~New feeling~
There he is! "
Jungkook's heart was pounding as he hid behind a large building, pressing his back against one of its walls as much as he was allowed to. He felt trapped in this narrow, dark alley, with nowhere to escape.
It was night, around 2 am. He just wanted to breathe and inside Mingyu's house, he couldn't do that. He felt on the verge of suffocating in that house. So he thought of walking a little around the neighborhood, maybe even getting rid of the pressure he had on his chest. The pressure has been there since... the night with Jennie. He felt so many strong feelings until now, but nothing compared to this one. It was as powerful as other feelings. Because of it, he couldn't breathe normally. There was a knot that didn't allow him to.
But this feeling was somehow different. It wouldn't only appear at the night. It was permanently there.
Jungkook smiled painfully as he heard those two officers loading their guns, now their footsteps could be heard closer to where he was hiding.
A few steps to the left and everything will be over.
After all, they were there to kill him if it was needed.
Why not? Isn't this what I have always wanted?
For everything to come to an end?
After a few more seconds, after he took a few deep breaths and his heartbeat calmed a little, he decided, he straightened up and took a step to the left.
"Before doing something... Please... Please think of me first. "
"Remember. If something happens to you... It wouldn't be only you hurting. What do you think would happen to me? I... wouldn't be able to move on. As long as you are safe, I will be as well."
Jungkook stopped. He hit the building wall with his fist as hard as he could.
Fuck.
Placing his other hand on the wall more for support, he closed his eyes tightly as he cursed once again.
Damn you. Ah... Damn you girl. Stop invading my mind. What the fuck did you do to me?
Jungkook grabbed his head and pressed his back against the wall as he slid down to the ground. And he cried. For the first time since he left you, he let his tears flow freely and trickle down his cheeks.
Why? Please... Let me go.
There's nothing here anymore.
The two officers were close. Jungkook knew that it was a matter of time until he will be caught. Shoving his hand inside his jeans pocket, his fingers wrapped around the knife he had been carrying with him. It seems Mingyu forgot to hide one despite Jungkook's warnings. He was tired of this. He didn't want to hurt anyone. Not anymore.
That stupid doctor.
But they suddenly stopped. He could hear someone talking to the police officers and then they walked away.
Jungkook let out a deep breath before collapsing to the ground. He couldn't understand what just happened. They saw him entering that alley. He was sure about it. Placing his arms on his bending knees, he rested his head against his arms. His heart was beating incredibly fast. He was scared. For the first time, he felt scared of being caught or even worse. For the first time, he cared about himself and his safety. Until now he never cared. Not when it came to his life.
Because of you, everything changed. And he hated you for that.
Because of that, he couldn't stop crying.
Because he felt trapped by you.
"I found you. "
Jungkook's eyes widened, his heart missed a few beats at the feeling of a hand on his shoulder.
"Finally I found you. "
He was still sitting on the ground with his forehead rested on his arms. He bit his lip painfully, feeling the same hand moving and resting on his head.
And another tear rolled down his cheek.
"I am so sorry. I told you that I would let you go and that I would not stay in your away again. But I was worried. Mingyu told me that you disappear every night. Yesterday you didn't even go home. I had to know if you are alright."
"I am so sorry. I will leave as soon as possible, don't worry. Now, please... Go back to Mingyu's house. I can't take knowing you wandering around the streets of Seoul at night. Next time the police will catch you or hurt you. "
Jungkook didn't say anything as your hands wrapped around his trembling form. His eyes softened, the knife he was holding slipped from his hand as your hands tightened around him.
"Are you hurt somewhere? "
Jungkook lifted his head and looked at you. Your heart had been racing for some time now. Since you saw the police officers running after someone. And you hadn't been able to tell who that person was. You didn't see anything apart from his back. But after all, it was enough for you to recognize him. You could recognize him anywhere.
