(Suicide mention)
Kunikidas pov
I was incredibly bored.
My life was boring as it is working at a office job 9to5 then fallowing the same routine I had set up so many years ago every night. Yet tonight was different. My friend yasano was getting married so I went to the wedding and we where having reception at a small bar called lupin.
Everyone was drinking and laughing with each other. Except me. I was the designated driver so I couldent drink my boredom away.
"Anything for you sir" the bartender asked as I sat at the counter.
"Just a soda. I'm driving today".
"Aw that's nice of you". He smiled and started getting my soda from the fridge underneath the counter.
"Yea it's nice of me but it's not going to be nice when I have vomit and annoying people all piled into my small car". I huffed then noticed the bartender slid the drink over to me and held his smile on his face.
His smile was beautiful
"We'll even so it's kind of you to be willing to put up with that. I see people come in then leave when there friends gets drunk so they don't have to take care of them. It's sad to see but it happens often. Just the cruelty of humans".
I nodded taking a sip from the fizzy drink.
"So why are you and these guys here"? He asked.
"My friend got married so we are celebrating ".
"Oh good for them"!
I took a closer look at the bartender seeing his fluffy brown hair that framed his pale face perfectly and his pink lips that looked so soft and cute. I also noticed he had bandages wrapped around his neck and wrists making me curious about what happened but I don't want ti make him uncomfortable so I don't mention.
Yet why do I think he is so attractive. I've never been attracted to a man before?
"Dazai do you think you can help me with something" an older man said to the bartender I now know as dazai.
"Yea I've got you archi". And with that I was left alone at the counter lost in my thoughts of the beautiful bartender.
"Dazai" I whispered to myself trying his name out with my voice. Even his name is cute.
"Heyyyy kunikidaaaa" I heard someone call to me.
We'll i guess it's time to take these idiots home.
I came back about a month later for my friend ranpos birthday. Once again I was the designated driver and once again I sat infront of dazai ordering a soda from him.
"So what happened this time? Someone get married again"?
"Nope it's my friends birthday ".
"Fun"!
Dazai had the adorable smile he always wore as he handed me a glass of soda.
"So will you come here when it's your birthday to"? He asked and I shook my head.
I looked down at my glass before saying "No I don't really know if anyone would care if it's my birthday so I doubt anyone would celebrate with me".
"I would"! I looked up shocked at what he said then noticed his cheeks started to become pink. "I mean if you wanted me to. I mean I would like to get to know you so-"
I burst out laughing catching him off guard making him turn even more red.
"Hey don't laugh I'm trying to be nice here"!
"I'm not laughing to make fun of you. You just look so cute when your red" I said between chuckles then I realized what I said making myself turn red and I saw dazai covering his face with his hands.
"I'm not cute" he whines behind his hands making me smile.
I can't believe I said that. I've never really been a flirt but it even harder to believe I was able to say that to a man. A very cute man so what I said wasn't exactly a lie. No kunikida you are supposed to marry a woman in six years then meet her in three. You can't marry this man. You can't even like me.
I was having an internal argument with myself when I felt a hand on my shoulder seeing my drunk friend.
"Kunikidaaaa I want cakkkkkeeee".
"We'll i guess that's my cue to leave "I said grabbing ranpos arm putting it around my shoulder and waving goodbye to dazai and he did the same.
The next time I went was for another wedding. My friend atsushi was getting married yet this time I wasn't driving so I could drink.
"Soda again "? Dazai asked and I shook my head.
"Nah I'm not driving so I'm good to drink".
"Ok I'll make something for you then".
I watched him mix a few different alcohols into a glass then hand it to me.
It tasted great.
"You like it"? He asked tilting his head cutely and I nodded.
"Yea it's great! What's in it"?
Dazai held a finger to his lips and smiled. "Sorry love but I can't tell you. It's my own secret recipe ".
I frowned but eventually nodded.
After a few hours of drinking I was tipsy and rested my head on my hand watching dazai serve more drinks to other people. I saw him smiling at them as he handed them there drinks making my chest hurt for some reason. I didn't want him to smile like that at anyone except me.
As he handed me my next drink I reach out and grab his wrist making his eyes go wide as he looked at me in shock.
"Kunikida"?
"Dazai let's meet up someday. Someday soon. I wanna see you more".
Dazais cheeks flush red but he nods. "Sure when though"?
"Tomorrow night. I'll be here and Ill bring you there".
He nodded and I felt my friend grab my shoulder holding me up taking me to his car to take me home.
