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│ ◢◤◢◤ TW: allusions to sex, slight injury, mentions of blood, drug usage/smoking, obsession, possessiveness
◢◤ n/n - nick name
◢◤ ✇ - represent transition scenes (once again, think of this like reading a movie)
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└——————— - [ 📼 ]. +
w.c.: 4.5k+
→→→ end of summer, august 2062.
→→ third person flashback. any quotes in bold is dream talking to agatha while also narrating.
— " what do you mean by unofficial? "
"well i mean.. they didn't really tell us whether they were dating or not. we kind of all assumed as they got close. we'd always ask if they're together and they did confirm it but.. it just felt.. weird." dream answered.
"as his close friend and seeing the two of them get straight to a relationship, it felt so quick. we only had summer break for five months and they were already that in love. they even went on this luxury getaway to Chirais city."
"just the two of them?"
"yes. just the two of them." he confirmed with a firm head nod. agatha tilted her head slightly out of curiosity. "could you elaborate upon that? you say it felt fast and then they went on a trip. what happened during that time?" dream sighed, relaxing his muscles for a long interrogation.
" so they went on this luxurious vacation. sapnap wouldn't stop bragging about buying luxury gifts for f/n, "
›› "hey baby." sapnap softly called out, gaining f/n's attention from the bathroom. he heard the patting of their footsteps and saw them emerge from the doorway. "yeah?" they called back. "come m'ere."
f/n clearly complied, slowly traversing across the hallway to their boyfriend in the living room. sapnap couldn't help but smile at the view of them in his crew neck. he gathered himself as they got closer and held a fancy-looking, velvet box in his hands. while they sat down on the couch and stared at the box with furrowed brows, sapnap placed it next to them.
"please open it." he beckoned, his voice going ever so soft. "you got me something? you didn't have to." f/n trailed off, their eyes already glimmering. they loved surprises. sapnap bounced up and down on his heels, eagerly watching them feel around the box with their fingers before sliding the lid off in one swift motion.
as expected, they audibly gasped in surprise, their hands stopping once they separated the wrapping paper and saw the contents inside. they quickly reached in and scooped out a jacket, holding it by the shoulders. they felt the soft material inside, eyes eventually examining the name tag on the neck that read Chanel. that wasn't the only thing he got them though. let's run down the list real quick:
bracelets, necklaces, keychains, perfume, jean chains, rings, makeup, skincare products, phone charms, shoes, clothes, and more clothes.
he managed to buy all of it from some designer brands and other small shops the couple came across throughout the whole trip. he was slowly draining his bank account with these gifts, the hotel, and the food.
" and eating at the most expensive of restaurants. "
›› while classical music played from the stage — violins and cellos strumming with a soft mix of woodwinds and piano — the clinking of the couple's wine glasses reminded them of the peace within luxury. the ceilings reached to infinity and beyond; the window frames hugged the glass with a non-glaring metal similar to the round edges of a classic jukebox; the floors were decorated with subtle stone tiles inspired by Mexican architecture, and a grand swarovski chandelier hung suspended, casting shadows of dazzling yellow crystals on the ceiling.
" according to sapnap, they had an amazing vacation — something everyone wished they had y'know? "
›› once it was night time, the headboard rattled, hands traveled down pathways of skin, and breathing staggered. romantic hormones zapped through veins like a bullet train against lightning. he tried to make them feel every second of it, hoping to get a response of high-pitched satisfaction. he loved it. they loved it. no amount of messed up bedsheets and hard-to-walk mornings could fully express their love between them on this vacation.
now it was morning. sunlight ever so slightly peaked through the thin lining of black curtains, revealing dust particles reflecting off the floor. in bed, sapnap slowly stirred awake, savoring the softness of his surroundings while his senses cracked opened like a bottle of sprinkles. as he stretched out, he recognized a weight on him, glancing down south to see f/n laying right beside him, their head on his chest and an arm laid lazily on his lower torso.
that view made him smile. he loved waking up to mornings like this. he wanted this vacation to last forever — to never go back to Poliska City because this very moment and his very lover felt like his new home. this past month was just a rollercoaster ride in itself. one where f/n allowed him to explore himself, and allowed him to open up to their relationship.
