UNEDITED.
I will be updating again once we've reached our vote goal.
vote goal: 5,ooo votes!
[ 01 ] HEART POSTURE
TOSHA
The mellow whispers of the wind graced my skin through the opened slots of the window. White curtains gently rustled around me as I gazed out into the crisp, crystal waters. I took in the salty sea water and instantly was reminded of being in this space before.
"Glad to see you're up early for once," Matteo's voice bellowed behind me in a deep rasp.
I smiled as I heard him shuffling under the sheet. I turned to face him while still keeping my post at the window ledge.
I wasn't sure what time it was but from the looks of outside, I was guessing we were just at the peak of sunrise. The golden rays of the sun gleamed through the opened windows of his bedroom while the white curtains continued to dance.
He ran a hand over his face, then later ran it through his mangled curls. I watched him, biting my bottom lip as I thoroughly took in the strong outline of his jaw and the puffiness within his dark brown eyes. What really kept my attention was each and every flexed muscle in his back and arms as he manoeuvred around to awaken himself.
The sun's light was so bright and intense that it almost felt as if I was staring at this man through a glossed filter.
Inflamed streaks of ruby red strokes marked his back and I could only assume this was from my own doing. I tried to recall what we were up to the night before but only the current images of my reality seemed to stick to the forefront of my head.
"You're not worried that my neighbors will see you?" His voice caught my attention once more. Now he had pulled himself out of the messy bed and with long strides, began making his way to me.
I was more focused on his words at the moment and looked out of the window before speaking. "Worried? Why would I be worried about your neigh...?" Then my eyes shifted back to my person.
Staring down, I was stunned to realize that I was completely in the nude. My bare skin glistened under the sun's rays. What the hell was going on? How long had I been standing here naked in front of this open window?
"Oh my God. Why am I naked? Where are my clothes?" I began to panic. Why had I just noticed I was naked? Why couldn't I remember anything from the night before?
My lips dipped into a saddened frown as realization of my own nakedness seemed to shame me. I tugged on a piece of the curtain, hoping to shield myself which served no real purpose in doing much of anything.
Matteo chuckled, amused at my action, as he stood directly in front of me. My eyes seemed glued to him, from the top of his head where mangled curls rested down to the strong calves on his legs. A light gloss of sweat coated his toned chest and with him being this close to me, the scratches on his body were more prominent than what I'd seen before.
"I'm not sure what's going on but if I wasn't so sure of myself and my abilities, I would assume you don't remember the time we spent together last night." His voice was deeper than how he'd spoken prior. Each word sent an electric shock through my body and the urge to lunge into his arms tempted me incredibly.
To my amazement, he took a knee at the ledge of the window. I gripped the curtain over myself as I watched him kneel before me. His eyes connected to mine before they traveled down the length of my neck, slowly and meticulously analyzing the mounds of my breasts before he reached his hand out to touch me.
Firm palms pushed aside the flimsy curtains that I attempted to use as my shield. His masculine scent filled my senses and I shuddered as I felt the tips of his fingers swipe against my chestnut nipples.
"Matteo," I breathed out, my eyes shutting slowly as I tried to reduce the rate of my heartbeat. I couldn't understand what about this man compelled me to him with such a strong hold.
While one of his hands caressed my nipple so delicately, the other hands traced the curves of my body. I leaned my head back, relaxing at the familiarity of his touch. I needed this. I needed him.
"I don't ever want you to forget me." He spoke quietly. I felt his hand travel lower to my thighs, running a hand over the smooth skin. Heat seemed to transfer from his palms over to my flesh as he held my thigh over the crook of his elbow.
I shivered the moment I felt his wet lips make contact with the exposed skin of my thigh.
My hands cupped my breasts from falling over as I laid back while I was met with another kiss on my skin.
I sucked in a sharp breath. "Matteo," I repeated. It seemed as if his name was the only thing I could successfully get out at the moment. I was too hot. I was too turned on. I was too smitten.
The sound of something ringing caused me to open my eyes suddenly. I didn't know where the sound was coming from but the ringing seemed to bellow in waves of an echo.
However, Matteo either didn't hear it or completely dismissed it. His eyes were fixed on me.
"I'm not sure how you could forget last night. Look at me," He commanded.
I did as was told. Anything he wanted, anything he asked, any desire for him would be granted without much fight on my part. My current position didn't allow me to have much strength to resist him. And why would I want to resist this man? Why would I deny myself of the pleasurable experiences that this man could bring forth?
