Little Hearts
Lumipas ang araw na puno ng mga katanungan at pangungutya sa akin. As I've expected, most of my profs asked me the same questions my classmates asked me. Parehong sagot lang ang binigay ko sa lahat. Na nagkasakit ako at na-ospital.
May ilang profs na hindi ginawang big deal ito, but most of them really demanded for an explanation, and so I have no choice but to extend the lie. Sunod-sunod na mga pakiusap naman ang ginawa ko sa kanila para hayaang bumawi ako sa mga exams na na-miss ko.
Thankfully, some of them let me. Pero may iba pa ring mahirap nang pakiusapan. Which is understandable dahil may mga subjects na rin kaming nagsilabasan na yung mga grades at hindi na 'yun mababago pa.
So I was left no choice but to do what I can. Do my best while the year hasn't end yet. Hindi pa naman huli ang lahat... Kahit mga makapasa nalang at wala ng mga parangal. Babawi nalang ako next year.
Sumandal ako sa sasakyan ni Rhysand at tahimik na hinintay siya roon. Late na kami pinakawalaan at mukhang ganun rin sila. Wala ng masyadong students sa school ngayon. I kept on thinking about how I was welcomed here, by my classmates and teachers, but most of all, I kept on thinking about Ashen.
I hope I made things clear to him. I feel so sorry and guilty, pero mas mabuti na rin iyon kaysa sa mas magpatuloy pa kami sa pagkikita. He deserved so much better in everything. I hope he'd forget about me sooner.
But the secrets about him that he trusted me to keep ever since we met, will always be safe with me... And I know a part of me would miss him.
Pero nakapagdesisyon na ako at napag-isipan ko na rin ito. I cannot be too attached to him if I'm going to be with Rhysand.
Pinaglauran ko ang mga kamay ko habang nakaabang sa parking. Few minutes passed and I finally saw him walking out from the court hall. Nakasabit nalang sa balikat niya ang uniporme niya at bago na ang suot na parang kakagaling lang sa gym. Looks like he's having his trainings again.
Nag-aalalang sinalubong ako ng mga mata niya. He made a jog on his way to me. Napaalis naman ako sa pagkakasandal sa sasakyan niya at umayos ng tayo. He stopped in front of me before gazing at me from head to toe.
"May nangyari ba sayo? I'm sorry hindi kita nasundo nung lunch. We were given a three-hour test. Can you fucking imagine that? Hindi man lang nagsabi yung prof..."
Umiling agad ako. "It's fine. Hindi mo kailangang magpaliwanag. Sa room lang naman ako nag-lunch, eh..." I smiled. "At wala. Walang may nangyari sa akin. I told you I can handle them." I grinned.
Parang nabunutan naman siya ng tinik sa sinabi ko. Napahinga siya ng maluwag bago tumango-tango. "Then perhaps you've heard about..." He didn't manage to finish the sentence before his brows raised.
"Yung usap-usapang buntis daw ako?" Bahagya akong natawa. "I didn't mind them, Rhysand. Why? Do I look fat to you?"
"No, of course not. Ang payat mo, Ri..." Reklamo niya at napailing nalang.
He leaned closer to me that made me took a step back. Napasandal ulit ako sa sasakyan at napasinghap sa ginawa niya. His mouth parted them closed again. Dumapo ang mga mata niya sa bibig ko bago mabilis na umiwas. U saw him gulped.
"By the way..." He murmured. "I saw you with him."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "With who?"
"With the Aphelion guy. I was on ur building's balcony waiting for our class. Nakita ko kayong dalawa malapit sa office ng org niyo." He cleared out.
"Oh..." I cleared my throat. "That was nothing... We just made things clear." Dahan-dahang napawi ang ngiti ko. "Sa tingin ko iyon na rin naman ang huling pagkakataon na mag-uusap kami. I told him about us, Rhysand... And he respects my decision."
His eyes brighten up. "About us? You really mean this, Aria?"
Lumapad pa lalo ang ngiti ko. "Oo naman... Sabi mo nga, 'di ba? Level up nalang natin. I will trust this process..."
