Summary: After breaking up, your relationship with Charles turns toxic with neither one really letting go.
Warnings: Angst, smut, drug and alcohol use, unhealthy relationship, happy ending
Word Count: 10k
The club in the casino was at its busiest hour but you no longer saw all the people beneath the strobe lights or even heard the quick beats of the bass that could have been your heartbeat. Your focus was on the single tattoo you had spotted on the man leaving the VIP area where you were partying the night away.
How many people had a Ferrari-red Guido tattooed on their bicep?
You scanned the crowd again and spotted the man making his way to the exit. There was no doubt with his dark hair and short beard that it was Charles' mechanic, Alessandro. You could only hope he didn't recognise you from all the time you had spent in their garage.
You weren't going to let thoughts of the team, and particularly their driver, ruin your night as you shaped another line of powder with your credit card and let it clear your mind.
You felt his entrance like an earthquake, invisible and dangerous. The moment he stepped into the nightclub a tremor rolled through the crowd and your eyes found the epicentre making his way to the VIP area.
You swallowed another shot as his shape came into focus and you licked the drop of alcohol on your lips as you found your voice. You were conscious of the coke coursing through your body and forced yourself to speak slowly as you tried to hide the evidence. "You're meant to be in Italy."
"Race was cancelled, don't you read the news?" he bit back sharply, making you roll your eyes.
"If you're here to be an asshole you can just fuck off."
He bent down, his hand gripping the back of your chair as he blocked out the crowd behind him. With his face mere inches away from yours you were struck by the way his eyes caught the laser lights that danced around the room, and the scent of his cologne on his neck.
"What the fuck?" His hand caught your chin and tipped your head back so you were staring directly at the lights on the ceiling and he growled in the back of his throat. "Again?"
"You're meant to be in Italy," you reiterated.
"Then who were you planning to take care of you, huh?" he shoved your head away before standing at his full height and snapping his fingers. "We're going."
"I'm not yours anymore, Charles, you can't order me around."
His perfect white teeth glinted with his dark smile and he tugged you to your feet so quickly that you crashed into his chest where he held you tightly. "You'll always be mine, even when you're not."
He grabbed your clutch from the table and picked up your credit card that was beside it, wiping off the white powder that cling to the edge. "You promised me no more."
"And you promised me forever. Guess we both lied."
The car ride was slow as Charles navigated the narrow streets of Monaco on a busy Saturday night. You didn't want to go slow.
The purr of the engine reminded you of the long drives he would take you on along the coast, freeing the Pista from her urban cage and screaming down the winding highways.
"I don't want to go home."
Charles looked away from the road to see you staring longingly at the mountains beyond the city. "Where do you want to go?"
Your forehead rested on the cold glass and you moaned quietly at the refreshing touch on your burning skin. "Anywhere but there."
Charles reached over and grazed his knuckles over your cheek to feel the heat radiating from them and sighed. Turning sharply, he gave into your request and drove away from your apartment, instead taking you to his new one - the one he had purchased after moving out.
There had been too many nights like this, where he came and saved you from yourself, and every time he said it was the last time.
Every time it ended the same.
It started with an arm around your waist, steadying you as you climbed the stairs in towering heels. It started with his hand on your nape and his fingers digging into your skin, his cold palm chasing away the heat flashes that came with your high. It started with his voice, deep and melodic as he suggested changing into something more comfortable.
It would end in his bed. It would end with your nails marking his skin and his teeth marking yours. It would end with sweaty limbs tangled between messy sheets as he replaced your high with another.
His touch wouldn't be gentle like it had been back when you were in love, and his lips wouldn't tease your skin with sweet kisses and whispered praises. No, this was weeks of ignoring the bond you still shared and the resentment that came with the inability to move on all coming to an explosive head.
"Is this what you do when I'm away? This dress barely covers your ass," he growled as he stood behind you in the mirror and drew the zip down your back, letting the material slide down your body to pool on his bedroom floor. His fingers traced the thin strip of lace over your hip before following the design covering your pussy and he pushed it aside to feel how wet your body was for him. "Anyone could have seen what's mine."
"I'm not yours." You squirmed as your needy tone betrayed your words and you felt his smirk on your shoulder as those green eyes pierced yours in the reflection.
He didn't need to correct you, he needed to own you.
His teeth bit into your shoulder as he buried two fingers into your cunt and your cry softened to a moan as he licked the mark he left.
"Do I need to remind you again?" he taunted as he curled his fingers inside you to find the spot that left stars dancing around your vision. "Look at me."
Your eyes snapped open at the order and you remembered why you fell so easily back into this toxic routine. Only he could challenge you and push you the way he did, only he could control you a few short words. But only you could defy him.
His jaw ticked as you met his eyes and he saw you weren't ready to back down, the drugs and alcohol in your system feeding your confidence. "Either fuck me or I'll find someone else."
Your legs almost buckled as he slapped his palm over your pussy and it was only his arm curled around your waist that kept you upright. "There is no one else for you. It's just me. Comprendre?"
"You're never here," you said as you tipped your head back on his shoulder and looked up at him under your lashes. "And I get so lonely."
His body disappeared as he stepped back and then you were on your back on his bed with the chandelier glittering above, a laugh bubbling from your lips as he pinned you beneath him.
"What was that, bella?" He waited impatiently for you to answer, the French leaking into his words as much as the anger in his eyes.
You rolled your hips against his thigh that kept your legs spread and moaned at the friction his jeans made with your lace panties. "Alessandro looked pretty hot tonight."
You were playing with fire, but god did you love the burn.