His eyes burned with intense desire. I mimicked his gaze, wanting nothing more than to allow him to have his way with me.
I found myself spreading my thighs for him, unable to disconnect eye contact. I was thoroughly invested in any and everything that he wanted me to remember.
He smirked at my compliance and leaned into me but the sound of the ringing alarm began again. Immediately I tensed, peering over to see if Matteo heard it this time. However, to my amazement, his physical form was gone. Where he once kneeled before was replaced by an empty void of nothingness.
The alarm blaring increased and only then had reality began to set in while I dozed out of a dream state.
I woke up in a heat. The hairs on my skin were raised at attention while goosebumps were sprinkled gently around them. My eyes adjusted to the misty sunlight that peeled through my windows and I mentally cursed.
Fuck, it was just a dream.
My lips frowned with annoyance as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, wanting nothing more than to fall back into that wet dream.
How could I possibly have had a wet dream about him after what happened a few nights ago? I felt sick to my stomach with myself. I'd felt so much guilt from what occurred with my father and felt obligated to fix things between him and I. Yet to my dismay, I was met by his past fling calling him at such a late hour in the night and him trying to turn the table around and spring up the entirety of my relationship with Xan.
I'd never kissed or had any sexual relations with Xan yet I'm pretty sure Matteo had seen every inch of Ada's body. The idea of them together made my stomach churn. I wasn't oblivious to his past however, I wanted to truly believe that that's what it really was: his past.
Seeing her name across his phone screen upset me to my core. How could he still be involved with her? Was I not enough? What was this game he seemed to be playing? Was I really the laughing joke behind this all?
I sighed to myself, becoming overwhelmed with it all once more. My body felt uneasy with the current flow of our relationship. I didn't feel as though I had enough strength in me to continue this back and forth gamble with him. I thought it was finally over. I thought the games were done. I thought we could fix this and finally start over.
I finally silenced the alarm that sat on my bedside table. Pushing the sheets off my body, I turned over and swung my legs off the edge of the bed. The savory smell of sausage and eggs took over my room as I inhaled and only then could I hear Niecy's voice as she spoke to someone.
I wasn't sure if someone was here in the apartment with her or if she was speaking over the phone.
I picked up my phone on the bedside table to see a few notifications on the screen. One was a missed call from my Aunt Shereé, the other was a few emails from the university and the last was a text from him.
I took in another slow inhale and exhale before sliding open the message thread.
The text read: Good morning, beautiful. I miss you and want to make up for the other night. Whenever you're free.
My lips began to turn upright but as I read the message again for the second time, my face settled back into a frown.
I was still upset. I needed to process a lot of what had occurred since I met Matteo. I've changed drastically and wasn't sure if that change was for the better or for the worst. Yet still, I was so drawn to him. I wanted nothing more than to call him and hear his voice. I wanted to see him and hold him close. However, there seemed to be too much resistance between us.
Maybe it was for the best. Maybe this was a sign from God that we shouldn't be together. Maybe this was God revealing the many truths that were hidden in our relationship. Sadly, in the same breath of thinking that way, what if God was allowing things to be brought forth for our good? What if these things were supposed to happen in order for us to become closer and establish a stronger foundation of trust?
My mind might explode soon from questioning the events in my life. I needed to stop overthinking.
I clicked the missed call from my aunt and waited as it rang.
"Hey! Put that down, Soto! Drop it! Drop it!" My aunt answered by the second ring but her voice was far from the phone as she shouted at her dog. She'd gotten a pug a few years after my mother passed as a support dog. He'd assisted her as she went through therapy from the passing of her sister and she loved him as if he was the child she never had.
"Hello? I'm sorry about that baby, Soto's been chewing on so many strange things in secret. I'm not sure what's going on with him. Let me go to another room so he doesn't hear me talking bad about him."
I smiled after hearing her words. Like I said, he was the child she never had.
"How are you doing, Nat? I spoke to KC a few days ago and she told me what happened."
I paused, rubbing my eyes a bit. "About what?" I asked, curious as to what KC had told our aunt.
"About your father's drinking habits and him needing surgery. She told me that y'all were at odds with him. I just want to know what's going on."
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I won't be seeing him much in the state he's currently in. Last time we spoke, the exchange of words on his behalf and myself wasn't the best. I'm not sure what to do for him anymore." I told her truthfully.