he did the same thing like he did every morning: he admired them for a long while, his eyes going all glossy like sunshine on tropic water. he slowly danced his fingers along their back, running them back and forth. he reached up to their hair and tucked a strand back behind their ear, giving him a better view of their stunning face.
just looking at f/n — thinking about them — made his heart feel like it was grasping on a firecracker that was going off in his hands. now that they were in his arms, he couldn't believe it. if he had a nickel for every time he felt like his heart was dropping to his stomach, he'd be a millionaire by now. at this point, he'd do anything to be with them.. to stay with them.
the more he thought about it, the more tempting it appeared for his blood to shoot up to his cheeks. this is real love.
♥ →→ Sapnap's pov
there they are. my f/n laying right next to me. it's unbelievable. it feels so surreal to call them mine and be able to run my fingers through their hair like i'm doing right now. as i examine a strand of their hair, pinching it between my fingers, i never stopped thinking about them. they never got off my mind at all — not ever since i first met them.
whenever i walked into 04seven, they had this welcoming yet resilient approach. they were always a smooth flirt with the perfect amount of sass but knew how to comfort you. they had this immediate endearing quality that draws people in. i've always joked that they could make a good bullshitter in the marketing expertise.
oh and the way they looked at you with those eyes. they always described them as crooked and dull but i've always thought they were beautiful. they were a gateway to tell a story when the mouth didn't provide one but that voice too is oh so angelic and the way their lips move in rhythm is so satisfying. it makes me wanna kiss them all day.
oh and their thighs. they say it looks weird that their thighs are too big/skinny. i think they're so warm and soft and to be able to lay my head in their lap and be able to kiss their stomach and tell them how beautiful they are is-
"mm.. pandas..."
i felt f/n stir in my arms, leaning up slightly to look at me through sleepy eyes. they managed to give me a soft smile, making me chuckle. god they're so adorable. they proceeded to move aside and let me go, their actions putting a frown on my face. i wanted to hold them but they slowly scooted off me to stay on their own pillow, laying on their stomach.
i sighed and proceeded to move closer to them. to my luck, they stayed still, leaving me to move their hair away from their face, staring into their eyes which slowly fluttered open and closed. i could tell they were still tired. i decided to lean on top of them, holding their hips gently and planting butterfly kisses on the skin of their exposed back starting from the base up to the shoulder blades. i heard them let out a noise of satisfaction, knowing i was making them feel loved.
it's crazy how much control they have over me. when they smile at me, it makes me feel all fuzzy and warm. and when they cry i want to do anything to make them feel better, to see them not break apart piece by piece when they deserve the world. and when we make love, i can't tell you how intimate and passionate it is. to feel all that romance coursing through lust.
when i get to kiss every part of their body —their shoulders, their stomach to their breasts, their arms and legs — and my lips get to travel and ghost all the things i love about them- it's so euphoric. the fact that i get to satisfy all their sexual desires and only i can do that makes me feel empowered and proud.
if someone were to touch them, i'll admit it: i get a little riled. i don't wanna see someone getting that close to them. they're mine after all. but would that compel me to kill them? not at all. there's much worse people out there that i've hurt in order to keep my love happy. they're only the tip of the iceberg.
there's been people who made my love cry, hysterically breakdown, and even abuse them. there are people who have put my love in debt. and those are the ones who really need to pay. because who would want to hurt somebody as beautiful and enchanting as them? wouldn't you wanna be able to undress them with your eyes? to stare all day at their thighs? to be able to be next to them and touch them and make them feel safe? to be able to do all of those things with them is such a gift.
if they want me to get on my knees while i kiss their hand, i'll do it. anything for them. the last thing i would wanna do is hurt them though. i know they like a little pain but i can't be like the people in their past — the people who clouded their mind with doubt and insecurity and clouded their eyes with tears. i can't be that person. i'm the one who gives them the world when nobody else can.
i'm being reminded of all of this as i glanced up, being met with their smiling face, one side dug into a pillow while the other is attempting to see me. "what are you doing, sap?"
"kissing you. is that a problem?"
"mm... i'm still tired."
