3 hours later
Beyoncé's POV
"Mama we missed you so much, Autumn and Mommy have been crying forever for you to come back.", said Winter.
"Winter that was supposed to be a secret.", whined Autumn pushing Winter.
These girls were a trip honestly.
Autumn and Winter were sitting with me on the jet.
Nicki and Rihanna drug me here even though I said I had a way back to the states. Honestly their calm manner was scary. I was honestly terrified to come back. A part of me wanted to stay checked into the center.
The four horrific years after Ivy's death honestly scared me to death. Looking at my baby dead in Solange's arms changed something in me, and I didn't know what to do.
I had already lost 3 children previous to my relationship with Nicki and Rihanna and losing Ivy was my last straw. I stayed strong through the last 3 losses but that one hurt. I didn't know which hurt worst, losing kids I didn't even bond with or losing a child I learned to love, adore and cherish.
I lost 4 kids and took the risk of losing the other 4 I had. I didn't wanna go to anyone, my heart was broken and with that I broke many heart.
The saying, hurt people hurt people, is so true.
I beat myself up for it for weeks in the center. I didn't talk, I went through the withdrawals in silence. I barely ate the first 2 months but I met a friend I hold dear to my heart.
Tina Turner.
(I feel like Tina turner needs to be in this story.)
She was an older lady who honestly changed my view of it all. She like me was heavily addicted to substances. She had been in and out the center for years but she finally decided to stay for what reason she never explained to me. All I know is that lady was my guardian angel.
She went through a lot of things and her story honestly showed me that I wasn't too far off.
I think her having the same name as my mother meant a lot also but she helped me get clean. She helped me clear all that darkness and replaced it with light.
Sweaty nights filled with hallucinations, throwing up, and shaking was made so much easier with her singing and praying. Her connection with God made the journey easy and capable.
I tried my best to convince her to check out speaking that she was obviously healthier but she refused.
Once I was out I fixed a couple of things and immediately called a jet to pick me up and fly me to Barbados.
Hearing Imani sing lightened my heart also. Solange and I wrote the song when we lived with mama. After our father left sadness filled the house so we wrote the song and that was our anthem.
So when I heard my baby singing a song that lifted us up so many years, to lift our family and friends up, it made my vision so much clearer.
What I pulled the last four years were unacceptable, and that mistake will forever be on my heart.
But I know that I can't change it, what I have to do is do better.
"Mama you know you've been staring out that window for 5 minutes, I didn't know the clouds were more precious than us.", said Winter.
"You know I think you need to stay away from mommy for a while.", I laughed. She either had Robyn's thugness or Nicki's attitude.
"I thought I was the only one.", mumbled Autumn.
"Jesus fix it.". I said.
I heard little footsteps and then Summer peaked her head around the corner.
"Winter and Autumn Ma wants you.", she said.
"Summer if you told on me for the Barbie dol—
"Autumn go see what your mother wants, and take your sister.", I said.
"Yes mama.", she said dragging Winter behind her.
Summer stood beside me with those honey eyes I missed.
"Hello Belle, how may I help you?", I asked.
"I missed you a lot, you still love us right?", she asked.
That one shook the hell out of me.
I quickly grabbed her up.
"Summer I don't care how much I curse, stomp, huff, or argue with your mothers, I'll always love you and your sister, no matter what.", I said.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm 100% positive."
"Pinky promise."
I stuck out my pinky and she wrapped hers around it.
"Pinky promise Belle.", I said before kissing her forehead.
She let out a cute giggle before wrapping her arms around me.
"SUMMER BELLE!", yelled Nicki.
"Oop, you are definitely in trouble.", I said.
She ran towards Nicki's voice.
Oh I can't say I didn't miss this. I'd be lying if I did.
I checked all my emails on my work phone and noticed just how much I had to handle. I was gonna make a call to Kelly but I remembered where I was and what Ms. Turner said.
"That money ain't gonna make you happy like your family child."
I put the phone back and looked up to see Imani standing at the bar pouring her some lemonade.
"Mani come talk to me real quick.", I said. She looked over her shoulder before closing the cap on the juice.
She walked over to me and held her cup with her head down. She sat across from me.
"Look at me Mani.", I said. She seemed terrified to be across from me.
"Imani.", I said sternly.
She looked at me with glassy eyes. I sat the cup down on the table and pulled her to me.
I sat her on my lap and wrapped her arms around me.
Her lights sniffles and hiccups could be heard and her warm tears felt.
"You know for the year I was in there I was terrified.", I said once she calmed down.
She looked up at me and I immediately wiped her tears.
"I know your pain baby, you know before you, your sisters, and mothers came in my life I had 3 kids.", I said.
Her face was surprised and confused.
"Well I was supposed to have 3 kids, everytime I tried to they didn't make it because a bad man hurt me, and losing the 3 of them hurt me so bad, a very close friend of mine I lost too, she was my first love, but she was gone before I knew it, well I wanna tell you, Ivy isn't alone, she has people to comfort her in a better place, she's somewhere where no one can hurt her, and it hurts that she isn't here with us, I know it does.", I said.
Her tears began to fall again.
"You can talk to me Imani, you can talk to all of us, you probably feel that we don't understand but we loved Ivy just as much, we all lost your sister, and understand.", I said.
She dropped her head.
"No dropping heads anymore, I know you remember this, what are you?", I asked living up her head by her chin
She looked at me like she wanted to say it. I knew she did.
"p-princess.", she said.
"Say it a little bit louder for the folks in the back baby.", I said hyping her up.
"A P-Princess.", she said.
"What type of princess?", I asked.
"A Strong Black Princess!", she said more clear.
"That's my girl, now we have a lot of talking to do, you know I've missed a lot and I know you know.", I said.
She nodded frantically.
I let out a laughed before kissing her forehead.
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Hey y'all I'm back, so I probably still have people on my ass but I'm making it better. I promise it gets better.
I love y'all 💚
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