"Don't you dare," he growled as his thigh pressed forward and he grabbed your hands, pinning them to the pillows above your head so there was nothing to stop him from biting your ear lobe before promising, "I'm going to fuck you so stupid, you won't even remember his name."
Your head tipped back with defiance so you could witness the potent mix of anger and desire dancing in his eyes. "Alessandro..."
Charles caught your chin in his hand and licked his lips as he shook his head. "Brat." The word should have held venom but it was too soft and then he stole the air from your lungs with a demanding kiss before you could overthink it further. In fact, all thoughts were completely erased from you except for the one where you needed to feel more of his skin on you.
He broke the kiss for a fraction of a second so you could pull his shirt over his head before the harsh press of his lips were back against yours and his tongue forced your mouth to open wider for him. This was how it was with him in control and you taking everything he had to give. He was right, you did belong to him.
"Charles, please, fuck me," you begged shamelessly as need for him washed away sense of reason.
A huff of irritation puffed from your lips as he stood up but when you saw it was to rid himself of his jeans you grinned in triumph.
He smirked at the sight and crawled slowly, teasingly up your body with that wicked gleam in his eyes. "You want to act like a whore, I'll treat you like one." In a second you were on your stomach as he flipped you over before pulling your hips up off the bed. "This is what you want, right?"
He gripped the lace panties with two hands and tore them off your body. Your back arched at the sudden rush of cool air to your cunt and he chuckled at your eagerness.
"Why should I fuck you?" he asked as he fisted his cock and teased your slick entrance before pushing just the tip inside. You could do nothing as he held your hips positioned with his strong hands, your cunt desperately needing the rest of him to be buried deep inside. "Give me one good reason, bella."
There was no mistaking the bite to his words now, the anger lacing each syllable as his fingers left their imprints on your skin. You knew what he wanted to hear, those magic words that would make him snap his hips forward with a possessive growl.
"Because I'm yours," you whispered to the sheets before you buried your face in them with a cry as he gave you all that you asked for and more.
Your fingers searched blindly for anything to hold before he released your hips and laced his fingers over yours. "Mine," he breathed down your neck as his body pressed you deeper into the soft sheets and the tension left your body as you felt safe under the weight.
Your head was dizzy from the bacchanal night and you could hardly draw enough air into your lungs as a fine tremor began to spread across your body. The deep groan in your ear had your core clenching and when he licked the tender skin where he had bit you it was enough to tip you over the edge and into the spiralling blissfulness of release.
"Yours," you panted through the waves of pleasure that reached a new height when he marked you once more.
You could have left your body and floated right out of the room with the high you felt. But it all came crashing down when he pulled out and the warmth of his seed hit your lower back instead of filling you.
Charles released a shuddering breath as he sat back on his heels and smirked at the mess he made, the anger that usually faded after he came still lingered in his eyes. "Now you look like a whore."
"Fuck you, Charles." You rolled over and enjoyed the annoyed grimace on his face as you wiped his come on his sheets before getting up and swiping your dress from the floor.
"Where are you going? It's 3am."
"Anywhere you aren't," you muttered as you found what shreds remained of your panties and dropped the useless pieces of material back to the ground.
"Just come back to bed, I'll take you home in the morning."
You slipped your feet into your heels and grabbed your belongings as you made your way through his apartment. "No, this was a mistake. It's always a fucking mistake, but this is the last time."
"We both know that's a lie," he called out from the bathroom as he turned on the shower. "Stop being dramatic and let me clean you up."
You heard the sounds of the water change and knew Charles had stepped under the rainfall shower head. You could already picture him combing his hair back with his fingers as he lathered up the personalised shampoo that was made just for him, the water running over his chest, and knew if you stepped foot in that bathroom there was only one way it ended.
"One last time," you muttered under your breath as you kicked your heels off and placed your clutch with his car keys on the table next to the door. You slipped your dress off at the door to the bathroom and saw Charles' silhouette opaque behind the steamed glass wall. "One last time," you silently promised yourself before stepping in.
But it was another lie.
--
Below your feet shone the lights of the city you called home. The plethora of colours dancing on the horizon promised an unforgettable night, or one you wished you could remember. But you wouldn't be joining them tonight.
The red glow of the cigarette burning in your fingers was the only light up here at the peak of Tête de Chien. In the daytime this track would be full of people but at midnight it had been abandoned to the moon and the stars.
The light crunch of gravel beneath feet alerted you to his approach and a soft sigh broke the silence at the lookout. "Busy?"
"What are you doing here?" You flicked the ash off the cigarette before taking another drag, not even bothering to look his way. "Oh, and happy birthday, Charles."
"It's not like you to turn down an invitation to a party," he commented as he took a seat on the stone wall beside you. "Can you put that out?"
"If you don't like it you can just leave," you offered, taking another puff before blowing a smoke ring at him. "And stop tracking my fucking phone."
He plucked the cigarette from your fingers and stubbed it out. "What else am I going to do when you don't answer my calls?"
"Accept that maybe I don't want to talk to you?" You opened your handbag to grab another smoke but he was quicker and tossed the entire box off the ledge. "Asshole."
"They're bad for your health."
You snorted and finally turned to face him, the lights of the city reflecting in his eyes. "That's rich coming from you."
The lights danced as he rolled his eyes but he didn't deny the truth and he jutted his head to the track he walked through. "I didn't see your car in the parking lot."
You smiled darkly and his eyes narrowed at the sight, knowing he wouldn't like what came next. "I caught a ride with some guys, but don't worry none of them were handsome Monégasques - so I was safe."
"Like fuck you were. What the hell were you thinking?"
