Virgil's POV
(Warning for disassociation, disconnecting from reality, discussion about death, and panic attack)
I let my thoughts wander as I carried Roman over Auradon. I tried to ground myself, focusing on the cold wind blowing against my scales, or the feeling of a good stretch that came from using my wings. Still, my mind was stuck on this curse. Despite having it for only a few hours, it feels like I've had it for months.
It feels like a climax to a story that's being drawn out over several chapters because the writer is still figuring out how to make the whole thing work, and the readers are kept on the edge of their seats for far too long because of it.
I could have stolen the wand and freed my mother, broke the curse, and just let everything go back to the way it was before... but if I did that, my friends would be punished for betraying the Isle, and all of Auradon would burn. Despite being raised to put myself before others, I know that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that. I would die regardless.
So, now I'm entertaining Roman's idea of giving the spring a try. I know it won't work. You, the readers, know it won't work. So why are we wasting your time with this instead of skipping right to the climax? Right to where somehow, someway, my friends will have to save me, while I have no control of my actions due to the curse? I guess I'm stalling. I, Virgil, don't want to reach the part of the story where I die and my friends suffer, or I make my friends suffer in order to live. I don't want to get to the part of the story where I'm completely dependent on the people around me. Where I no longer have control.
I will waist your time, describing every detail of my dragon form to you. Describing the way my wings move, my legs lower, I adjust my arms, and prepare to land. I will describe the breath of cold, crisp, air that I breath in, and the soft, damp soil that I land on. I'll describe the enamoured expression on Roman's face, wide eyed, mouth parted open, hair a mess from the wind. How he's polite and careful as I put him down, and he dusts himself off. How I pause and stare at him, taking in every detail of his appearance, his mannerisms, his emotions. He's just as scared as I am, maybe more, but hides it effortlessly with a charming smile when he turns to me. I'd describe every strain of his brown hair, every spec of his shining green eyes, and every freckle on his perfect tanned face, but... I wouldn't want to annoy you in my attempts to prolong this.
Still, I'll tell you about how gingerly Roman takes my hand, and how my thin fingers fit well in his strong ones. That is, after I morph my hands back into their human form. I'll describe to you the faint purple glow travelling up my arm, the pins and needles feeling that it leaves behind from scales and claws morphing back into my skin. I wince in pain and stumble when my wings morph back into my body. I would have collapsed had Roman not caught me. I'll tell you how Roman's body is warm and strong as he lets me lean on him until I can walk on my own. This is what I want to focus on. The pressure between my feet and the ground as we walk. The stinging in my skin. The warmth and joy I feel with Roman. Not the dread of what's to come.
Soon we reach the bridge, and somehow it feels much more rickety than it did the last time we had crossed it. Despite having Roman with me, I hesitate to cross the bridge. We have time. It was only about nine thirty when we left the dance hall. I don't want to get there too quickly. I don't want to see Roman's disappointment, or even panic, when this doesn't work.
"It's okay, Virgil." I hear him speak for the first time since we landed... He's probably spoken before, but... I tuned him out. You'd think I wouldn't, it'd be another pointless thing to describe to you. But it's hard to ground myself, to keep my grip on reality, in the present moment. I never thought this would happen, I thought I was the only person my mother couldn't hurt. Not physically, at least. Things that used to be my reality, things I used to know as fact, all needed to be unlearnt. Still Roman's voice persists now, as he firmly holds my hand. "I'm here for you." He says, but who is here for him? I'm certainly not... I'm a burden to him, but dying won't change that, because then his own grief would be a worse burden.
Roman walks forward along the bridge, and his hand pulls on mine when he's walked too far. Another step forward, and either I'll be pulled forward, or we will have to let go. Still I don't move, I become like an anchor at the first step of the bridge. Details of my surroundings become blurred, my breathing shakes, I feel like I'm screaming but I'm not. "Virgil." Roman says more firmly, but that only makes me cry. My knees become weak, my mind tells my legs to walk forward and they don't.
