"I don't have to go to the pool now, I had practise this morning. I told you..." I reminded him.
He was looking at me with a frown and a slight tilt of his head. "You did? When?"
"That's why I left so early this morning. I left you a note...on top of your phone. After I turned off your alarm."
It probably wasn't a good idea to tell him I had turned off the alarm. Especially with his reaction in the library. If he'd wanted to be on time for class, it was my fault he hadn't been there on time.
"You did what?"
It wasn't exactly a shout but it was clear Tong was not pleased with me. I watched him go to the edge of the mattress where the milk crate was currently situated. He riffled around before coming away with the neon pink slip of paper. He had to turn it over to read what I had written. Thankfully, I could remember it by heart.
"I told coach I'd be there for the morning practise. Sorry to leave like this but you look so peaceful. Rest for today. You need it. I'll bring you lunch later. But call me if you need anything before then."
He held it up to me when he finished reading it. I hoped it had clarified things for him. Only it wasn't as useful now as it would have been if he'd seen it at the right time. What had he thought of me when he woke up and didn't find me there? He must have thought I took off once I made love to him. Some of his anger made sense now.
"I saw you in our common class but you left before I could talk to you. It was harder than I thought to track you down. Although I probably should have camped out at the library."
It wasn't a great explanation for not following through on my promise to bring him lunch. But I was even more distracted by the memory of what had happened in the library. I couldn't wait to finish what we had started.
"I have reports to write," Tong said pulling back from my stray thoughts.
"Right." Of course, he was right. He always had homework or class reading or some case study to go through. I could remember how much reading he had to do just to keep up with his classes and I had commandeered enough of it. "And on that note, I will see you later."
I walked over and dropped a quick peck on his lips before grabbing my bag. I didn't want to linger or else I would lose my resolve and he would not be getting any work done. Without him saying it, I also knew he needed space and time. This was the best I could do for now.
I made my way back to our room. I showered and changed out of my uniform more for something to do than because I needed it. There was still an hour and a half to kill so I decided to borrow a leaf from Tong and work on one of my assignments.
It felt like time had come to a standstill. I was never going to make it the full two hours. Thinking to give myself the outlet of a walk around campus, I decided to walk to the food stall Tong liked, pick up our dinner, then make my way to his room.
His building was in sight and I could see a car parked out front. I didn't give it much thought until I got closer and realized it was Tong—and he was talking to P'X. I heard him say goodnight before the car drove off. He was walking back to the building, unaware that I had seen him.
I got close enough to grab his arm. Pulling him back so he bumped into me rather hard.
"You're back already?" Tong said and I was a bit confused by how happy he sounded when he said it.
I was not going to be distracted by the joy he let slip in my presence. He had not been smiling at P'X like that. "You sound surprised."
"You said you were giving me two hours. It's only been an hour."
"You were checking?" I asked as I guided Tong to the elevator and pressed the button to his floor.
"Yeah...I run into a problem and needed some help."
"And you called your senior."
"Technically I posted it on the first-year line chat but yeah, he saw it and gave me his notes." He said dismissively. Before waving the bound sheaf of papers he was holding under my nose.
"Why would he do that?"
"He was in the area."
He was so casual about the whole thing that it made me twice as angry as I already was. Did he think I would stand by while he gave his attention and affection to someone else? I wanted to shake some sense into him. I settled for putting our food down on the counter.
I wanted to get a hold of my emotions but I couldn't keep my back to him. I shouldn't have turned. I literally had to brace myself against the edge of the counter to stop myself from attacking him. The way he stretched to put the notes on the makeshift table stretching the fabric of his pants across his ass.
"Are you stupid or do you think I am?" I asked through clenched teeth.
"What?"
"You call your phi here when you know I'm not going to be around and I'm supposed to be fine with that?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Did you fuck him? You didn't do it here...so, did you do it in his car?" I asked pushing off the counter and grabbing him again.
"Pok...what is the matter with you?"
"Is he better than me? Or does that even matter?" I pushed him onto the mattress and pinned him beneath me.
"Pok, stop..."
"Why? It's not like we haven't already done this." I said matching his earlier casualness.
It was all mixed up. The desire and the anger. The need to make him understand that there were other people interested in him and if he wasn't looking at me, they would get his attention. I couldn't let him leave me. I couldn't have him walk away. I was willing to do anything to keep him.
He didn't see it that way.
The intensity of the pain completely blinded me for a moment. I couldn't believe he'd kneed me in the balls. Did he really think he had to defend himself against me with such tactics? Was he intent on saving himself for his senior that he no longer wanted me to touch him? No longer wanted me near him?
He couldn't.
I stood up despite the pain and launched myself at him before he could make it out the door. It was a lucky break that he was facing away from me and his tie was hanging beside the door. I used it to bind his hands behind his back before pulling him back and tossing him back on the bed. He landed heavily but I knew the mattress was firm enough to break his fall.
When I pinned him down this time, I made sure to part his legs. I wasn't making the same mistake twice. He would listen to me or he wouldn't. But he would know what I had to say. I unbuttoned his shirt but I couldn't push it off. I unbuttoned his fly, exposing his underwear.
"Please stop." He begged.
He must have been asking me for some time and I couldn't hear him. I hated that he looked at me with fear. Was this who I had become? Jealous, possessive...violent. I looked down at him and I had no idea what to do to make it better.
"I'm so sorry." He didn't respond and that was somehow fitting. "I don't know what go into me."
The words wouldn't make up for what I had done—what I had almost done. Could he forgive me for making him feel like he couldn't trust me? Could I make him see that I was just unsteady? I didn't know what I was doing. All the lines were blurry and confused.
It was no excuse to treat him like this. So, I apologized over and over again. "I'm sorry." Whispered when I touched his chest and watched him wince. "I'm sorry when I traced a line from his sternum to his waistline. Distracted by the sharp gasp of breath when I lingered against the line where skin met elastic. His face so open, his body flushed and...
"You are so beautiful."
There are times I wished he knew what I saw. But most times I was glad he didn't realize how amazing he was. I wanted to make it right. I needed to make it right. But the only way I knew how was to show him.
This time I was listening. When I slipped my fingers into the waistband of his boxer briefs, I held my breath, waiting for him to tell me to stop. But he didn't. When I brushed against the sensitive skin where his cock rested, he closed his eyes and arched into the touch.
I wanted him to have more of that.
Teasing him and seeing him strain to get me to give him what he needed. I loved it when he moaned desperately because that was right too. Because I knew I could give him what he needed. I was capable of satisfying his every desire—if he let me.
I caressed his body. I kissed his skin. I saw the goosebumps rise on his skin and scatter in a full-body shudder when I kissed a path down his happy trail. He gave a strangled cry; part relief and part surprise, when I finally put a hand on his cock. He wasn't asking me to stop anymore. He was egging me on and I complied. Helping him out of his pants. Pulling them off with his underwear.
He was hard. His cock flushed and leaking. Begging for my attention.
But he didn't have to beg.