Your head fell back with a laugh. "You don't want to know what goes through my head. Your mother called, again. When are you going to tell her? It's been four months."
Charles shrugged and leaned back on his elbows as he scanned the city he loved so much.
This peak would always hold a special place in your heart. It had been where he first asked you to be his girlfriend and it had been where he first told you he loved you. It was also where you had found him after his father died and that was when he had begun to change. You both had.
Even without him, this was where you ran to, when the high rises of the city seemed to smother you and you needed to be in reach of the heavens.
"I don't want to disappoint her," Charles finally admitted, his fingers busy fidgeting with the rings he wore. "We're having a family dinner tomorrow, you should be there."
"I'm not your family, I'm not even your girlfriend."
"You're my..." He fell silent as chewed his lip while trying to think of a word suitable and you waited to hear what he settled on. Would it be fuck buddy, first love or friend? "Everything."
"That's just another lie you tell yourself." You reached over and pulled his collar away to see the purple marks on his neck before slapping it back in place. "If it were true, I wouldn't see that shit."
"She didn't mean anything, I can't even remember her name." He straightened his collar and rolled his eyes before mumbling. "Wouldn't have even happened if you had come to my party."
An unpleasant sound growled in your throat as you jumped off the wall and started making your way back down the path. Anger fueled you as you stormed along the winding track in the dark, the moonlight barely enough to see your footings before Charles caught up using his phone as a torch.
"Slow down or you're going to hurt yourself."
"Good thing you're here then," you replied sarcastically before ignoring him and breaking into a run instead. Your laugh trickled back to him as you heard his insult but he was predictable as ever, quickly following in your footsteps. You couldn't help teasing him when he caught up. "That hero complex is going to get you hurt."
"No, that's just you."
The arrival at the carpark came faster than you expected and it wasn't hard to spot his Pista looking lonely under the stars. He opened your door and you saw a garment bag on the seat, a pair of heels in the footwell. "You can get dressed on the way."
"You went into my apartment." It shouldn't have surprised you when you regularly woke to the door being unlocked and his keys being tossed on your table because he couldn't be bothered driving the extra ten minutes to his place. You had even changed the locks but somehow he had managed to get the key for that too. After that you had given up.
"Technically, it's still in my name."
You felt his eyes on your skin as you undressed but you refused to look his way. If you saw the desire they held you wouldn't be able to resist reaching over and feeling just how much he wanted you. He was a bad habit you were trying to break.
Needing cool air to chase away the heat on your skin, you hit the button for the roof and watched it disappear from overhead. Charles smiled as you looked up at the stars and, knowing how much you loved to feel the car purr, put it in gear and tore out of the parking lot until you screamed with elation. You didn't even feel the cold despite the short dress that barely covered your body and Charles shouted at you to get down when you rose to your feet, holding the windshield to feel the full force of the wind lashing your face.
"I'm flying, Jack," you screamed as you opened your arms.
"Get the fuck down," Charles growled as he grabbed your arm and tugged you roughly back into the seat. "Put your fucking seatbelt on too."
You pouted as you buckled up and it silenced the warning beep. "I just wanted to know what freedom felt like."
The exclusive night club was full of Charles' friends but it was only his brothers who had even noticed his disappearance. They hadn't even questioned him about it once they noticed you making a beeline to the bar.
"So he managed to track you down then," Pierre commented as he saddled up beside you while waiting for his drink.
"You sound as happy about the news as me." The regular bartender lined up four shot glasses and automatically filled them with tequila before you even had to ask. Almost immediately you slapped Pierre's hand away when he reached for one. "Get your own, I need these more than you."
The first shot burned your throat but the next three went down smoothly and Pierre shook his head as he watched on with a sigh. "I'll try to talk to him again, but not tonight."
You both turned to look for Charles and found him at the edge of the dance floor with his arm around a woman as she swayed her hips against him. Hurt stabbed your heart and anger burned your belly as Pierre gave you a look of pity before you turned away.
Waving a hand to get the bartender's attention, you leaned over and cupped your hand around your lips to whisper. "You got anything stronger behind the bar tonight?"
He winked and shouted to his coworker that he was taking a quick break before nodding his head to the staff only door. If Pierre had an opinion he kept it to himself and instead took his drink back to where his girlfriend was dancing.
"Thought you were going clean," he said as he pulled a small bag of powder from his bag.
You pulled some cash you had tucked in your bra before leaving your bag in Charles' car and handed it over. "Things change."
No one even noticed you weave your way through the club to the bathrooms and lock yourself in a stall. No one noticed how the strobe lights caught the tear that rolled down your cheek or how your fist that was wrapped around the bag trembled with rage.
You needed an escape and this was the only option you felt you had.
The white powder dusted the top of your hand as you sprinkled it in a line and you stared at it a moment before cursing Charles. You wanted to rid him from your thoughts but he was a worm burrowing his way deeper and the drug promised oblivion, if only for a while.
Your eyes watered as the powder shot up your nostril with a quick intake and you leaned back against the cold metal partition waiting for the coke to hit your system. All thought began to recede from your mind until what remained was just a body numb to emotion.
A lazy smile graced your face as you tucked the bag into your bra and left the bathroom to enjoy the high. The music now called to you and the lights came alive as you reached for them, your hands dancing above your head as your hips moved to the beat.
A pair of hands found their place on your waist and you didn't have to open your eyes to know who they belonged to. You would recognise him anywhere, from the rings that adorned each hand you placed yours over to his cologne that envelope you to the way he breathed across your skin before his lips followed.
