Constantly
Nang makarating kami sa kwarto ay gumawa agad ako ng distansya mula sa kanya. I placed myself on a safe place while I watch him remove the blanket. He then removed his slippers and crawl up on the bed. Kampanteng humiga lang siya doon. He placed when of his arms on the space left beside him.
"Come here." He murmured sleepily.
"A-Anong gagawin ko diyan?" giit ko. "Rhysand, I swear if you'll make me do something--"
"You asked me if you could do something." Pagputol niya sa akin. Seryoso na ngayon ang mukha niya. I-I... I didn't expect he would take that too seriously. "Just lie down with me..."
My brows furrowed. "Are you asking me to sleep with you?"
Napahimas siya sa noo niya at pinaningkitan lang ako ng mata. "We've done that for how many times in a year, Aria."
"No, no... I meant the other meaning of that. Y-You know... You know the thing that couples do? Paano ko ba sasabihin ito?" I frustratingly scratched my neck. "You uhm... I mean we... we m-make-out and then--"
Tumatawa-tawa lang siya. Natahimik nalang ako at kinuha ang isang unan malapit sa paanan niya. Tinapon ko iyon sa mukha niya. He just shoved that away and sat up. Bumalik na sa pagiging seryoso ang mukha niya. I gasped when he suddenly removed his shirt, revealing his clenching biceps and veins on both his arms and neck that almost looked visibly stiffening.
He made a little crawl towards the edge of the bed, enough just to reach my arm and pulled me in. I shrieked when my back hit the pillow, at napapikit nalang ako ng tuluyan nang humarang ang dalawang braso niya sa magkabilang gilid ko. He's... He's on top of me.
Hindi ako nagmulat. I heard his soft laugh before I felt his breathing on my ear. "Relax. Wala tayong gagawin," sambit niya, pero iba pa rin ang ipinahihiwatig ng tono niya.
"Are you sure about that, Rhysand?!" I couldn't contain myself. I didn't know he literally meant this! W-Wala akong alam dito!
"Well, no. Pero kung hindi mo ito gusto... And if I'm making you uncomfortable or scared, then we'll definitely won't do it. Ayokong ako lang ang may gusto nito, Aria. When you're ready and when you want this too, then that's the time we can do it. I know this will be your first... I don't want to screw it up." He murmured. "I just want to let you know that I constantly want you."
Dahan-dahan akong napamulat. "So... Anong gagawin natin dito?"
He smiled then slowly brought down his head. Our lips collided and he immediately brought our hands together. Nagtagal ang mga labi niya sa akin. I never got the chance to kiss back, or to even try to do it because I was to occupied by the movement of his lips. He was just gentle. Too gentle. Ramdam ko rin ang ngiti sa mga labi niya habang hinahalikan ako.
He spent another few minutes on my lips before stopping. Bumukas ang mga mata niya. Matagal niya akong pinagmasdan bago bumuntong hininga.
"Did you regret this, Aria? Because we're here in this situation? Pinagsisihan mo bang naging kaibigan mo ako? Pinagsisihan mo bang nandito ka sakin at napapalayo sa pamilya mo?"
I stilled.
"We've talked about this..."
"Sinabi mo lang ang mga iyon para hindi ako masaktan, Aria. You know I would easily feel bad--"
"It wasn't for that, Rhysand. I meant what I said."
"Aria, please... Don't lie to me. I know you've been in so much pain because of all of this. Hindi pwedeng araw-araw nalang nating babalewalain iyon. At some point, you need to get mad at me... At them... At your classmates and teachers--at everyone... You got hurt because of us, Aria..."
Napailing ako. "Bakit? May magbabago ba kapag magagalit ako? Hindi ba wala naman? So why would I waste my time being miserable when I could still find ways to be happy? I'm happy here with you, Rhysand,"
"But you being here with me wouldn't fix anything..." He murmured. "Is this still okay?"
"I don't think I can fix my family," I faintly smile. "Because if I try to do that... Masisira ang kung ano ang mayroon sa kanila ngayon. My sisters... I can tell they are living the best lives with them. Siguro mas iisipin ko nalang muna ang kapakanan nila sa ngayon... They deserve the best."
"But, Aria..."
"I thought you wanted me to stay here? I thought you wanted me to fall in love with you? Bakit parang nagbabago na ang isip mo ngayon?"
He immediately shook his head. "I just don't want you to have regrets with me... And why would I change my mind? I've been waiting for this my whole life." He smiled and brushed my cheek. "Well, are you?"
"Am I what?"
"Falling in love with me."
I folded my lips, trying to hide my smile. "Hindi pa ba halata, Rhy?"
Kumunot ang noo niya. "W-What?" He gasped. "I... I didn't know. Since when?"
"Since you kissed me." I shyly murmured.
