Anu
Three Months Ago
Arm resting on my lap, I trace over a bulging vein from his wrist all the up to his elbow where the sleeve of his crisp white shirt is neatly rolled up. Admiring the size of his hand and the burliness of his arm I rub my fingers over his smooth skin.
The burning intensity of his heated gaze descents over me. Without looking I know his eyes are slightly narrowed, staring at my body. "Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?" he says lifting my wrist to his mouth, where he presses his wet lips.
"Several times actually," rolling my head to the side, I meet his hooded eyes intently trained on me as we're stopped at the light. Reaching for his face I scratch the stubble on his sharp jaw, enjoying how ticklish it feels against my fingers.
Other than a quick lunch date at the park earlier in the week, this is the first real time we've spent together since the Hamptons. Like a typical young, giddy couple we've been texting and calling back and forth but it doesn't amount to actually being in each other's presence.
Headed towards Lower Manhattan, Sid takes a quiet street down to the East River. Pulling up to the curb outside a fairly vibrant stretch of Indian ethnic stores, he trots around the car opening my door, holding out his hand for me to take.
Passing a few clothing stores and supermarkets, he stops at a small restaurant on the corner moderately busy for a mid-week night. A portly woman with her long black hair braided down her back dressed in a simple sari shows us to our table.
Sectioned off towards the back, along the wall of windows, our table is small and intimate. A single tea light candle in a lotus-shaped crystal holder glimmers in the center of the table covered with a white cloth. Ever the gentleman, Sid pulls out my chair for me, before sitting.
"I hope you like it here. I've only been once before but the food is amazing," scanning the menu he quickly glances over at me.
"I prefer quaint restaurants like this, rather than the posh, pretentious and overpriced ones,"
"Every time we're together you never fail to amaze me, Anuksha," lowering the menu he smiles tenderly. "In our world, it's so easy to get caught up but it hasn't affected you whatsoever. You're boldly sophisticated and unapologetically real. Forgive me, but I'm just so taken by you," speechless, I stammer for words. "It's rare to find good, honest people in the world,"
"It sure is. That's why when I find them, I keep them close," I reach across the table wrapping my hand around his wrist. "I'm falling for you, hard and fast and it doesn't scare me one bit that I am,"
"If you're falling for me and I, you who is going to catch whom?" smirking he gathers my dainty hand within his large ones, pressing the tips of my fingers to his lips.
"I guess we fall together then,"
We get through a round of naan, samosa, and pani puri, when I lean back in my seat already full. Right now, I can't even think of eating another morsel but Sid requested the chef's special for our main course and looks very intent on having a full meal. There's just something though about seeing him eat until he's fully content.
Almost at the exit, I swing back around when someone calls my name. Mansi aunty, a family friend comes up, hugging me tightly. As a typical conversation with any desi aunty goes, she tries to find out every detail about my career and personal life. I have to censor myself to not roll my eyes when she asks when I'm going to get married. That's all Indian women are apparently good for.
Peeved, I can feel Sid's serious aura radiating heavily. After a quick introduction and telling her that we have to be on our way, we make a break for the door escaping down the sidewalk.
"Why can't people just mind their own business?" he mutters, sucking on his teeth.
"All part of life. No matter which part of the world you're in, a desi aunty will always stick her nose into your business,"
"Not my business,"
"For you, it's easier, you're a mystery to everyone. Shielded, very private, and intimidating. Even if they wanted to snoop around for gossip, no one has the guts to actually do it,"
"Good! I like keeping every aspect of my life private. The fewer people I have to deal with the better,"
"A bit ominous don't you think?"
"Not at all, only those people who are worthy of my trust know what goes on in my life. Fewer complications that way too,"
"Well, I hope I can earn your trust and unravel the mystery that is you,"
"Without even realizing it, Anuksha, I've shed so many layers of myself to you, all in a matter of days and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon. I want you to know me, the real me, not just the man they make assumptions about or the boy you once knew...but me," palms flat on his chest, his hands wrap around my wrist. His rapid heartrate thumps against my clammy palms, as his chest rises and falls with harsh breaths.
Towering above me, amber glow of the streetlight dance in his dark brown orbs. Lifting up on tiptoes I press my mouth to his, gradually but with stealth, moving my lips over his. Draping his arms around my waist and back, he lowers his head syncing our lips. Abandoning all inhibitions, we bear our true selves and feelings to one another.