"I thought I was going to have to come find you again," he spoke into your ear before kissing your neck. Your soft sigh was lost to the music but he seemed to sense it anyway and turned you in his arms.
There was no space left between your bodies as he held you close and your arms draped around his neck. "I hate that you can do that."
"Liar," he chuckled, the woody scent of whiskey on his breath. If was sober he would have noticed you were high the moment he looked you in the eyes. "You could've changed your password."
"You're right," you murmured as you unlocked your phone. "It's about time."
"Woah," he gasped as he swiped your phone out of your hand, his eyes widening when he saw the settings to Find My iPhone open. "Don't do that, I was joking."
"Well I'm not, it's been four months since we broke up, Charles. It's time for you to move on, I am."
"No, you're not," he laughed as his hands travelled down to your ass, the alcohol making him more touchy than he usually would be in a public setting. "We have been over this, angel. You're mine, and you'll always be mine."
"I saw you dancing with that girl, Charles. And you can call her yours, or any other woman, because you're done having me." You squirmed in his embrace but you couldn't break free of it. "Just let me go, please, Charles. I'm begging you."
"I can't!" He dropped his hands and instead gripped your shoulders tightly and you winced at his strength. "You're the last good thing I have, you hear me? Dad's gone, Jules is gone, my career is practically fucked at this point, but I still have you."
You stared at his collar, knowing what lay hidden underneath it and the spite you had buried resurfaced before you could stop it. You weren't even able to understand what he was confessing, you were blinded by anger. "Maybe it's a good thing they're gone, so they don't have to see what an asshole you've become."
The club seemed to fall silent as the blood in your head rushed past your ears and Charles' hands slipped from your body to hang limp at his sides. Regret slapped you and you stumbled back as you covered your mouth, shaking your head. "I'm sorry," you murmured but he couldn't hear you over the music. "I'm sorry."
He didn't follow as you walked out of the club in a daze. Never, ever had you said such a terrible thing, not in all the fights and screaming matches on the worst of night.
Your high quickly became a low as you hit the fresh air out in the street and bent in half with a sob. Your stomach cramped with nausea and your entire body was wracked with shivers as your mind raced a million miles an hour, retracing every word you had spat at each other knowing nothing came close to hurting as much as what you just said.
Numb, that's what you needed to be. Cold, unfeeling, carefree.
You pulled out the little bag but before you could open it it was slapped away, the powder blowing away on the breeze.
"No. You don't get to escape," Charles growled as he took your hand and started dragging you towards the car park. "You're going sit and fucking listen."
He trapped you between the car door and his body so the only option was to climb into the passenger seat before he shut it and walked around. You hated that even now with his unpredictable moods you still felt safe and trusted him to know he was in control as he started the engine.
"I know I'm an asshole, I know I'm controlling. But I need to know you're safe. Because one day I'll be back in the right state of mind to love you how you deserve." He combed his fingers through his hair as a frustrated growl escaped his lips before he put the car in gear. "Don't you see? That's why I had to leave, I couldn't be around you, I can't be around you without making things worse. But I can't live without you."
He sighed as his knuckles turned white where he gripped the steering wheel tightly. "You were right and I'm sorry. This is not how my father raised me, but I'm going to change. I swear to you, this isn't another lie."
You swallowed down the lump in your throat and tried to settle the butterflies that exploded in your stomach. "How can I trust you again? You've already fucked some stranger tonight."
"I didn't fuck her, or anyone," he said sincerely. "I'll hook up with them and fool around, but the thought of anyone that isn't you in my bed makes me sick."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" you asked as he pulled into your apartment garage and parked beside your car.
"No, I just thought maybe since I'm a year older I could try to be a little wiser and start telling you the truth."
"The truth," you echoed with a laugh. "Alright then, what was your birthday wish?"
"If I say it then it won't be granted," he said as the car idled and you nudged him to hurry up. "Fine...I wished I could come home...to you."
Of all the things he could have said that wasn't something you would have guessed. But it wasn't what he said, it was how he said it. The reservation in his tone, the hesitancy. The fear. He was afraid, but you weren't sure if it was because of the fear of rejection or humiliation that was behind it.
All you knew was that in that moment was that the version of the man sitting beside was the reason you had forgiven the one who was manipulative and controlling. This man beside you was a remnant of the man who held your heart.
You would give anything to have that man back.
You reached across the console and pressed the key button, the silence deafening as the roar of the engine cut out. He watched expectantly as you opened the car door and whispered, "Come home, Charles."
The hours were already creeping into the afternoon when you woke to the soft sounds of the piano in the living room. The keys hadn't been unused for months, since Charles left the prized possession behind when he moved out. You should have taken it as a sign that he was always planning to come back.
Slipping out of the bed, you wrapped a silk robe around your body and quietly followed the music that drifted down the hall. His back was to you as the smooth expanse warmed by the sunlight that bathed the open room, not a single scratch to be seen between the constellation of beauty spots that dotted across his lightly tanned shoulders.
Last night had ended gently, with Charles' body curled up behind yours and his fingertips softly tracing the curves of your body. He had kissed your shoulder blade as his hand eased your leg over his and your back arched as you welcomed more of his touch.
Charles' sigh had teased your ear when he buried himself in you and held you close. There had been no rush to his slow strokes. He hadn't been chasing release from whatever it was he had been feeling. He had been completely present in the moment, wanting it to last as long as possible in case it didn't happen like that again.
Before you reached him he shifted along the bench to make room for you. You silently slipped onto the seat, feeling his warmth spread through the silk as he continued the song you didn't recognise.
"Like it?" he asked as the last note faded out.