"then stay in bed. let me hold you." my words seemed to make them turn their body around so they were laying on their back, letting their chest face me as they rubbed their eyes. my smile widened and i felt my cheeks hurting, leaning down towards their face and planting kisses there.
when i heard their little giggles interrupt me, i leaned back to stare at all their facial features, admiring everything my eyes could soak in. "i love you, pandas." they said, voice still slightly raspy from waking up. i felt my breath hitch, absolutely adoring when they said those words. "i love you too." i instantly said back, leaning back in to kiss their temples and forehead. "you're so beautiful y'know.." i whispered between some kisses, ending with a kiss on their nose. i watched their eyes glimmer, their cheeks ceasing to change shade.
→→ back to third person.
"but clearly they split up. you said after six months?"
"yeah. a little less but up to that point. it was right before the first college semester began too." dream answered, making agatha intrigued.
"why is that? do you know any reasons? anything stressful they were dealing with?"
dream's shoulder's dropped, feeling guilty about not having an answer. "no... no clue." he admitted. "he never told me anything about them. he stopped talking and isolated himself when he got home from vacation." he watched agatha slowly write some stuff down on her notepad as she listened.
▬▬ι════ flashback to breakup ════ι▬▬
— f/n sat at the foot of the bed, head down and hands in their lap. the sunlight from the all-too-familiar casement windows traced their figure. it didn't seem to shine as bright as it usually did. the light was dimmer but still captured their features as if recording on kodak film.
their face currently rested in a shy, saddened matter as if there was suddenly more gravity in the room, pulling down on the skin of their cheeks. sapnap noticed their energy was less enthusiastic than the day before. something was wrong. something was gnawing at them and he could feel it gnawing at him too.
"n/n?" sapnap asked, voice impeccably soft as if building up to become an alto. when gaining no response, he tried again without a nickname for more connection.
"f/n, baby, what's wrong?"
f/n felt tears sweeping behind that hoover dam of their eyes, separating it from escaping and flooding the vacant city of their cheeks. too bad that dam didn't last long.
sapnap's breath began to pick up pace, his eyes observing them like a hawk. he saw their figure slightly hunch over even more, back shaking and spine shuddering. there was no sound but they were clearly crying. whenever they trembled, he felt his organs squeezing at him. his heart wasn't beating- it was drumming. his lungs weren't breathing- it was closing. his ears weren't listening- they were rapturing, his attitude searing away as his love was wilting in front of his very eyes. he absolutely despised seeing them like this.
"f/n, please talk to me." he pleaded with a desperate tone in his voice, finally taking a mechanical step forward to comfort his lover with physical affection. instead, they instantly halted. the fast lift of f/n's head and the dove-like look in their eyes made him want to scream and shout at the ocean and the sky and the entire universe for forcing him to see them suffer.
if it wasn't so obvious from the lighting, tears clearly streamed down their cheeks like rivers forming to split apart Pangaea. before it could finish seeping into the core surface of the cheeks and then traverse its way to the bottom of the jawline, f/n sniffled and finally spoke a line of words that sapnap didn't expect — words that he'd thought he'd only hear in a sad song or a dejected poem.
"sap, i-i can't take this," they sniffled again. "i'm breaking up with you."
they spoke those five words with a closed throat, feeling their air ways being strangled like they committed a grave sin and are being punished by asphyxiation. "what?" sapnap could clearly read the struggle in their eyes, his own eyes boggling and twitching, searching for any lie through the layers of schism.
he imagined himself in a scenario that felt similar to this moment: f/n was buried deep in the ground. his own panic overcame him and he found the hole where they were buried. his arms began to claw at the dirt, muscles thrusting side to side with adrenaline, perspiration easily collecting on his head and dripping to his bare chest, feeling dirt collecting under his fingernails and creating a roadblock of filthy nature.
when he finally reached the last layer of dirt and grime, his eyes widened only to find that there was no body. in this scenario, the body represented the lie. it wasn't there. he could stare into the e/c sea of jewels that was f/n's eyes but no matter how far he dived, even going farther from the cornea into the optic nerve, he could find not a single manipulative tendency, accident, or sick joke that came along with the pain and heaviness of those very words. it was all too real.
