Warning: Attempted sexual assault in one line.
—
Lea had been minding her own business in Planet Drool – which yes, she does know was actually named the demos oneiron; Land of Dreams— while ignoring Hermes as he rambled about his day when her own dream changed. Hermes was just as surprised by that as she was and stepped away so it could take her away.
Grover was wearing a wedding dress.
It was hideous. She could almost hear Drew ranting about the mud on it, the extremely loose neckline, the tattered veil, and that it was not his color. At all. More of a saffron red though a good coral or tangerine color could work too.
He was standing in a dank cave, lit only by torches. There was a cot in one corner and an old-fashioned loom in the other, a length of white cloth half woven on the frame. And he was staring right at her or well Percy because of course, her brother was there too.
"Thank the gods!" he yelped. "Can you hear me?"
What was he thanking them for, she wanted to grumble. It was her sleep that he was bothering even if she wasn't exactly sleeping in the traditional sense.
Reminds me of home, the familiar sound of Hermes stated as he peeked into the shade. It smelt like sheep and goats, the growling and grumbling and bleating sounds that seemed to echo from behind a refrigerator-sized boulder, which was blocking the room's only exit, as if there was a much larger cavern beyond it. Hmp. If she wanted to smell all of that, she'd go to a petting zoo. "You know I am the god of animal husbandry, including cattle-herding, shepherding, goat-herding and even the breeding of horses and mules. Father also made me the lord over all birds of prey and grim-eyed lions, and boars with gleaming tusks, and over herder's dogs and all the herds and flocks that the wide earth nourishes, and over all sheep. This was of course after I traded with Apollôn the godhead of music for the godhead of cattle."
Lea grimaced. That sounded like a lot of paperwork.
"Percy?" Grover said. "Please, I don't have the strength to project any better. You have to hear me!"
"I hear you," Percy said.
"We both do," Lea grumbled, feeling the two of them flinch a little in shock before Percy shook his head turning back to his friend. "Grover, what's going on?"
From behind the boulder, a monstrous voice yelled, "Honeypie! Are you done yet?"
Grover flinched. He called out in falsetto, "Not quite, dearest! A few more days!"
Hermes blinked. " What," the god stated dryly.
"Bah! Hasn't it been two weeks yet?"
"N-no, dearest. Just five days. That leaves twelve more to go."
The monster was silent, maybe trying to do the math before suddenly going, "All right, but hurry! I want to SEEEEE under that veil, heh-heh-heh."
Grover turned back to the twins. "You have to help me! No time! I'm stuck in this cave. On an island in the sea."
"Where?"
"I don't know exactly! I went to Florida and turned left."
"Geez, that's so helpful," Lea drawled.
"Ahh ναί, this is quest that is needed, kukla mu," the son of Zeus muttered. "Please. Give Chris my regards."
"It's a trap!" Grover said, bringing her attention back. "It's the reason no satyr has ever returned from this quest. He's a shepherd, Percy! And he has it. Its nature magic is so powerful it smells just like the great god Pan! The satyrs come here thinking they've found Pan, and they get trapped and eaten by Polyphemus!"
"What," Hermes snarled, his eyes flashed and suddenly, the place that was so cool it made you drool was a lot less cool.
Lea heard that name before.
"Poly-who?"
"He's one of your brothers," Hermes sneered. "Far less respectable than those like Tyson and the ones that work alongside Hêphaistos and in service of Father. Polyphêmos is a gigantic, insolent, and lawless shepherd! He devoured mortals though he preferred the meat of humans. Neglectful towards the agriculture and the fruits of the field were reaped by him and his old clan without labour. They had no structure. No laws. Horrible beasts and he was the greatest and worst of them all. When Odysseús blinded him so long ago, your Father had been so infuriated that it added more years to the hero's journey home especially after Polyphêmos had done all he could to avoid that exact fate."
"Didn't he eat all of his friends," Lea asked, not minding the confused looks Grover and Percy gave her.