"Mhmm," you hummed as you rested your head on his shoulder. "What's it called? I don't remember hearing it before."
"It's new," he said with a smile before kissing your forehead. "Doesn't have a name yet."
Your head shot up in surprise. "You wrote it?"
"For us." His smile faded as he looked back at the keys and pressed a few in different variations. "I just don't know how it ends."
"You'll figure it out." You rose from the bench and made your way to the kitchen as he closed the piano lid before following. A small part of you wished he had remained at the piano since you had missed the lazy Sundays he would spend playing for you. Those hours spent on the balcony with a hot drink while watching the birds gliding over the water were some you savoured most of all.
Whatever white flag had flown overnight was slowly being lowered as he watched you from the breakfast bar. He cracked his knuckles impatiently before changing the order of his rings and sighing as you still said nothing, keeping yourself busy as you made two coffees.
"So," he started as you placed his favourite mug in front of him, his hand catching your waist before you could head back to the fridge and start breakfast. "Dinner tonight."
"It's not your birthday anymore, there's no more wishes."
"I want you there." He pulled you onto his lap. "As my girlfriend."
"I get you don't want to upset your mother but I can't keep pretending everything is fi-" He silenced you with a kiss and your hands started to slide over his chest before you caught yourself and pulled away. "Cha, stop doing that."
"It's always been you for me, always. And I know I've treated you like shit but give me a chance to show you I can change, that I can make it up to you. Please?"
His eyes held the same hopeful innocence look that hadn't changed in all the years you had known him and your shoulders dropped the longer you stared into them. "Please?"
"One more chance, I'm serious, Charles."
He caught your chin and tipped it back as he stared right back, his lips pressed in a hard line. "And I'm serious, no more drugs."
"If you keep your promise then I'll keep mine." You leaned into his touch and he guided your lips to his, savouring the relieved sigh he exhaled before they sealed the promise.
—
One month.
That was all it took for the freshly repaired cracks in the relationship to be destroyed once again.
You didn't even feel hurt as you stood in the bedroom, opening your suitcase with shaking hands, there was nothing left to feel. He had lied. It wasn't a surprise, but you wished it was, at least then you could have told yourself you had believed him when he said forever.
Your phone hadn't stopped vibrating with his calls that you ignored. Every time his name showed up on the screen you saw the censored pictures on the news, the article heading enough to tell you everything you needed to know. What happens in Vegas...doesn't always stay in Vegas.
You didn't know who the woman was with the blurred out face, but it didn't matter. If it wasn't her, it would have been someone else.
Your vision blurred and you startled as you touched the trail of tears running down your cheeks. Maybe you weren't as numb as you thought, maybe this was shock settling in. Maybe you had believed him.
"You're a fucking idiot," you growled as you wiped them away and zipped the overflowing bag shut.
Declining the call that came in, you made a call of your own and your throat closed as a sleepy voice answered.
"Sweetie, do you know what time it is?"
"Ma," you choked on a sob as she immediately started to wake your father. "I'm coming home."
"I thought Monaco was your home?"
You shook your head, displacing more tears and started to wheel the luggage to the door. "No, there's nothing left here for me anymore."
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," she said softly and you heard the kettle start to boil in the background.
"Me too, I didn't mean to wake you."
"Do you want to talk about it? I'm assuming this is to do with Charles."
You didn't bother to correct her on the pronunciation this time. "Not at the moment. I'll have my flight details emailed to you when I get to the airport."
"Okay, darling, we'll see you soon. I love you."
"Love you too, ma."
There were no words you could put on a piece of paper that could explain to him that there were no more chances. You placed your phone on the table with the keys for the apartment and nodded to yourself, that would be enough.
This was his city and remaining here only had one ending. But you were done lying to yourself and you were done listening to his lies no matter how sweet they sounded. You were going to keep your promise, no more drugs. No more Charles. You were going clean and removing yourself from the temptation.
The door sealed shut behind you as you whispered your final farewell to the memories that had been made in the home. But it wasn't your home any longer, just like you weren't his.
"Goodbye, Charles."
--
Seven Months Later
The heavily embossed invitation was missing one corner, a victim to your nervous fidgeting, but your name written in a familiar cursive handwriting was still legible. It wouldn't have mattered anyway when you saw who was waiting at the garden entrance to the private beach greeting the guests.
You had planned to decline the invitation when it arrived but it was your mother who convinced you to fly back to Monaco. There had been countless nights spent crying on her shoulder as you suffered from the withdrawal symptoms of him. But, eventually the tears dried and the yearning dissipated until all you were left with was the clarity of hindsight 20/20.
Coming here was the last step in your recovery from him. It was acceptance.
You took a deep breath as the guests in front of you passed the gate and you stepped forward. "Hi, Charles."
He seemed to be in a daze as his fingers reached for a glass of champagne from the tray of the waitress beside him. It was only when he looked at who he was giving the flute to that he did a double take and his eyes widened in surprise.
"I didn't think you would come," he said in disbelief as his eyes trailed over every inch of you twice before he returned to your face.
You couldn't help but notice the dark circles around his eyes as you were frozen staring back at him. "Me neither."
"You look amazing, I mean you always did, but wow, I forgot how beautiful you are."
You shifted uncomfortably in your heels and thrust the large gift bag against his chest. "Congratulations."
Charles' lips turned down and he dropped the bag on the table with the other gifts, his lack of interest in them giving an insight into how he was feeling about it all.
"Here," he offered the champagne, "it's your favourite. Special reserve."
"I don't drink anymore," you declined as you looked beyond him and to the hundreds of guests, some watching curiously as they recognised you despite the months of absence. "I like to keep a clear head."
