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We had a separate flight. Sold-out na yung tickets para sa time ng flight ko kaya kinuha nalang ni Ashen ang next. It was fine with me since I have errands to run once we reached Switzerland. Madami pa akong pupuntahan bago ako magkafree-time ulit since planado na lahat ng gagawin namin. He might not see me immediately once he arrived, luckily, I got his number.
Nauna rin kaming umalis sa museum dahil tumawag na si Venus, habang si Ashen naman ay naiwan nalang dun muna. He had his portrait to take care of and other things in his museum. Kailangan niya rin mag-impake... I had no idea how long does he plan to stay in Switzerland, but I hope he does for a while.
He texted me that he booked the same hotel as ours. Gabi na nung natanggap ko yung text niya so I'm guessing he just arrived when we left our things there. At kakarating lang rin namin ulit sa hotel ngayon. It's almost midnight. We had a full day with of meetings to settle the events that I'll be guesting in. But they are still days away. Sana bukas wala kaming masyadong ganap.
"My... Your man is hot, Aria! Are you fucking kidding me? Why didn't you call me when guys met at the museum?!"
Niyugyog ni Venus ang balikat ko habang nasa loob kami ng elevator. Napailing nalang ako sa kanya at sinamaan siya ng tingin. He's been stalking Ashen Aphelion since this morning! Dapat talaga wala nalang akong sinabi sa kanya. He followed him on Instagram and even messaged him! Kahit obvious naman na hindi active si Ashen roon... He only has seven posts posted there! But Venus won't stop making fusses about it until now. Kahit kailan talaga...
"He has the appeal, I know. But--"
"The appeal? Girl, he's beautiful! What are you talking about? Damn... All my exes were models but this man... This man! Hah! Malalagas nalang silang lahat sinasabi ko talaga... He's gorgeous! I would date him in a snap if I were you..."
I rolled my eyes. "We just met again. Can we stop talking about him?"
"I would talk about him all night! Tell me everything about him. Saan kayo nagkita at lahat-lahat! How, what, when, where, why? Did you liked him before?" He teased. Sinindot-sindot niya pa ako sa balikat.
"Will you stop that? We had a lot of things to do! For goodness's sake, Venus..." I complained. Dumistansya na rin ako sa kanya at hinimas ang balikat kong sinindot niya. I swear his long nails are close to claws... Lalo na kapag kinikilig.
"Bahala ka," usal ko.
Seconds passed when the elevator ranged. Lumingon ako kay Venus. "This is my floor, right? I'll go ahead..." I hugged him goodnight and bid my goodbyes to the guards. Sa susunod na floor pa 'ata yung mga kwarto nila. Pagkatapos kong magpaalam ay lumabas na agad ako at dumiretso na sa paglalakad papunta sa kwarto ko.
Venus got me an exclusive floor at walang masyadong nagbo-book dito dahil sa presyo. There's really no need for this, but Venus really insisted. He said he wanted me to experience the best of Switzerland.
I took out my phone from my pocket and was about to text Ashen when I bumped into someone.
"Sorry--"
My eyes lifted to the person in front of me. To my surprise, I saw Ashen Aphelion standing in his pajamas on. Napaabante ako at pinagmasdan siya mula ulo hanggang paa. I covered my mouth.
Oh, my gosh. He's wearing a cute panda pajamas... that matched with his slippers too.
"W-Wait... I was about to text you. Ditong floor ka rin?" I was holding back my laugh so bad. It's just that I've never seen a full grown man in these kind of pajamas... And he has the guts to! At nandito pa siya nagpasikot-sikot lang sa labas ng hallway!
His brows furrowed at me. Kinusot-kusot niya ang mga mata niya na parang kakagising lang. "Are you laughing?"
I lost it. Humagalpak ako ng tawa sa harapan niya. I bit my lower lip and grabbed his arm. I pushed open the door to my room and let myself in with him.
He entered my room. I stared at him as his eyes roamed around freely. He seemed so interested kahit na magkaparehas lang naman yung mga kwarto namin. Napakurap ako at mabilis na tumalikod. Pumunta ako malapit sa kama ko at doon tinapos ang tawa ko.
"What's so funny, Solace?" He asked behind me.
Nilingon ko siya. He had a confuse smile on his face and still looked sleepy. Parang kakabangon niya lang din sa kama dahil sa gulo ng buhok niya. I noticed his phone on his hand too and its phonecase. Panda rin pala ang design nun. I folded my arms. Really, Ashen Aphelion? Pandas?
"You're into Pandas?" I raised a brow to him.
Tinignan niya lang ang suot niya at nagkabit-balikat. "They're cute and very comfy."
I laughed again. "Sure, they are." I grabbed one of my bags piled up on the bed and started to arrange my stuff for tomorrow. "Anong ginagawa mo sa labas sa ganitong oras?"
Narinig ko ang pagsara ng pinto at mga hakbang niya. "I knew you'd be back late here. So, I bought you something."
I turned to him. "Huh?"
He took a pouch out his pocket. "Pain killers... and a few vitamins. May pharmacy sa baba. Alam kong pagod ka mula sa byahe. You didn't even rest when you land. I figured..."
Napatitig ako sa hawak niya ng matagal bago natauhan. I slowly took it from his hand and look back at him. "Thank you... Do I look that tired?"
He shook his head and smiled. "No. But in case you are, you don't have to worry about the medicine."
I only bring medicines with me when I'm sick while traveling. But in the usual days, I don't. Nasanay na ako sa eroplano at hindi naman ako ganun ka masakitin. But, now... This is something I really need. Masyado ata akong nahilo sa araw na ito. The bumpy roads here in Switzerland are no joke.
I placed the pouch on my bed.
