"Please look after yourself my darling daughter. Inform me of any news, and I know Captain Lionel is still out there, just- just please don't rush back out until you are ready. I can't lose you again." Mother's eyes watered as she held my cheek.
"You won't." I told her pulling her into another tight hug. I refused to cry in fear of washing the makeup upon my cheek.
"She'll have me with her this time around, no need to fear." Cole smirked resting his hand on her back.
Mother smiled through her tears, "You two are so incredibly brave. If only your father could see you now."
Her words tore a deeper hole into my already shattered heart.
"He would be fighting right alongside us, I'm sure." Cole chuckled softly, his eyes glancing over to me.
"I'll miss you both terribly." I felt a lump form inside my throat. Cole was right, father would be- and he was, only, on the opposing side.
"We'll miss you too." Mother spoke for her and my brother hugging me tightly once again.
"We should get going or I won't ever want to leave."
The horses attached to the carriage broke our attention as they neighed in impatience. The coachman was waiting by the open door- all the luggage strapped securely on the back of the carriage.
"Travel safe Esme." Queen Ariellah smiled, standing beside Eugene.
"Thank you Ari. Take care of her Arthur." Mother smiled over her shoulder as her and Cole stepped over to the carriage door.
Arthur didn't even flinch, "Always."
Everyone said another round of goodbyes as mother and Cole stepped inside the carriage, the coachman closed the door and climbed up to the front seat- grabbing the reins.
"I have work to attend to, I'll see you all at dinner." Arthur called from behind, his boots tapping up the staircase.
"I'll be popping into the city for a few hours, don't wait for me if I'm not back in time for dinner." Lance smiled after to his parents, they gave an accepting nod.
"Are you alright?" Edmunds voice mumbled out beside me. My feet were stuck to the ground. I gave him a quick nod.
"Y-yes, I'm fine." I breathed out glancing up at Edmund, his parted hair brushing over his eyes in the breeze.
"I am training the recruits again after lunch, will you join me?" The Prince asked, his eyes unwavering from my face.
"I'd love to." Meeting Edmunds gaze I smiled, feeling slightly more at ease.
"I'll get you some armour, we should have some small enough laying around." Edmund matched my smile. Looking back everyone had already returned inside the castle and my families carriage long out of view on the other side.
"Edmund." I called as he took a step away, "Thank you." I felt more than inclined to thank him.
Part of me felt like he knew everything that was going on, wanting to keep me sane. Although, it couldn't be more than a polite offer.
Edmunds smile reached his eyes and dipped his head, "I'll see you out there."
⚔
A warm sticky breeze washed over our sweaty armoured bodies as we walked back towards the castle, summer was as warm as I remembered. I had missed a whole cycle of seasons while stuck inside that cell. I was also a year older now- eighteen. All that time spent trapped in the West felt like I blinked and now I was back where I started. In a worse state than before.
"You've definitely improved over the last week Athena." Edmund smiled glancing over at me as we walked side by side. Two platoons of recruits walked in front of us, guided by Captain Asta- the knight who found me on the road with Halia and Ryder. The recruits ceremony was in two days, then another round of platoons would begin training again.
"My body feels more sore than strong." I breathed out, sweat dripping from my brow.
"Good, then you know it's working." Edmund chuckled, "How about a drink. The recruits are heading into Britannia tonight to drink since they can't after their ceremony."
"I don't know Edmund-" I mumbled knowing what Arthur would have to say about that. What he would do if he found out.
"It wasn't a question, besides a bit of ale will help put more meat on your bones." Edmund insisted, his hands gesturing out in the space either side of him.
"I'll think about it." I forced a smile. That tingle of fear returned thinking about what Arthur would do. I already knew the wrath of man and how incredibly worse things could have gone for me.
"Great, I'll have the carriage ready at sunset." Edmund's lips curled upwards, and started to step further away as we reached the castle grounds. "Wear something comfortable and inconspicuous, we'll get a crowd if the town realises the Princess is there."
My lips parted then closed- Edmund ran off before I could protest, I kept my hopes down about going- as soon as Arthur got an ear of the plans they would be instantly shut down. I didn't feel like another night of pain, nothing had happened in the last week. We had both kept to our corners of the world, only seeing each other during meal times if it couldn't be avoided. Arthur would work in his study and I would train with Edmund and Lance on occasion when he wasn't taking trips further South. Nate always made himself scarce these days- he avoided interaction more than ever after losing his arm in the war.
As I parted from the exhausted recruits I made my way inside the castle walls- I hadn't seen were Edmund ran off too. I was alone again, a feeling that was starting to feel comfortable with when I was drained. There was no one to cause me angst.
"Good day?" Arthurs voice spoke as I stepped into my chambers. He was sitting on the armchair by the window, an image of poise with his legs loosely crossed, an elbow on the armrest holding up his chin with a finger.
I froze in the doorway, sweating profusely underneath the armour protecting my body- from him.
"Y-yes, it was an eventful day." I couldn't bring myself to look back at him or walk past the doorframe. Arthur had given me this room when I first arrived, it was my own space while I got settled in. Now he was sitting in it, reminding me who in fact owned the room.
"Please come in, you must feel tired with all that armour on." Arthurs hand gestured to the space in my chambers.
"Why are you here Arthur?" I asked taking a step past the doorframe.
Arthur smiled, his brown eyes flickering with intent, "I finished my work for the day earlier than expected and I wanted to see my beautiful wife, is that a crime?" He raised a brow- asking a question that wasn't meant to be answered.
I couldn't move again, the room felt like it was shrinking around me- Arthur growing larger by the second, squishing me down to the floor.