"Your Father was always the most protective of his children, even the less respectable ones."
"The Cyclops!" Grover said, exasperated. "I almost got away. I made it all the way to St. Augustine."
"But he followed you," Percy said. "And trapped you in a bridal boutique."
"That's right," Grover said. "My first empathy link must've worked then. Look, this bridal dress is the only thing keeping me alive. He thinks I smell good, but I told him it was just goat-scented perfume. Thank goodness he can't see very well. His eye is still half blind from the last time somebody poked it out. But soon he'll realize what I am. He's only giving me two weeks to finish the bridal train, and he's getting impatient!"
"Wait a minute. This Cyclops thinks you're-"
"Yes!" Grover wailed. "He thinks I'm a lady Cyclops and he wants to marry me!"
Lea could see Percy biting his lip to stop from laughing at his friend, but he was not Lea's friend and she had no reservations about laughing at him. Lea cackled echoed by Hermes as she struggled to stand upright. "Oh, why didn't you tell us that you were genderfluid or trans? I am so sorry if I ever used the wrong pronouns. Or are you still cis and just wanted to wear a dress? Come on, Underwood, help me out here."
"This isn't funny," the satyr said, deadly serious and shaking with fear.
"Of course it is," Lea laughed, waving away his words. "I always thought that my wedding would be the first one Percy was a part of, if not his own. Oh my gosh, are you going to be the next Bridezilla or Goatzilla?"
"I'll come rescue you," Percy promised, shoving her a bit. "Where are you?"
"The Sea of Monsters, of course!"
"The sea of what?"
"I told you! I don't know exactly where! And look, Percy and Leaneira ... urn, I'm really sorry about this, but this empathy link ... well, I had no choice. Our emotions are connected now. If I die ..."
"Don't tell me, I'll die too."
That knocked the smile off Lea's face while Hermes bristled beside her. I'll have Dionysos remove that as soon as possible. Honestly, what was he thinking making that link? Twins are an intricate part of our pantheon with fates that are so combined that the ends of your threads can't be differed from the beginnings. Twins are the same and the opposite and everything that is in between. They are the beginning and the end. Apollôn and Artemis are the sun and moon light. Hêlios and Selênê are the suns and moons."
"What are me and Percy?"
"He is physical and you dwell within the mystical. It's why he has more trouble with the Mist now that the two of you know your heritage."
"Oh, well, perhaps not," Grover mused, seemingly ignoring what look to be Lea talking to thin air. "You might live for years in a vegetative state. But, uh, it would be a lot better if you got me out of here."
"Honeypie!" Polyphêmos bellowed. "Dinnertime! Yummy yummy sheep meat!"
Grover whimpered. "I have to go. Hurry!"
"Wait! You said 'it' was here. What?"
But Grover's voice was already growing fainter. "Sweet dreams. Don't let me die!"
The dream faded and Lea was firmly back in the familiar shades of the Planet Drool. Hermes hummed as he looked at her, stepping into her space. Lea stepped away, feeling the raw power wafting from him that made the stones and pebbles around the tremble. "You should ask Dionysos about Nephelê."
"Who is that?"
"I presided over the rustic art of divination by pebbles in the train of the mantikoi in which Apollôn and Father lead as the god or oracles and seers and the god of fate. What your brother seeks was a gift from I. One that came from your Father. And to get there, you will have to cross paths with my Cristóbal and you shall find someone else that will help you with your mageia. When you find them, tell that Heliade that I sent you."
"Why can't you tell me," she huffed.
Hermes smiled, "I was under the impression that you are not someone that is content with one answer. You remind me very much of your kin; those that resided in the ever laughing waves of Pontos. The sea hosts an unending depth of knowledge in its waves; gluttonous in its hunt and never content with just one thing."
Lea rolled her eyes. "That ominous, mystical thing you're doing is getting real old."
"And yet my words are no less true." He tilted his head, his image blurred as if they were both awakening and yet—before his image could disappear, Hermes gave her another smile, lifting her hand to press a kiss on her inner wrist. "Eis to epanidein, Leaneíras."
