Monday, 6th. April. 2015
This morning I headed to class, hoping I could catch up on some work seeing as exams were going to be next week. That, and that I wanted to keep some normalcy in my life. And, despite worrying I might bump into one of the boys while I was on campus, I didn't.
During my lunch break, I headed to the library to do some research on Mr Kim. After scrolling through news articles and trying to find pictures of random, rich CEOs with the last name Kim, I came up empty-handed.
I was at a disadvantage to begin with. Who knew how many Kims were out there? I knew it was probably a moot point, so I wasn't that disappointed when the results of my search came up with nothing.
Next, I tried to look up some information on Bangtan. Since I'd started reading the notes they'd left me, part of me wanted to believe everything they were saying despite my confusion. I didn't want to believe they were the bad guys. I still cared about them so much. Still wanted to be around them. I missed them.
After reading some articles and watching a few interviews, their story seemed to match up with things they'd told me. Like their training period and early debut days. Their company had been close to bankruptcy and there were old vlogs they'd done, talking of certain struggles. It put my mind at ease knowing that there was some tangible proof to what they were writing to me.. But it also made my heart hurt.
Seeing their innocent and humble beginnings only made this whole crime aspect of their lives more shocking. And it didn't make it disappear or excuse it, either. I still knew nothing about that side of them. I had to learn more. Had to get to the bottom of this, once and for all. There were still too many answers I didn't have. I need to know.
The most obvious way to do that would be to dive into that world. Right?
Hmm...
That was easier said than done. Not to mention how dangerous it would be. Is it likely that I will die young? All for what? Then again, even when I wasn't risking it all, I still seemed to come close to death much too often. If it was my fate, then there was no escaping it, regardless of how I lived my life.
I'm strong and I'm sure. No matter how chaotic, how dire, I will keep going. No matter what it takes. I'm going to do this. I can't run from the truth just because it might be dangerous or too much to take.
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With a newfound resolve in my heart and a half-baked plan that was just as bad of an idea as it seemed, I headed back to the apartment.
My plan being that I was going to try and use Mr Kim as a stepping stone to get a foot in the door to this secret shadow life they all lived. There wasn't any other way I could think of to do that. But I didn't want to let Mr Kim or Bangtan know my motives. I didn't exactly trust Mr Kim. I couldn't trust him until I knew more about him, too.
So, when I got back, I went and knocked on his office door to see if he was home. He was, so when he invited me in and inquired why I'd dropped in, I flat out asked him to give me more errands to do.
At first he stayed silent, as though contemplating why I would ask such a thing. Instead of saying that, he gave a resigned sigh and gave in to my request. Mr Kim told me he had an expensive bottle of liquor that needed to be delivered to one of his clubs. The bottle, which he pulled from his cabinet and handed to me, was a Japanese single malt whiskey.
I gulped hard when he casually mentioned how much it was worth. Who in their right mind would pay 50,000 dollars for this? But I kept my cool and acted like I wasn't sweating, so he wouldn't have any second thoughts about trusting me with this.
Apparently, all I had to do was let his driver take me to the club and drop this off to the manager, Haru, then come straight back home. It all seemed easy enough. So I packed the bottle away in a bag, gave Mr Kim a bow, and headed down to the front of the building to meet with his driver.
Just as he'd instructed, Kai was standing by the car, waiting for me to come down. He opened the back door, so I slid in. The ride there was quiet. I watched out the window, tracing the route we were taking there. It was only five minutes away, not very far at all.
I wasn't familiar with this part of the city; it was the upper east. It was the same side of my University campus as my current apartment, so it had a more sophisticated ambience. But you can't always judge a book by its cover. Who knew what really happened around these parts of the city?
Kai had pulled into a laneway behind a block of buildings, then stopped right beside a back entrance. He offered to accompany me to the door of the club after I inquired if this was where the club was located. Maybe he could see my hesitation.
