He couldn't see Felix anymore. Those guards were taking him by force, dragging him towards the corridors.
It didn't matter how hard Hyunjin struggled, he couldn't fight them, he turned his head for the last time to see Felix.
Oh, that little sparrow was trying to run towards him, but he was stopped by Chan, how painful.
And he would do it all over again. The hurt, the agony, the sorrow, just so he'd get to feel his love one last time.
It kinda felt like deja vu, the way Felix tortures himself like this to get back to Hyunjin. He wished he would have told him that he wasn't worth his tears, he wished he told him that there's no use in trying for him, He was long gone, he didn't deserve to be saved.
Their eyes met for the last time and Hyunjin was forcefully taken away into the room. He could hear the voice of his little angel till the last moment, his arms were tightly held, he was tired of being weak.
The guards threw him into the room, he gasped in pain, The ground was hard and cold, those guards stopped for a while, looking at Hyunjin who was thrown on the ground.
Hyunjin started laughing, raised his hands and put them on his head, the chains on his hand were pissing him off, he looked pathetic.
"Fucking psychopath."
One of the guards said and looked at him with contempt, closing the door tightly, Hyunjin was laughing like a maniac, He got up with difficulty, hitting the iron door with all the strength he had left.
As he was laughing, he felt his cheeks wet, his tears were rolling down. He didn't know what was happening to him.
"I hope he dies as soon as possible, Did you see how that blonde boy was crying? it's hilarious."
One of the guards said mockingly and locked the door, their voices faded away as they walked out.
That dark room again, high white walls and deafening silence for Hyunjin. his finger bones hurt, no matter how hard he banged on the iron door, no use.
If he continued to do this, he would probably end up tied to the bed like always. they would inject him droperidol so that he would be immobile for a few hours, he hated it.
He let himself go, fell to the floor once again, stared at the white ceiling, his heart still racing at the sight of Felix.
His eyes were closing by themselves, his tears were getting dry on his cheeks. It was as if life never wanted to have mercy on him. He never wanted a happy ending. He deserved everything life threw at him.
In the end, what did you expect, Hyunjin?
The thought of why he was born like this always tormented him, why was he not born in a normal family full of love and warmth of affection.
Why did he have to kill people and fight for his life at that young age, why did he not regret his actions, he never felt guilty, He just always wanted more and more, he was greedy to see more blood on the lifeless bodies of those vulnerable people.
The faces of all the people he had killed were staring at him in different shapes, the sound of their screams and cries were filling up his ears.
Now he was laying there, deciding whether to let the insanity win or try to brawl.
He closed his eyes, maybe he should have let the darkness swallow his whole being like before, just let it win. He just had to drown himself in madness, buried six feet under. He held his breath as long as he could and shouted his eyes tightly, He didn't know how many hours had passed since he was in this state.
"Jinnie stop it..."
It was Felix's voice, as if he was sitting next to him. He took a deep breath, his body was numb. He slowly opened his eyes, his eyelids were too heavy.
"Don't tease me like this, Wake up, your ice cream is melting."
Felix's voice said in a frustrated way, Hyunjin barely turned his head a little, his brain was showing him things that weren't real, like Felix.
"You don't even let me enjoy my solitude Felix."
Hyunjin parted his dry lips and said, he blinked a few times, everything was blurry, his mind was tricking him with an image of Felix in a pink dress, he liked it though.
it was hard for him to turn the page when he knew Felix won't be in the next chapter, he couldn't accept it.
"Actually you are alone right now, I am just an illusion that you like to see."
Felix's image said and laughed loudly, the sound of his laughter rang in Hyunjin's head. He stared at his little figure, he couldn't remember the last time he saw Felix laugh like this, oh it was probably when he put the ring on his finger, he didn't know if he was still having it or not.
"I want to hold you."
Hyunjin mumbled, The image of Felix came closer and lay down next to him, their heads were a few centimeters apart. Even though he was just a lie, Hyunjin felt good to talk to him.
"Hyunjin..."
Felix's voice said worriedly, his smile fading from his face. as if he wanted to give some bad news, news that Hyunjin didn't want to hear.
He didn't want to hear anything, he just wanted to stare at him, until the last breath he took, until the last moment his body was still working.
"Shhh....I want to kiss you, count your freckles, tell you how much it hurts to live without you."
Hyunjin said with a shaky voice, remembering Felix's thin body on top of his, wrapping his little legs around him and kissing him, He could still remember the scent of strawberry of his hair, he turned his head and looked into the ocean of Felix's eyes
"But I'm not here."
Felix's voice whispered softly, what a sweet illusion, his face was as beautiful as Felix himself, made by sculptors.
Like cherry blossoms, just as striking but just as fleeting.
"I know...Sometimes I hate myself for not killing you...I guess Your eyes weren't like others, you weren't begging me for your life, you weren't scared, you were already dead inside..."
Hyunjin said and raised his fingers slowly, it was hard to move his body. His throat was dry, he felt like dying, he couldn't do it anymore.
"I told myself I should hold your beautiful neck in my hands, feel your pulse and squeeze so much that you lose that shining light in your eyes, but I never could...funny."
Hyunjin said, staring at Felix unblinkingly, All their memories from the first day until now flashed before his eyes.
feeling a little sorry for not being able to keep his promises, knowing how much it meant to Felix, He was supposed to give him everything, make the best life for him.
"Now, I'm going crazy more than ever my little angel, but Felix, I would never let myself hurt you, you already know that. I'm talking to your imaginary image haha, You can make fun of me later."
Hyunjin smiled, a drop of tears fell from the corner of his eye, he put his hand on Felix's face, like the colors falling in the water, Felix's face faded away.
"Hyunjin, no matter what you become, I will still love you..."
Felix said and faded away as Hyunjin went back to black, why it could've never been us. Why did the universe hate us so much? Hyunjin thought.
"Stand up, time for pills."
.
..
...
*Hiiii:), I hate university goddd..."