Lea woke with a start. It was early morning. Across the cabin, Tyson was staring down at Percy who was breathing heavily. Somehow even without the dream, she could recognize this link between them and how it stretched away from them into the distance.
She thought it was some mystical bullshit connection to the sea, but if what Grover said was true...
Lea shook her head, turning towards the bathroom. She needed to speak with Mr. D, the big one and not the little one.
The morning of the race was hot and humid. Fog lay low on the ground like sauna steam. Millions of birds were roosting in the trees-fat gray-and-white pigeons, except they didn't coo like regular pigeons. They made this annoying metallic screeching sound that reminded me of submarine radar. They cuddled up to the children of Apollo and let the children of Ares stroke their feathers. The racetrack had been built in a grassy field between the archery range and the woods. Lea sniffed, edging away from where the spectators were crowding — Tantalus, the satyrs, a few dryads, and all of the campers who weren't participating.
Mr. D didn't show. He never got up before ten o'clock which gave her the perfect reason to have this conversation in private. Considering that she had been told early on, that she was usually homebound as they would not risk a mate of the gods, but said god wanted her to take on this quest. All of it sounded dumb to her. And if she was that type of person, it would definitely lead to a superiority complex.
But whatever.
And she would have continued if she had not been stopped on the way there.
As she was turning towards the Big House – and she did not like the connotations of that — some random teenage boy stepped in her path. Lea stopped, eyeing him in suspicion especially when his gaze flickered down to where her mark resided before looking back at her.
"Can I help you," she snarked.
"Ma chérie, Leaneíras," the boy stated, blinking sleazily at her. "J'adore te regarder marcher. Tu veux sortir avec moi?"
Lea scowled, confused and frustrated at the foreign language. She took a deep breath because it sounded like french and she was passing french even if she was only passing because Drew let her copy her notes and tutored her on occasion.
"T'as d'beaux yeux, tu sais," the boy stated before she could think of something to reply to him about.
"I know the french word for beautiful and I don't know what you just said exactly, but I already know that everything about me is beautiful. "
"Hmm. I said you are the most beautiful woman. Your eyes are captivating as if they hold the green seas within them."
"Again, I am fully aware of how pretty I am."
"No thank you, Ma crevette?"
"Why would I be thankful of you pointing out what I already know? I dont care if you find me hot. I know I'm hot. And my process within the steps of evolution was not catered to your attraction to me."
"Your rudeness is not attractive," he noted and Lea rolled her eyes.
"Genuine question, what makes you think I'm looking to attract you? Like seriously, who are you?" she scowled. "Wait. Nevermind. I don't want to know. Go away, creep." She started to walk past him, when he grabbed ahold of her arm. "I am a god, little one. I am Kairos, son of Father Zeus. The god of Opportunity."
As if her scowl wasn't deep enough already. "Well then, I'm going to tell you this once. Go fuck yourself and get the hell away from me."
"Such ugly words from a pretty lady."
"I was born and raised in New York. From Inwood at that," she scoffed. "And secondly, I know you gods know that apparently Hermes is my soulmate which doesn't make sense because gods are not humans so how the fuck do you have souls but whatever. Why are you here?"
"Ah but the Herald is married," he told her. "That gives you options."
"Married," she repeated. The gods are supposedly very jealous beings. She wondered if she could convince his wife to kill her and then just chill around the underworld. No, that won't work. Hermes was an underworld god too so there was no escape there.
"Yes," the god stated. "That's why you should be with someone that's available."
Lea rolled her eyes and watched as the young god attempted to woo her. "It's just everyone is curious about you, and you seem so unapproachable," he muttered adoringly. Lea rolled her eyes in disgust, swatting his hand away, "And yet here you are."
The godling stood straight, brown eyes lingering on her form, "I come bearing dowry for thy hand in marriage."
