January 26, 2012
"Just fucking kiss me already."
I snapped up out of bed breathing heavily. Ross stirred beside me reaching for my hand.
"Bad dream?" He asked groggily. I laughed lightly and plopped back into bed.
"I guess you could say that." I turned away from Ross to hide my flustered state.
"What was it?" His arms in circled me, spooning.
"Just us, a regular day, and then you go crazy." I played with his hand that on my stomach.
"What do you mean crazy? Quit being vague, I'm tired." He whined. I rolled my eyes.
"You kinda attack me, but I'm not scared, and then you try to kiss me but I always wake up before it happens." I tried not to sound disappointed , but I failed do to the fact that Ross began laughing.
"Let's just go back to sleep." He snickered making me growl.
"No, I want you to kiss me now." I squirmed to turn towards him, and he gives me a light peck, which wasn't anywhere near as intense as that one in the dream, but, being tired I dropped the subject.
***
January 28, 2012
"And you'll be with the design crew." I groan at Britney as she walked off backstage.
I walked towards the design crew to see they were decorating a gazebo on wheels.
"Uh hi? I'm Caspian, the new girl on the design team." A girl, who I think is a junior stopped working on the gazebo to greet me.
"Hi I'm Susan Gully, Danny has mentioned you before." She smiled brightly at me and sat back down on the step to the mobile gazebo.
"We're just sanding this down before glossing it for the play." I nodded as I observed it.
"Uh, what play are we doing again?" Susan laughed behind her hand.
"Mrs. Wardmen is in love with the Twilight saga, so we're doing Twilight for her before she retires." I nodded slightly and looked at the gazebo.
"Call backs? Who else tried out?!" Everyone turned to see Britney looking at Miss Altum, the drama teacher, lividly.
"Well, our flyers about tryouts didn't exactly go around the whole school, so I had plenty complaints about people who wanted to be in it." Miss Altum evenly, despite the go to hell look Britney was giving her.
Britney surprisingly just sighed and stormed off.
"What part did she try out for?" I whispered to Susan.
"Rosalie." She snickered. I laughed with her, because from what I've read in those books Edward describes Rosalie as a person who takes her looks very highly.
I was about to make a joke to Susan but her face dropped from its smile.
"What is he doing here?" She asked bitterly.
I turned to see Ross walking through, looking all around in amazement.
" I have never been back here." He smiled at me when his eyes finally rested on me and I smiled back.
I walked towards him and led him away from the group I was with so I could talk with him in private.
"Why are you here? I thought you went home?"
"Well, I was going to, then I remembered that you might need a ride home, and I would've been to lazy to pick you up later. So here I am. You can thank me later." He smirked at me and I slapped his chest playfully.
" But Britney's here." I whispered to him. Ross laughed and rolled his eyes.
"She doesn't hate me, or you for that matter. She was going to dump my ass anyways she's just happy how it went down so people would feel bad for her." I frowned at this new information.
" So. Why are we still hiding our relationship?" I asked. Ross stood there for a second in shock.
"Our relationship?"
I froze, realizing we haven't defined anything.
Shit. Shit. Shit!
"I mean, why don't w-we talk with each other in public now, s-since Britney doesn't care and all." I wanted to bang my head against the wall. I feel so fucking stupid.
" I don't know, your the one who asked about not being seen in public because you didn't want the drama." He accused me.
"Well if you would have told me about Britney not caring I'd be perfectly fine with being in public with you!" I yelled back. Being more angry with myself than him.
" Are we seriously fighting about this right now? Just because you think we're dating?" He put finger parenthesis around the word dating. I clenched my fists and looked away from him. Trying to keep this wave of angry tears down so he wouldn't see me cry.
"I'm sorry, I've just been confused. Each night before I go to sleep, I snuggle up with you. And when I wake up you're still there." I couldn't help my tears now. "You text me the stupidest shit all day. You hold my hand any chance you get. And you kiss me all over my face. Now, I am sorry for thinking that what we had wasn't platonic. But I'm about to be brutally honest with you." I wiped my face and looked him in the eyes.
"I like you. I really do. But sometimes I wish you were never in my life. And yes, it is hard for me to cuddle with you without some part of my brain telling me its wrong. But I fucking ignore it. I ignore it for you. I have nothing. My father is dead. My aunt wants nothing to do with me. And my mom is on her death bed. I guess that with you always being there lead me to believe that you will always be there. And I just want to know now if I am wasting my time now, because I don't want to be confused anymore." I had stopped crying and gave him a hard stare.
He just kept staring at me. He just sighed and looked away from my stare.
I shook my head and started to walk out.
"Just drive me home Ross."
•••
"So. You guys aren't talking? Again?" Piper groaned as I nodded my head.
"You guys are a shit couple then." She laughed loudly making me laugh in return.
"He's just so frustrating." I massaged my temples and laid down beside Piper on her bed.
"You're just going to end up cuddling with him tonight, might as well apologize now and get it over with." She joked. I shoved at her arm and she back-handed my stomach making me heave out, and her laugh loudly.
"I'm not going to do that." I said once I was able to catch my breath. "I told him I was done wasting my time. So, I'm done." I shrugged. Piper sat up and looked at me, as if she were saying Yeah Right.
I threw one of her pillows at her face, making her fall back in the bed.
"I think you guys are right for each other though."
I stared at her ceiling for awhile, looking at the age-old glow-in-the-dark stars glued aimlessly around her ceiling fan.
"I-I feel like we are too, but I also feel absolute dread towards the matter. It like we are right for each other, just not right now."
We laid in silence for a couple minutes more before I sighed and made my leave. On my way upstairs though I heard Ross' voice coming from the kitchen, and like and idiot I didn't make my presence known.
"Yeah, I've missed the sound of your voice too."
I held back a gasp as realization dawned on me.
He's talking to April.
I sat quietly on the stairs, waiting for him to go to bed. And I listened as he talked to April, this girl who has captured both Ross' and Pipers' attention.
And I am no match for her.
I was just nodding off to sleep when I heard my name being said.
"Her name is Caspian, like the tiger." He laughed.
"She's great. Just really hard headed." There was a pause. "What do you mean?"
I listened closer making the stair that I was on creek. I froze in fear, but I heard no movement from Ross.
"We're friends. I think. I mean- Its undefined I guess." I rolled my eyes listening to him tumble over his words.
"No-no, I do like her." Another pause. "I've been trying, its just complicated because there are all these boundaries. And I feel like every day I'm trying to defuse a bomb."
I was practically drowning in thoughts right now, my inner monologue going crazy.
How much does she know?
"I can't just leave her alone though." I held back a smile. "She needs me, a-and I need her too." I was just another sweet nothing away from my head exploding.
"L-Love?"
And I am dead.
••••••••••••
Whew.
I know its been so long! But school finals are happening and due dates and I'm just very stressed because I have a total of 11 stories I need to up date, and plus I'm turning 15 in a matter of days (may 20th)
And mothers day is making me depressed..
AND I RAN A 5K TODAY
AND I ATE A LOT OF CHOCOLATE
I love you guys so much. Thanks for being there for me when I'm down.
if you ever want to contact me I am always on my twitter @cossiscute
love aliah