Dane and I spend Saturday night riding his motorbike along the highway, carefree with the wind in our hair. When the sun sets, we make our way back to his apartment. “Thank you, Dane,” I whisper as we climb off his motorbike. “What for?” he asks as he takes my hand in his as we walk towards the front door. “For everything Dane. I don’t know what I would do without you,” I reply, squeezing his hand tightly in mine. “Ditto, babe”.
Once inside, Dane instructs me to sit on the lounge and close my eyes. With nervous excitement, I do as I am told and wait patiently for whatever he is doing. “You can open your eyes, Lacey,” Dane says hesitantly. I take a deep, calming breath and then open my eyes slowly. It takes a while for my brain to comprehend what I am seeing, making Dane nervous. “I’ll understand if you say no, babe” he rushes out quickly, heat creeping up his handsome face. Before me, Dane is down on one knee, a small box nestled in his big hands. “Is this what I think it is?” I manage to squeak out, my hand flying to my mouth in astonishment. “Yes. Will you marry me, Lacey?” Dane replies nervously, his eyes pleading with me to reply. “Yes,” I reply swiftly, tears pooling in my eyes. Dane lets out a rush of air and then places the small box in my hands. Leaning forward, I place a kiss on his cheek and then open the box. I am bewildered when I find it empty until Dane holds his left hand up to my face where I can see a ring tattooed on it, the penny finally dropping.
“You want to tattoo a ring on me? How have I not noticed yours before now” I question incredulously? “I did it this morning while you were asleep,” he says sheepishly. “Presumptuous of you”, I reply with a laugh at his audacity. “I would never presume anything when it comes to you, babe. I just knew you wouldn’t be able to resist me,” Dane says with a smirk. “I don’t care if you want to explore your feelings for other men, but I want you to have my last name. That is not negotiable. I want to claim you as mine in every way possible. I will say this though, if any of them ever hurt you once they are in a relationship with you, I won’t hesitate to kill first, ask questions later,” he continues with conviction, making a shiver run down my spine at how protective he was. Pulling Dane to his feet, I wrap my arms tightly around his trim waist and kiss him until we are both panting for air. How I got so lucky to have a boyfriend, no, fiancé, I correct myself with a giggle, like this is beyond my comprehension. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world being in his arms. Dane makes me feel safe, cherished and loved, and I will spend the rest of my life making sure he feels the same.
Dane pulls away from my embrace. “Ready?” he asks with a serious expression. “Always”, I reply with a grin. Finger tattoos hurt like a bitch, but I stay as still as possible because I don’t want to ruin the design. While I know, tattoos are permanent. I will wear my engagement ring with pride. Dane takes my hand in his, carefully cleaning my ring finger with an alcohol wipe before shaving it with a razor and wiping it down. When the needled touches my skin, I grit my teeth. When Dane is finished, he has a triumphant smile as he looks down to inspect his handy work.
“It’s perfect. I love it as much as I love you, Dane,” I say, this time allowing the happy tears to leak from my eyes. Dane leans forward and kisses the tears staining my cheeks. “Rainbow dash is going to be pissed off that I beat him to putting a ring on your finger”, Dane laughs, clutching at his stomach like it is the funniest thing in the world. “He must know that we have been together forever though and that he didn’t stand a chance”, he continues, still laughing. I swat him on the shoulder playfully. “I have a feeling he will just put a ring over the top of it”, I state with a giggle, making Dane instantly stop laughing and narrow his eyes, no doubt picturing the same thing and seeing the truth in it. “Come on, big boy, let’s get some dinner and then head to bed. I want to get up early tomorrow so that I can spend as much time as possible with you before you have to take me home,” I say solemnly. “Babe, don’t be upset. We are eighteen next year. We won’t have to be apart much longer. I promise to visit you as often as possible, and I would love it if you could stay with me over the holidays.” He replies, soothing some of the hurt simmering in my soul at the prospect of having to leave him again.