So you ran after the police officers and told them that you saw Jungkook running in the opposite direction. You told them that you were scared because he looked dangerous and he was holding a knife. It was a miracle that they believed you. After all, they didn't have any reason to suspect you.
Now when his eyes finally stopped into yours, you finally could breathe.
"Don't look at me with pity. I don't want you to see me like someone weak and pitiful."
"I never looked at you that way. But I can't stop worrying. "
"I am not hurt. "
You smiled at his whispered words.
"Thank you. " You tilted your head as you stared back at him, into his teary eyes. Your chest tightened as you traced your fingers down his cheek.
"You are looking at me. " You let it out, your voice shaking, your chest burning under his intense gaze.
"Finally. Do you know how long I have been waiting for this? For you to look at me. "
"I know. " The words slipped out of his mouth as you cupped his cheeks in your hands.
"Ah... I missed you. "
Jungkook bit his lip. He averted his eyes from you. Again that new feeling invaded his insides.
"Why did you run away? I... You didn't feel at home anymore? "
Jungkook shook his head. He closed his eyes feeling how he started to suffocate. In his throat was a knot that brought him new tears.
"I... Did something wrong? "
"No... You couldn't possibly do anything wrong."
Jungkook showed you a sad smile. But he still couldn't look your way. "
"You don't want to see me? "
"Please leave. "
"I will. " Your voice trembled. "I promised that I will. As soon as I see you safe. "
"Why did you have to come? I wanted you out of my life. "
"I know. "
"I... Hate you. Because of you, I feel this way. "
"I know. " You said softly as you caressed his ruffled hair.
Looking at him, searching his face with your eyes, you couldn't force yourself to smile anymore. You were tired of pretending every time.
Then you saw it. You saw a hickey on the side of his neck.
As always. It will never be me.
I will never have this chance. To be this close.
It will always be someone else.
Your lip trembled. You bit it until your lip bleed as you stubbornly held in your tears.
Why do I still care this much? Ah. What a stupid question.
You shook your head before grabbing his shoulders and bringing yourselves up on your feet. You are not important right now Y/N. Snap out of it.
"I will take you home. " You grabbed his hand tightly and pulled him after you.
Now you knew why he couldn't look at you.
Now you knew the real reason.
He felt guilty.
You took a deep breath.
"Didn't I tell you that you are free? That you can do whatever you want?
If you didn't hear me, then I will say it again. You don't owe me anything. Don't look at me like you're feeling sorry for me. I hate that. You are not an object that belongs to someone. "
Jungkook's eyes widened as his head snapped up. He didn't say anything back as he watched your profile thoroughly.
"Just make sure to do and say what you really feel. Nothing else is more important than that."
Jungkook smiled.
As always. So strong huh? Sometimes it can be really annoying. Do you know that?
Do you ever break?
Jungkook's eyes saddened as he shifted his gaze down to your hands that were clasped together.
Would you ever let me go? What about you? If you are worrying this much about me. Then who is going to worry about you? You don't care about that?
You opened the front door of Mingyu's house and pushed Jungkook inside. But you remained in the doorway, not moving an inch.
Jungkook turned around and looked at you for a few seconds before averting his gaze to the floor.
Your eyes saddened, even more, when you saw Jennie entering the living room.
"Oh. So you found him. " Jennie said bored as she jumped on the couch.
"Mingyu was right. You really do find things. People like you are really boring."
Your eyes instantly caught hers.
Jennie was sure that you will snap at her. You didn't do that though. You didn't give her the satisfaction. You smiled, but your eyes were cold, freezing her to the bones.
"You better hold in your intelligent remarks and be careful from now on what you say or do. Because I will find out." You warmly smiled her way, confusing her.
"Mingyu told me that you are a kind, sweet little girl. " Jennie laughed as she stood up from the couch, approaching you slowly. It seems he has a wrong impression of you. "
"I don't know how Mingyu sees me. If I am kind or sweet, it's because he deserves it. But kitten... I am not like this with snakes disguised as bunnies."
