"TaeTae! I miss you!!", she answered the video call with the brightest smile, blowing air kisses to him.
He laughed on the other side at her happy reply. The way she gazed at him was till his obsession, turning his stomach wild with butterflies.
"Hey beautiful, how are you, how's your day going?", he replied her.
"It's hectic, there is just so much to do right now", she answered with a pout.
"I know, I can't say it's any better this side", he said, curiously watching her as she sat down at her desk at work. "Can't believe you are going to work when I'm going home".
"I know, it's weird right?", she replied, twisting a string of hair around her finger, watching her computer confused.
"I'm disturbing you, you should get to work babe", he said with a sad smile.
"It's sad but you are right...I wish you were here, it was much more entertaining to work with you", she replied and flashed him one of her bright smiles, the kind that made her eyes sparkle.
"I miss you...", he said with a dreamy tone.
"I miss you more Tae", she said and gazed at him sadly, her heart aching.
"Talk to you later, have a great day babe", he said and waved at her before blowing her a kiss.
"Sweet dreams, talk to you later", she said and waved back.
He hung up and rolled over in his bed with a deep sigh. It had been a month since she left. Although they talked everyday, he still missed her intensely. Everything reminded him of her and he wished badly that he could touch her, hold her, kiss her.
When he came home he felt lonely. The house was quiet and her side of the bed empty, a constant reminder of her noticeable absence.
He didn't want to complain though. He got everything he wanted, he shouldn't feel ungrateful. But it tugged at him, got under his skin more than he wanted to admit. This was so much harder than he thought it would be.
He went to bed early, it was the easiest way to make time pass and get him closer to seeing her again. It was also the easiest way to forget that he missed her for a while, to dream about her if he was fortunate enough. The first seconds before he was fully awake was the worst ones, it was the painful reminder of that she wasn't here.
Emma was walking home from work late at night. She called his number but there was no answer. The time difference was difficult to handle and adjust to. When she went home, he was waking up and the other way around. Their lives where somehow in two parallel worlds due to the time difference.
She really tried her hardest to make him feel loved and comforted, but somehow she felt like he suffered more than she did. He went home to an empty house, she didn't. She was constantly surrounded by people and places that didn't remind her of him and the times they spent together. That made a huge difference, gave her a break.
"Have a great day at work my love. I miss you"
That became the most common text between them quickly.
Early mornings she would give him a call but he was either busy in the middle of his work day and when she called later he would be on his way to an event or sleeping.
"Hey babe! It's so noisy here, I can barely hear you", he answered her from another event.
He looked magnificent in a dark suit, his dreamy locks falling effortlessly down his face.
"I just really missed you...", she replied with a sad smile.
"What? Can't hear you, I will call you later okay? I'm sorry babe", he replied, shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders.
She nodded and smiled at him with a sad gaze. She wished she could be there with him, laughing with him.
But she got caught up in everything at work just like him. Always finding a comfortable excuse to not fly over and see him. Not that he tried to come see her either.
I'm sorry, became the most common phrase between them as time past by fastly, slowly dissolving what was left of them. Excuses and apologies conquered love, other engagements becoming more important than them. Not important was a stretch, but it was more comfortable to avoid each other than hurt watching each other from a distance.
That's what being thrown back into reality does to relationships, it tests them, it exposes them. It was also a very comfortable escape from the reality of missing someone so badly it hurt. Because they did miss each other and they loved each other still. Reality just wasn't kind to them, neither was timing, and timing was everything. It hurt more to speak to each other, to watch the sadness in the others eyes than it did being silent. In the silence the memories still ruled.
After months of sad calls and apologetic text they found themselves face to face, on each side of the world in front of another screen.
"Tae...", she said hesitantly.
"Yeah love", he replied.
"We should talk...", she continued, flicking her eyes down.
"I know...", he replied doing the same, unable to look at her. He knew what she was going to say already.
"Are you happy?...I don't think that you are anymore...", she said with a deep sigh and a shaky voice.
He sighed just as deeply and gathered the courage to meet her gaze.
"No I'm not, and neither are you...", he replied, clenching his jaw and looking away.
It was too painful to look at her.
"I know...", she said and her eyes soak his. "Tae...I'm sorry".
"I am too, But No need to apologize because there is no regrets besides I should have tried more...made a bigger effort", he replied with a loud sigh.
"You are not to blame, we are both to blame. I think that timing just isn't on our side...", she said, still trying her best to look at him.
It hurt, this conversation was heartbreaking and not one they ever thought that they would have.
"I still love you the same, just know that", he said in a whisper.
"I know. I love you too, I always will...I don't think that will ever change", she replied in a shaky whisper.
He shook his head, wiping a silent tear from his cheek with the back of his hand.
"It's not fair Emma...not one part of me wants to have this conversation with you", he sniffled.
