WHEN PRIMO SAID HE'LL BRING ME to the track, by hook or by crook, I didn't take him seriously – but here I am now, sitting silently, involuntarily, and against my will inside Primo's convertible. I was told I have many options but unfortunately, not coming to wherever this guy is planning to go is not one of them.
"You can remove the attitude, Ayah..." Primo said, amused. "You'll like it there, I promise."
Hindi ko siya pinansin.
I have all the intention in the world to not talk and interact with him for the whole duration of the ride dahil hindi ko talaga gustong sumama sa kanya. I had a list of reasons why I didn't want to go and it was completely ignored by this guy.
Kumulo ulit ang dugo ko dahil naisip ko na naman ang nangyari kanina.
"It's a four-hour drive. Mapapanis ang laway mo kung hindi mo ako kakausapin," he convinced me again.
I almost looked at his direction to snarl at him but I figured he also didn't deserve even a tiny ounce of my anger.
"Look... I had no choice, alright? Hindi ka naman sasama ng matiwasay kung hindi ko ginawa 'yon," Primo said while driving his car smoothly along the highway.
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "You didn't need to blindfold me! I almost died of a heart attack, Primo."
"But you have to admit my idea was creative..."
Creative, my ass.
"That's something only a sociopath would say," I rolled my eyes.
He chuckled, then his chuckle turned into a deep, rich, hearty laugh. If I wasn't angry enough, I would've been amazed. It was the first time he laughed more than a chuckle – but no - I'm livid.
Creative ba yung bigla ka nalang hihilahin sa labas ng gate at lalagyan ng blindfold? I screamed my heart out because I thought I was really kidnapped. It turns out, it was just them and you know what's worse? Shiva was into their plan. No wonder nobody tried to help me. They know it was just one of the group's shenanigans.
Kulang nalang ay sipain ko siya kung hindi lang siya nagmamaneho. Lucky for him I don't want to die early, not in the same car with him, at least.
"Remind me again on why do we have to travel so far for a racetrack? Are you banned in your usual place?" I pried, ready to feel happy if he's kicked out.
He didn't tear his eyes off the road. "Why would they ban me there?" He smirked. "They wouldn't kick me out that easy, even my tune-up games are jam-packed."
"Humble, I see."
He shrugged slightly, ignoring my sarcasm. "Seige's family owns the circuit."
Oh.
Sometimes, I forget that Primo's friends can afford these things. Paano ba naman e halos magsuntukan nga ang mga 'yan para sa huling piraso ng Nova sa canteen o 'di kaya ay nakikihingi ng papel tuwing may quiz or seat work.
Then here's Primo casually saying that Seige's family owns the racetrack — the duality of these guys.
"So why the four-hour drive?" I said, confused. "At isa pa, you're a racer. Bakit four hours pa rin ang byahe natin? Can't you like... drive faster?"
Ngayon pa lang ay kinakalkula ko na kung anong oras kami makakauwi. It won't be anytime tonight, I suppose. Madilim na at kung mag e-enjoy ang mga 'to ay paniguradong madaling araw na kami makakauwi - unless I'll choose to commute - which is something I don't know how to do.
"Roads have speed limits and I can't race if I have a speeding violation..."
"Good to know, Mr. Law-Abiding-Citizen. Wait – don't tell me you're going to race tonight? Ayokong panuorin."
"I already got us ticke—," I didn't let him finish.
"Refundable ones, I hope."
"Tickets for the Race Fair, Ayah."
Oh.
My heart did a little somersault — a Race Fair. I've been to different kind of fairs but I haven't been to a Race-themed one.
Generally speaking, I like fairs. It's like a happy land which popped out in the middle of a depressing city luring you to come and unwind a little. Parang 'pag every time mentally unstable ka, you're welcome to come and leave any problems behind for a bit.
"This Race Fair better be worth my almost heart attack and the four-hour drive," I muttered, half of me already knows it's gonna be worth it.
"It will... so go get some sleep because you'll need all the energy you could get," he encouraged.
*****
I half-expected the fair to be amazing and fun but I didn't expect it to be this amazing. The crowd is crazy and congested and lucky enough, the circuit where the fair is being held is huge or it will not be able to cater this amount of people. Ang sikip, parang hindi mahulugan ng karayom.
I didn't know people were coming to this kind of event.
