"It was Off, wasn't it? I knew it all along, it's kind of obvious. " Tay spoke proudly, while New stood there, speechless. He doesn't know where this assumption came from. It was perfect. Why does he have to ruin his chance?
New rose to his feet. "What the fuck are you talking about?" This time, New was mad, so mad. He not only cut him his confession, but he also assumed he liked Off, his best friend!
"Ey, don't try to deny it. I can sense it. However, Off has a boyfriend now. "Please take a seat—"
"I like Off?" In disbelief, New asked. "Fuck you!" He shouted. He still can't believe how insensitive he is after all this time. New's loud voice and the fact that it's a curse word caught everyone's attention.
Tay stood up. He looked around before grabbing his wrist. "What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?"
New aggressively shoved Tay's hand from his wrist.
"Yes, you did, and I was hurt!"
"Did I offend you? I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention—" Tay tried to calm the younger man.
"Seriously, Tay? Are you fucking serious?!" New brushes his hair back due to frustration. He's mad, so mad. "It's you, asshole! It's always been you, not Earth, not Off, not anyone but you!" He shouted while he kept pointing his finger at Tay's chest. That made him step back a little.
"I didn't know..." Tay murmured.
"No..." New said, shaking his head. "A simple 'like' won't bring me here. I love you." Tay thought that the sentence 'I like you' was enough to make him freeze and be surprised, then here is New, punching him with a single word. "I love you, Te."
This suddenly reminds him of the day when New confessed to him for the first time. It was somewhat ironic that he only remembered it now. They even almost kissed that night. That's why New was pissed off after that day when Tay said he couldn't remember what happened to them inside the locker. Now, all of this is making sense to him.
It's like all those memories keep flashing back at him. Especially the kiss. He even forgot that they kissed. He assumed that New was just curious about it, that's why he let it go, but something in him that he couldn't explain when New's lips touched his.
"You didn't know or you are pretending not to know?" New gulped as he tried not to let his voice crack.
"I swear I didn't know."
New was breathing so hard. Looking straight into his eyes.
"I don't believe you." New refuses to believe him. "If I say yes to her, what about you? Doesn't it sound familiar to you?"
"Was it with Mild?" Tay asked to confirm, but he didn't get a response. "It's just... I mean going home." He continued.
New scowl "Stop... Stop lying to yourself! We felt it! It was something—" he stopped and covered his face with both hands.
What's the point of this? It's like he was forcing Tay to like him back, but how can he deny what they had back then? Though New didn't confirm it, he felt it before. Even the day they went to the hill to celebrate his birthday, he knew it was something. Some changes happened there. The holding hands, the names craved on the tree, and the atmosphere there was created back then.
He's been a coward for the past few years for not telling Tay his feelings. For lying that they are just friends, close friends, or worst brothers, but at the same time, he can't blame himself because this is what he is afraid of.
Tay was his savior. He can't afford to lose him just because he has feelings for him more than friends. Confessing might sound easy, but it was not. There are a lot of possible outcomes when one person decides to confess to another, and this is one of them.
They were surrounded by a lot of noise. Someone is talking, laughing, shouting, just full of happy noises, and there they are. Their hearts are hurting each other.
Tay helped New's hand. "Hin.. I'm sorry. I will take all the blame. It's my fault for making you feel like that..."
New slowly removed his hand from his face. He was crying. Tears were flooding down his face.
"Who is to blame? Is this a joke to you, Tay? What, do you think if you take all the blame, will everything be okay? Did I ask you to do that?" New pushed Tay away from him and was about to leave when he turned back again to face him. "Thanks for not letting me confess properly. I waited years to do this. It was a great experience."
Then he left.
Tay chose not to follow him because it might make it worse for the both of them. He wants to cool him down first, and then they can talk again. He went straight to his shop. He wasn't a fan of any alcoholic drinks, but this time, he was tasting it in his throat. He craves something with a bitter taste.
He opened the fridge and got a bottle of milk to get rid of the bitter taste in his mouth. It's funny because he's never gotten a chance to taste liquor for almost 2 months. He chugged it like there was no tomorrow until he heard the door open. He looked at it, and he let out a sigh after seeing who came.