He grinned widely. Napaangat ang tingin niya at bahagyang napabuga ng hininga na para bang kanina pa may nagpipigil sa kanyang huminga. He shook his head before reached for my hand on my side. Marahan niyang dinala iyon sa mga labi niya. "You won't regret this. I promise."
He slowly leaned forward. I heaved a deep breath before I felt his lips brushed mine. This is the second time I felt his lips but still feels so new. Gusto kong mapamura sa isipan. I have no idea how to do this!
Luckily, it was only just a peck. He just chuckled afterwards and pulled me to the other side of the car. Habang ako ay nanlalamig lang na sumunod sa kanya. The feeling of being kissed by your best friend? Definitely, awkward... but sweet.
Napailing ako sa sarili. I really need to chase these adjustments we're having. Kailangan ko nang sanayin ang sarili ko dito.
"May gusto ka bang puntahan? Mall? Or do you want to head back to the apartment?" He asked me as I sat down the passenger's seat. Nanatili siya sa tabi ko at humilig sa nakabukas na pintuan.
"Wala akong pera, Rhysand..." Paalala ko sa kanya. "And I'm sure my parents freezed all my accounts. Hindi na ako makakapag-withdraw. And I know you. Sa tuwing magma-mall tayo ay parati kang may binibili. Tumatagal ka pa sa pagpili... You should stop spending so much, you know?"
He just nodded then sighed. "I've been constantly saving. But if not in the mall, do you prefer somewhere else? Saan mo gustong pumunta?"
I suddenly remembered the jar that Ashen gave me, and its instructions. Napangisi ako nang may naisip. I opened my bag to check if I really brought it with me and forunately enough, it was there. Dinala ko talaga ito kung sakaling magkita kami ni Ashen sa apartment building... He might've wanted this back after hearing from me, but after our talk this morning...
"We'll visit my sisters just like you said this morning. Pwede ba nating gawin yun, Rhy?"
Tumingin siya sa kanyang relo bago kumunot ang noo roon. He glanced at the sky as well which are now a little bit dim. "Sa tingin mo nasa school pa sa ganitong oras? What time do your parents pick them up?"
Umiling-iling ako. "Sinusundo sila ng driver. Sa schedule ni Calli, 4pm yung uwian nila. But I don't know want time do they usually got home. Madalas kasi ay diretso tayo sa resto... Hindi ko na sila naaabangan sa bahay..."
"You have a family driver and everyone's been fetched from school except for you? Hindi ko alam 'to, ah." He folded his arms in front of me.
Napaiwas agad ako ng tingin. I honestly have no intention of telling him that. Dahil mas kailangan naman ng mga kapatid ko na may nagda-drive sa kanila pauwi. At isa pa, nasanay naman na ako na nagco-commute lang o naglalakad.
"It's no big deal." I murmured then glanced at the sky. "Pero sa tingin ko rin ay... hindi na natin sila maaabutan." Napabuntong-hininga ako at mabilis na binalot ng lungkot. Sinubukan kong huwag nalang isipan ito dahil may bukas pa naman. We could go there in a much earlier time.
"Hey..." Rhysand grabbed my hand.
Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kanya. Umalis siya sa pagkakasandal sa pinto ng sasakyan at lumapit sa akin. He glanced at our hands on my lap before bringing them towards his lips. Kumunot ang noo ko nang bigla nalang siyang ngumisi. "We could sneak in to your house later. Pwedeng-pwede 'yun. We could enter through your room or one of your sister's so you can be with them. Kunin mo na rin lahat ng gamit mo roon."
Natawa ako at tinampal siya sa braso. "Baliw ka ba? I c-can't do that! Magmumukga tayong akyat-bahay, Rhy. Mapapahamak lang tayo!" sumbat ko. "I prefer not to. Makakapaghintay pa naman ako ng bukas..."
"Hmm, okay." He silently nodded. "Then what do you want to do?"
It's my turn to smirk before I pulled out the small jar from my bag. "It seems really childish, but I want to start filling this. Nasabi ko naman sayo ang tungkol, 'di ba?"
