the footpath.
"You fucking idiot!!" Someone yelled, "We needed the girl alive!!"
"Why would you even shoot the boy??!"
"I didn't mean to kill the kid!" He yelled back, "I just meant to give them a scare."
"The boss will have your head for this,"
My mother didn't let me peek, or even try to look another way as she firmly kept my head on her chest. I could hear loud yelling, screaming, and arguments fading into the distance but Mom didn't stop till we both reached a hospital.
***
Our world fell apart with Clio's death. His identity was forced onto me to keep me safe from those people. They did back off once we buried my sibling. It was a hasty funeral, just so that no one could confirm that the child dead wasn't me.
My mother cried for days and my father simply fell to ruin. It's not like he stopped being the breadwinner of the family, he still kept trying, but he was so broken, anyone could see it.
The dark circles around his eyes increased and he progressively lost weight. I guess Clio's death never stopped haunting him, because he kept blaming himself and how he failed as a father.
During this whole turmoil, our neighbors tried to help us. The auntie would visit a lot, along with her son, Nolan. But not even they knew the truth.
The secret remained amongst us three for a very long time.
Right after my brother died and before puberty could hit me, my father started giving me injections
"I'm so sorry for this," The first time he gave me an injection he cried bitterly while my mom stood at the side, her lips sealed as the tears streamed down her face.
Their tears would make me feel miserable, and although the injection was painful, I always failed to feel that pain since the emotional pain was always far worse.
"What's it for?" I asked.
"It's temporary," Dad answered, "Just till we figure out how to get out of this situation."
"Dad," I firmed my voice, "What's it for?"
"These injections will stunt your feminine growth..." He looked down in shame as he pushed the liquid in.
"What?" I was in shock, then I frowned, "But dad, shouldn't they leave us now, the girl they wanted died..."
"I wish," He pulled the injection out, "Oh, I wish," He squeezed my arm that he held in his hand while giving me the injection, "But I fear that even if they catch you by accident, they would come for you again."
"So," I shook my head, "I can't go back to being who I am?" The pain of it all was too overwhelming, "Will I be stuck as someone I'm not?" My father was looking away so I looked at my mother who also averted her gaze.
But she did answer, "It's just temporary," She whispered, "I'm sure we'll get out of this situation."
And even though she tried to speak positively, somewhere inside I knew nothing was going to be okay and I felt the boulders of doom stack on my shoulders, till the time I found myself completely and utterly alone in misery.