"Bella.." he says.
"Why didn't you answer my calls?" Bella asked, with worry in her eyes. She grabbed the bottle of milk in his hand and put it away. He doesn't smell like alcohol, but he looks wasted. "Did New do something to you? I can talk to him—"
"No," Tay answered. Hearing New's name makes his throat sting. "He did nothing." He continued.
His eyes landed on hers. He stepped forward and hugged Bella. While hugging her, all he can think of is the other man. How come he didn't notice his feelings? Does everyone know about this aside from him? Bella tapped his back and he hugged her more. He wanted to knock himself out. He didn't even let him confess properly and let out his jealousy and took over him. Still convincing himself that it was jealousy as a friend.
They take a seat while Bella is holding Tay's hand. Assuring him that she is here for whatever his problem is right now, Tay can't even properly look at her.
"Do you know where New is staying?" Tay asked. There was a little bit of surprise on her face when he asked that, but she smiled for a second and shook her head.
"No. Is there something wrong?"
"Right," he replied.
He shouldn't include Bella in their issue. After meeting New, they rarely see each other. The day he met New was also the day he told Bella about it. He persuaded her to meet him and make up with New, but she declined, saying that he would be mad if he saw her again. So Tay decided to help them.
He wanted to be with Bella without having a conflict with New. He knew that he didn't want to lose any of them. Both of them are precious to Tay.
"You are not lying to me, right?" Tay asked. He knows Bella won't lie to him, but something inside him that felt wrong.
She gulps. "N-No, what do you mean?" She asked.
He let out a long sigh. He knows something doesn't add up. New was furious the other day, but he didn't make it clear to him why he would react that way. He hates himself for suspecting Bella because of it.
"I'm sorry, I'm just tired. Have you eaten?"
Bella nodded. "You should rest. You can always give it to me anytime. If you can't today, I'll wait." She continues.
"Okay. I call you a taxi first."
They went out to grab her a taxi before he left and rested. When the taxi arrived, Bella gave Tay another hug. "Promise me to rest, okay?"
"Yes, ma'am." Tay forced himself to smile. When Bella was about to go inside, something from her bag fell on the ground. Tay picked it up and was shocked after seeing what it was.
It's a photo of him and New when they celebrated his 15th birthday on the hill.
"Where did you get—" Bella immediately snatched the photo from his hand.
"It was—I just—the taxi was leaving. See you soon." She said, leaving him unanswered.
Tay stood there for a couple of minutes before he finally went home to rest.
♡
New returned to university even though he wanted to lock himself in his room, he had responsibilities and a desire to be at the top of his class. He felt like an empty shell walking down the hall on his way to his class. As soon as he entered the room, he saw Namtan waving her hand, but he ignored her and sat in another seat. Namtan was confused but still grabbed her things and sat beside New. She was grinning ear to ear and was ready to ask about what happened yesterday.
"So, what's the tea?" Namtan asked.
"I'm not in a mood," New answered her.
"Jeez, at least tell me a summary of what happened yesterday." Namtan insisted. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Sometimes he wonders if Namtan can't feel the mood he's creating because she doesn't take a hint.
"Later, we have a test today." New answers calmly. The fact that it's their final before the semester ends is making his head even worse than it is.
She clings to his arm. "Oh, come on—" She didn't get a chance to finish what she was saying when New pushed her away.
"Can't you fucking understand the word later?" New said. It wasn't loud but enough to get everyone's attention. Namtan bit her lip and forced herself to smile to remove the awkwardness.
"Yes, of course. Good luck with the test." Namtan said, and she went back to his original seat.
The test started and not even half of his papers were answered. He was ready to cry in a minute when their prof asked them to hand in the paper in front of them. They will also check it today so they can see their score. After waiting for 30 minutes, their prof handed them their test papers.
He crumpled his paper as soon as he saw his scores. There is no way he can top this class with his score. He looked in Namtan's direction, and she looked happy looking at her paper. When the prof left, he stood up and aggressively snatched the paper from Namtan's hand.