The banners in bright colors and different sizes, plastered the brand sponsors of each racing team booth. There are also food trucks, carts, and even pop-up tents para sa mga pagkain. It's like a version of Coachella, only this is race-themed.
"Wow! This place is amazing!" I exclaimed, my face beaming at Shiva and Seige who arrived earlier than us by minutes.
Shiva rolled her eyes. "You said that like a hundred times already and to think kararating niyo lang dito." She turned to Primo. "Sometimes, I wonder how you are all a racer e, ang bagal ng byahe natin."
Primo turned to Seige which Seige replied with a smirk and a shrug.
"Not me and Ranger, we've arrived like centuries ago– apparently, liking someone makes you enjoy the ride a little longer." Jaguar said, annoyed. "We could've saved fuel and mother nature by using two cars but you and you," he pointed at Seige and Primo, respectively. "-wouldn't share your cars with us, you both are damn whipped, whipped as hell."
My cheeks flushed bright red. Shiva acted like she didn't hear anything and ignored whatever Jaguar said and turned to Primo.
"So... tatayo lang ba tayo rito?" tanong ni Shiva. "Hanggang bukas ng umaga lang ang paalam ko sa parents ko at ni Ayah, so maybe we should not waste our time?"
At nakuha niya pa talaga akong ipag-paalam.
What a true friend.
"Oh right, I'll check if our tent is ready," Seige said then walked towards the makeshift center of the fair.
"Tent?" Shiva asked the boys.
They nodded. "Not exactly the small ones. The same ones they use in Coachella or Olympics. Parang tambayan, pwede rin matulog doon – but since hanggang umaga lang ang paalam niyo, maybe we'll not sleep all night." Ranger explained.
Habang wala si Seige ay nag umpisa na kami mamili ng dinner. We bought the usual fair food starters – pizza, burgers & hotdog buns, fries and etc. Bitbit 'yon nila Primo habang kami naman ay nakasunod sa kanila.
Presence lang yata ang ambag namin dito.
Napangiwi ako sa naisip. "Do we really need a tent? Parang 'di naman na kailangan since 'di naman tayo matutulog dito?" I told Jaguar.
Jaguar shook his head. "Mamaya 'pag pagod ka na kakaikot, magapapasalamat ka na may tent tayo."
"Ang gastos niyo. We can rest in the car..." I argued.
Primo gently pulled me towards him to allow a group of girls to pass. "It's okay, it's free."
"Hmm... Is this sponsored by your racing team?" I confirmed, my shame for not contributing to anything, lifted.
"Seige's family owns this circuit," Ranger answered instead. "And the ones near the university..."
"And also, maybe ten different ones across the country? I lost count. That bastard is filthy rich, like a royalty," Jaguar also seconded.
Siniko ko si Shiva. "Mayaman din ba sila Lexus?"
Shiva's forehead creased. "I don't know. They're rich, but maybe not as rich as Seige's family."
"Okay kay Seige ako boto," I joked where she almost tripped when she heard me.
Hindi ko naman friend si Lexus. I'll go with someone who I know – but that's just me. I'm not Shiva, she's the one who will decide.
Sa puntong 'yon ay huminto ang grupo sa labas ng isang canopy tent — Seige was already standing outside, probably checking out his phone for our updates. Nilagyan 'yon ng enclosure para magkaroon ng privacy but from the outside, it looks pretty functional. It's obviously the vip ones type, full of amenities. A table with a few utensils, disposables. May isang sofa at sa dulong bahagi ay may mga double deck. It also has its own ventilation system, not too cold dahil siguro malayo ang tent sa central unit ng airconditioning at kinabitan lang ng ducting, but it's cold nevertheless.
At tama nga si Jaguar, magpapasalamat ako na may tent kami dahil may sariling comfort room ang vip tent.
I don't use the common bathroom at this kind of event, one of the few reasons bakit minsan lang ako lumalabas. Pipilitin ko nalang maghanap ng convenience store na may bathroom o pigilan ang ihi ko hanggang makauwi kami. There's so much people and the long lines would kill me.
All of us sat in the table that comes with the tent at nag umpisang kumain. Ayaw ko pa sana masyadong busugin ang sarili ko dahil gabi na pero naisip ko na kung 'di pagkain ang ipinunta ko rito e, ano? I also have a feeling that this is gonna be such a long night kaya inunahan ko na ang mga mangyayari. Better be safe than hungry later.