Roman let's go of my hand, and I fall onto my knees. I close my eyes and cover my head. I'm not even pen and paper, am I? I'm entirely digital, codes and texts on a screen, brought to life by the power of imagination and time to kill. Why do stories need to have a climax? Why must we be punished even if we make the right decisions? If I stop breathing and don't tell you, do I still stay alive? If I don't tell you what happens next, will I live longer? Or is my life put on pause until the author opens the app to write again? How can I pull myself back to my reality when it feels like nothing I do in it matters?
"Virgil, please." I hear Roman's voice again as he kneels in front of me, finally breaking down. "I want to help you. Let me help you." He pleaded. "You can't help me." I snapped, trying to wipe the tears from my face. "Everything I thought I knew was a lie, and my own mother is going to kill me. This stupid magic water isn't going to cure me because she specified no force on earth can break this spell. That stupid love potion was able to be cured because it's no where near as powerful. She stole it from the Evil Queen's spell book. This is a spell meant to work, Roman." I ranted, my voice hoarse as tears burned my cheeks.
"Even she wouldn't be able to remove it if she didn't specify she could when casting it. No one can defeat my mother, and I should have tried my luck getting her to spare you instead, but I knew you'd hate me forever if I did that, and I knew she wouldn't care. I always knew she didn't care. I just wanted to believe that if I did everything she wanted she would. But she didn't, she doesn't, and she never will." I cried, clinging onto Roman and crying into his shoulder.
As Roman wrapped his arms tightly around me, rubbing my back and humming a gentle song, reality became easier to grasp onto. Roman's chin rested in my shoulder, his tears caused an uncomfortable wet feeling on my ear. I had to pull away from him to wipe it off, but then adjusted myself back into the hug with a more comfortable position. My breath became more even, the bridge beneath us felt more stable. "I'm really sorry." Roman sighed, holding me close. "I think I made things worse for you by bringing you here." He admitted quietly, causing me to push away from Roman so I could look directly at him.
"No." I said firmly, using my sleeve to dry his tears. "You didn't make things worse, Roman. If I do die, I need you to know that it's not your fault. It's not your fault that you gave us an amazing opportunity, and like everything else our parents had to take advantage of it. It's theirs. If anything this is my fault for thinking she wouldn't do something like this... For convincing myself that I could get closure from her. I'll never be able to get closure from her. I'll never be able to get anything I need from her. That's something I need to accept. Thanks to you, I finally have other options. I don't have to be manipulated by her anymore." I told him, resting my forehead on his, the sides of our noses pressing against each other.
I closed my eyes, listening to his shaking breath. "We'll try the spring." I decided, taking a deep breath before forcing myself to stand. "But if it doesn't work, if I do die tonight... Please don't give up. Don't blame yourself." I told him, offering a hand to help him up. Roman accepted it, and I smiled fondly at him as I helped him stand. "You've helped us more than you know, and my friend's lives will be far better thanks to you. I'm sure you'll continue to help so many others now that you're-" I went on, but I was quite rudely interrupted by Roman kissing me. Can you believe it? Oh well... I guess I can forgive him.
I closed my eyes and returned the kiss, then chuckled as he pulled away. "Fuck you, Princey. I was talking." I complained, causing him to laugh. "My apologies, my Dark Phoenix, but I simply couldn't resist." Roman murmured, causing my cheeks to burn a bright red. Roman gently pulled away, checking the time on his phone while I processed his words. "Come now, it's ten thirty and we have to get you into the spring." Roman told me, taking my hand and leading me across the bridge.
"Uh... Yeah..." I agreed, feeling dazed as I followed him.
Maybe I misunderstood Ember when he told me I was a Phoenix. I thought of it as "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" like those vases you break apart and fix again with gold. However, now I think what I was supposed to take away from it, is that when everything feels like it's collapsing around you, you need to let it. Don't fix the broken vase with gold, melt down the broken parts and make something stronger with them. Like a figurine that's more solid and less likely to break...
If that doesn't make sense, maybe a better way to explain it is a broken bridge. If a bridge keeps breaking no matter how many times you fix it, that probably means the bridge isn't designed properly in the first place. Sometimes you need to tear down that bridge and design an entirely new one. Meaning, I need to tear down all the rules I used to follow, figure out who I really am and what works for me, and then rebuild the bridge. Not fix it up with sticks or glue or even gold. That is how I'll rise from the ashes, be reborn as a new and healthier version of myself...
But can I do that in less than two hours?