"Hello! Mr.Park, Is Jaison with you?" She didn't even give the man the time to greet her and spoke in a restless voice.
Why wouldn't she be worried? There was no sign of the man she loved since the last 48 hours. She did not have the guts to call Mrs.Kim anymore. The cold glare the lady gave her sent chills down her spine. Never in her entire life did she expect that woman to turn into someone so unapproachable. Her aura screamed one thing she didn't have the guts to do- 'Stay away from my son'.
"What? No, he isn't. What happened? Is everything okay?" He grew worried.
"Everything's fine." She spoke impatiently and quickly cut the call not wanting to entertain his interrogation.
With each passing second her heart hammered in her chest. There was no other way to contact him. His phone was switched off. His mother and best friend did not know his where abouts.
"Where are you, Jaison?"
..........
Yoona looked at the empty seat with raised eyebrows. It was surprising to see Jaison being late for work. She wasn't the one to wait for someone merely for a meeting but found herself sitting calmly with her back rested against the comfort of the chair.
Jaison had gained her respect by expanding his company so much in just 3 years. She remembers the first time he was given the chance to speak in a collaborate meeting. She didn't pay attention to him back then but surely remembered everything that followed after.
Yoona met Jaison a few months before his current girlfriend came back from Germany. He had found her crying in her car. She cried to her heart's content screaming aloud not aware of a concerned pair of eyes staring at her.
She had failed her father yet again. There was nothing that haunted her more than his disappointed eyes.
This time she had tried. She really tried her best without using any unfair means to live up to his expectations. She didn't get anything but a blank face from him.
She might be a Bitch to others, might be the rich spoiled brat with no care about others but there was nothing she craved more than being acknowledged by her father.
Suddenly someone knocked on the window of her car, startling her. He bent a little to show his face dripping with worry. She was surprised to see someone in the parking lot. There were barely any cars around. She quickly wiped her face, her cheeks turning red due to embarrassment.
'What a great day!' She thought to herself.
She lowered her window when he did not move from his spot but she did not meet his eyes. Was he going to mock her? Someone had witnessed her crying, being vulnerable. Was he going to make fun of her?
"Did it help?"
"What!?" She asked right after. She locked gazes with him and was met with serene softness she had never come across.
"Did the crying help ease whatever you were feeling?" She was dazed while looking into his eyes." Ms.Kim?" She abruptly looked away from him, blinking harshly.
'Great! He knows me.' She would have rolled her eyes if it was some other day.
"Do I know you?" She cleared her throat and asked, completely ignoring his question.
"You don't know me but I know you." He smiled at her and rubbed his neck suddenly growing nervous." I was in the meeting today."
Yoona focused on his face and tried to remember.
"Its okay if you don't remember me. I've just started my business. I don't deserve recognition right away now, do I?" He chuckled showing his shiny white teeth with his eyes as narrowed puffs.
The sight caused butterflies to erupt in her stomach.' Weird.' She spoke in her mind as she let the unfamiliar feeling dissolve.
"Here." She saw him fetch a mug from the bonnet of another car. He held the mug out for her to take." Its hot chocolate. It helps you feel good in moments like this. I say it from experience." He cracked a smile again. The corner of her lips twitched involuntarily.
'What could make you upset?' The question was at the tip of her tongue.
He again gestured towards the mug. Her hands were already up in the air to grab hold of the mug. 'What am I doing?' Feeling the warm material against her cold fingertips she sighed in content.
He bowed his head and turned away to leave, not even giving her the time to thank him. 'Was I going to say thank you?'
Instead she asked a more important question. "What is your name?"
He stopped in his tracks and turned a little to glance at her. "Kim Jaison." Another flash of that bright smile before he disappeared behind a couple of cars.
Yoona's eyes snapped to a restless Mujin. Mujin sat in his chair with his gaze fixed on his phone, he bobbed his legs violently and chewed the skin around his thumb nail. Yoona had never concerned herself with this man ever since their cold war had started but she was damn sure she heard him repeat 'Jaison'.
'What happened to Jaison?' She thought to herself, her eyes going back and forth from the empty seat and the restless man.
..........
Everyone comes to a point in their life where they start to question everything. Why was I doing this? What was the purpose? What was the point of trying so hard and getting nothing in return?
We sometimes even start questioning our existence. What was my purpose in life? Why was I born in the first place? My existence wouldn't have made much difference.
He was going through something similar. He seemed to have entered a different dimension. He couldn't see the people around him, couldn't hear their chatters and murmurs, everything was a void of darkness and he was standing in the middle of it.