After the dinner and small talks, we cleared the table then started walking around the fair again.
I'm still fascinated by the idea of how big this event was and I had no idea this was happening.
"Do you always hold an event like this, Seige?" I asked him.
We're all walking towards the basketball arcade. We've agreed on an alternate decisions when it comes to where we're going. Pagkatapos ng basketball arcade, kami naman ang mamimili kung saan pupunta. Mostly, it's Jaguar's idea to do basketball.
"Just annually – a month before the yearly grand prix starts. The different racing teams handle the event in rotation, our team was the last year's organizer. It was way cooler than this," Seige said proudly. "This is boring."
Boring? If this isn't fun to them, I don't know what is.
"First time?" Ranger asked.
I looked back and nodded. "I didn't get to go here last year dahil akala ko biro biro lang ni Julia na may mga ganitong event. I wouldn't come even if she described this anyway, hindi rin ako maniniwala." I laughed a little, remembering how I got here.
Kidnapped.
"So did the fair live up to your expectations, Grumpy?," Primo taunted, he's walking behind us with Ranger while Seige and Jaguar lead the way.
"Even better," I looked back. "But don't call me grumpy."
Before he could reply, some of the people ended up noticing them and calling their attention. Bago pa kasi makapunta sa basketball arcade na nasa dulo yata ng walang hanggan, madadaanan muna ang booths ng kanya kanyang racing team. I wonder where their booth is.
"Pare, nandito pala kayo."
If I didn't know Primo and the rest I'd think they belong in the same circle. With his build and his looks, I wouldn't be surprised if he's a co-racer. Naging requirement na yata rito ang ganitong mga dating at itsura. I couldn't vouch for their skills in racing though, including Primo which I only saw once in the circuit for their team's introduction. I haven't seen them race one bit, the driving on the road doesn't count. Iba naman kasi ang rules at skills nila pagdating sa mismong track racing.
"Seb," Primo acknowledged. "Going to race tonight?"
The man, who he addressed as Seb, nodded. "Kayo ba? I heard you've withdraw from tonight's schedule," he continued, he glanced towards me and Shiva.
"I have some more important business," Primo answered.
"I can see that the some more important business is pretty," Seb said, not convinced with Primo. "But it's not like you to cancel a scheduled race and impose hassle to the organizers, bro. Can you imagine the amount of people asking for refunds."
"It's not my fault the audience only wanted to see my team," Primo cockily said then smirked. "No kidding, Seb. There's been another team contacted to race tonight. We should stop worrying about it."
"But you do this yearly and the prize pool is very hig—"
"I'll just pass on this one," he tapped Seb to end the conversation.
"Good luck," Ranger said, then started walking too.
"Are you racing, Seb? Pupusta ako sa kalaban mo," Jaguar chuckled then tapped Seb before started walking too.
Seige just nodded towards him then pushed Shiva lightly to usher her to start walking again. I nodded at Seb and smiled weakly before Primo started doing the same thing to me.
"Why do you think Primo cancelled on the race?" Shiva, whispered.
Nasa unahan na kami ng grupo. They have to stop from time to time for a photo. They'd been asked for a signature but they declined, saying they're not actors. Primo didn't join photos. Nahinto lang talaga ito para sabayan ang mga kaibigan niya. Si Seige ay pili lang din ang pinauunlakan. Whereas, Ranger and Jaguar did the ultimate fan service.
"I don't know. Maybe he didn't like his opponent," I whispered back.
"Sabagay... I just wondered. Seb said he does this yearly, I got curious."
Tumango ako. "I heard. Mamaya ay itanong mo kung gusto mo talaga ma-update kung bakit."
"Ikaw na..."
I shook my head. "Ikaw na... Ikaw naman yung gustong maki-chismis or you can just ask Seige. Maybe he knows."
"I know what? Bakit ba lagi nalang ako ang nakaka-distorbo sa chismisan niyo?" Seige, who already caught-up with me and Shiva, joined the conversation. "Anyway, hindi na raw tayo sa basketball arcade. Primo suggested something else."
I looked at her intently. She looked back and made eye contact. We understood each other, walang ikukwento kay Seige.
Girl code, approve.
"Okay, where?" Shiva, ignored Seige's prying.
"There," Seige pointed out a much nearer area, the crowd slowly dispersing, disappointed and some angry. "Primo rented out the whole place."
