wednesday
📍The Studio 🎶
9:15 am
~ jules pov
we're ontop of our music stuff. since our album is still freshly dropped we have to be on top of the next so we're working hard for this one to be done before tour.
eddie and i just finished writing 'eyes' so now we're about to record it. we're in the box with the headphones on. the instrumental starts.
"I saw my life with you
It's one hell of a view, hey
A beautiful moment
Afraid of the mornin'
You put your heart on mine
Watch us both intertwine, yeah
This life that we facin'
It feels so amazin', hey" eddie sang
"Tonight, I swear" eddie sang
"In those eyes, I feel it all over
Inside, we're losin' composure
I'm holdin' on for my life
Drownin' in those eyes
I'm shakin', pullin' me closer
Replayed it twenty times over
I'm holdin' on for my life
Drownin' in those eyes" we sang together
"I'll waste away with you
We could start brand-new, yeah
Remember the feelin' (Ooh, ooh)
'Cause I swear I could feel it again, mm (Ooh, ooh)
I don't wanna waste no time, I just wanna make you mine, hey
You know that you're beautiful, I told you it a thousand times, hey
In my dreams, I wonder why we could never change back time, uh
But I know I'll be alright when I got you by my side" i sang while eddie sang adlibs.
"Tonight, I swear" i sang
"In those eyes, I feel it all over
Inside, we're losin' composure
I'm holdin' on for my life
Drownin' in those eyes
I'm shakin', pullin' me closer
Replayed it twenty times over
I'm holdin' on for my life
Drownin' in those eyes" we sang together
once the instrumental ended we had to switch for our solos. we took a short break to get water and i came back in and put the headphones back on while eddie waits for his turn.
the instrumental starts playing.
"24th street
Where you held me, grabbed my arm
What a mental fire alarm
'Cause a lot of that felt wrong
Like I miss you
But when I kissed you back, I lied
You don't know how hard I tried
Had to fake the longest time" i sang
"Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?" i sang
"You look hopeful
Like we're supposed to work somehow
Can't you tell our light burned out?
Got a lot to cry about
There's nothin' left here
All our best years are behind
What a brutal way to die
But you choose it every time" i sang
"So, where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?" i sang
"We could meet down the line
After all of the time, and
Give an actual try
I can't promise you'll like it
I know I changed overnight
So I can't blame you for fightin'
And I'd be losing my mind
If you lived in your writin'
'Cause now I'm half of myself here without you
You're the best in my life and I lost you
And we had no control when it fell through
It was one-sided, hate how I hurt you
If I could, I'd have changed every feelin'
Reservations were up to the ceilin'
Guess the space was the thing that I needed
But I miss you" i sang
"Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go now?" i sang
once the instrumental ended i took off the headphones and left the box. eddie daps me up on his way in, "your songs are always so much better than mine" eddie says
i chuckle which made him smile. i went and sat down and they prepared for his solo to be recorded.
i was about to text jayden but then i remembered we broke up yesterday. i still don't understand how she thought i was still stuck on joey. i talked to bella and she told me some stuff about her conversation with jayden and SHE herself even said in my face that she 'knows' i'm stuck on joey. i looked at her so stupid bro. now unless my feelings are unsolved from me and his relationship i know for a fact i'm over him. i love jayden. she's who's saving me. but i don't wanna string her along when she knows i'm hurting.
NCHS 🦁
4th period - lunch 🥪
~ jayden pov
as many times as i've been on and off w jules i should know the reason why we always are. i shouldn't be surprised now should i? i've become used to it and i start to expect this to happen at least once or twice a month. with her mental health she's always up and down and her family is trying to protect me mainly from being super damaged by jules. even her own mom texts me asking me if i'm ok when she asks if jules is. her mom checks up on me a lot and sometimes she asks if jules has ran me off yet. it's not ever the answer she expects me to say which is yes because everyone jules has been with has abandoned her because they got fed up with her on and off shit. some call me stupid. some call me dumb. but i call myself just in love. i've never once in my life felt the way i feel for jules. even though we fight, break up, and argue over dumb stuff i know who jules really is deep deep down and she doesn't show that side to just anybody. i find it so genuine and pure. she's got the sweetest heart and energy you could ask for. i fight for her so much because i see everything with her. call me stupid i don't care. i'm so in love with her. i'm stupidly in love with her. i'll wait for her i don't care. if it's one person she knows she can trust to stay and not abandon her, it's me. she looks to me for everything. literally everything. jules still texts me she loves me and she sends me flowers and wants me around all the time. but when she gets bad she wants her space and she can get really rude and aggressive. she has hit me but i didn't take it too personally i forgave her. it wasn't like her to be like that. but i've never once put my hands on her. she's been beat on by joey i wouldn't do that to her. i made her a promise. just like she made me one. i don't think y'all understand how obsessed i am with jules leblanc. she's everything i see. she's my world. even when she tears it apart and i know i shouldn't tolerate her shit when she gets bad. i still stay. only because i'm obsessed and in love. she's the same way for me. she fights people over me. she's crazy over me. i knew from the start. but i don't know what she feels for me at this moment. i don't know it's me or joey in her eyes right now. i let her go so she can figure it out. and if she's meant for me, even if it hurts me badly, i'll accept it and move on. cus at least i'd know the truth ya know?