I laughed awkwardly and thanked him for the offer. He didn't have to do that. After I knocked, he stood quietly next to me as we waited. Then, I few moments later, the door opened. Before I could talk, Kai spoke first. He told the security guard that'd answered who I was and why I was there.
Upon hearing I had a bottle to deliver to Haru, he ushered me inside with him. Kai bowed as I was whisked away inside. I followed closely behind the security guard. He was tall and took long strides, so I was glad we didn't have to walk far, otherwise I would've struggled to keep up.
As we emerged from a back hall and into a more open lounge, the interior astounded me. It was like I'd just stepped into a cross between a circus and a burlesque club. But, as I gazed out to the lounge, I knew it was a hostess club. The way the floor was arranged with tables, and the way girls sat at these tables in exotic, yet beautifully dressed clothing with their customers. It was as obvious as day what kind of club this was. And it was virtually impossible not to awe at how spectacular a view it was.
"Jia? Is that you? I just got off the phone with Mr Kim. He said he'd sent someone over with the goods" I spun around as an alluring voice spoke my name.
I blinked a few times as I tried to take in the man before me. He was mystifying. Complexion pale, eyes dark. He looked like a vampire prince. One that would whisk you away into the temptations of the night.
"Yeah, Jia. That's me" I found my words as I answered him. With that, he gave a faint smile.
"Haru. Manager here at carousel. I'm pleased to meet you." He gazed at me for a moment before looking down at the bag in my hand.
"Oh right, here. This is for you," I snapped out of my daze and handed the bag to him.
"Thank you, yes. This lil' ol' thing is going to make us a lot of money tonight," he hummed as he opened the bag and took the bottle out. He wanted to have a look. The sparkle in his steel-blue eyes brightened when he turned it over in his hand.
"Glad to see it made it here safe and sound," he continued before handing it to an assistant that had come over to take it from him.
"Mmm. No problem." I replied, not quite knowing what to do now. There was so much happening around us that it was difficult to keep my attention on him and not glance around. On noticing my uncertainty, Haru chuckled.
"Are you busy? Seeing as you came all the way out here, would you perhaps like to have a drink before you leave?" He asked, tilting his head over to the bar, the ice white of his hair softly moving as he did.
"Sure, I'm not really busy. A drink would be nice," I hummed. He cracked a light smile, then led me over to take a seat on the plush barstools.
Haru sat with me, and at his request, the bartender poured me a glass of iced white wine. It felt nice to let my hair down and have a chat and a drink. He was relaxed yet charismatic in his own vampire prince way. The conversation was mostly about him boasting about the club. I'd complemented the interior design, red, black and white, with that iconic plush that was so synonymous with the burlesque themes. He'd smiled when I'd done so. I could tell he took pride in his 'darling', which is how he referred to the place.
As the conversation carried on, he asked if I'd ever be interested in working at an establishment like this. I admitted I hadn't considered it, but it looked fun and lavish. That's when he told me how much money the girls here made. I was stunned that they were pulling in five to ten thousand a week..
It was weird but, since I'd stepped in I'd felt a strange pull, as though there was something calling me. Haru mentioned I'd fit in right here, that I was just the kinda girl that would do well. I laughed it off and said I'd need to think about it more.
After I finished my glass, I politely parted ways, seeing as the driver was still waiting for me and all. Haru escorted me back out. It was just as we were passing a room that was slightly cracked open that I stopped in my tracks.
I'd looked in, only in passing, and I couldn't believe my eyes.
Jimin and Tae were sitting in the room, three girls between them, drinking and laughing as they conversed. Haru noticed I wasn't following him anymore and came back, asking if I was alright.
I snapped out of it, laughing it off before making up some lame excuse of thinking the guys in the room were really attractive. Haru chuckled, telling me they were regulars and that if I worked here, I'd meet a lot of attractive guys, as though trying to persuade me one last time.
I had to force myself to leave because part of me wanted to burst in and ask Jimin and Tae what the hell they were doing. This was obvious.
Fuck...