I had the urge to lift my hands to his face. Ngumiti ako sa kanya at hinawi ang ilang hibla ng buhok niya sa noo niya. "Wala namang masama doon, 'di ba? And I think we're too committed enough to each other for me to say no... or push you away. I already loved you as a friend, Rhysand. I know I can love you so much more than that..."
"Aria..." He gasped. Parang hindi pa siya makapaniwala sa nadinig niya. His eyes are widely opened above me. Because of our closeness, I can slightly feel his heart bounding on my arm. Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso niya...
Mas lalo pa akong napangiti. Bahagyang inangat ko ang sarili bago bumulong sa kanya.
"I trust you with my heart, Rhysand."
---
Time went by so fast.
Lumipas ang halos dalawang buwan ng pananatili ko sa apartment. I tried my best at school to chase my grades and at the same time look for new job. Kaso sa ngayon wala pa rin akong may mahanap. And Rhysand also prefer me not working, para daw maka-focus lang ako sa pag-aaral. But, I don't want to relay on him.
I haven't seen anyone from my family too since that night when I saw them altogether. Hindi na rin ako nag-aya pa kay Rhysand na puntahan sila o bumalik sa bahay. Tiniis ko muna lahat. I just let everything be until I would know that Dian has fully recovered. At ayoko rin makasagabal kina Bea and Calli sa kanilang pag-aaral. I don't want to ruin their focus, that's why I figured out that it's better to leave them for now.
But there's never been a day that they haven't slip into my mind.
I hope this day makes a difference.
"Malapit na ba tayo?" Pang-ilang ulit ko ng tanong kay Rhysand.
He just shrugged on the driver's seat and folded his lips as if trying to hold himself from answering me.
Napasimangot ako.
Inaya ako ni Rhysand na samahan siya sa kanyang training ground nila ngayon. Today's a special day for him because he'll finally get to have his first actual flight for 50 nautical miles. Ilang beses na rin siyang nakapalipad ng aircrafts pero ito ang unang beses na susubukan niya ito ng walang may nag-a-assist sa kanya. It's more of a test drive for him, then after that he'll finally have his student pilot license rewarded to him by his instructor.
Sinabi rin niyang hindi makakadalo ang parents niya dahil nasa states ulit sila. So I'll just take a video of him later para may makita rin sila. I'm sure they'll be proud of him for this.
I've been staring at him while he drives.
Ngayon pa lang gusto ko ng maiyak para sa kanya. Goodness, this must be a milestone for him. Magiging piloto na talaga siya... And someday, he'll be a part of the military's air support kagaya ng gusto niya. He'll enter military aviation. And this will be a stepping stone for him...
"What?" He chuckled while glancing at me. "Tunaw na tunaw na ako dito, Aria..."
Mahina akong tumawa at lumabi. I folded my hands and leaned on them to stare at him more. Maluha-luha ko siyang pinagmasdan. "Parang kailan lang noong pinag-uusapan lang natin yung araw na 'to. Plano mo lang 'to noon, Rhy... Now, you're finally doing it. I still can't believe it."
He smiled. "We stick to our plans. We'd do all of those together, right?" He said. "Madami pang kasunod nito..."
I silently nodded. I'd be happy to see his successes... Pero gusto ko rin naman na makita niya ang sa akin. I hope I'm not failing too much in that. "Oo naman... Madami pa."
Nakarating kami sa training ground nila. It's my first time to be here that's why I couldn't help but to be nervous in the place. Masyadong malaki ang field nila, and there were runways all over the place. Walang masyadong shelters at napakadaming iba't ibang uri ng mga aircrafts ang nakaparada sa nga gilid. Most of them were helicopters and jets. But what caught my attention was the small plane prepared in the center field.
He wore his shades before unbuckling his seatbelt. Nauna siyang lumabas bago umikot sa harapan ng sasakyan para buksan ang pintuan ko. Lumabas din ako agad at mas nilibot pa ang mga mata sa lugar. I tied my hair as the strong wind hit me.
Rhysand shut the door before pulling out his cap from his pocket. Sinuot niya iyon sa akin at maiiging inayos sa noo ko bago pinagsaklop ang mga kamay namin. He took my hand before walking straight the people waiting for him on the field. I think they were his instructors and some of his batch-mates who are also taking their flights here the same as him.
"Kinakabahan ka ba?" Bulong ko sa kanya habang papalapit kami sa kanila. All of them looked so serious!
"I am... Pero mukhang mas kinakabahan ka pa kaysa sa akin, Ri." Bulong niya pabalik at bahagyang tumawa.
He pulled my waist closer to him that made me felt more shy. There were some audiences here too. Mukhang mga kamag-anak... o girlfriends ng mga batch-mates ni Rhysand at halos lahat sila nakatingin sa direksyon namin! Ang mga seryoso nilang mga mukha ay unti-unting napawi at napangiti sa paglalakad namin.
Oh, my goodness. Our first public display of affection.
"J-Just remember to focus up, okay? That t-thing is huge, Rhysand. Hindi natin alam kung ano ang pwedeng m-mangyari sayo diyan..." I stuttered.