He tried looking around, his tired eyes roaming here and there in search of something, anything. He was greeted with pitch darkness. His breathing was so slow that someone could assume him to be dead.
Tired to find nothing he looked ahead almost at the verge of giving up when a small dot of white light came into view. He narrowed his eyes to take a closer look. The dot grew bigger and turned into a beam directed right at him. He reached his hand out. It was too far. He slowly started walking towards it, soon began running. The distance seemed never ending.
"Let me come to you!!" He screamed desperately." Let me reach you!!" He ran and ran and ran. He wanted to get consumed by the bright white light. It was his only hope. He felt like it would provide him the peace he was looking for.
The light shone bright causing him to squint his eyes but he did not stop. It suddenly expanded like the debris after a blast. He held his arms out ready to feel it.
"Let me finally be with you." He whispered and fell!
"He just jumped into the river!!" A lady shouted at the top of her voice as a crowd began forming near the river.
"Somebody help him!!" Another shouted.
He did not try to fight his way to the surface. The cold chilling water engulfed him, pulling him into its depth. The water pricked him throughout the body like thousand knifes plunging their way in but nothing could compare to the soothing feeling that spread across his chest.
He was a step closer to her.
The water made its way into his nostrils, his mind becoming numb, still he made no show of discomfort and let himself drown in the cold waves that had embraced him with open arms.
His eyes felt heavy. He slowly closed them, a smile decorated his pale face as he slowly lost consciousness. 'Finally.'
..........
"Hey! Hey! Jaison, open your eyes." He felt someone speak but the voice was clouded, it was too far away. Maybe he was too far from listening.
His shifted in his place slowly starting to feel his numb body. 'What?' He questioned in his mind.
He slowly tired to open his eyes but failed in the first few attempts. Slowly gaining consciousness he acknowledged the pain that spread all over his body. He groaned loudly and tired to adjust to the lighting of the room. He felt a pang in his head causing him to grip his head.
"Where am I?" He mewled.
"Thats right. Wake up, everything is fine." The voice spoke again. He was stable enough to point out the familiar tone. He sat up on the bed, eyes roaming all over the room and finally coming to rest on the person sitting beside him.
"Y-yoona?" He questioned. He drunkenly stared at her face, his mind blank.
He gasped suddenly realising he was still alive, breathing." What!? What am I doing here? I was near the river -" he began fretting. The ache in his chest returned. Why couldn't he do what he wanted to do? Why was everyone playing villain right now?
"I found you. What were you even thinking when you jumped? Are you nuts?" she yelled. He was so close to death. He close to being so far from her. It scared her to her wits end.
"I wanted to be free!! Can I not have just one thing for myself?" he yelled back taking her by surprise. She stared at him like he was the most insane person to exist.
"YOU WERE TRYING TO COMMIT SUICIDE!!" she literally screamed.
"AND THATS WHAT I WANTED!!" he breathed heavily and clutched his head again as a sharp string of pain shot up.
He looked so........broken.
"What happened?" she asked softly, staring at him with sympathy.
"Nothing. Where am I? I need to leave." he removed the blanket from his legs and was about to get up but was pushed back onto the bed when a hand harshly grabbed his arm.
"You are not leaving till you answer my question." she tried to sound authoritative.
"I am not obliged to do so." he tried again but was met with the same result. She tried to ignore the hurt that came with the words he spoke so callously.
"Jaison, Please? You called me your friend and now you aren't even acknowledging me as one." her voice quivered inbetween.
He sighed deeply.
"Yoona, please let me go." he sounded defeated. Why was this man acting like this? He had such a purposeful approach to life, always looked at the bright side then what could make him feel like he lost everything? He was about to give up his life for it.
"So you could go for a high jump again." she scoffed. She knew she was acting insensitive cause that was the only thing she had done in life.
He could not help but glare at her.
"Let. Me. Go." He stared into her soul.
"Do you not care about the people around you?" She mustered the courage to whisper out.
"Did they care about me?" He spoke just a milli second after.
"Who are you talking about?" She was greeted with silence." Jaison, I don't know who wronged you but your mother isn't one of them. Right? Your friends aren't." She lowered her head to look into his eyes.
He did not answer. She purposely did not point out his girlfriend. She was a sour topic for her. Yoona hated her and no way in hell was she going to remind Jaison of her existence in his life as long as she was with him.
"You were missing for two days. I just came to know about it a few hours ago and you have no idea how helpless I felt. Imagine what you mother must have been going through. She hadn't seen you for two days. Imagine the hurt she would feel when she finds out her son was ready to leave her behind. " She gently grabbed his stiff, cold and red hands into her warm ones. She saw a flash of realization in his eyes.