I bowed, saying goodbye to Haru before quickly hopping back into the car. On the way back, the driver asked how it was. I said it was fine and apologised for taking so long, but he didn't seem phased at all.
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After I crawled into bed and resigned for the day, I read another entry from the notebook. I fell asleep with a sore heart and watery eyes, yet again.
Guess who~
Is it just me? Or do you simply get more beautiful every time I see you? 💗
And If you can't guess, then too bad because I'm not going to tell you, either. Cheeky of me, right? 😉
Hmm~
Lately, I've been thinking of you a lot. I mean it when I say you only seem to get more pretty every time I lay eyes on you. I thought it was hard while you were away.. but, I've come to realise that having you here but not knowing who I am is much harder. For you and for us.
There's a lot I want to tell you, but I know I can't do that. I worry about you, about telling you too much, too quickly. That it might overwhelm and hurt you. I don't know if I could live with myself if anything were to happen to you because of it.
Anyway, I'm getting a bit sidetracked, right? What I wanted to share is something a little naughty. I promise it's nothing too wild, though. Nothing I know you can't handle 😉
Honestly, it's still as clear as day in my memories. I'm still not sure if you knew it would happen or not? And I can't exactly ask either..
After we became friends, Tae and I told you we were idols in training. At the time, we were supposed to keep it to ourselves but, what can I say? You charmed your way into our hearts🥰
Usually, that's something we wouldn't talk much about to others. It's just easier when trying to avoid scandals. I'm sure you already know. Actually, there's a lot of pressure during that time period of training. All of us practiced a lot. I'd even sleep in the dance room sometimes so I could get more practice in.
I don't know if you ever knew that was the extent I would go to, but I couldn't hide it from you. As soon as you noticed me taking hours out of class, you rushed right over with the most delicious lunch box I'd ever had in my life.
Really, it was so yummy. I couldn't believe you would do something so kind for me. I was surprised, seriously!
You came all the way to my agency, and we sat outside on a bench. I want to admit, I was embarrassed, and I didn't want you to worry about me.. but I was secretly happy that you cared.. I still remember how gorgeous your smile was, and how shy you got when I teased you about wanting you to be my girlfriend. 😋😈 I meant it by the way~
Hehehehehe
Jia, I miss you so much.. I don't know if we can ever go back to those times and that makes me sad but, you're still here now and that's more than I could ever hope for. I'm so grateful to you for so many things. Most of all, just keep being the sweet, pure-hearted girl that you are. 💗 I know you will.
Love, from Jimin 😘
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Your one and only is here to see you again 🌹
Lately, I think I've become someone you feel more comfortable around. It almost feels like old times. When it would just be you and me doing simple things. Like lying around at home together, watching romantic movies and cuddling. You used to cuddle me all the time, especially when I was feeling sad about something.
When you hugged me, I felt your heart. I always knew your love came from somewhere so pure, but when your body was so close to mine like that... I could really feel it. I missed holding you so much.
What I have with you, I don't have with anyone else. It's special. Because that's how we wrote our story. It's one of a kind.
Jia, please never leave my side. I need you more than anything. You're mine. And I'm yours. And that's the way it's always going to be. Whether or not you remember it.
I was supposed to leave you a memory.. hmm. I'm feeling sentimental, but, the things I want to say.. I don't know if it's the right time yet. Then again, I wonder when will be the right time...
I bet you want to know more, right? You've always been too curious for your own good. But I am the same, we are like that 😉
How about this, if you are a good girl and behave until then, I'll promise to tell you the things I wanted to next time? 😏
Tae Tae signing off
Notes:
Comeback is so close.. And Festa too! Happy Birthday Armys! Also it's my actual birthday next week too hhehe. I wanna try and update again soon so I'll try! But it may be hard with everything that's going on.. Also I got sick today :( So I got a few days off but I'm going to try and catch up on sleep :3 Love you guys, hope you're doing well and staying safe as always!
Also, drop me a comment if you'd like! Always love hearing from you, also curious of your thoughts about this chapter (^-^)/