Tumango-tango siya. Naguguluhang tinitigan niya ang jar. "You want to fill it... with me? What for?"
Nagkabit-balikat lang ako. "Gustong-gusto ko talaga gawin 'to noong Grade 7. But I didn't get a chance to do it... I figured out that maybe it's not too late for me. W-Wala lang... Sayang naman yung experience kapag itatapon ko lang 'to 'di ba?"
He chuckled amusingly. "Tama." Pagsang-ayon niya agad. "Hindi na ba counted diyan yung ilang taong magkasama tayo? We've been together, Aria. We've always loved each other even as friends before. We can recall the special times we have and pile them there. Pwede naman 'yun 'di ba?"
Napalabi ako bago umiling-iling. "I don't think it works that way. We need to create new ones, Rhy. Iyon yung sinabi sa instructions..."
"Okay."
He closed the door beside me then ran to the driver's side. Nang makaupo siya roon ay hindi na siya nag-abalang suotin pa ang seatbelt niya at mabilis na pinaandar na kaagad ang makina ng sasakyan. I hid the jar back inside my bag while staring at him, confused.
"Saan tayo pupunta?"
"Date," he simply answered with a smile on his face.
"W-What?"
"I want to take you out on a date." He repeated without hesitation. "I wish I could've done this years ago..."
"Rhysand..." Napayakap ako ng mahigpit sa bag ko. "W-Wala ka na bang assignments o iba pang gagawin? Hindi ka ba hahanapin sa inyo?"
"I'm free for the rest of the day. Sinabi kong madami akong gagawin at gagabihin para umuwi pa." He just grinned and winked at me. "Don't worry about it and just enjoy the night."
Wala naman na ako nagawa pa kung hindi ang tumahimik nalang. I just silently watched the road while he our way out of the school.
Hindi pa kami masyadong nakakalayo ay lumiko na siya sa isang daan. I sat up straight when I saw a funfair ahead. Malapit ito sa plaza na katabi lang ng school, pero medyo tago rin ito. Mukhang may maliit na celebration dito ngayon. I even saw students that are from our school as well.
Diretso lang ang pagmamaneho ni Rhysand doon. Napabaling ako sa kanya. "We're going there?"
He nodded with a smile on his face while eyeing me burst into excitement. Naalis ko na ang seatbelt ko agad dahil sa tuwa. Hindi na ako makapaghintay at binaba na ang bintana ng sasakyan para lang makatingin ng maiigi roon.
"Your jar with little hearts gave me an idea," Rhysand muttered beside me.
Mas lumapad pa ang ngiti ko nang mabilis siyang maiintindihan. Childhood. Napakadaming bagay ang hindi ko naranasan noon. At isa na ito... I've never been to a funfair before as a child.
We have this in school if it's foundation day or a special. Pero hanggang tingin lang talaga ako noon dahil wala akong kasama na subukan ang lahat ng ito. The Colleges were separated that's why I can't be with Rhysand. While my parents never took me here because they said it's too dangerous.
I pushed the car open and immediately ran to the entrance when we finally stoppen. Dinig ko naman ang halakhak ni Rhysand sa likuran ko. Mabilis siyang sumunod sa akin at agad na bumili ng tickets.
I wanted to cry. I suddenly remembered how much I begged my parents to be in one these rides, pero kahit pumasok ay hindi ako hinayaan. At ang inisip ko na simula nun ay hinding-hindi ko na ito mararanasan pa.
"Angkas, Aria!" Tumawa si Rhysand bago hinigit ang braso ko sa paglalakad. He squatted--his back facing me while his arms ready on both of his sides.
Napahalakhak ako at napailing-iling bago yumuko na lang din. Mabuti nalang talaga at hindi ako nakauniform ngayon. I folded my arms around his neck as I settled myself on his back. He immediately grabbed my legs on his waist before standing up.
I nuzzled my face on his shoulder, thinking nothing else in the moment just to savor what I can tonight. His head slightly tilted back to me. Napakurap-kurap siya bago napahinga ng malalim.