"Come on. Wala ka bang tiwala sakin? I'm like the most confident here, Aria..."
Sinapak ko siya sa braso. "Kahit na! Hindi sapat ang pagiging confident, Rhysand... Competence over confidence." I murmured.
"Yes, ma'am." He winked at me before glancing at his instructors and batch-mates. Tinanguan niya ang ilan sa kanila bago humarap ulit sa akin. He heaved a deep breath before holding me on both of my shoulders. "Right. You wait for me here, okay? Mabilis lang 'to... Date tayo pagkatapos."
Hindi ako natawa sa sinabi niya. Mas lalo lang akong kinabahan. Does that mean he'll fly that thing faster? Magmamadali siya?
"Take this very seriously. This is your future, Rhy. Kaya gawin mo 'yung best mo para dito..." huling paalala ko.
He just nodded his head before kissing me on the cheek. "I am taking this seriously..." He whispered. "So you better watch closely."
I nodded at him before he let go. Nakipagkamay siya sa mga instructors at mga ka batch-mates niya bago dumiretso na sa plane. Some tapped him on the shoulder as he walk straight to it. Binati naman niya sila at kinawayan bago pumasok na ng tuluyan sa loob.
I saw from inside the glass the way he put on his helmet and other safety gears before clicking on the engines. Kumalabog naman ang dibdib ko at bahagya ng napaabante. I took out my phone and prepared the camera.
Nasapo ko ang bibig ko sa kaba nang magsimula ng umabante ang plane sa runway. Nagsimula na akong mag-video. The first thing that I've caught was the cheers of his batch-mates to him near me.
I suddenly felt like crying. This day must really meant so much for them too...
Rhysand's speed had gotten faster. The gray plane started lifting from the ground. Tinuon ko ng mabuti ang camera sa unti-unting pag-akyan nun. I zoomed in to make sure he's slightly visible from the window too. Hindi ko na rin napigilan ang sariling sumigaw.
"Go, Rhysand! Go! Taasan mo pa! Go, Rhy!" I screamed at the tip of my lungs. Medyo nahiya pa ako dahil sa mga katabi ko pero nakisabay nalang din ako sa sigawan nila.
"Go!"
I saw the instructors wrote something dow on their folders as Rhysand ascended higher. Kinakabahang tinuon ko rin ang camera doon. I can feel my hands trembling. He's flying too fast! Shit, mukhang nagmamadali nga siya...
After moments, he disappeared from our sight. Ilang minuto rin ang tinagal bago namin namataan ulit ang plane sa iba ng direksyon. Many clapped when they saw him again. It took a while before he started to descend, maneuvering from above so swiftly towards the ground.
Napaalis ako sa kinatatayuan.
The video kept rolling as I ran. Nakababa na ang plane niya sa runway at mabilis itong rumaragasa ngayon papalapit sa amin. After a while, it started slowing down, until it finally stopped.
Napahinto ako sa pagtakbo ng may ilang hakbang na layo mula sa mga instructors at mga pamilya ng iba pang mga piloto. When I saw the door opened, I immediately zoomed in to him. Kuhang-kuha ang pagtaas niya ng dalawang kamay niya na para bang kapapanalo lang sa loto. He has this proud grin on his face as he waved at his co-pilots and instructors.
Palakpakan at hiyawin naman ang binalik sa kanya ng lahat.
I put down my phone before making my way to him. He also jumped down from the plane and made a small jog all along the runway towards me. Binuksan ko ang mga braso ko at sinalubong siya ng yakap.
"Congratulations!" Bati ko kaagad.
"Oh, my gosh, Rhysand! Ang galing mo... Ang galing galing mo! That was too high up! How did you that?"
He just laughed and buried his face on my neck. Sandali siyang nanatiling nakayakap sa akin bago ako hinarap. His smile never leaving his lips and eyes. "I don't know. Ang alam ko lang ay hindi na ako makapaghintay na lumapag ulit."
I haven't been more happier for him.
I took some pictures of him with his instructors and batch-mates as they were handed down their medals and certificates. May maliit na ceremony ang naganap bago nagsiuwian na rin ang lahat. Pero nanatili pa kami ni Rhysand doon ng ilang oras pa para kumuha ng mga litrato niya. Sigurado akong ipa-paframe niya na naman ang karamihan sa mga ito.
We spent the rest of the day beautifully. We celebrated his license and his successful departure. Gumala kami sa iba't ibang lugar. We visited museums, the port, and we drove around the town and took a lot of pictures together. Kumain rin muna kami sa isang seafood restaurant, where we had a little bit of beer too. Nang mapansin kong napaparami na siya ay doon nalang kami nagpasyang umuwi na.
To our apartment.
And that night, after I filled my jar... something unexpected happened between us...
I gave myself to him. Not because he wanted me to had all my firsts with him... But because I started to want him too... So suddenly and so constantly.
***
-kimsyzygy