She closed her eyes as tears streamed down her face. He was right, it wasn't fair.
"I know...why can't we just have a little luck and the right timing? It sucks. You are just everything I ever wanted, you are perfect and I love you so much it hurts...but the key here is that it hurts, it hurts both of us and it shouldn't hurt like this. It's not healthy", she replied between her sniffles, her voice not being able to carry her right now.
"I know, and I hate that it's that way. I really hate it...damn it", he said and wiped the tears from his eyes. "I wish that I could be everything you need, but I just know that right now I'm not able to give you what you need. All I do is apologize and feel bad for missing out on time with you".
"Yeah I know...it's not right to either One of us. I think that we just have to accept that we are not meant to be in this time and place in our lives. We met for a reason I'm sure of it, this was no accident or mistake. You showed and taught me what real love looks like and what I want in life. You helped me discover myself again, I'm forever grateful to you for that, and I'll love you for that...always. I have no regrets. I'm so happy that I met you ", she said.
He tilted his head to the side, gazing at her beautiful sad eyes and her trembling lip. He kept choking up, it was just so devastating.
"Same my love...I love you, truly. I can't imagine my life without you, I just can't...but I have to and it really sucks. How do I not talk to you everyday?", he asked and shook his head, clenching his jaw as he forced a deep shaky breath down his lungs.
"I know, I can't either...but we have to, it's the only way right now. I don't want you to suffer like this anymore Tae. Remember me with love and with a smile, but don't suffer for too long, promise me this", she asked, trying to put on a brave face.
Those words broke her heart, it shuttered it into pieces. Life without him was unthinkable but so was this in the long run. It was the least evil of two painful things. It was better to part ways here before they hurt each other more and the love turned to dislike, or even worse, hate.
"Thank you for everything, truly Tae. The best memories I have are all with you. Be happy, please, you deserve it", she said through the tears.
He shook his head, knowing that this was the end of them. It killed him, suffocated him.
"I wish things could have been different, I really do. You deserve more, we deserve more", he replied with a whisper.
"I know, me too...so badly, you have no idea...", she answered.
They stared at each other for a good while in silence. So many things were left unsaid but there was nothing left to say. Hanging up meant the end of an era, the best era of their lives. Suddenly their time together seemed too short, like it was cut short although it had been a year already.
How could you say goodbye to something like that when nothing of it made sense but it was the most reasonable thing to do? It was necessary to save them both. All this could be was suffering in the end.
"I know I have to let go of you but I will grieve you for the rest of my life, you are not someone I will ever get over, I think. I will just eventually learn to live with the pain ", she said finally, closing her eyes and shaking her head in disbelief. It all still felt so unreal and unfair, it didn't make sense.
"I know, me too. You will forever be the one that got away. I don't think that I will ever meet someone like you again. You are my soulmate....but still we couldn't make it work. I'm so sorry Emma. Tomorrow will hurt really bad because I will loose the best thing I've ever had ", he replied and smiled at her slightly through the tears.
That was it. All those moments came down to this.
Some moments passed them by, some rushed them, some they lived fully, most of them beautiful. It was all the moments they both loved deeply. The moments they remembered when they parted and that lived with them for the rest of their lives. This wasn't something neither of them could forget, not even if they wanted to, and they didn't. They carried each other with them always, found a way to live with the pain and turn it into something beautiful in their own ways.
She wrote him one last message a few days later, when she was able to breath again and the tears dried, when she accepted their faith to save herself, and to save him. That was after all the greatest sacrifice and act of love. They were each other poison but each other's person at the same time . When it was good it was magical and euphoric, when it was bad it was brutal and fatal. The emotions between them were always going to be extreme, pulling them ruthlessly in between heaven and hell.
"Because of you I did things and went where I never thought I would dare. Because of you I achieved something that not even myself thought was possible. Thank you, truly. I was honestly and thoroughly happy and I have experienced a love that was so deep and overwhelming, a once in a lifetime kind thanks to you. With the strength of our love, we must live on fully not regretting one thing. It kills me but We found the right one at the wrong time, it was just the wrong time. So bye baby, I wish you the best. And if you ever feel like you can't breath and it's been a while, you know where to find me. I will never forget you. I will Love you. Forever".
Years later when she thought about Tae it still caused a sharp sting in her heart and it was easy to resurface the grief. He visited her mind often but she lived with it gracefully, had learned from it, was grateful for him, for everything she learned and got to experience. She never once thought of him with hate, only love. The communication between them stayed minimal because it hurt too much, it always would. Letting go was the only choice.
The love that crossed her life later on was thanks to Tae, she knew it. Maybe the purpose was to learn from their relationship, to grow to someone who could be the kind of person that would be able to love someone full heartedly.
She chose to hold on to that, it wasn't all in vain. Love never is.
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THE END.