The next day I woke up with a massive headache. I was getting ready for the day before I remembered that I asked dazai to hang out today.
Crap.
I didn't know what I was thinking because I was drunk . Now I'm screwed. I have no where that I could take him and no plans. This isn't in my schedule either. Dang it why did i do that.
That night I got dressed Nicely before coming to the bar opening the door to see dazai about to leave.
"Oh sorry I was on my way out". He said and I smiled at him.
"It's fine but did you not want to hang out with me"?
Dazai blushed but shook his head. "I mean yea I did but I didn't know if you would remember so I just assumed that if you did remember you wouldn't want to do I was going to go home".
"We'll i do want to so will you still come with me"?
Dazai nodded and I led him to a restaurant in the area the. We ordered are food.
"So you came once for a birthday then twice for a wedding. When will you come for your own wedding"? Dazai asked teasing like.
"In six years. Yet I'm going to meet the woman I will marry in three years". Mistake number one
"That's oddly specific ".
"Is it. We'll i have the exact way it will happen written here" I said pulling my book of ideals out of my pocket missing the was dazai frowned.
"Can I see"?
At first I wanted to say no but I really have no reason to say no. So I hand the book over to him. Mistake number two.
Dazai read through all my requirements with a sad look in his eyes.
"Is something wrong"? I ask and he shook his head handing the book back to me.
"No I'm fine". I didn't question him. Mistake number three.
After we got our food we ate and had small talk but dazai seemed a bit more down then normal. Yet I still didn't question. Mistake number four.
After we finished I asked dazai if he wanted me to walk him home yet he declined so I said goodbye walking away from him. Mistake number five.
That night I fell asleep still wondering in my mind why he seemed sad after reading my ideal woman.
Then it hit me.
All the blushing. The question about my marriage. His frown when I said I was to marry a woman.
Dazai liked me.
That night I could barely sleep only thinking of him. His cute fluffy hair and thin figure. How good he looked in casual clothing and how sweet his voice sounds.
I think I might like him to.
I dreamed about holding him in my arms pressing little kisses to his head and face making him giggle and making him dinner while he holds onto me from behind burying his face into my back.
Dang really do like him. In fact I might say I fell in love with him.
The next day after work I went to the bar planning to talk to dazai but when I got there he wasn't there. Instead it was someone else.
He had long orange hair and was short. I saw he had blue eyes that seemed to stab me like daggers when he laid eyes on me.
"Is dazai working today"? I asked approaching the man who now wore a frown.
"Is your name kunikida"? He asked and I nodded so he pulled out a drawer then held out a letter for me to take. When I did I saw my name written on it in lovely handwriting.
Kunikida
I think you already know this but I have fallen in love with you. I don't know if you did know that or not but I wanted to at least be honest for once in my life about something. If you are reading this then I have succeeded in my task that I have been working on for so long. You see I know you have seen my bandages and I know you want to know what's underneath them. We'll i will say the world has not been kind to me. So I thought maybe for once the world blessed me only to find out it screwed me over again. That was by meeting you. I fell in love at first sight (that is if you believe in love at first sight) and I thought by you asking me to hang out or you calling me cute that you might like me back but I wasn't sure and I didn't want to push my luck so I thought you might have been joking so I tried to leave. But you where there still planing to take me out and that made me so happy. I enjoyed being with you. Every second of it. But then I read your note book. And saw that my love could never be returned by you. All of those things you are looking for in a partner I am not. I am not some shy self sufficient woman who will not throw fits over stupid things I am a loud obnoxious whinny person who requires attention 24/7. And seeing that is the opposite of what you want broke me. Please don't blame yourself for what happened. That's not why I wrote this. Hell I think i shouldn't have written this at all. Maybe I'll throw it away and let Chuuya tell you himself what happened. Yet knowing the chibi he'll just mess it all up. We'll i really write this to tell you that I love you and you have made me really happy the short amount of time we've been together. So thank you for everything.
Dazai.
Tears fill my eyes as I look at the man Infront of me who wore a sad look of pity on his face.
"Is he... ok? What happened...where is he"?
The man shook his head before speaking softly. "He was found dead this morning . He wrote me a note to that told me to give that to you. He committed suicide ".
I fell to my knees holding the letter to my chest as tears fell down my face.
"He's dead. This is all my fault".
I held on to that letter for the rest of my life and got married to the woman of my ideals. Yet I wasn't happy. We had children yet I still wasn't happy.
I loved the ideal life.
Yet my life was a boring one.