Lea scoffed, "No." His eyes furrowed, face slowly reddening in anger, "Who are you to deny me? Where is your father because your head is filled with kelp!"
Lea walked forward, each step as quiet as the wind until she stood behind him, "Idiot! You come here to request... to demand my hand and insult me in the same breath?"
She thought back to those books and oaths that she read in the books. The ones that she saw on tv that were all dramatic and foreboding.
With her hands planted firmly on her hips, Lea leaned forward, "Hear me clearly, son of Zeus, for I am Leaneira Jackson, daughter to the bringer of storms, I stand before you in the eyes of the deathless gods and their fathers before them, and let Gaia be witness to me in this, and arching Ouranos above, and the downward water of the Styx—most solemn and most fearsome of oaths with the blessed gods that I shall never marry nor bed any man or woman, god or goddess, nymph or satyr, monster or animal, plant or force of nature unless I, in my own state of mind, under no influence of outside parties give consent. Any that try to force my hand shall die at my hand and I like my father before me will show no mercy to any that call forth my wrath. So mote it be."
A clap of thunder echoed in the distance as chains of an unprecedented vow clasp her soul.
Lea began to move past him once more when the hand on arm tightened, dragging her to the side of the dining hall. "I do not believe you understand what I am saying, child," Kairos snarled, dropping the fake french accent. "I will have you."
"I would rather swallow glass and drink out the sewer," she sneered. "Let me go."
"Now, that is no way for a lady to talk," he muttered, grasp tightening. Lea bit her lip to keep from crying out in pain.
"I'd say," she huffed. "Walking up and yelling at someone and assaulting them when they tell you no does seem kind of rude." A sharp grin danced across her face when he read the underlying words of her calling him a bitch.
In response, he pushed her closer to the wall, her head slamming against the marble harshly. His smile seemed all evil under the fog. "I told you, minou. I am the god of opportunity." His other hand slipped under her shirt, trailing across her stomach. "And you gave me the perfect one walking alaahhhh."
"I said let me go," she snarled, eyes turning a sickly green as Kairos was thrown harshly away from her leaving skid marks in the ground. Mageia flowed around her like wind, crackling and snapping in a way that sang in symphony with the pigeons were in the trees now—screeching like crazy, making the whole forest rustle.
She stood there as a radiant girl; her rich hair made her the cynosure of all eyes. A sneer that could curdle dairy danced across her face while her gaze was as piercing as the prongs on her Father's trident. Looking at her in that moment, one could understand how she was the daughter of the Earthshaker — a terrifying thought as she would only grow stronger with age.
"Please, love, we–" The god was saying as he started to scramble away from her while her mark started to glow through her shirt.
"Do not call me love," she snarled, voice echoing a bit. Arkas swung about her amulet, snapping furiously in the direction of the godling. "There is no we here. There is me, minding my own business and there's you, who just tried to assault me."
Her voice dropped into an ominous whisper. "You know what happened to the last person that assaulted a child of Poseidon, hm? How about you ask Lord Ares when he stabbed Halirrhothius? Or ask Odysseus when he blinded Polyphemos."
"The Herald will break your heart. Tis what gods do. Look at his children they are many."
"Do I look like I care," she thundered, eyes flashing much like her Uncle. In the back of her mind, she scoffed at her words. Hermes literally had a surname that was what — Acacesius? Too many letters to remember if she was being honest — that meant he was the god who cannot be hurt, or who does not hurt. And sure, it may mean that by physical wounds, but Lea was just as crafty that she was literally created to be with. "You think just because I have his name branded on me like cattle that I'd fall to my knees to please him? You thought he was going to get some pliant lover and as his darling baby brother, you were going to get the opportunity to break me in for him? Let me make something clear since my oath didn't... you come near me again and I will break you. God or not. I have boundaries and you will respect them or so help me, I'll really steal Lord Zeus' master bolt and shove it so far up your—"
"I believe he gets the point, Leaneíras," a familiar voice muttered at her side. "I admit. I am most surprised, brother. I did not know you had it in you after all you did not try to overthrow Father when you are literally the god that may have had the most tentative chances though of course, you've been defeated in the end. I thought we were better friends than this though."