Dane and I wake up early Sunday morning, and he makes me pancakes and bacon again, knowing how much I love it. I pout at him when he declines to cook naked again, though, siting a minor burn he got on his groin last time from bacon grease. “I guess that is a good excuse, this time” I laugh as he piles my plate high with fluffy goodness. “Mmmmm, I will never tire of your cooking, Dane”. “I hope not, babe”, he replies, gesturing to my engagement ring. “You are kind of stuck with me now”. “You mean you are stuck with me”, I reply with a snicker. Poor bastard, I think with a snort. We finish breakfast in record time, wanting to ride to the coast and spend some time at the beach before Dane must take me home. Sighing, I shrug my leather jacket on and follow him out of the house.
Several minutes into the ride, my stomach cramps and I am suddenly queasy, so I signal for Dane to pull over. Jumping off the back of the motorbike, I barely make it to the nearby bushes before I spectacularly lose my breakfast, Dane holding my hair out of my face while my body dry heaves for several seconds afterwards. “Lacey, when was your last period” Dane queries, his eyebrows drawn together in concern. “Umm,” Fuck. When was my last period? “Oh my god. No,” I respond, dread pooling in my stomach. “Come on, babe, time to take a trip to the chemist”, Dane replies gently as he leads me back towards his motorbike.
At the chemist, Dane insists on buying several brands of pregnancy tests to make sure the results are accurate. Once back at his apartment, I am nervous as hell as I take the brown paper bag from his hand. “Whatever the outcome, babe, know that I will stay by your side. I know we have always used protection, so there is no way the baby can be mine if you are pregnant, but I will raise it as my own if you allow me. Together. As a family,” Dane declares as I nod numbly and trudge towards the bathroom. “Will you come with me, Dane? I don’t think I can do this myself,” I whisper, hot tears stinging my eyes. How could I have been so careless? I am not old enough to be a mother. The thought scares the shit out of me. What if I turn out to be a shitty mother like my own. “Don’t overthink it, babe, let’s just get this over with and go from there, ok?” Dane says, sensing where my thoughts have gone.
After peeing on several sticks, Dane and I pace nervously in the bathroom, waiting for the timer on his phone to go off. When it finally sounds, I can’t bear to look at them so ask Dane to do it for me. He lets out a loud sigh and then picks the first one up, his face slowly morphing into a grin. “We are pregnant, Lacey”, he beams, obviously happy that we will be a family sooner rather than later. “Check another”, I beg, hoping that the first one is faulty. He checks the other three and confirms the same. I slide to the bathroom floor, blind panic starting to grip me in its clutches. Saint. He was the only one that I stupidly had unprotected sex with. Oh my god, how am I supposed to tell him? The flood gates open, turning me into a blubbering mess. Dane slides down beside me. “This changes nothing, babe. I still want you, and I want this baby with you,” he says, running his hand absentmindedly along my stomach. His words do little to soothe me. I can’t be pregnant, I repeat like a mantra in my head.
I don’t know how long we sit on the floor together, me crying hysterically and Dane holding me gently, but it is soon afternoon, and even though I don’t want to leave, I have to get home. Pulling myself together, I wipe the last of the tears from my face and stand on shaky legs. “Can you please take me home, Dane?” I ask in a small voice. Hating that I have not only put myself in this position but Dane also. “Ok, babe. But promise me you will think about what I said. I know ultimately that it is your decision if you want to keep the baby, but as I said earlier, I will be there with you every step of the way. I will even start looking for work closer to you so that I can provide for and take care of you and the baby,” he replies with a warm smile.