"WHAT!?" sapnap yelled out in disbelief. f/n soaked in the tension in the air, watching his fists begin to shake furiously. for a split-second, they expected his eyes to practically pop out of its sockets. but instead, he resorted to huffing out his breathing, some noises emerging from his throat as if he was being strangled — it was getting hard to breathe.
sapnap ended up walking out of the room in a fast pace, his footsteps being able to start an earthquake if he was a demigod or a titan. he didn't know where he was going or what he was doing, senses blinded by emotion. to his slight obscurity, he was suddenly in the living room. he grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at a marble-top end table from across the space. the throw resulted in a loud clatter, all the decor on it from small aloe vera plants (which were real) and notepads to miniature replicas of greek statues and picture frames collapsing.
all of it was swept off by one pillow, causing some glassware and fragile decor to instantly shatter. this noise caused f/n to flinch from the bedroom, causing them to become somewhat scared until their body quickly calmed down, being reminded of who sapnap was and why he was doing this.
they knew he was an emotional guy, and they didn't expect less of him to do something like letting out his emotions through breaking stuff. he always admired that taste of the free-will-feeling where he could break beer bottles, set old cars on fire, and go to shooting ranges. he was raised in the midwest region of Nexperjia after all — all modern desert and classic bayou.
of course he loved the idea of rage rooms, screaming while glassware exploded and chairs broke against walls. would he ever let that out on people though, especially f/n? absolutely not.
sapnap attempted to calm himself, realizing that he was now gazing at brown glass shards on the floor and not his reflection in them. his footsteps were heard cascading from hardwood floor to tile, traveling to the kitchen to put his head down on cold granite counter. he held his head in his hands, often times raking and gripping at his hair and causing it to mess up while he began crying out in pain, loud, frustrated, ugly sobs clawing their way outside of the kitchen and to ears who listened.
f/n slowly but surly made their way out from the seclusion of the bedroom — the place in the suite that had the most love contained on one mattress — and to the archway that connected the living room and kitchen. they spotted the pillow that sapnap threw, seeing the darkened, transparent glass shards and the cracked, white-marble face of Eros that probably weren't gonna be cleaned up right away.
they slowly turned around and faced the archway, seeing him leaned over the sink in the kitchen, letting some stream of tears land in the silver basin. he easily sensed their presence and turned his head towards them, a mix of pity, depression, and resentment on his face, yet his eyes still held that loving gaze he could never wipe away no matter how much kleenex you could give him.
"why are you doing this?" he finally let out, voice quivering, lungs shutting down. "how can i change!? i'll do anything, f/n! anything to make you stay!" his voice cracked, heart shattered into bits and pieces that only f/n could pick up and reassemble. no one else. he patted his way towards them, stopping just beneath the kitchen archway as he watched them slowly take a step back in retreat. that one movement clearly terrified him more than the world ending.
"W-WAIT! p-pl-please! please just tell me what to do. did i do something? why are you leaving me?" sapnap pressed on once more, looking and sounding like a lost dog. his stammering and irregularities in his voice made f/n want to break down, their pitiful frown hurting their brow muscles.
"sap, it's for the better i swear. i'm going through a lot right now, and i-i don't think i have the mental capacity to be in a relationship right now. i'm so sorry." there was something f/n didn't wanna admit out loud. what they were saying is true — so true in fact that sapnap was subconsciously questioning if he was good enough, questioning if he gained enough of their trust for them to tell him the very thing that's bothering them — but they weren't telling the full story. a white truth.
sapnap was able to read through this though. he was able to walk through the fog and get somewhere in a place that had no walls or windows. "is it because of the debt? cause of the money?" he blurted out, scanning over them like he had to read a shakespeare passage for an english class. when he saw a single twinkle of truth shine in their eyes, his muscles instantly relaxed. "oh my god it is." he murmured, eyebrows raising in surprise.
"baby you don't have to stress about that! i'll pay any amount you need. how much do you want? i'll write a check right now!"
and there it was. he was further lost, going deeper into the rabbit hole to dig out any inconsistency that was fixable. that wasn't it though... at least.. not all of it.
with saddened eyes, f/n watched him frantically pull himself together, running to drawers, scouring for a check-writing paper and a pen.