94/100
He bitterly chuckled after seeing her score.
"What's your score?" She asked.
"Congrats. I just really can't compete with you." He said. Namtan didn't respond. Her eyes soften and she looks shaken by New.
"Don't say that.." Namtan said with a light and gentle voice. He came back to his senses after seeing Namtan's reaction. He realized that Namtan did nothing but good things. Unlike him, he always directed his rage at her whenever he had the opportunity.
He looked down and gave her the paper. "I—I don't have excuses. I'm sorry."
Namtan tapped the seat beside her. "I know, just sit and talk." She spoke.
"What an angel," New said as he sat down, smiling. "Congrats, I really mean it. You're awesome as always."
"Come on, cheer up. Let me get you some ice cream." She said.
"Or you can tutor me next semester." He said.
"As you wish." She said, clinging to his arm. She decided not to mention what happened yesterday for fear that he might blow up again. "I actually want to invite you."
"Where?" New asked.
"Since it's our semester break, my mom suggested visiting our resort." She said. "I asked Arm first if he could take a vacation leave and go with me."
"Just three of us? I'll go. Can I have my room?" New said this is a good idea for him to take a break."
Namtan scratched her head. "Uhm, the thing is... Arm has a plan with his friends. So, I came up with the idea that they should go on vacation in our resort instead." She explained.
"Which friend?" New asked.
"Tay, Off, and Earth? I don't know. I forgot who he mentioned. You can bring someone if you want to."
New shook his head and leaned against the chair. "As if I have someone to bring." He said.
"So, are you in? I ask you because they will bring someone too."
"Who will bring who?" New raised his eyebrows.
Namtan shrugged. "I will still confirm it, but all I need is your confirmation. Are you in or out?" New sigh and let his thoughts wander as he imagines himself stranded on a small island with Tay. He loves the idea of it but not after what happened last night. He took a deep breath before confirming he will go. Besides, he needs this vacation to clear his mind. "Yehey! I will message Arm." She then grabbed her phone and did what she said. While New is still troubled by his test, "This will be on next week, so we need to discuss this tomorrow at Tay's café."
"Tawan's café, right?" They both jumped after someone spoke behind them in the middle of their conversation. It was Mix. Earth's boyfriend.
"Why are you here?" New asked.
"You knew each other?" Namtan asked. She swears New is the type of person who doesn't even know his classmate's friends but it turns out he knows a lot of people. She can't even count how many times she asked the white boy this question.
"Well, I was excited when Earth mentioned to me the outing in Arm's girlfriend's resort, and I heard that New will come, so I came here," Mix said. "I'm Mix, Earth's boyfriend. You're Namtan, right?"
Namtan took his hand. "Yes. I'm Arm's girlfriend."
"Nice to meet you." He said this while looking at New. "Who's boyfriend are you?" He asked. New just rolled his eyes at him. While Mix burst out laughing with his own joke.
"Very funny," New said.
"Come on, I'm just joking! You should grab Tay and kiss him after we arrive at the resort. Sounds good?"
"Maybe I should grab your hair. Sounds good?" New responded.
"Sassy. Rawr." Mix said. "If I were you, you should date someone while waiting for Tay. I bet someone wants to hit on you." He continued.
"Yeah, just like how your boyfriend hit on me," New smirked.
"Sure, like how everyone wants to hit on you except for Tay," Mix smirked back with a loud laugh that almost occupied the whole classroom. Namtan couldn't stop laughing as he watched the two bickering at each other. "Anyway, what do you think of Off?"
New frowned at him. "Off Jumpol?"
Mix nodded while rolling his eyes. "Do you know someone else named Off?"
"What about it?"
"What do you think of him? Don't you think he's handsome and charming?"
New doesn't understand why Mix is asking him this, but he answered anyway. "He is."
"Why not date him?" Mix asked.
"He's just my friend. Besides, he's dating someone." New said.
"What do you mean? He's single." Mix said.
"He's not. He's dating Gun." As if Mix knew who Gun was, New said.
"Gun Atthaphan? No, they broke up years ago."