Present Day
Paris had been an utter disaster. I endured an extra day for the sake of initially dragging all of my friends across the world. After seeing Sidharth and having what I deemed as possibly the most awkward exchange between us I had a heavyweight in the dead center of my chest like a probing reminder of how just not right and how wrong everything felt.
I came back home and delivered the news to my expectant parents, who were caught off guard as much as I at Sidharth and I breaking up. What I didn't tell them was that he was the one who ended things. Which after the conversation I intruded upon between the two of them I'm seriously second guessing my choice of eliminating the small detail.
"Rahul it doesn't make sense. Why would they break up just like that? For heaven's sakes they left two weeks ago so consumed by each other I thought I might have to pry them apart with an ax," maa says in hushed whispers as she sips on chai. It's been a tradition from since before I was born, they always have a cup of chai before they go off to bed.
"Stop worrying about it. My little girl can handle herself just right. If she doesn't want a relationship with him then so be it. We raised her to be independent that she is able to stand on her own two feet and make decisions that best suit her needs," gruffly, papa speaks with the always apparent sternness evident in his deep voice.
"I worry for her because she was so happy with him. He was happy. I just wish I knew what went wrong,"
"Kavita we can only do so much to protect our children. As much as I would like to have a little chat with Sidharth I know our daughter will have my head for intervening in her personal life, especially since we were the ones who arranged for her to meet him," I try to bite down my smile at my father's words, raising me to be independent is his way of saying he has a hand in every decision I made in life. But I appreciate him handing over the reins to me for once. I've fought throughout the years with both of my parents for their constant intervention in my life I have gotten the reputation for being overtly candid when it comes to speaking my mind and when it comes to decisions being made about my life without my consent it just brings out a rather ugly side of me.
"I just don't want them to go through what we did," her head falls onto papa's shoulder. He lifts his arm pulling her closer to his chest. I have looked at my parents for years admiring their absolute love and devotion to each other and secretly wanting that for myself. I thought I had it so close in my grasps, but I guess you have to work hard for something you want, to truly appreciate it.
Being with Sidharth was easy, too easy; everything just fell into place right away and it didn't scare me that I was opening up myself to him so fast, it actually did the opposite and it pushed me closer and closer to him every day.
I walk into the kitchen as if I had just come down from my room. I meet the two pairs of eyes staring at me with concern and pity and it just riles me up inside. I hate that look, that sympathetic look everyone has been giving me lately since they found out about Sidharth and I being on the outs.
"There's chai princess," papa's voice breaks the silence in the kitchen as I rummage through the walk-in pantry that resembled a long aisle in a supermarket. I poke my head out the door smiling softly at his endearment; he knew I was a sucker for the princess card. I sit on the stool by the island counter in the kitchen on the side next to maa and papa. The sweet smell of cardamom, cinnamon, and nutmeg with a hint of something else I could never pick up, my father always keeps this one ingredient secret from me.
"So sweetheart will you be traveling this summer for Future of the World?" maa asks sipping on her chai, the pensive look of her eyes told me exactly where this conversation was going.
"No Charlotte volunteered to go to Haiti this year," Future of the World is a charity organization I chaired since I was eighteen years old. Each year we select a developing nation and send representatives throughout the United States to bring awareness to that specific country's needs. For the past years I have put a major emphasis on education but with the help of wonderful people like Charlotte and Penelope, my co-chairs, the charity has expanded in the last six years.
"Well, maybe we should plan a trip somewhere then. We haven't been on a family vacation since two years now I think it's about time," my mother's tone leads me to believe her concern isn't really for family time.
"That would be nice. Maybe we could go to India. I haven't been back in years,"
"We have a place, now to get your brothers and sister on board," she chuckles slightly tapping her polished fingers on the granite countertop.
"Maa, you don't need to beat around the bush. You can ask me about Sidharth," to ease her out of her apparent misery.
"I'm sorry honey I didn't mean to seem that troubled by it, I'm just confused is all," she squeezes my hand tightly patting it softly.
"I'm confused too," I admit to her biting down on my lip. After a long moment of silence and papa's look of dreadful pity, I tell them. "He broke up with me. That's why I left the wedding early and went to France," I tell them. The kitchen starts to feel like the walls are enclosing on me with their prolonged silence.