She sounded as if she was shuffling on the other end of the line. "I...spoke to him briefly to ensure he wasn't gone but he told me something that was quite interesting. Are you involved with someone he doesn't approve of? I know for a fact that my niece is a smart girl and you wouldn't date anyone who would distract you from school or mistreat you, right?"
I frowned. What exactly had he told her? I questioned the entirety of their conversation as my aunt didn't necessarily like my father much at all. Her reaching out to him to speak must have been from her believing he was terminally ill. Since the passing of my mother, although she'd never left KC and I, she always kept her distance from my father.
"I'm dat—" I paused immediately and switched my words. "I have someone in my life that he doesn't like based on certain things from the past." I told her.
"Hmm, Nat, aunty gon need a lil bit more than that." She told me sweetly. "Your Pops said you was, and I quote 'sleeping with the enemy'. Now you know once someone is talking about the enemy, my mindset goes to the underworld."
A chuckle escaped me as I understood fully what she was referring to. My mother and aunt were both raised in a very strict Catholic household. They went to church religiously as kids until they both began their own lives as adults. My mother grew out of the Catholic church ideologies as she set her eyes on more spiritual practices and focused on raising us and growing her cooking business. Aunt Shereé still followed but after the passing of my mother, she lost all hope in basically everything.
Depression and anxiety consumed her. Much like my father, she too began to dabble in substance abuse but not at the extremity of compromising her own health. After seeking much therapy, visiting healing retreats for women and fighting off her addictions, she began her walk in faith with Jesus again but left all the ideologies of the church behind her.
"I don't necessarily think he meant it that way, aunty." I informed her. "My boy....My friend is a bit more wealthy than we are and he's also white. Pops doesn't approve of it because of what we face in the world and from what happened to mom. I tried to reason with him, I tried to be there for him but he's stuck in his ways. I don't really know how I feel about it or what to do but last we spoke, he basically told me that I was cut off and a disgrace to the family."
"He did what?!" She reacted immediately after hearing the last sentence of what I'd spoken. For a moment, she paused and there was a long sigh over the phone. We sat there for a beat, the only sound passing through the line on her end was her breathing. I waited for her, knowing that she was evaluating the situation from an outside perspective instead of picking sides automatically.
"Listen, Nat. On my behalf, as I am aware of your father's character, I want to apologize for those vile words he spoke to you. You didn't deserve that crap. As you know, I resented your father for years after what happened to my sister. I've since healed that wound but the scar will forever be visible to me. Your father is battling something that he's allowed to become bigger than himself. We cannot change him and I don't agree to allow yourself to suffer under his scrutiny. Do not let his words move your heart posture to anything that doesn't reflect love. I don't have all of the answers but people reap exactly what they sow. Your father has sowed a lot of bad seeds with people and experiences and those things all come back to him with a price at the end. Love him from a distance but do not allow him to emotionally abuse and manipulate you based on whoever you're dating.
You are one of the smartest young women I've been so lucky to have met in my life. It's a huge plus that we are related as I see so much of myself in you. However, I want you to be better than me. It took me almost ten years to forgive your father and heal from what occurred. I don't want you to look back at your life and feel any regret as I did. We are called to live on this earth in harmony and love, to protect and support one another and stand as a united family. Life isn't always easy but never allow anything to change your heart posture."
Soto's barking sounded in the background and she sighed in frustration. "I apologize, it's early and he's been trained to eat during certain intervals of the day." She pulled the phone away from her lips and shouted at Soto. "Is it too much for me to have one minute to myself! I am coming!" After, her voice became clear again on the line. "KC will be staying with me until the end of Thanksgiving break. I know you're at university and are very busy, but if you want to join for Thanksgiving, I will send you money for a bus to Riverside. I know it's two towns over from Ridgeport but it would be nice to see you and have you over."
"Thank you, aunty. I'm not sure what I wanted to do for Thanksgiving but I will think about it for sure."
"Good. I want you to know that I love you and am extremely proud of you and your accomplishments so far. I know that your mother is proud of you as well. I don't care what this friend of yours looks like, as long as he is treating you right, there are no surprise babies on the way and that you are still focused on your studies, I support you, my love."
I chuckled at the last comment. "Thank you, I love you too."