"You hold no love for any other child of Zeus higher than you do for Apollôn," Kairos sneered. "Look at yourself, Hermês, chasing after this.... this... this Connasse! A being of your stature should not lower yourself to be with a hêmithea. Great shame you bring upon the House of Zeus like Apollôn in the service of Admetos where he forsook his pride and stayed in as a servant for the sake of Admetos. His love to the king was servitium amoris and you are just as embarrassing. Tis worse for you as you wish to make her mitryía to your bande de cons. An opportunist I am and an opportunity I shall have when Father casts you out of the Heavenly Realm to wander evermore in leimon asphodelon, the seat of Hermês I will take and your lovely salope will find herself deep in the comfort of my bed."
Lea snarled even more ferociously than before. She stalked forward with gradual, lingering steps, restrained swaying of the hips, and slow inclination of the head she began to advance, her refined movements matching the soft wounds of the flutes. Occasionally her eyes alone would dance, as at one moment she gently lowered her lids, and at another imperiously signalled with threatening glances.
And her eyes — oh, her eyes... so deep in depth of pure fury that spoke of promises of pain that hid within the ever-laughing waves of Pontos.
"I don't really care about anything you just said," she growled. "But so long as my name is on his skin that makes him mine. And I have a problem with people bothering my stuff. Also, you little rat, I do know what connasse means, so let's make it even, eh? Nul for worthless. Branleur for wanker. Connard for asshole. You will never have a chance with me. Ever. I would rather die and hook up with chuthulu than have dealings with you. Also, I'd rather be with one of the favorite sons of the King than be with one whose name I wouldn't even know without a wikipedia search."
"Why can't you give me a chance?" She could feel the power he was releasing into the air, but she did not care. Leaneira Jackson did not believe in soulmates, but she'd take the one she had long before she took anyone that chased after her for clout.
"Because you don't deserve one! You're not entitled to my love. Get over yourself! This isn't the ancient world where women are nothing more than property. In fact," She paused, mageia slowly coming to a rest around her. "In fact, if you want me so bad, I guess you'll have to prove it to me."
Both he and his brother turned to her sharply at that. "What?"
Lea shrugged, crossing her arms. Cruel amusement danced within the faint glow of her eyes. "If you want me, you need to prove that you're worth this one's wrath", a pointed thumb in the direction of the Divine Trickster.
The younger god dug himself out of the trench that he landed in with a bright smile. "Allow me to court you and I will grant you anything you wish."
"Oh?" Now this was better than harassing her and maybe she could put those stories to use. None had been able to understand just how she was a match for a god... for an Olympian... but if any were to look at her... to know her then they would see that she could be just as cruel and cold as the gods. "You swear on the River Styx to grant me anything that I wish?"
"Yes," the god replied. "Anything that you wish. I swear it on the River Styx."
Thunder rumbled in the distance.
Lea smiled and it was a wicked thing. "I wish that you would never bother me again and leave Hermes alone. I wish for you to only approach me if I give you permission. I wish to keep my virginity so no sneaking around in other forms or when I'm asleep." Though, she was sure that she was being guarded by the actual stars and Hermes had admitted to watching over her physical body whenever she was in the land of Dreams.
Hermes stared at her in surprise, a delightful smile on his features before turning triumphantly to his younger brother. Kairos glared at them both hatefully, a small glow to his body as his true form started to bleed through.
"Welcome to New York, asshole," Lea laughed lightly, moving past the godling as she and Hermes continued towards the Big House. "Never forget the legend of Sinophe."
(She did not realize what she had done. For Hermês was the god of crafty thoughts and wiles, and the use of persuasive deception and trickery. How wonderful was it to see someone that was a lovely dream; one so pretty that his eyes shed emerald tears and was all his. A pretty girl, with pretty hair and pretty eyes, and a pretty mind.)