Shiva's eyes and mine were wide with excitement. We didn't hear whatever he was saying next, our attention went to where he's pointing.
The led light shaped in big and bright word.
Go-Karts.
Walang sabi sabing nilagpasan namin si Seige sa kinatatayuan niya. We ended up actually almost running towards the group who where we found at the entrance of the karts. They were talking, half serious about something. Primo looks like he was briefing Jaguar and Seige about something. Naabutan ko pa ang pag 'apir' ni Jaguar at ni Primo. Bihirang bihira na magaan ang usapan ng mga 'yan.
I looked at Primo's face — parang walang gagawing tama. I shifted my gaze towards Jaguar — parang may planong masama.
"Sorry, kinain na ng mga fans ko ang oras para sa basketball." Jaguar haughtily said.
I rolled my eyes while Shiva faked gagged.
"Please, parang nag settle na nga lang sila magpapicture sa'yo dahil ikaw lang naman ang napayag," ani Shiva.
Sinamaan siya ng tingin ni Jaguar. "You should see me race, Shiva. I'm oozing with coolness and hotness when I'm racing. Maybe you'll fall in love with m— Ah aray!"
Hindi na niya natapos ang sasabihin niya dahil pinaghahampas na siya ni Shiva. Jaguar ended up running inside the arcade where the in-charge was waiting for us. Hinabol naman ito ni Shiva, na hindi pa yata satisfied sa panghahampas niya kay Jaguar. Natatawang umiling iling naman si Ranger at sinundan ang dalawa. Seige was plastering a small smile when he followed, too.
I looked at the mini-race track that the karting place has put up. It's bright and looks safe, it's quiet long however because it stretched all the way near the parking. Hindi ko halos makita ang dulo ng track dahil sa mga puno.
"When you said you have an anxiety driving cars, I hope this was not included." Primo, standing with his arms folded beside me, his voice half-unsure.
My heart did a little tug, the butterflies in my stomach started to jitter. The concern in his voice is very evident and I wanted to run so far away from him.
Why is he acting so serious?
He shouldn't be serious.
In that way, I can put all this unnamed feelings of mine into a full stop.
"No," I answered, trying to steady my voice. "I get triggered by the honks of the cars, not this and not even collisions."
"Good," he said then tilted his head towards the track. "Get in and choose your kart. I'll be right behind you."
Before my heart burst into pieces because it's beating too much, I went directly to the kart I've chosen. Nakaupo na rin sila Shiva at ang iba pa. The in-charge didn't even bother checking their seatbelts, probably knowing they're racers. Ano lang ba ang maliliit na go-kart sa kanila.
I saw Seige check Shiva's seatbelt while I'm sliding into my kart. Napangiti ako nang makitang halos naistatwa si Shiva sa distansiya ng mga mukha nila ni Seige. My smile faded when Primo started checking mine too. Thankfully, he didn't get too close.
My anxiety isn't acting up right now pero kung patuloy niyang gagawin 'to, I'll be rushed in the hospital by the end of this track.
When we're all buckled up, we were roughly briefed about why we're going into group of threes. Since this is put-up kart arcade only, medyo maliit ang track. That's why we have different routes by the last few meters at the end. We didn't mind though, sa dulo pa naman.
"Drive slow and safely," he muttered after he checked mine for at least three times before he deemed it safe. "Red's our route with Ranger by the end," he informed.
I nodded.
The in-charge asked if we were all ready, in which Jaguar slightly shouted with a load yeah. Masyadong excited dahil nakipagpustahan kina Seige at Ranger kung sino ang mauuna sa finish line.
When the whistle was heard, we all started cruising.
"Eat shit, slowpokes," Jaguar said in front then made his kart go faster.
We laughed at his competitiveness.
Akala mo kung ilang milyon ang pustahan nila.
But maybe—
No way it's millions, right?
"I'll crush his ego," Shiva said, equally competitive, then rushed forward. Si Seige naman ay natatawang sinundan si Shiva.
I urged my kart to go forward, a little bit faster to keep up. Ranger and Primo, did the same thing, they kept their small smile at sight of their friends bickering.
I never felt this fun while driving. My body slowly getting accustomed to speed, went excited. It was almost five to ten minutes when the three who went ahead was lost in our sight.
I lunged my kart faster, to keep up.
"Try harder, Ayah." Ranger taunted when he was passing me.