Jungkook smiled at that.
He knew your other face. That bitchy side of yours. He didn't see it often though, only a few times.
Flashbacks.
"And why do you think you can satisfy me? "
"I don't care, baby, now are we done? "
"Oh wait. I didn't know the walls could talk. "
End of flashbacks
"You can't be serious. Don't tell me you like this thing. "
"I don't understand how Mingyu trusted you. You better keep your mouth shut about all of this, or I will sew it for you, just to make sure. "
You smirked as you pulled a needle out of your pocket.
Jungkook raised an eyebrow. You shrugged your shoulders, a wide grin plastered onto your face.
"We always have to be prepared. "
Jungkook wondered what else you could possibly have in there.
"Mingyu trusts me because he knows me. I don't care about winning your trust. It's nothing to me. "
"Fair." You nodded your head. "Then I will trust Mingyu. " You grinned as you put the needle back into your pocket.
You seemed calm and chill about everything. But seeing the girl who slept with the most important person in your life, you felt like grabbing her hair and taking her head off.
But you had to keep everything inside. You had to swallow your pain and disappointment. You couldn't let him see how much he hurt you.
"So... How could you stay so many years with this girl? " Jennie's gaze moved on to Jungkook who was still looking your way.
Your eyes caught him, your heart was pounding in fear. You couldn't deny that you felt scared. Maybe it was indeed a pain for him, having to listen to your idiocy every day.
But Jennie saw something you didn't. You couldn't be aware of it because he always watched you like that. And Jennie knew better. She could see the difference.
She rolled her eyes annoyed, that night lingering in her mind.
"You will stay here. At least for a couple of days. If not, then you will take him with you. " Mingyu pointed out his finger toward a lost Jungkook sitting on a chair, somewhere near one corner of the living room.
This was the first thing Mingyu said as soon as he came back from work.
"I can't do this anymore. This idiot doesn't eat.
Doesn't sleep.
In fact, he doesn't do a damn thing. "
Jungkook tried to protest by lifting a finger but Mingyu cut him off.
"He doesn't want to talk to me. He doesn't collaborate. He knows very well that I have to know about his condition. But he doesn't talk.
He avoids the subject and then he disappears. I can't live like this. As much as I want him to stay here, I have the impression that he completely forgot what could happen if the authorities... "
"I will leave. " Jungkook said firmly as he stood up.
"You will sit down and shut up. " You glared at him. And jungkook obeyed.
"Why can't you sleep? " You still asked.
Jungkook raised an eyebrow as he kept silent.
You rolled your eyes.
"There's nothing that I can do. " Your shoulders dropped.
Mingyu groaned. "Are you telling me that you will let him act like this? "
You bit your lip troubled. Then you nodded your head quickly.
Mingyu's lips parted in awe.
"It's like you are expecting to see me doing miracles. " You annoyingly crossed your arms against your chest.
"I am a human, not a saint. " Your eyebrows crushed.
"But you are always coming up with something. " Mingyu complained. "You are weird. Don't stop being like that now. "
"Well thank you. And how do you want me to make him cooperate?" You raised an eyebrow as you tilted your head, waiting.
"Torture him. "
"What? You can't be serious. " You started to laugh at his childishness.
Jungkook raised an eyebrow.
Mingyu saw that.
He grinned.
"There are other ways of torture. "
You instantly remembered your conversation with Mingyu about Jungkook acting jealous because of Jinyoung.
You couldn't do that. First, you had no idea if he still had feelings for you. Second... You couldn't risk it. You had no idea what Jungkook was capable of doing. When it came to him, you had no idea what to expect. As well... You couldn't risk hurting him. In the end, your heart would hurt more.
Your gaze locked with his.
But deep inside your heart, you wanted it. You craved for it.
To see him losing his mind over you.
To see him jealous. Just a little.