"Hey, don't worry yourself about it. Everything happens for the best right?" papa offers me his best smile but I see the sudden betrayal in his eyes, the same I see in my own of Sidharth. I nod firmly finishing off my cup of chai and heading off to bed. I have spent the past nights rehashing all of the moments we spent together in my head trying to pick out some fragment of a reason why he would just end things. As my head falls onto my pillows my mind begins to wander at its own leisure. Torturing me with the sweet memories of a man I actually thought I could love.
After lying awake for what seems like hours on end I get up from bed heading for the kitchen in search of a midnight snack and something to cure my sleeplessness. The wall clock reads two thirty. Groaning to myself I trudge into the kitchen flicking on the light and momentarily blinding myself with the harsh lighting.
I find myself in front the numerous shelves of the pantry and nothing looks appetizing whatsoever. I dig in the refrigerator pulling out a pint carton of Haagen Daz opting for vanilla since someone already took the macadamia nut brittle for themselves.
Too lazy to go back upstairs to my bedroom I flick on the television to a random movie channel and dig into my ice cream. Before I can put the first spoon into my mouth I hear whispers and laughs coming from outside by the deck. The security system in the house is disarmed and a surge of heat flushes through my body. I look around the kitchen frantically for the best utensil that could also work as some sort of a weapon against whoever is outside. The quickest thing I find is rolling pin; I put all of my faith into it to possibly protect me from a bullet.
Stealthily sliding along the walls leading to the side French doors, I flick the lights on illuminating the entire backyard when I see Aryan standing by the rail his eyes squinted from the sudden bright light. Opening the door I rush out holding up the rolling pin ready to beat him with it for scaring the crap out of me.
"What are you doing out here so late!" I yell at him in whispered tones.
"Me! What about you? And how the hell is a rolling pin supposed to protect you from a real burglar?" as he speaks a sweet but pungent scent is wafted around me. Giving him a once over his eyes are red and droopy. I hit his arm with the rolling pin.
"It can't! But it can knock some sense into you! Are you smoking weed?" I tug on his arm bringing him into the light. He fumbles for an answer scratching the back of his neck. "Are you insane Aryan? If it was maa or papa instead of me you would be dead!"
"They're oblivious to it. I have been high around them and they never notice," he shrugs making his way inside. I breathe to calm myself down before I hit with over the head with this rolling pin. Glancing over the deck before I head inside I see the empty carton of macadamia nut brittle sitting on the table.
"Seriously first you get high and then you take my ice cream. You're really pushing it," I close the doors and arm the security system then head to the kitchen to eat my ice cream that is probably melted.
"You need to calm down, you wanna smoke? You'll feel so good," he hums coming up next to me bringing with him the smell.
"No, I'm perfectly fine. You need to be more careful where you smoke idiot! Actually no you need to stop completely," my mouth is filled with ice cream as I preach to him.
"It's harmless,"
"I'll tell on you, Aryan! I will rat your ass out so fast you won't know what hit you in the face how quickly maa and papa transfer you from Yale to right here to the city,"
"We aren't five any more di,"
"If I remember correctly you were the one who was always running and being a prissy little bitch when you didn't get your way,"
"Oh come on! You won't tell will you?" I see the fear of a child in his droopy eyes and almost feel sorry for him.
"You need to stop. It's not okay that you brought the shit home. Save it for your parties,"
"I love you so much!" he hugs me around my neck kissing my cheeks.
"Yeah, yeah love you too,"
"By the way, I ran into douchebag,"
"Who?"
"Sid. I told him to fuck off that he just gave up the best girl to be with," I choke on my ice cream as my eyes go wide staring at my little brother's rigid face. I swallow and can't help the smile on my face at him defending me.
"You didn't have to do that. But thanks? I guess,"
"I had to! No dumb guy is going to lead my sister on and get away with it. If he didn't have that big security guard following him around I would have done more than said my peace," Aryan has always been extroverted and unfiltered. He says and does what he wants and when he doesn't get what he wants he throws tantrums and eventually gets it anyway. He's the family comedian and the one who wrecks havoc in our household whenever he comes home.
From his pranks to him just annoying me to no end, he is your average little brother. Growing up we were close, not as close as Nik and I, but we bonded over our fights. Rest assured that when Nik graduated high school and I thought I would have a senior year free of my brother warning every guy that came my way to stay the hell away from me, I was wrong, Aryan gracefully took up Nik's job for my last year of high school and even punched a guy in the eye when he wouldn't stop harassing me.
"What have you done for the past two months by the way?" I ask realizing all I have seen him do is stay home, watch T.V. and eat.