i'm currently in the stairwell by myself copying notes for next period. i have a test and i have to pass cus my mom will be seeing my grades. speaking of my mom we all had a sit down talk last night and she broke down crying and apologized to us and they forgave her. i had a hard time doing that. i was still hung up on how she kicked me out and insulted me made me feel so bad about myself that i literally had to run to jules for help just for jules to struggling with her own mental health. i couldn't let go of the fact she would argue with jules and how she would tell jules mom stuff i told her not to specifically share and it got jules in trouble. i did not like that at all. because jules would come to me and we'd fight about it or have really serious conversations about it. jules doesn't fuck with my mom anymore and i was surprised she was ok with me leaving her yesterday to live with her again. but she knows who much family matters to me so she didn't stop me.
there's hayley's soccer game tonight so i might come out hopefully after our family meeting after school.
i heard footsteps coming from up the stairwell. i look up and see desiree coming down, "desiree?" i say
once she's closer she notices me and smiles, "hey what are you doing in the stairwell?" des asks
"copying notes" i say
she got to me and sat next to me, "i thought you'd be with your friends like usual" des says
i shake my head, "nah i gotta do notes they distract me" i say
des chuckles, "how are you doing?" she asks
i look at her and smile a little, "i'm ok actually. how about yourself?" i ask
she smiles, "i'm good too" she says
i nod and continue to write, "so umm.. i've been hearing some stuff on social media about jules and her mental health is she good?" she asks
"umm.. nah. she's not really." i say
i sigh, "isn't that a lot of stress on you having to worry about her mental health?" she asks
i nod, "we're not together right now" i say
she raises her eyebrows, "because of her mental health?" she asks
"because i believe she has unsolved shit with joey" i say
she gasps and laughs a bit. i look at her blankly, "i'm sorry it's just i thought you'd never catch on" des says before covering her mouth.
i roll my eyes, "i always had a feel it's just my feelings were stronger than my mind.. and i wanted her so bad i was willing to stay there and look stupid at times but when she made me mad i would be petty and do stuff back to her which drove her crazy and that's why she's all crazy for me.. but we stopped doing that to be healthy together." i say
"but she literally would dog you out every week with someone else and now y'all just magically are happy in love?" des asks
i sigh, "desiree what do you want?" i ask
she smiles a bit, "just wanted to talk to my favorite ex" she says
i fake a smile, "well bye bye now" i say sarcastically.
my face went back straight. des chuckles, "i know i've always told you this while we were together but you should listen to my advice now. you shouldn't settle for jules." des says
i rub my temples, "how many more people are gonna tell me this? like seriously?" i say annoyed.
"we're trying to help you why do you think everyone left her?" des asks
"not everybody can handle her i've seen a side nobody has" i say
"you'd be better with me" des says
i look at her and she's looking at me, "you got jokes today huh" i say
des smirks, "no just facts" she says
i raise my eyebrows, "you don't wanna be with me desiree you only want me for a little bit and then you'll go away again like last time" i say
des looks at me up and down, "i only left because i was afraid" she says
i squint at her, "afraid of being with me? because you sure were making out with everybody that wasn't me" i say
"jayden i only have commitment issues but so does jules so why are you fighting for her but not me?" des says
"i don't know that's a good question both of you are fucked up people" i say with an attitude
"let's just go out sometime and we can talk ok? i don't wanna be beefing with you over shit that doesn't involve me" des says
i raise my eyebrows, "i don't have beef with anyone" i say
des smirks, "then stop trying to hate me" she says
"i don't hate you desiree" i say
she's still smirking, "then let me take you out tonight jayden." she says
i pause. i thought about it, "..you only have me for an hour and i better be home by 9." i say
desiree smiles, "bet bet" she says.
i roll my eyes.