I laughed. "I'm not competing with an actual racer. That's just absurd and unfair!"
"I'll go yellow then, you're no fun." He said then turned to the yellow line.
I haven't notice that we were about to end our route. I was still laughing when I turned to the red route when I realized it was only me and Primo who went this way. Although I understood this is for safety precaution to keep collisions at the end, I didn't understand why I have to share this route with Primo.
Hininaan ko ang takbo ko. Malapit na sa finish line and I can see it from where I'm driving.
"You didn't have to accompany me," I said, attempting to break the silence. "I can go with Shiva, you know."
The corner of his lips curled. "She doesn't know about your driving anxiety."
"She does..."
"Not taking any chances," he shook his head. "Check brakes and focus, we're about to finish."
I check my brakes as soon as he said it. There's no use in arguing with him because we're really approaching finish. I did what we were instructed when we were at the start. Before we have reached the end, I started to press my feet to my breaks slowly then into a full halt.
"This was fun. I've always wanted to ride a car without having anxiety!" I exclaimed as I started removing my safety helmet.
"I know — it's your yearly birthday wish. Hence, my birthday gift." Primo was very fast, hindi kasi siya nag helmet so he was already out of the kart before I finish taking off my helmet.
"How did you know? Today's not even my birthday." I removed my seatbelt, he was extending his hand to help me get up.
I didn't want to take it but it was disrespectful not to. I took his hand with no choice, my hands immediately wanted to drop his hand. I know he felt exactly the same, it's like an electricity travelled from his to mine.
"I asked for your friend's help. I called Julia and asked what would you like for your birthday," he said as he was helping me lift my whole body by his arm strength.
I quickly stood up and removed my arms from his. "Thanks... you didn't have to close the whole place."
He shrugged, he took off his phone to text the group. "I don't like falling in line. Let's wait in the car, our route is nearer the parking."
I nodded then followed him. True enough – it was very near the parking, only a few meters and turns we're already in front of the cars. Maybe it was time to go home too.
He leaned in front of his car, his hands in his pockets. I did the same in Seige's car which was parked in front of his.
I didn't know which was the worst choice, sitting in front of him where I can see how he's intent and serious or sit in Ranger's car, which is parked beside his, where I could sense his cold presence.
A long– probably five minutes – of icy, deafening silence engulfed between us.
"So you invited me here because of my birthday?" I asked, in attempt to break the silence.
My birthday is still tomorrow or technically, minutes later since it's already almost 12-midnight. I wanted to confirm if he's doing this for me, for once, because it's my birthday.
He took long enough to answer I almost thought he wouldn't. "I figured we should do this smoothly and properly..."
My tamed heart started to pick up pace. My breathing is slowly turning wild.
He's talking serious – his eyes looking at mine, steadfast.
I was trying to calm myself, reminding it not to get ahead of what he's trying to say.
"This is me showing my intentions to you, Ayah." He said clearly. "I really like you – so I wanted you to know about my world a little bit," he had a small smile on his lips.
If it was a small tug earlier, this time – my heart is in a whole earthquake.
I wanted him to joke around or act haughty. In that way, I could be in-denial of his feelings and I wouldn't get my hopes up. I keep pushing the thought back, afraid of getting drawn into him.
I don't want to end up like the girl in the pavement — broken and desperate because I fell too far.
But his face says otherwise – like his life depended on what he's saying.
"But this fair is not exactly racing and racing is your world." I managed to say stupidly.
He raised his brows, his small smile turned evident. "You said you didn't want to see me race."
"I said I didn't want to see you race but I didn't ask you to stop racing. Is this the reason why you cancelled on your race tonight?" I asked, slightly guilty.
I feel like my heart is floating around.
Bakit masyado 'tong masunurin at mabait ngayon?
He shook his head then took a glance at his watch. "If I had raced, I wouldn't have seen this with you...."
I looked at him, baffled.
"Look up, Ayah."
I followed, my forehead, creased in confusion as I looked up to the sky.
What seems to be confusion in my face slowly shifted into awe.
Fireworks.
Beautiful, colorful ones.
It didn't matter if he planned this or it's part of the race fair. What matters is that I'm in the perfect spot, looking at the most beautiful fireworks I have ever seen.
My heart went wonderstruck for a few minutes — then finally, my focus went to the person in front of me.
"Happy Birthday," he said.