Flashbacks. Questions. More flashbacks, heartbeat racing, heat building. More questions.
What happened last night?
She knew what happened obviously, because she was present. What haunted her the most besides the dreamy experience with him was how easy it was to cross that line, to blur it completely, to get comfortable on the other side of it.
She saw herself as someone with morals, someone who knew what sha wanted, someone loyal, someone who knew how to tell wrong from right. Somehow she was the one moaning his name last night, caught up in the excitement, inte the thrill and the heat of it all.
But it was dreamy, perfection, everything she imagined and more. He was immaculate, intoxicating, loving and just everything she craved right now. Her need for him was far from fulfilled. She just had a taste of heaven and now she craved more of it.
His smile flashed in front of her eyes, taking her right back to reality in the sunny breakfast room.
"Hi....", he said shyly, not being able to keep the eye contact with her.
His usual confidence seemed absent today, he seemed warmer, his walls were finally down.
She smiled back at him , her cheeks slowly blushing.
"Hi....", she replied and covered her eyes with her sunglasses. He followed her lead, covering his.
"Somehow I feel like this conversation is easier with shades on...", she said, smiling at him.
"I can't stop smiling...", he said, now staring at her behind the comfort of his dark shades. "Last night was...".
"I know...", she replied ."It was magical".
He nodded, now leaning forward on the table, reaching for her hand. He held it in his, softly playing with her palm.
Her body turned into a sizzling heat pot. She knew what his touch could do now, what kind of euphoria he could take her too.
"You are everything to me, I hope you know that", he whispered. "I'm falling madly in love with you each minute I spend with you".
Those words were all she wanted to hear from him, some confirmation that he felt it too.
" I'm in love with you too...I can't deny it anymore", she replied, kissing his hand.
He reached for her sunglasses, removing them, wanting to look at her beautiful soulful eyes staring at him with that complete expression of love and admiration that she had right now. Same as his.
"I'm going crazy...last night was insane....are you okay?", he asked concerned.
"Don't worry about me, I didn't do anything I didn't want to", she answered, calming his anxiety.
"Yeah...but we....you know...it escalated pretty quickly last night....", he continued, still with a worried shy expression.
"It did...I didn't plan it to...but I loved every second of it...I wanted more too...", she replied, pulling him in for a soft kiss that took them right back to last night.
He moaned quietly into the kiss, pressing his lips tightly on hers, finding the warmth and comfort of her tongue.
"Don't tempt me to take you right back to that room", he whispered between the kisses, grabbing her jaw, pulling her lips as close as possible.
His eyes were reflecting a golden honey colour in the sunshine, matching the magic of his smooth vibes. Everything she wanted and needed was him right now, if that was all she got, it would still be perfect. She would have been happy.
What an insane thought. If this was all she got, she could easily say that she had been happy in her life. Everything about him seemed so simple.
Maybe that was the beauty of it, simplicity. Preserved simplicity, because nothing about this was simple. Time was going to run out for them eventually, they both knew it.
"Tae...what are we going to do?", she asked and a hint of melancholy entered her voice with the realisation that this was insanely complicated.
"I have no idea...but I'm going to make sure we enjoy every moment we have with each other. Because if these coming months is all we have...I want you to leave knowing I loved you to the fullest", he replied, his husky voice sounding as sad as hers. "Don't worry, we will figure it out...".
The same way he could make her insanely happy, he could also make her feel the deepest of sorrow. Everything regarding him was deeply intense regardless the mood of it. Just thinking about leaving him one day brought tears to her eyes and clogged her airways with anxiety.
"Hey...don't be sad yet. Before we get to a goodbye we are going to enjoy our time together. No regrets", he said softly, wiping her tears.
The busride back to LA was another quiet session. Everyone enjoyed their naps, including Tae and Emma after last nights adventures, and they napped next to each other, hands intertwined with each other.
At the house in LA, Namjoon rushed to Emma's room, knowing something was off.
"Spill the tea friend..", he said as he got comfortable on her bed. "Don't even deny it, I know something went down last night. I saw you two kiss on the bus on our way there".
Emma's startled eyes stared at him in total panic. He was her best friend, but how was she going to justify herself after last night. She knew what she would tell herself if she was Namjoon.
"I don't know where to start even...", she replied and sat next to him.
"From the beginning maybe?", he urged impatiently.
"Okay, okay...but promise me you won't judge. You have to promise me to listen to this with an open mind", she replied with a serious gaze.
"That bad, huh?", he said surprised.
"Promise!", she said with a strict tone.
He nodded.
"We...I can't believe I'm saying this. We spent the night together last night, he ended up in my room because I begged him to sleep next to me", she burst out quickly, looking terrified.
Namjoons eyes turned wide, his facial expression hiding nothing. This was certainly not the Emma he knew.
"Wait what?", he answered.
"I know...it's bad right...I begged him to come with me to my room, I never beg, I'm so embarrassed!", she said and squeezed his arm hard.
"I mean...did you not want to?", he continued carefully.
"I did, oh my God, believe me I did want to, that's why it's terrible, I'm awful!", she replied, hitting her head in frustration on his forearm.
"Then Why are you being apologetic for something you wanted?", he asked confused.
"Jin", she answered.
"What about him?", he asked confused. "Did he not tell you to follow your heart too? ".
"I know but it's still so strange. Jin was all I had until recently, I feel bad for him, like I'm cheating on him. I know I was honest with him and he told me to find my truth... but still.... What am I going to do?".
" How far did you guys take it last night...I'm curious", he asked with a smirk.
Emma's cheeks flushed in deep red just by the thought of it.
Namjoon laughed out loud.
"That far, huh? Did you enjoy yourself?", he teased her by the look on her face.
"I did, it was the best night of my life with a man, and we didn't even get to you know...", she answered flustered.
"You didn't ride his dick? Really? I thought you could not wait to jump on it and would take the first chance you got", Namjoon said , now rolling on the bed laughing.
"Ah I hate you! Be serious for a second Joon, please", she plead.
" okay, okay... so what do you want?", he said after gathering himself.
"That is the million dollar question still... what could I want realistically? We are leaving in a few months", she said with a sad gaze.
"Ems. Listen , there is nothing you have to, or don't have to do. You are free to choose. That's the beauty of it. I just want to see you happy. If Tae is what makes you happy, let him. You deserve it, you deserve to smile like you do these days", he said softly, knowing she needed a friend at this terrifying moment.
Everything she knew and cherished had become undone in a few months time. Everything she thought was her and her needs as well. It was such an unfamiliar feeling to her to not know what was next. Was Tae just the refreshing feeling of newness or was he what she wanted together with the person she was becoming, partly thanks to him.
She wasn't sure she knew the answer to that, being blinded by her insanely deep affection for him. This love might as well be blind and blinding her to the fullest. She wasn't able to see the bigger perspective, her mind wanting only one thing right now and that was still him.