"Nothing just stay home, watch T.V., eat, smoke, fuck, and repeat," he shrugs taking the spoon from my hand and helping himself to my ice cream.
"Which girl in her right senses would ever have sex with you?"
"The ones with daddy issues, usually drunk, spunky, with perky tits and a voluptuous ass," he speaks dryly as he stares into the now empty carton.
"Didn't need those details baby brother,"
"You asked, there's your answer. Any of your friends fit that description send them my way it will save me from leaving the house for a night,"
"You're disgusting,"
"Ha, they say that too. Don't go judging so fast. It's a two-way road. The girl wants a quick casual fuck just as much as I do but in the morning I'm suddenly rude and repulsive for not being a gentleman and seeing that she has breakfast or goes home safely. That's not my problem,"
"One day your dick will fall off. If that doesn't happen a girl might just chop it off. You need to calm your testosterone down a notch and start being an honest guy looking for meaningful relationships,"
"Oh yes and find love, and get married, and have children, and blah, blah, blah," he mocks sticking his tongue out loathing the idea of settling down.
"You see you know what I'm talking about," I chide sarcastically patting his shoulder.
"Yeah, and how's that working out for you again?" before I go to speak he cuts me off. "Shit, don't answer that I'm sorry that was a low blow. Maybe you're right it just takes the right person,"
"Yeah, the right one, the one,"
"You're such a romantic moron di,"
"I know I am! You need some of it in your life," I pinch his cheek, slightly harder than necessary.
"Maybe you should hook me up," he winks sucking his teeth.
"In your dreams! You're never dating any of my friends ever!"
"Does that go for all of us?"
"Yes! Neither you or Nik are allowed to date my friends unless you're both serious,"
"Well I fucked most of your friends in high school, sorry," he shrugs getting a punch on the arm from me.
"Ouch you throw a mean punch for such a small fist," he rubs the spot on his upper arm pouting at me.
"I can't believe you! You are younger than all of my high school friends there's no way they gave you the time of day,"
"I speak no lies my dear sister. Your friends liked to get down and dirty but I'm glad they aren't your friends anymore,"
"You're seriously so annoying you know that?"
"I've been told once or twice," he laughs.
"I don't know what these girls see in you,"
"It might have something to do with my nine inch," I block out the rest of his words covering my ears making a la-la sound like a five-year-old.
"What are you two doing?" Nik yanks my hand and yells in my ear.
"Our dear baby brother was getting very graphic with his sex life," I glare at Aryan who is smirking at me.
"I came here to check on this idiot. He left my place without a word and hasn't picked up my phone calls,"
"What the fuck happened to you man?" he turns to Aryan holding him by the shoulder.
"She fell asleep on me," he looks down at his lap pouting like a child. I look a Nik both of us trying to bite down our laughs.
"Your date?" Nik asks the laugh tingling his voice.
"Yes! In the middle of sex, she just knocked out. I don't know if she's tripping on something but she just passed the fuck out,"
"And you left her in my fucking apartment and ran away you little cunt," Nik smacks him on the back of the head grinding his teeth. "You're lucky I was there to get her settled when she threw up all over the fucking bed and floor,"
"Is she okay," Aryan asks looking mortified.
"Yeah, she's home now you fucking little shit. You owe me!"
"I will suck you off but no anal I don't do things as such," he gets another slap on the head as we all start to laugh too loudly for this hour in the night.
The voiceover on the security intercom announces the countdown to disarm, and the three of us freeze in our places thinking it's an actual burglar breaking and entering. Nik shushes Aryan and me, dropping to the floor fishing out a gun from inside the cabinet and slowly rising to his feet.
"What are you doing?" I yell at him in whispers fearing for my life for the second time tonight. He puts his index finger to his lips pointing the gun at the back entrance where the alert when off. I'm so panicked that I don't realize the system stopped the countdown and the only way for that to happen is to enter the code on the keypad or for a family member to scan their thumbprint.
"Freeze!" Nik yells as Nima comes through the back entrance of the kitchen. She yelps and sticks her hands up in the air.
"It's me!" she yells then he lowers the gun.
"That'll teach you not to sneak out," Nik warns her glaring.
"You knew it was her?" I asked now utterly confused.
"I saw her getting drop off down the block. Sneaking out, strike one! Driving with friends, strike two! Walking the streets at three in the morning, strike three! And you're out! I'll see to it that you have a bodyguard to escort you wherever you go and to report back to me and dad,"
"Bhai don't be ridiculous! We were just out," she readily defends.