Bingo!!
"What is it, Jaison? You can tell me." She cupped his face and made him look at her.
He slowly looked into her eyes. His lips turned downwards, he was trying not to cry.
"Oh dear." She quickly embraced him. He clutched onto her immediately." Its okay. It will pass." She whispered into his ear.
"I- I just found out that the girl who had been with me all these years wasn't the one I loved." He began. She stilled but made no efforts to stop him." Maybe- maybe I was aware of it but turned a blind eye to it. I knew the pain. I felt it when she had ignored me over texts. I knew what it felt like to not have her around. I just did not want to feel that again. So I clutched onto whatever hope I had left."
Yoona began tracing patterns across his back and instantly felt him relax." It makes sense. The invisible barrier I felt between us. The distance. The unfamiliarity. But I kept convincing my heart that my Mirae was with me. She was here and thats all I wanted even if she had transformed to a completely new person. I was ready to change myself just to keep the girl i had fallen so deeply in love with me."
He told her everything. Every single detail.
He began shedding tears midway but did not stop. He wanted to vent it all out. He wanted to complain.'What did I do wrong?' He wanted to scream.
"Shh. Its okay." She rubbed his back.
Once he was done, he realised how close they were sitting. She was almost on his lap. He shifted uncomfortably on the bed. He did not know how to tell her and not make it awkward.
Yoona slowly pulled away from him, purposely brushing her cheek with his. She held his gaze without blinking. His face stained with dried tears. She slowly wiped them, not breaking eye contact. She glanced at his lips and then back to his eyes. She then leaned in taking his lips into her's. She rested her lips there, unmoving. She gave him enough time to pull away. He did not. She almost smiled and began moving her lips.
He stayed still for a moment before he began moving his lips along with her's in sink.
'The best way to find your way to someone's heart is- stand by them in their lowest and making your move when they are the most vulnerable. They'll give into it thinking it was care from your part.'
Yoona knew exactly what she was doing. But she was unaware that her fantasy was never going to come true. It was only for one night, she was able to call him her's.
..........
Mirae's hand trembled as she slowly opened the drawer. She gasped sharply when the envelope came into sight.
That envelope was the reason she was here in korea in the first place. The letter Han Mirae wrote to her beloved.
She came with the resolve to give the boyfriend the closure he needed but things changed, her plan changed.
She reached for the envelope, holding it up. Clearing the dust she read the handwriting she was too familiar with.
'From Han Mirae - to Dear Kim Jaison.'
She held the paper from both the ends, about to twist the fragile material in opposite directions.
'Forgive me, Mirae. But this is the only thing I have ever been selfish about.'
She inhaled sharply, knowing she was about to commit a sin she would never forgive herself for.
"Don't. Even. Dare."
..........
Dear Jaison,
I know you'll never find this, let alone read it. I'm just writing this letter to get something off my chest. I don't know what that something is- Hurt, Pain, Loneliness. No, its anger. I'm angry at our destiny. We were meant to be, right? Then why? I had so many plans. I wanted to stand infront of you as an accomplished fashion designer, to see your eyes sparkle with pride. I guess I can't even have that.
I know you'll have tons of questions in your mind. Why did I suddenly disappear from your life? Why I ignored you? What could be my reasons? Did I find someone new?
Its fine, baby. Its fine as long as you question me but never question yourself. Never think 'was I not enough for her?'. Never doubt your self worth. My cute batman was never that weak to doubt himself.
Hate me, Jaison. Despise me but never yourself. You are the best thing that could ever happen to me. I wanted to see you shine and rise above all with my own eyes but its not possible.
So find someone who will. Find someone who'll stand by you at all times, in your ups and downs, in your grieving moments, in your happy ones. Find a girl who'll cherish you more than me. I have excepted the fact we were not meant to end up together. I was meant to be alone but you weren't.
There is someone out there waiting for you. Find her. Once you do, you won't even have to do much, your destiny will pull you both together and you'll always end up standing infront of each other.
Love her more than you loved me, Jaison.
Be selfish for her.
Being good won't get you anywhere. Just like me. Now that I'm bidding farewell to you, I can't help but think about the happiness you have filled my life with. It can never be replaced.
I can feel myself withering away like an autumn leaf. There will come a day when I fade away completely and merge with the nature.
So this is my goodbye.
To all the people I love the most.
To our good memories and our bad.
To all the what ifs we had and all the plans we made.
I love you and always will. I'll watch over you from the After life. So be happy.
Find your happily ever after.
H.M
..........