My bed's a mess. I keep tossing in it. Have tried all possible ways of lying. But it seems sleep has eluded me. It's almost 3 am and am still haven't got a good sleep since yesterday's mishaps. I get up and sit on the bed side and rub my palms on my face. I keep recalling the event in my mind. 3 days of eluding her haven't made any difference. I still can't get her off my mind. I already pack my suit case 2 days ago because I'll be leaving on Monday after I have sort out the little glitches of the Hotel Salvatore. But that's just not the only reason. I need to veer away from Karina before things get worst on her part, like Samantha has told me. I know one wrong move of fate on her, she'll gonna take it on her chin. And I don't want that to happen.
But God. Yesterday. I kept staring at her. I got the best water ski experience ever. She look lost for some time. Maybe she's still adjusting herself on the water but behind all the creases in her forehead, her twitching of lips, her beauty is still there. But it doesn't matter. I can stand not being able to see her. Physical attraction and my own manly reaction are normal. Innate in us. Priesthood or not. But what he makes in my chest is frustrating. I kept convincing myself that it's all about physical, but hell, it's not. The wild beating of my heart is deafening. Everything was consummated when he attempted to kiss me. I nearly give in. I don't like what I saw in her eyes. But she's drunk and broken and probably she's imagining me as Damon the first.
I hate that I hate that last thought.
I stand up when I heard a bang outside of my door. Like a suitcase thrown on it. Then a tssk and a groan and a series of incoherent words. I lean my ears to the wall and was startled by the rowdy knock whoever's outside is making. I slowly turn the knob but keep the security chain. I saw Karina standing there leaning her forehead on the door.
I freeze. God. Is she drunk? I give her a once-over from head to toe and back. She's wearing a see-through black cocktail dress. The halter top plunge all the way down to her midriff. It's see-through and she doesn't have a bra. I shut my eyes hard and bit my lip. Jesus help me.
"Will you just stare at me?" she cooed softly.
"Karina what are you doing here?" Damn. My voice is shaking.
"I need someone to talk to. I'm not drunk." she smirk.
"Yea. I kind of see that." I let out a calming breath and remove the security chain. My palm sore from gripping the door's edge. She push the door and I instinctively catch her arms to stop her from falling. She laugh. Then her hand move to my waist. My mind tells me that I need to drop her but she might fall so I keep still, looking at the door behind her. Her one hand hold my shirt and the other starts to wrap around my neck. Then the other hand followed. My jaw clenches. I tried hard to keep my hands to my side. She inches forward. I hate it that she's tall. I need to turn my head at the sides to avoid her eyes. I could see again what I dreaded the other night. She move again until our bodies touch. My breathing escalates by the second of this misencounter. She tilt her head and next thing that happened brought me into a standstill.
As her lips touch mine, my breathing almost stop. I feel my limbs weaken and my stomach do a somersault. Her lips is soft against mine. I can feel her tongue poking my purse lips. I parted my lips to exhale but she took it and devour me. She starts to slowly rub herself in me and her hands caress my neck and hair. I raise my shaking hand and slowly hold her waist to keep it still.
With one sharp breath, I manage to push her and step back. "Karina you know this is wrong." I said and move farther away painstakingly.
She look befuddled. Then shake her head as she slowly step backward. Her face crack a grin. Then she laugh. "Oh my god. You're impossible. I just came her to tempt you. But you're one hell of a hard fella. She's so lucky." she said laughing while clutching her chest.
She suddenly looked sober. It's my turn to look perplex. I guess I just misheard it. She grabs my pillow and positioned it on the headboard. Then she sits down folding in her left leg and raise her right knee. Then she put her hands in her raised knee and rest her chin there. Typical woman's form when confessing something to their mum or getting ready for some serious talk with their girlfriends.
She smile in that position and my heart melt. She's so cute and fragile. I can't help myself to walk towards her. But make a safety distance by sitting on the end of the bed opposite her side. "Hi." she greets coyly. Her eyes slightly droop because of drunkenness.
"Hello." I grin.
She breathe sharply and lean her back on the pillow she had arranged. "I'm starting to doubt my attractiveness', she said chuckling,'Damon didn't take advantage on me even I'm showing motive that I like him. He didn't make a pass on me. Never. Ever.', she had raised her pointing finger and wipe it in the air,'Now I know it's impossible for him to do it on me. Because he is gay. I got the news just hour ago or maybe minutes ago. I forgot. Lol". she manage a painful smile. While I gape at her.
But I hold my breath. There's nothing I can say to appease her feelings right now. She continued.
"My point is this though. I thought I was unattractive, right? But when I learned that, I knew I wasn't. I was just caught up in an inconvenient stinky circumstance. But again, my thought went back to the other night when you pushed me away. Well, I reasoned out maybe you're just being cautious because we were in an open field. Susceptible from being caught doing illicit affair. But now, here I am in your own room with lock and all, wearing this crappy clothing at 3:00 am, yet, I am being driven away." her statement ended in a high pitch unbelieving tone.
I can't believe she could say these things. Surely she understands where I'm coming from with those actions. I kind of little insulted. How could she think of me as otherwise? "Daemon, I know you're a family man', my eyes, which are glued on the invisible specks on the bed, widen in surprise', and I admire your prowess to control yourself." I slowly raise my eyes to face her.
Oh god. Didn't Samantha tell her? She's supposed to tell her already the other night. What happened? Damn it. Now I feel like throwing her out of my room. She doesn't know what she's putting herself into. I clear my throat. "Karina, who told you that?" I said softly. Bracing myself to storm in Sam's room.
"I just guess it actually. I mean, with the way you act, talk and retreat. Then Sam told me you're not available and I should not fall in love with you." she chuckled
My shoulders drop. She got a serious problem in judging people. I am about to explain to her the real issue when she impeded it by throwing a bomb. "Daemon my problem really is not that I find myself uninteresting, not that you guys find me boring, not that you have a wife. My problem is that I think,' she lowered her eyes and play with her toes', then continued, 'I think Samantha was late, because I have already fallen in love with you."
Holy.
God.
I sit nonplussed. I feel like the weight of the world crushes down on me. I try to sink it in. Karina. Is. In. Love. With. Me.
A. Man. Destined. To. Be. Part. Of. The. Clergy.
Again.
Karina. Is. In. Love. With. Me.
A. Man. Destined. To. Be. Part--- No.
This is what I have avoided in all 10 years. This is the reason why I elude Karina for 3 days. To stop her from a unwanted possibility in which Samantha have warned. Apparently, it's too late. I gape at her too long maybe. So I stand up and walk to the window. My body is shaking. We're concurrently falling in love with each other. God. How can you be so cruel?
I bit my lip as a tear trickle down my face. My stomach is churning violently. I clutch my mouth to prevent a cry to escape. Hearing Karina sobbing is heartbreaking. Lord, how can I supposed to tell her now that she's loving me?
"Dae-dae-daemon, the issue is not really the fact that I'm falling in love with you', she said in between sobs', But the thing that I could see in your eyes every time you look at me." I freeze.
No. Let it not be what I don't want to hear.
"I think you're falling in love with me too Daemon." she said hastily.
I open my mouth to release the breath I've been holding. I walk to the balcony to get myself some air. I grip the railing as tears race down my face. I let out a soft sob. The gravity of the truth weighs me down. I can still hear her crying softly. I want to come to her and comfort her but I know I mustn't.
She doesn't know anything yet. My heart feels like it will going to detonate. I hear my door opens and shut quietly. Then I slump on the tiles. Feeling completely wreck and emotionally slaughtered.
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t-5