NCHS 🦁
GIRLS SOCCER GAME 🥅
time: 6:30 pm - 8:00 pm
current time: 7:45 pm
~ jules pov
so i'm at hayley's game to watch her play. me and my best friends arrived kinda late because we were getting drunk😂. amanda was the plug for it so we were out drinking. lilia didn't drink because she was driving us. so the game is almost over and i'm all over the place. i was laughing most of the time until i remembered jayden i cried a lot. i drunk texted her that i miss her and i wanna see her tonight. jayden told me she loves me but no. i never knew hurt until then. the game is ending right now and hayley is making her way over here.
"let's get down so we can leave" lilia says
lilia leads the way as we stumble down the bleachers laughing nonstop. once we got down hayley approaches us and i had to suck it up and act like i'm not drunk even though i'm smiling uncontrollably.
"you did so goodddd" i say as i pull her into a hug. she slowly hugs back but soon pushes me away from her.
hayley looks at me confused, "what's wrong with you?" she asks
my best friends laugh and i do too, "nothing let's go home" i say
we start leaving the game but the second we stepped foot outside the gate hayley pulls me aside and we all stop as people are still exiting.
"why are you stumbling like that?" hayley asks me
"what do you mean?" i ask
hayley scrunches her eyebrows, "what the fuck is wrong with you why are you stumbling?" she asks with a little attitude
i smile, "hayley chill out let's go home bro" i say
"no what the fuck? i'm not getting in a fucking car with you" hayley says with an attitude
i adjust my hair and hayley examines me, "girl are you drunk?" hayley asks
i look away, "no what are you talking about?" i ask
i'm scared of her a little she be aggressive with me when i do stuff like this, "jules look at me before i call mom" hayley says in a serious tone
i giggle, "don't call nobody we straight" i say
hayley yanks me closer to her and she looks at my eyes that are dilated and she could smell the alcohol on me since i'm this close, "Julianna i swear i can't stand you" hayley says
i back up, "you do this shit everytime! stop relapsing for once damn!" hayley shouts at me
people fucking heard her say that and they're looking at us now while they're passing. i grab hayley by her arm and she breaks free of my grip, "hayley stop acting out like this i'm not fuckin with this i'm not gonna deal with your shit tonight" i say with an attitude
"and i don't wanna deal with your shit everyday but i have to don't i?!" hayley shouts
i wipe my face from frustration, "don't piss me off hayley. get in the fucking car we're leaving." i say in a serious tone.
"the fuck are you gonna do? hit me?" hayley says with an attitude
i raise my eyebrows, "you'd be surprised" i say
hayley looks at me weird, "you're a fucking druggie just like mom has been saying and i never agreed or believed cus i took your side.. but i see that shit now." hayley says in a serious tone.
i grab her tightly, "hayley shut the fuck up im trying not to flip on you but you're finna make me really mad and you know how i get when i'm really mad. get the fuck in the car and shut the fuck up." i say in a serious tone.
hayley looked terrified by my grip but she was still playing hard, "i'm not fucking scared of you and i'm not going with you." hayley says with an attitude
"yes you are you're my responsibility" i say with an attitude
"bitch you need to worry about yourself you relapse every fucking day and skip your rehab sessions that dad put you in and your therapy shit you're such a pussy ever since joey fucking left you!" hayley shouts
i slap her and she immediately starts swinging on me and we got into a fist fight for a second or two until my best friends pulled us apart and security.
"you a pussy ass bitch i took you in when our parents couldn't! i took care of you all your life!" i shout at her
"fuck you i don't need help YOU need help!!" hayley shouts back
"hayley you know nothing! just get the fuck in the car!" i shout
"i know more about you than you do about yourself! i know why the won't stop being sad! you never wanna listen to anybody! i'm staying with someone fuck you!" hayley shouts before walking back inside.
i tried to break through the security to follow her but they were keeping me away from her which made me so mad she's my fucking sister and they won't let me be around her. i told anna to stay with her until she left safely and to tell me who she's with. mari lilia and i left. my dad ended up calling me and talking to me about going back ti rehab and he lectured me i literally hung up in his face that's how mad he made me. and my mom texted me cussing me out in spanish like it was super bad we were arguing back and forth i was so mad i just powered my phone off.