He scoffed behind the guise of a laugh and tipped the drink back himself before passing the empty glass back to the waitress. From the faraway look in his eyes it wasn't his first drink, or even his third. "What happened to the 'life of the party'?"
You rolled your eyes at the dig on your past. "Charles, you're going to be a father soon and you're acting like a child."
He stepped closer and you smelt the alcohol on his breath as he whispered angrily in your ear. "I didn't ask for this, not with her. This was meant to be us someday."
"Oh my god," you laughed humorlessly. "You know what your problem is? You live exactly like how you race. You don't know where the limit is until you've pushed too far."
"You still watch my races?" he asked, hope lighting up his face.
"Of course I do," you sighed. "But I don't enjoy seeing you put yourself into the barriers every week because you never learn when to stop."
His head fell and he scuffed his dress shoes on the gravel footpath. "It wasn't on purpose-"
"It just happened," you finished for him with a small chuckle, remembering the voicemails and the text messages from the day you left. "Yeah, I've heard that excuse before."
"Hey baby, who's this?"
You had seen her face plenty over the last seven months, first for the images that ended your relationship and then for the breaking news that Charles Leclerc was going to be a father. The tabloids had plastered the news of how he was in love with the former dancer from Las Vegas so much that it felt like a personal vendetta against you. But from the cringe he tried to hide when he heard her voice showed it was just another lie.
His hand came to rest on the small of your back as he turned and introduced you to his girlfriend, Sapphire (you still weren't sure if it was her stage name or her real one, but it was what everyone called her), and her eyes narrowed as she took note of the touch before you could move out of his reach. You felt bad for the woman because it wasn't her fault, she was just in the right place at the right time when he had an itch that needed scratching.
Now they were going to be parents together.
"I only came to wish you all the best," you said softly as she cradled the large swell of her baby protectively and you turned to Charles. "You and your family."
"You're not going to stay?" he asked as you took another step back, but still he followed. "You came all this way."
"I just wanted to drop the gift off in person."
His shoulders sagged in defeat and he brushed a hand through his messy hair. "So that's it?"
"Just let her go, Charlie," Sapphire said, missing the roll of his eyes at the moniker he hated to hear. She was completely oblivious to him, she didn't even know him, not truly but maybe that would come with time.
She placed a possessive hand on his chest to keep him from taking another step in your direction before gasping and clutching her ribs, finally getting his attention. "All the excitement is making Jules kick like crazy."
Charles' head snapped in your direction but you just smiled. "It's a great name. A big one to live up to as well," you said sincerely. You had long given up on the idea of having a family with Charles, so hearing the name of a child that was only a figment of your imagination no longer hurt. "Make his namesake proud, please."
"I'll try," he muttered halfheartedly. "Are you sure you can't stay longer? There's still a box of your things in storage, I could take you to get them."
"I took everything that meant something to me, you can throw away whatever's left behind." You looked at your phone to see the time and sighed. "I need to go."
"Boyfriend waiting for you?" The tone was a little too crisp to just be called curious and he relaxed slightly when you shook your head.
"I'm just enjoying my own company at the moment." A real smile graced your face at the honest statement.
You had been completely free to do as you pleased and you had surprised yourself with how much you were loving it. All your adult life you had been surrounded, smothered, by Charles and his friends, his job and his fans. You had finally learned who you were but you weren't done exploring yet. And until that time came, being single was how you wanted to stay.
"You look happy," he stated a little bitterly.
"I am happy, Charles, and I hope you can be too." You nodded your head in farewell and started to walk away before remembering the car ride into the city. "I heard your song on the radio."
"Really?" His eyebrows furrowed together at the mention of the song he had written for you.
"You finally figured out how it ended." You grinned and his lips twitched with the first sign of a smile since arriving. "It was perfect."
His nose scrunched at the compliment. "It was a note short, like it ended too soon."
"That's why it was perfect. The last note fades to silence and you wait a heartbeat expecting more, only to realise there is nothing left." You shrugged nonchalantly and looked across the large gathering full of smiles. "But that's just my opinion. It doesn't really matter how it ended, I guess, just that it did."
You left Charles with a look of serious contemplation and Sapphire with one of relief. Perhaps she thought you were there to exact some scorned lover's revenge, but you no longer carried around the suffocating weight of hate and spite, it was too draining and far easier to just let go.
Walking away this time wasn't difficult. There wasn't a crushing sensation in your chest or the sting of tears in your eyes. You actually wanted them to be happy. But you knew deep down that no matter how many children they had together, if they got married and spent the rest of their lives together - if you called, he would answer.
You were still his everything, and that would never change.
--
It was strange to be back after so long. It was strange to see that the Principality hadn't changed at all. Upon reflection, the only difference was that you had.
The gravel path crunched under your ballet flats as you followed the winding track to the lookout and found him sitting upon the wall looking out over his homeland.
"Is this seat taken?"
Charles nearly fell off his perch with how fast he turned and you placed a steadying hand on his shoulder as he righted himself.
"What...?" he trailed off in confusion as he stared at you in disbelief.
Thanks to Instagram you had seen how his face had sharpened with age, heard how his voice had deepened too. And, from what interviews you had watched, even his thoughts and opinions had matured in recent times.
But he hadn't seen the difference three years had made to you. You were never one to publicise your life and your Instagram was mostly used to keep up with other peoples life rather than display your own. He knew because he still checked.
"Your mum called." He was still staring as you climbed the wall and took a seat beside him. "I can't believe it's been ten years."