"Damn, I'm so in love with you..." He whispered all of a sudden. His eyes beautifully gleaming along with lights all around us.
I clutched my hands on his chest. I didn't answer him because I know he's not expecting an answer from me too. Pinisil niya lang ang mga kamay ko gamit ng isang kamay at nagpatuloy lang sa paglilibot.
I was looking at ferris wheel and the other rides while I'm settled on his back. Pansamantala ulit akong hindi nag-isip ng kung anumang problema at hinayaan ang sariling maging masaya lang. We tried simple games too like ping-pong. He also bought souvenirs from different booths.
"Wait here. Bibili lang ako ng fries. Is ice cream okay with you, Ri? I couldn't find any drinks with less sugar."
I just nodded before sitting down the bench. Pagod akong sumandal roon pero hindi pa rin naalis ang ngiti sa labi. Nakailang booths na ba kami? Gusto ko ng subukan yung mga rides!
"Ayos na sakin yung ice cream. Please, be quick. Wala ng masyadong tao sa ferris wheel, Rhy!" Tinuro ko pa ang ferris wheel. Marami nang bakanteng mga upuan roon.
He just chuckled before running to the nearest store.
I played with my fingers while waiting for him. Napunta ang atensyon ko sa isang banda na nasa kalapit lang ng mga stores. The band played a soft song while couples were surrounding them--may they be old, teenagers, or adults. I watched the vocalist while he's strumming his guitar and doing lulls. He instantly reminded me of someone.
Napabuntong-hininga ako bago umiwas ng tingin. I don't want to be by it...
Tumayo ako at akmang susunod nalang sa store kung saan pumasok si Rhysand nang may mahagip ako sa kalayuan na nagpatigil sa paghinga ko.
I saw from afar my parents and my sisters happily walking together with Manang Liz. May maliit na oxygen tank na dala si Manang na nakakabit kay sa ilong ni Dian. Hawak-hawak siya ni mama sa kanyang braso habang si papa naman ay hawak ang mga kamay nina Bea at Calli na nakasuot pa rin hanggang ngayon ng kanilang mga uniporme.
I notice my aunts and auncles with them too. Mukhang dinalaw nila si Dian at dumiretso nalang dito upang mamasyal. All of them... looked so perfectly fine without me.
Most of my aunts were surrounding Dian na para bang inaaliw yung kapatid ko. My mother was laughing hard as they did it. While my auncles are beside my father. Kasalukuyan silang naglalaro sa isang kid's game. Bea and Calli were cheering them. At sabay silang napahiyaw nang lumabas na winner sa board game. The facilitator handed my auncles tickets and toys. Without a doubt, they immediately handed the toys to Bea and Call even if they were too old enough for those.
Samantalang noong bata pa ako, sa tuwing lumalabas kami, ay wala man lang may sumasama ni isa sa kanila. They always say that they are busy... Kahit na sina mama at papa. They always told me that I'm too old enough even if I'm still just a kid. At ngayon na wala na ako... hindi ko inakalang magsasama-sama na sila ulit ngayon...
Halos maluha ang sa kinatatayuan.
I... I don't understand... Ano ba ang nagawa ko sa pamilya namin? Sa mga nakikita ko sa mga mukha nila... Bakit... B-Bakit parang walang halaga lang ako sa kanila?
"Waffles lang yung available--Aria?"
Pumaharap ang katawan ni Rhysand sa akin. He placed down the foods on the bench before glancing where I was looking. Malutong na mura ang agad na kumawala sa bibig niya.
Kinuha niya ang mga pagkain namin at nilagay ang mga iyon sa loob ng supot. He grabbed my hand without muttering another word then pulled me away. Hinila niya ako hanggang sa makalayo kami at mapunta sa parte ng plaza na wala ng masyadong tao.
Nang makarating kami roon ay doon ko na lamang nagawang hayaan ang mga luha kong kanina na pang nagbabadyang lumabas na bumuhos nalang paibaba sa mga pisngi ko.
***
-kimsyzygy