📍jules's apartment 😌
10:14 pm
~ jules pov
i'm here all by myself my friends were here for a little but they left me after they made sure i was good. i've been checking hayley's location every few minutes because i'm scared i don't want her anywhere that's not safe. i think she told our parents she's not with me so i can't just be ok with her not with me i'm used to her with me all the time. she's at giselles house mari told me hayley did turn off her location but she put it back on later so i can see. this is just a huge family drama right now even jude is texting me asking me if i'm good and if he should stop by to check on me tonight. i told him i don't want company. i was in the shower sitting there under the water just thinking about a lot of stuff. i got drunk more. i was drinking after the shower and in the shower. i'm really drunk and i'm blacking out and stumbling so right now i'm sitting. this isn't good to do since i'm home alone. i pick up the bottle and take another drink but as i was about to i got a flashback from the last time i overdosed. with joey. when he found me passing out. my heart started to ache at the thought of it so i drop the bottle and i felt myself get tense. i start panicking and i rush to my phone. i break down in tears as i'm struggling to find it. i find it sooner or later and i pick up and call my cousin. bella. she answers me immediately.
"yes what's up?" bella asks
"bella.. come over i need someone." i cry
"what's wrong what happened??" bella freaks
"i'm panicking and i'm here alone.. hayley left me i need you to come to me" i cry
"ok ok i'm on my way right now stay on the phone i'm getting my keys" bella says
i start sobbing, "juli it's ok i'm on my way" bella says
"hurry" i cry
"i am you see you hear my car door opening i'm stepping on it" bella says
i start thinking about the flashback again. seeing joey cry and hold me hurt me. i sniffle, "bella.." i cry
"yes what's wrong?" bella asks
"...i'm still in love with joey." i cry
she was quiet, "oh... that's ok you'll stop being that way soon just remember all the bad things he did to you." bella says
"but he was so good to me at the good times" i cry
"jules you gotta understand that no matter all the good there comes bad and the bad is why you need to move on." bella says
"bella but he could change he loves me" i cry
"juli baby no he doesn't. this might hurt to hear but someone who loves you doesn't abuse you, manipulate you, cheat on you, lie to you, and gaslight you. i understand you adapted his trait's because of how much you love him but you need to unadapted and let go. you are so much better than him. you know it." bella says
i nod, "i see where you're coming from" i say softly
i sniffle, "mhm and he never deserved you. you weren't perfect but you got everything from him and he made you worse. you can choose change." bella says
i nod to myself, "you're right bella.. you're so right. this is gonna take me some time to do." i say
"and i'll be here to guide you every step of the way. you have a trauma bond with him. that's all y'all share that's not love." bella says
i thought about it, "..ooohh i really hurt jayden though." i whine.
i start crying again, "you're lucky you have someone like that that's willing to sit and stick with you through all your ups and downs. like this girl still loves you even through your bad times." bella says
"i love her so much it hurts when i hurt her" i cry
"i'm just glad y'all broke up so you don't hurt her anymore than you already have.. everybody knows you genuinely love jayden and jayden genuinely loves you. that love is pure so don't waste on the wrong time. y'all are the definition right person wrong time." bella says
"bella shut up i need to see her right now i miss her" i cry
"if you love her you'll leave her alone until you're better" bella says
"but she's mine i don't want her with anybody else" i cry
"she already went on a date with her ex tonight" bella says
i froze, "what the fuck?" i say
i wipe my tears, "check her social media she's out with des" bella says
i go to instagram and i saw her story she's with her ex like bella just said. ah hell nah, "should i be upset or should i chill?" i ask
"you're entitle for your feelings choose just me personally i would be jealous a bit" bella says
"i don't need to be jealous all i have to do is call her and ask her to come over and we're on it" i say
"didn't you tell me she told you no to seeing you tonight?" bella says laughing a bit.
"ain't nothing funny bella" i say
she continues to laugh and i did a little too, "i trust jayden i know she's just playing around right now" i say
"that's how i was thinking about zariah for awhile when she cheated on me but i bossed up and became happy alone" bella says
"i have options but i don't want them" i say
"not even lily?" bella asks
i smile a bit, "not even lily.. we're just friends." i say
"lily be in my dm talking about you sometimes" bella says
i giggle, "i don't want nothing with her i can't be dragging people down with me i'm gonna heal myself first" i say
"as you should i'm proud of you. just stick to your word and you'll be successful." bella says
i smile a bit, "thanks bel. you're the best." i say softly.
"i try.. hey i'll be there in 5 minutes open the door." bella say
"ok. can we watch a movie together?" i ask
"duh." bella says
i smile to myself.