"sapnap, just stop. it's no use. i'm gonna go get another hotel room." they stated, voice sounding like their mind was already made up as they wiped their cheeks with their fingers. when their body turned away, retreating to the hallway to get their stuff from the bedroom, it took more time for sapnap to process f/n's words. it didn't fully hit him in his swat team-esque search that they said they were leaving to get their own hotel room. that made him stop, turning around in horror as f/n emerged from the hallway with their purse slung around their shoulder and a suitcase in their freehand.
sapnap instantly lunged forward like it was life or death — only this time it truly was his life walking out the door. their eyes widened, not having enough reaction time to avoid his arms grabbing them and hugging them tightly from behind. f/n squealed and kicked and squirmed, attempting to escape his grasp without making noise, though they thought the neighboring suites could hear everything by now.
sapnap began to speak incoherent words, the two of them shouting at each other in struggle as f/n occasionally ran into walls, banging him into them to try and unravel him. he wouldn't let go though, not wanting to them to leave. only did one swift and smart move of f/n hitting his ribs against the kitchen island corner make him let go, screeching out in pain with an intake of breath. "FUCK!" he screamed out.
once they were free, more tears unknowingly dripping from their face, they dashed towards their suitcase for a quick grab at its handle and then straight to the door of the suite. upon reaching it, they instantly heard the extreme patting of footsteps following behind them.
"STOP! please stop!" f/n yelled out desperately, surprisingly making sapnap halt in his pursuit and look at them with big doe eyes, their faces only inches apart.
"but we can always get back together right?"
"sap, i don't want you to think i'm using you.. and if i did so, that makes me a bad person. you don't deserve that."
"you don't understand how much i love you, f/n! if you wanna use me for money then use me. drain me clean of my bank accounts! but just stay. stay with me okay?" he pleaded, lowering his height like he was gonna get on his knees to beg. as his entire body quivered and more tears stained his cheeks and blurred his eyes, he attempted to reach out to hold f/n's hands once more but they took no time in turning their back on him.
✇
as they opened the suite door, they slammed it shut behind them, leaving their now begging ex-boyfriend to cry a river.
letting their actions seep in their skin, f/n took a deep breath, standing in the room they just entered with an open blimp for a head. they gently let go of their suitcase.
they took sometime to collect themselves until they couldn't no longer, their mind flashing images of a crying sapnap in their head. it made them feel sick.
their breathing ended up gaining on them again — a rabbit dashing from a pursuit with a lion, and the lion won.
feeling their airways closing like the building's gate and their heart thumping like it was running out of blood supply, f/n dropped their purse on the floor and backed themselves into the door, realizing what they just did sometime ago.
they put their hands over their mouth, attempting to not make any repulsing sounds while sobbing because they hated how they cried and expressed vulnerability. it didn't stop them though, causing them to audibly cry out in pain and fall to the floor, hands trailing up and covering their eyes this time.
as they continued crying and sobbing for some minutes on end, they forgot that they weren't alone, hearing the very faint sound of a door being pushed open and footsteps enter the room.
there was a sigh.
"so i'm guessing it's been done?" the voice slightly questioned, making f/n sniffle and quickly gather themselves.
they glanced up and were met with the person they wanted to meet with, standing in the bathroom doorway.
f/n nodded and sniffled again, swallowing all their sadness away and wiping their tears with their arms. "yes. yes i did." they admitted shakily.
their friend scoffed. "dang. that was harsh." the dark-haired mumbled. "but hey, i'm not dictating what you have to do." as f/n watched him speak, he slowly stepped towards them, sitting on the floor right next to them and touching shoulders while he smoked.
"i think you have a good heart." the dark-haired finished off, the two of them watching the mesmerizing train of smoke escaping from the dark-haired's mouth.
"i swear to god i'll get it all paid off. i promise. it just takes time." f/n spoke, going quiet and staring at the blunt in their friend's hand.
"yeah yeah. just promise me you won't stress yourself out okay?" the dark-haired spoke, silently offering f/n the blunt. they reluctantly reached out and took it, playing with the smoking marijuana stick in their fingers as their friend comforted them, the dark-haired slinging his arm around f/n's shoulders.