"Out doing God knows what and this hour of the night. I will be dead before my sister becomes like all those other girls this one brings home," oh lord here we go. My eyes involuntarily roll ready for the argument that's about to ensue. I should have kept the rolling pin to use on Nik. He's obnoxious when it comes to my and Nima's freedom, its as if all we're supposed to do is merely exist.
"Are you insinuating that I'm a whore?" my little sister sounds menacing like she is ready to square up on Nik.
"Not yet but you're getting there! I saw the other friends in the car. No teenage boy can just be your friend unless he wants something from you. Ask us we should know,"
"I'm perfectly fine with handling myself bhai," Nima sighs sitting on the stool next to me.
"No, you aren't! If you were you wouldn't be in this situation right now. You were raised better than this," Nik continues to rant projecting his voice too loud for the hour.
"Fuck your double standard bullshit. Anu and I have never had the same privileges as you and Aryan had and still have. I remember you coming home at all hours of the night and maa and papa being completely okay with it, I have to sneak out. Anu and I can't go anywhere without being interrogated about who we're going with, what we're doing, for how long are we going to be there for? God, I'm so tired of it! I don't do drugs or drink, all I do is hang out with my friends, go get food, and just get to know my boyfriend,"
"Boyfriend! You have a boyfriend, since when?" that's the one thing he picks out from that entire argument. Of course. I almost see the steam pluming out of his ears and nostrils. He gets pissed over our baby sister spending time with her friends but not our brother being a complete man-whore, the life of an Indian woman ladies and gentlemen.
"You're impossible!" they both are in each other's faces at this point and there is really no way to stop this argument. I have had this same argument with Nik before and it just ends up with us not talking for days and things going back to normal. My parents are actually okay with the way Nik protects Nima and me.
"And you're acting just like a brat! You let our wealth and reputation get to your head and lost the morals and values we have as a family,"
"Screw your morals and values! You didn't follow them when you fucked every girl that crossed your path in high school, or when you got high with your friends, or got so drunk and had the three of us cover for and take care of you. We took care of you and covered for your ass, and you can't give me the same,"
"Nik," he snaps his neck glaring at me because he knows what I'm going to say. "You need to stop and let her live her life. Maybe if you weren't so strict with her she might actually not sneak out and tell you where she is going,"
"Oh yeah! Sure," he huffs crossing his arms across his chest heaving.
"Bhai I have good friends, I don't do bad things,"
"You sure have a funny way of convincing me. I just don't like the attitude you are having with everyone lately. We aren't like that,"
"Maybe if I were treated equally I would have a better attitude. I feel like a prisoner in my own home because of maa and papa and you two boneheads. The only one who understands is di and that's only because you did to her what you're trying to do to me and I won't let it happen," she screams slamming her hand on the hard marble counter battling here gaze against Nik's deathly glare.
"That doesn't give you the right to act like you're better than everyone else. You think those friends are cool and they're good people, well, tell me how much money you spend on them? How do they treat you? I bet they only invite you out or call you when you have something to offer them. Don't be naïve little sister, pick your friends wisely. And change your damn attitude toward this family, at the end of the day we're going to be there for you, and those so-called friends will be nowhere to be found," while Nikhil has a good point, he always resorts to this argument when he feels cornered.
Nima believes being wealthy is everything, she's popular, has friends, guys flirt with her and she's able to show off with the newest styles and fashions but at the end of the day it's materialistic and only leaves you with fake people calling themselves your friends. But I trust her to know the real friends from the so-called ones, she's smarter than that.
She just takes a long breath and pushes her way past Nik out the kitchen headed toward her bedroom. I chalked it up to the teenage years of rebellion and finding yourself but Nima has been missing from my life yet we live in the same house. I hardly see her and when I do it's in times like these.
She's my little baby sister and I played the role of big sister to the best of my abilities. We had tea parties; dress up sessions in our best shadi outfits and danced to Bollywood songs. But going away to college created a great rift in our relationship, she is no longer a little girl and I get that but we are still sisters, yet she treats me like the enemy.
I'm not as gutsy and bold as she is, I have never been like that but she fails to understand that I'm on her side. Slowly but surely she is using materialistic things to get her happiness in life and it's turning her into the cliché superficial rich bitch and that's something I just can't tolerate, God knows I've had enough years sharing air with people like that and I'm over it.
It's sad that I feel so disconnected from everything in life, all at once.