Soto began barking again and she almost lost it. "Let me get off this phone because jealousy doesn't reside in this household and I have no idea what has gotten into him but best believe, it will not be here for long. Bye, Nat, we'll speak again later and don't be a stranger to ask for anything."
"Alright. Bye, talk later."
We hung up and immediately a weight seemed to have been lifted from my shoulders. Aunt Shereé spent most of her days focusing on her business and hosting healing retreats for women suffering from substance abuse, emotional abuse or physical abuse. Her busy schedule didn't allow for us to see each other often. However, she always reached out during the holidays which made me grateful to her. Her entire aura was so welcoming and full of love. I hadn't thought about what I would do for thanksgiving this year or even Christmas but now as the olive branch was extended, the idea of taking the trip to Riverside felt like the best bet.
A knock came to my bedroom door.
"Open!" I said.
Niecy stuck her head in. She wore a bonnet over her head and a huge smile on her face. She was dressed in a pajama set that I would assume she ordered during an online shopping binge.
"T, you up, up?"
"Yes, I could hear you in the kitchen making something and talking on the phone." I stood finally and laid my phone back on the bedside table as I approached her.
"For the first time in forever, I actually made us breakfast without burning anything." She smiled gingerly as she knew that every time she attempted to cook for us, something always turned out burnt. Even if it was a slice of toast.
"You? Made breakfast? Girl, what's going on? Are you feeling sick or something?"
As we made our way to the kitchen, she went into her bag that was on the counter and pulled out a set of keys.
"Not sick, just a new driving bitch!" She waved a brand new Lexus key fob in my face and jumped with glee.
"Oh my God! You got a car? You got a car!" I was excited for her.
Although Niecy's parents weren't very wealthy folks, they did right by providing for her as much as they could. Niecy also did right by them and focused on using all the resources she could to accelerate in school and not allow her parents' hard work to go in vain.
"I'm so happy for you! Oh my God!"
As she jumped up in joy, I found myself mimicking her action. I was so happy for her. Being a nursing student wasn't easy at all and I knew many things took a toll on her mental health. Taking the bus to multiple internships around town early was straining and she always spoke about how convenient having a car would be. I was so happy that she finally got what she wished for.
"Is it here? Do you have it right now?"
She nodded joyfully. "Yes! I wanted to show you last night but you came in late. My dad got it for me a few days ago and finally finished all the paperwork. It's in the parking lot right now! Girl, I'm so happy! It looks so nice and smells so fresh and new."
I began making my way to the door. "C'mon! You're talking way too much and not showing me! I wanna see it. C'mon!"
"Okay, let's go. No more taking the bus for us, bitch! We are drivers now, hunny."
We both made our way out of the apartment door, completely forgetting about the breakfast she'd made as excitement overwhelmed us. I was so happy to see her happy.
The past few days weren't the best for me, but that didn't mean good days weren't coming. Aunt Shereé was right. Although life wasn't always easy, I couldn't allow anything to change my heart posture. I wasn't sure where this relationship with Matteo would lead me but I knew where my heart resided when it came to him. This couldn't be the end.
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A/N: I won't be writing much author's notes to explain much of anything pertaining to the changes I've made to the story anymore after this note. The new ending that is at the beginning of this MATTEO version is the new ending of FOUR. If you do not like it, cry me a river. If you do not like me adding faith into this for the characters, cry me a river. If you only came here to masturbate to the sex scenes and are itching like a junky for one in every chapter, cry me a river and go seek help FAST. I am not being rude, I am being blunt and honest with each and every last one of you.
Reading takes a lot of time out of yall day and I would hate for yall to read content and stories that you do not like. I actually think you should seek help if you are torturing yourself by reading content and books that you do not like and commenting about how much you do not like it. Time is something you cannot get back, so why waste your own time on someone's story that you're claiming you hate and disapprove of?
I am writing for myself and writing content that I would like to read now or in the future. I want to give a real, down to earth story through real everyday events, authentic character/ development and dialogue.
I hope the real OG readers enjoy the story and all of the other stories apart of the Southeastern University Series!
I don't want to say what character will be next to have their own story but just know that I plan on creating a whole world within this university so I hope that you all enjoy it!
I will be updating again once we've reached our vote goal.
vote goal: 5,ooo votes!
I will post an announcement on my page with instagram handle when I go live either this week or next week for a book club session.
Stay blessed, never pressed, never stressed.
-JYN.