"No- not at all." I didn't even feel my mouth move.
"I was also thinking-" Arthur stood from the armchair, reaching me in a few long strides, "I think it's about time we shared a room, it would definitely put my mother's mind at ease. What do you think?"
"Do I get a choice?" I kept my voice soft- meeting his gaze, his eyes hardened almost instantly.
"I guess after everything you've done- no, you do not. I will have your belongings moved tomorrow while you're out- training." Arthur stepped around me, leaving my room.
"Why?" I asked looking down at the spot where he stood, I turned halfway to see his back filling up the space of the entrance.
Arthur only turned his chin slightly, "Because no matter how much I despise what you did, I can't stop myself from loving you."
I watched him step off again leaving the doorframe empty, along with the hole in my chest.
Why did I feel like I was running out of time?
My evening was spent in the bath, Clare had filled the bath with a mix of scents and salts to help sooth my aching muscles. My eyes dropped from the moulded decorated roof to the arched windows, sheer drapes half closed covering the pastel sunset outside.
"Your Highness, we must get you ready for dinner." Clare spoke from the door, looking back I saw her head dipped down to the ground.
Dinner where I'd be painfully holding my sanity together next to Arthur, or drinking with Edmund, were I won't be judged or scrutinized. Only to come home to solemn consequences. Either path I take, they both end with Arthur. After tonight I would move into his chambers then there would be no escape from his clutches.
I can't stop myself from loving you.
His words kept echoing in my mind like a sickness. Everything that was happening will all lead to one thing- saving Lionel from the West. Then we would both be free. I will take us as far North as we can go and heal.
"Tell Arthur I feel unwell and won't be attending dinner, and I'll be sleeping. If he questions- tell him I said it is my last night in my own room." I stood up from the bath, warm water dripping from my body. The steamy air was keeping my naked body warm as Clare wrapped a towel around my shoulders.
"Yes your Highness." The young maid nodded. "I'll prepare your bed."
"No." I said making her turn back to me, "Grab a cloak, I will be heading into town."
Clare's brow furrowed in confusion for a moment then her eyes widened, "I understand."
Once I was changed into my trousers and a simple light blue blouse, Clare handed me a dark navy cloak. The one I wore traveling to the West was kept neatly packed away in my wardrobe- untouched.
"No need to worry Clare, I will be with Edmund- we'll be safe. I should return before sunrise." I said seeing the nervousness on her face.
I should be the one showing nervousness but there was too much adrenaline pumping through my veins. I left Clare in my chambers and stepped out into the corridor, further down the corridor I saw Arthurs chamber doors. I turned and walked the opposite way. Dinner wasn't for a little while yet, it takes longer to get changed into a gown than a set of trousers. I passed a maid dusting over the portraits at the top of the staircase, mine and Arthurs hung beside her. I tore my attention away not being able to look at it.
Once I passed the threshold of the main doors I let out a breath, to the left I saw a carriage parked in the evening light and Edmund pacing by the base of the wisteria vines. I wrapped the cloak around my shoulders walking towards him, Edmunds head lifted as he noticed me approaching and smiled.
"You really wouldn't have taken no for an answer?" I smirked at him heading straight for the carriage door, the coachman swung it open and Edmund appeared at my side.
"Not one bit, you need this outing just as much as I do." Edmund held out a gentlemanly hand to help me inside the carriage. I took it and stepped in.
Edmund took a seat across from me and the coachman closed the door.
"Why the cloak?" Edmund asked glancing down at my sides.
"You told me not to be inconspicuous." I stared back at him, Edmund broke into a grin.
"And I didn't want Arthur to spot me leaving the castle." From outside the horses neighed and the wheels begun spinning, moving the carriage away from Britannia's castle.
The Princes smile grew smaller, "I know it's not my place but-"
"You're right, it's not." I said plainly. I didn't want to bring it up, I knew Edmund had realised something was wrong after catching us in the sunroom during the Ball. Edmund wasn't a fool.
"I want you to tell me if he's done anything to wrong you." Edmund asked anyway.
I looked out the window unable to hold his intense gaze- only to see my own reflection staring back, "We are fine, he's moving me into his chambers tomorrow."
Edmunds brow raised an inch and pushed back onto the red and gold cushioned seat, a small oil lamp hung from the roof lighting up the space between us with a soft orange glow.
"I saw the bruise on your cheek." I looked at him, at the torn expression engraved into his face. "I didn't say anything because your family was there."
Suddenly I felt small again, "Nothing's happened since then, It was my fault- I-" I couldn't tell Edmund what I had done.
"It shouldn't have happened. Arthur is the next King weather he likes it or not- what he did, what I saw in the sunroom is not how you treat anyone, man or woman." Edmund's arms crossed over his chest.
"Please Edmund you can't tell anyone about what happened. It'll only make things worse." I leaned forwards in my seat, my eyes begging.
"That's ridiculous. You're my friend. I can't stand by and let that happen." Edmund's head dropped for a moment as he spoke, his mind ticking over the facts.
"Me coming out here tonight will anger him, you can't face him- I don't want to see you hurt by your own brother. Besides nothing's happened lately, I don't think it'll happen again." I said remembering to keep breathing.
Edmund let out a huff and reached forwards grabbing my hands, "Promise me, if it happens one more time- or if you can avoid it, that you'll come and tell me. Promise me."
I glanced down at his rough hands clasping my own, I nodded, "I promise I will."
Edmund let my hands go and sat back in his seat, "Good, now also promise me that you'll enjoy yourself tonight. You've earned it."
I smiled, "I will."