Siya naman ngayon ang nagtaas ng kilay sa akin. "Why did you pull me inside your room, Aria?"
"Bakit? Wala ka bang balak pumasok? You were standing in front of my door..." Kumunot ang noo ko.
"I didn't know this was your room," he chuckled.
"Oh," I stood up straight. "I thought you--Sorry..." Nahihiya kong sambit bago umupo sa higaan. "It's just that... I have a trauma. I really don't like it when the door is shut, and you're just in front of it..."
"That's why you let me in yourself?"
Tumango-tango ako. "I thought you felt stuck or..."
"Or trapped?"
He went closer to me. He slid both of his hands inside his pockets and stopped near the bed. "You don't like shut doors. Were you... trapped before? Or did someone locked you..." He suddenly stopped asking as if he just thought of something. His jaw hardened a bit. "Was it him?"
Hindi ako nakasagot.
He sat beside me. I can feel his worried stares but I tend not to show any emotions. Tumango-tango nalang ako sa sarili at nilingon siya. "Matagal na panahon na 'yun, Ashen. I've moved on from it... Well... Almost. I'm almost there."
"You'll get there," he vowed. "You have all the time you can get here for moving on..."
Bigla siyang napayuko. "But if you don't mind if I ask... What happened? What did he do to you, Aria?"
I chuckled faintly and slowly shook my head. "I have so many problems, we chose to share all of them... I let him into all of it without even thinking that he didn't even understood what exactly were my problems are..." I murmured. "We trusted each other too much. Everything has gone worse."
I didn't explain more. Hindi ko pa talaga kaya. Hindi ko pa talaga madetalye sa kanya ang lahat dahil magmumukha akong kawawa at kahihiyan lang iyon lahat para sa akin. I just really can't.
"Did you left him? Or he left you?"
I slightly shrugged then answered him. "It was a mutual decision that neither of us expect. Love left us, Ashen..."
I still regret that I lied to myself years ago. I wanted to believe that I could never unlove that someone because he meant so much to me... Pero habang lumilipas ang mga taon na mag-isa lang ako... Dumating na sa puntong wala na akong nararamdaman sa tuwing iniisip siya. And I just realized that it's gone... The little hint of love I have left for him is gone. For good.
"And... you still carry that around?" Ashen pointed at a jar on the table.
I didn't he'll notice that anymore...
I calmly smiled and nodded. The jar... filled with little hearts. Sometimes I think of those as the little pieces of my broken heart kept at one place. At hindi rin ako makapaniwalang pinili ko pa ring itago iyan.
I stared at the jar. It's at its fullest. Matagal ko na itong napuno. Ilang beses kong pinigilan ang sarili noon na basagin iyan dahil nasasaktan lang ako sa tuwing nakikita ito. So, I made it an accessory instead. I couldn't throw it too because Venus wanted it. Sometimes he would read one of the papers inside... I didn't mind. Sapag-aakala naman niya ay binili ko lang iyon kasama ang mga sulat.
"I've considered it as a souvenir," I chuckled. "Atsaka 'di ba gusto mo pa 'yang makita noon? You may now do the honors."
He laughed then stood up. Lumapit siya sa lamesa at hinawakan ang jar. He slid his hands inside and slightly mixed the folded papers. Lumingon siya sa akin. "Do you mind?"
I shook my head. I watch him nervously as he choose one paper there. He reached from the ones underneath.
He glanced at me before reading. "I'm glad we didn't stayed as friends..." He heaved a deep breath before folding the paper back and dropped it again inside the jar.
"I was so naive writing that." I muttered.
"You filled it..." Ashen murmured while still staring at the jar. "Every memory you've written here... was it all with him?"
I shook my head. "You have a piece there. Pwede mong hanapin kung gusto mo."
"Me?" He pointed at himself. "But as far as I can remember, this was only for memories with the person you love if I remembered the instructions correctly..." He said stammering and confused. His eyes were glinting with a hint of joy despite his confusion. "So, by any chance, you've loved me?"
I cleared my throat. "I-I don't think that's what the instruction says..."
I didn't answer more. Ngumiti nalang ako at nag-iwas na ng tingin. Minutes passed, the silence grew louder in the room. Hindi ko alam kung inaasahan niya pa ba akong sumagot. But the truth is, I don't know what to answer him. I did. I did loved him... but it was too late when I realized that.
"I should leave." Bigla nalang siyang tumayo.
"Kailangan mo pang magpahinga..." Tipid siyang ngumiti sa akin. He quietly nodded and walked to the door. I breathed in before standing up. Bago pa niya nabuksan ang pinto ay nahawakan ko na siya sa braso.
"If you leave... my guards tomorrow may not let you come near me. You have to wait for the entire day to end again..." I swallowed hard. Was he on a rush? I really don't want him to leave yet. "Y-You can stay."
He faced me. "Why would you want me to stay?"
I sighed. "Because I want to tell you something. I'm ready... to tell you something..." I don't know what to say, but I hope he get it. Sa lahat ng taong nakilala ko bukod kay Venus sa pitong taon, wala na akong iba pang naging kaibigan. Venus knows about my past, and Ashen's been my friend ever since. He is good a person with a matured mind. He has opened up a lot to me... I want to return the favor. And I'm ready to do it willingly.
"But I wanted to ask something first," I let go of his hand when he willingly walked back to my bed and sat beside me.
Tumikhim ako. "Can you... Can you promise me to stay open-minded? And please, don't hate me for this... because this why and how I ended up here with no one..."
He calmly nodded as if he's been ready to hear everything I would say all his life. "I promise."
Napatango ako at napahinga ng malalim bago nagsimula ulit na magsalita.
"It started when... I lost a baby."
***
-kimsyzygy