When Pascale had invited you to the anniversary of Hervé's death she had assured you that Charles was aware and fine with it but given how shocked he still was at your arrival that didn't appear to be true.
"Where's Jules?" you asked, trying to get him to say something other than stare as you picked at the loose stones on the wall.
A smile curled his lips at the mention of his son before it lost some of its brilliance. "It's Sapphire's week with him. Wait, my mum has your number?"
"We've kept in touch over the years," you admitted with a shrug. She had never forgotten your birthday and always wished you a Merry Christmas. "When she said you weren't answering your phone I figured you'd be up here."
"I just needed to clear my head for a bit," he murmured as he peeled his eyes away from you and returned to watching the sun reflect on the picturesque Côte d'Azur. "With the custody battle, the busy race schedule and dad's anniversary, it all got a little loud in here." He tapped a ringed finger to his head and sighed. "I'm thinking about retiring."
The stone in your fingers slipped and tumbled down your leg and into your shoe, irritating your foot as you tried to kick it back out. With a chuckle, Charles dropped off the wall and pulled your shoe off, flicking the stone out before slipping it back on.
"Thanks," you muttered as you still tried to process the information he had dumped on you. "Why would you retire? You've been doing great!"
He didn't return to his seat beside you, instead he tipped his head back and closed his eyes as the sun warmed his face. "There's something more important to me than winning now. I only get to see Jules every second week, and there's 28 race weekends this year. There's just not enough time to race and be the father I want to be for him, the one he deserves."
When he opened his eyes you could already see the decision had been made, whether he knew it or not.
"At least you can retire knowing you kept your promise," you said as you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. "You always swore you'd win a championship with Ferrari, even when no one else thought it was possible."
His lips parted with a laugh as he kicked the rocks with his sneakers. "Wasn't easy."
"Nothing good is. But all that hard work and you never put the #1 on your livery...why?"
He shrugged and buried his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I chose my number for a reason."
He could have chosen sixteen for a number of reasons but he always said it was because your anniversary was the 16th of January, you first met in 2016 and one plus six equals seven - his lucky number. He was always looking for patterns in everyday things, he couldn't help it.
Your phone vibrated again with a reminder you hadn't opened the message and you saw Pascale's name, asking if you had found him. You quickly replied that you had and shoved it back in your pocket before hopping off the wall.
"Come on, your mum's probably worrying we'll be late as usual and you're my ride off this mountain."
"We?" he asked as he cocked an eyebrow up. "I was always ready on time, you were the one who made us late for everything."
"That's not how I see it, because as the driver, it's your responsibility to get us to the destination on time."
It was effortless how easy the lighthearted teasing came without any of the biting remarks or bitter sarcasm that had tainted those last months of your relationship. This was, dare you say it, nice. You only hoped it could last because you had missed his friendship most of all.
"How did you get here?" Charles asked when he looked around the carpark, only spotting a few older model cars alongside the latest Ferrari Purosangue.
"Arthur dropped me off after he picked me up from the airport." You slipped into the luxury SUV and pouted as the engine started far quieter than the Pista. "Where's my baby?"
"Gathering dust most of the time." He nodded his head to the backseat and you looked over your shoulder. "She doesn't fit a carseat."
"Of course, that makes sense." You shook your head with a small laugh. "I can't believe how practical you are now."
"Having Jules changed me. The first time I held him, it was like everything came into focus, you know? I realised if I carried on like I was then he was going to see that behaviour as being okay, and it wasn't okay." He glanced across the car making eye contact with you. "I'm trying to be a better man, one he can be proud to call dad."
–
Hervé would have been proud to see his family, smiles on their faces as they sat around the tables that had been pushed together to accommodate everyone, celebrating the life he had.
Lorenzo's family had grown by two and the toddlers were full of energy as they chased each other around the table, Arthur's wife, Carla, also had one bundle of joy on the way and Pascale looked at all of son with radiating pride. You almost shed a tear as you sat down for the family dinner after visiting Hervé's memorial, the love and warmth that filled the Leclerc's family home felt like the missing piece you hadn't been able to find on all your travels.
"You okay?" Charles asked as he filled your glass up with the sweet lemonade Pascale had made for her grandchildren.
"For god sake, Charles, offer the woman a proper drink," Pascale said as she passed a bottle of red wine down the table.
"It's okay, I don't drink anymore," you said as you passed it on to Lorenzo before returning your attention to Charles. "Do you still do this every month?"
He faked annoyance as he nodded but you could see how happy he was surrounded by his family. "Normally it would be when I have Jules but with the race calendar this month it just didn't work out."
The sun was beginning to set as you finished washing the last dish and passed it over to Charles to dry. From the living room you could hear Pascale reading to the children while their parents cleaned up the mess they had made and out on the back porch you could see Arthur and Carla sharing a moment as they watched the red sunset together.
"I miss this," you whispered before realising it had been aloud and Charles had heard.
"Me too," he sighed and stacked the plate in the cupboard. "How long are you staying?"
"Three days."
His brows furrowed into a deep frown. "Is that all?"
"I do have a life," you teased as you stole the dish towel from his shoulder to dry your hands.
"Does that include a boyfriend?"
The laughter faded and you shook your head. "No, there's no one else."
His eyes traced your lips and when you saw his tongue roll across his own you stepped back and swatted his arm with the damp towel. "Cut it out, Charles."
"I didn't do anything," he lied through his cheeky smile.
You narrowed your eyes at him and grabbed your handbag from the kitchen side. "I'm going to go now because this has been a really nice evening and I want to keep it that way."
He swiped his car keys up just as quickly. "I'll give you a ride."
"My hotel is only a few blocks away."