It is after seven PM when Dane drops me off on the front porch of my father’s mansion. “Do you want me to come in, babe?” Dane asks as I dismount from his motorbike. I know that he has to be at work early tomorrow morning so convince him that I will be fine and thank him profusely for everything he has done and continues to do for me. Watching him ride away, I can’t help but feel so lost, afraid and lonely, wishing that things had been different. That I wasn’t pregnant. To someone who now considered me beneath their status no less. The thought of having the necessary conversation with Saint weighed heavy on my heart, but I knew it was something that I must do. I wouldn’t deny anyone the chance to know they were a parent or the opportunity to be in their childs life. If they so wished. God, how did my life become so complicated so quickly?
Shouldering my duffle bag, I kick my converse off at the front door and hesitantly open it, hoping that Ryder is nowhere to be seen. The last thing I need is a run-in with him knowing just how angry he will be with me for taking off. Of course, I can’t be that lucky, though, because as I try to walk as fast as I can while staying silent, the devil himself calls out to me from the family room. “Neat little trick with your phone Lacey” he sneers, his footsteps echoing behind me, letting me know he intends to have it out with me. I turn around, and his following words die on his lips when he takes in my red, blotchy appearance. “Are you ok, Lacey? If Dane has hurt you, I will kill him,” he seethes. “Right, because you are the only one allowed to do that, isn’t that right, Ryder. Please, leave me alone. I am tired and feel sick. I don’t have the energy to fight with you right now,” I reply with defeat. Ryder’s mood swings give me whiplash. He treats me like shit but is quick to come to my defense like a fucked-up version of a white knight. I turn away from Ryder and trudge up the stairs before he can say anything else. Dropping my bag onto the floor, I head straight to the bathroom, a long soak in a bubble bath enticing me. It was just what I needed to help me relax and work out the kinks in my body from being on the back of Dane’s motorbike for hours. When the water goes cold, I wrap myself in a fluffy robe and go straight to bed, too exhausted to bother eating.
Last night I set my alarm so that I could be out of bed early and ready before Ryder woke up. Thankfully Matt had agreed to pick me up for school. I didn’t feel up to finding the head of the house to take me. I plaster a smile on my face when Matt pulls up the driveway. Meet me at our Spot by Willow playing softly on his stereo. “Good morning, Lacey. I have missed your face so much,” he says with a broad grin. His smile is infectious, and I find myself smiling back. “I have missed your face too, Matt. Thanks again for giving me a ride to school,” I reply as he shifts the car into gear and turns the volume up to sing along like a dork.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in”, Lyndsay sneers as I enter the cafeteria. I swear if the bitch tries anything today, I am likely to snap. It wasn’t just myself I was defending now if she decided to throw hands, and I would make sure I took her down before she ever gets the chance to touch me again. “Fuck off, Lyndsay”, I snap, making my way towards the lunch line. I grab some bottled water and a few dry crackers, not wanting to be sick in front of everyone while at school and hoping like heck that I managed to keep this down. I spot Lawson waving like a crazy man at a table, sitting with Ryder and the guys. I offer him an apologetic smile and small wave but decide to find Matt and sit with him instead. I wasn’t in the mood to sit with them. I needed to prepare myself for the inevitable conversation with Saint, a conversation I was dreading.
The rest of the day passed in a blur. I sat with Matt in most classes and caught up with Lawson as I promised him I would. I even agreed to hang out with him in the pool after school. How could I refuse when he looked so damned happy to see me, his joy making me hate myself more because of the bomb I was about to drop on everyone. I had two bombs to drop, the first one I concealed in the sleeve of my jumper, not that I was ashamed of being engaged to Dane but because I didn’t have the energy or will to explain it to anyone right now.
After school, I asked Matt to wait for me in his car so that I could talk to Saint. He gave me a questioning look but agreed. Thankfully I didn’t have to wait long before Saint came out of the school, heading for his car. “Saint”, I called out after him, hating how my voice was already betraying me. “Yes,” he replied simply, halting to turn and face me. “What is it, Lace?“. “Can I talk to you in private later, please?” I said, straightening my shoulders and forcing myself to sound stronger than I felt. Saint studied me for a moment and then nodded his head in agreement before walking away. Fuck my life. This was not going to be easy.