"Then let me walk you, please? These streets aren't as safe as they used to be. I've been mugged twice."
"Then why would I want a walking target next to me?"
"Shit," he chewed his lip at his flawed argument and sighed. "Please? I'll walk you to your door and that's as far as I'll go."
He held his breath as you debated the offer before lifting your hand up, pinky raised. "To the door and no funny business."
He linked your fingers and shook on it. "Pinky promise."
–
It was almost midnight by the time you reached your door. The classic cinema along the way was playing a double feature of Humphrey Bogart and when Charles saw Casablanca was about to start he had hooked your arm into the crook of his elbow and led the way inside. His smile dared you to argue but you had come to enjoy the black and white film whenever he had watched it.
Hervé had loved to torture his sons by making them sit and watch the film at least five times a year as a family. You had only been there to witness it twice but it was clear despite the feeble grumbles they all had come to love it too, especially when Charles whispered the lines to you under his breath.
When the lights had gone down in the theatre you had felt the heat of Charles' arm as it shared the rest with yours between the seats. The projector flickered to life and the speakers crackled as the film began and you were thrown back in time.
You were immersed in the story when your hand was taken, the touch taking a moment to be noticed, and you looked down at your fingers laced between his before following the line of his sleeve until you reached his face.
His eyes were focused on you, and a sad smile played on his lips as he mouthed Rick's line, "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."
By the end of the second feature you were hardly seeing what was on the screen. You could have left after Casablanca finished but there was a silent agreement that neither of you wanted the night to end. So you had remained in the dark room as most of the other patrons left and To Have and Have Not started, your hands still entwined on the arm rest.
"Do you have any plans tomorrow?" Charles asked as you stepped inside your hotel room and he stopped at the threshold, leaning against the frame with your hand still holding his.
You bit your lip to hide the smile that appeared. "If I do?"
"Cancel them."
"Ohh, sorry, I can't...I have a lunch date with the prettiest Leclerc." His smirk grew and he nodded his head in agreement. "But you can join us, I'm sure your mum wouldn't mind."
His jaw dropped before his head tipped back with a laugh. "I'd hate to be a third wheel. Maybe I can steal you for breakfast in the morning instead?"
You looked at the time on your phone and saw midnight tick over. "It's morning now." You took a step deeper into the room but your hand tugged tight against Charles where he remained firmly planted at the door, shaking his head.
"I made a promise, bella," he said softly before pulling you back and into his arms so he could press his lips to your forehead. "I made you lots of promises, and I'm going to show you that I will keep them all...if you give me a chance."
You tucked your head into the curve of his neck and wrapped your arms around his waist. "Three days," you whispered. "That's how long you have to show me the kind of man you are now."
"That's easy," he said as he rested his cheek on the top of your head. "I wasn't a man before. I was just an asshole who let the fame go straight to my head and lost something precious because of it."
His words caused your stomach to flip and you looked up at him in a new light as you saw the pained look of regret in his eyes. "Are you sure you don't want to come in?"
"Ma bella," he groaned, stepping out of your arms and towards the elevator. "Of course I want to come in, but I won't. We have both changed. I want us to get to know one another again. Start afresh."
You swallowed down the plea that was on your tongue because he was right. If you fell back into the same pattern like last time it would be stupid to think there would be a different outcome.
You wrapped your arms around yourself to keep from reaching for him as you conceded a nod. "Pick me up at 8am for breakfast?"
"It's a date." He started to walk backwards to the elevator like he was savouring every last second of seeing you in person and blew you a kiss as he hit the down arrow. It opened immediately and he looked a little disappointed as he stepped inside before a smile started to curl at the corners of his lips. "And just so you know, I am the prettiest Leclerc...until it is you."
Three Years Later.
A gentle euphony echoed along the halls of the otherwise silent house and you wiped the sleep from your eyes as you padded barefoot down the staircase. It was far too early to be awake and even the birds had yet to rise with their songs as you passed the large glass doors that overlooked the dark waters of the Côté d'Azur.
With quiet footsteps you crept around the corner to the living room to find the reason why all the beds were empty.
Charles looked exhausted as he sat at the piano bench, his fingers moving slowly over the keys, drawing out each note a beat longer than they should. The retired racer's jaw trembled with a suppressed yawn but his tired eyes were blinking less and less as he started to slump.
"How long have you been playing, love?" you asked as you sat beside him and brushed his hair back from his face. "The kids are fast asleep."
"Really?" Charles turned with a groan to see Jules snoring on the sofa with his little sister tucked into his arms. "Melody's crying woke him up." He rose to his feet and cracked his back that had gone stiff from playing for hours. "I can't wait for those teeth to just come through already."
"You should have woken me."
He bent in half, groaning at the protest in his back but he pushed through the pain so he could kiss you. "I need this, bella. I can't feed her when she wakes in the night but I can play her lullaby. And you must have been tired if you didn't hear her on the monitor."
You followed your husband to the couch and gently scooped Melody into your arms, praying she was in a deep sleep, before carrying her back up to the nursery. Charles followed with Jules asleep in his arms and took his carbon copy to his bedroom beside Melody's.
You both breathed a sigh of relief when you met in the hallway, the doors shutting on well-oiled hinges. There wasn't a single sound to disturb the kids as you crept back to your bedroom and Charles curled himself around your body.
"Goodnight, my sweet," he murmured as he kissed your shoulder. "Thank you for giving me a chance."
"You don't have to thank me everyday," you said with a smile at the regular bedtime routine.
You felt his smile against your skin. "I do, I'm thankful for you everyday and I always will be. Forever, just like I promised."
The End...