2 days later, another routine started. We had just started our little tour of 3 shows in Paris, 2 of them on the same day in different locations. For me, those are the worst days, because of all the rush of moving to another city in a short time, and also because of the fact I get even more tired. On another day, I couldn't talk to Damiano about what happened that night. For a long time, I couldn't stop thinking about that second when he pushed me against that door and said all those beautiful things to me, but at the same time, I thought I'd better give up on that idea, after all, he was drunk, and so was I. It had been almost 2 days, and I didn't dare to confront Dam with that. I thought all sorts of things: that he has drunk and kissed me on impulse; that he took advantage of my vulnerability at the time; and I even thought it was because he missed Giorgia. The only thing I couldn't get through my head was that he had feelings for me. One way or another, life went on. I couldn't just stop focusing on work because of a stupid kiss.
After arriving at another hotel, having a sound test before the show, and being
prepared by makeup artists and hairdressers, I slowly started to forget about it. It also reminded me that it had been almost 6 months since I had been on a real stage, and that concert will mark my little comeback. Even better, we were participating in a festival where we were one of the headliners. The moment that I took a step onto the stage, I saw that environment, which was full of people, all very excited. It's in those moments that I feel like I was born to be on stage.
When the show ended, I wasn't feeling good at all. Inside the backstage, a person from our team was holding an oxygen machine. Unfortunately, that situation was already predictable in the smart minds of the team members. Even though I know that many artists need oxygen support before or after gigs, I was feeling like a freak. But at the same time, I felt so much better when I inhaled it. It reminded me a little of those old days when I was on oxygen until I fell asleep.
A few minutes later, I was feeling okay. A little confused about it all, but okay. I wiped my sweat with a towel, put on some clothes I had in my little backpack, and left my dressing room. As soon as I came out of the dressing room, I saw Damiano right next to the door. When he saw me, he pulled me to his dressing room. And of course, I immediately thought he was finally going to talk with me about what had happened 2 days ago.
"Victoria, I..."
"What are you going to tell me?"
"I wanted to ask..."
"So, just say it."
"Yes but..."
"Yeah but what, Dam?"
"CAN YOU STOP INTERRUPTING ME?" he said, slamming the door.
"Yes, well..." I said, slightly startled.
"Did you still need oxygen?"
"Yes, why? Suddenly did you decide to worry about me again? Or is this just another one of those excuses to talk to me?"
"You don't know what you're talking about, Vic, I've always worried about you."
"So, can I get out of here now?"
"You can, but... what thing I did so wrong?"
"Are we going to forget what happened 2 days ago? Damiano, you kissed me. You grabbed me, you... anyways. You know very well what you did to me. And then you pull me suddenly into your dressing room, wanting to talk. I guess it's normal that I thought you would finally put your pride aside and come back to talk to me and try to clear things up, right? I mean, I think that's the least you could do. But you can also let it go, you were drunk."
"But Vic..."
I was completely out of me.
I got in the van and tried to sit in a place where I was furthest away from everyone else. I must admit, all I felt like at that moment was to free all the tears I'd been holding back all that time, and get away from Damiano. But this time, I knew perfectly well that if I ran away again, the consequences would be much greater because we were in days full of interviews and stuff. So, I had to be strong as I have been so many times and hold on.
I had returned to the hotel more exhausted than ever. But I didn't have that much time to rest, as I only had 1 hour to take a shower and change into another outfit. Then I still had 2 interviews to give on 2 different radio stations, which would probably occupy me for the rest of the afternoon. Until the first interview, everything was going great, but after the second interview, everything started to go wrong.
Not only was I too tired, but the interviewer was also horrible. He started asking us very intimate things, like things about our partners, possible addictions, and even more and more rumors. In one of the questions, I noticed that Ethan was so uncomfortable that he asked the manager how much time was left until the interview was over. After each one of us was asked clueless questions, it came my turn.
"Victoria, what's the real reason for your absence from the stages? It's just that there are rumors that you were struggling with mental health issues, can you confirm that for us?"
When I heard that, I froze. What would I answer? I ended up not responding, not least because I wasn't feeling able to say even a word. During that awkward silence, I heard Damiano's voice echo in the studio.
"Victoria had severe tendonitis in her hands, which prevented her from playing bass. And all those rumors are false."
Had he just.... managed to make up a lie and protected me? As upset as I was with him, I couldn't help but admit that he saved me at that moment.
But during it all, not even Dam's protection helped me, and I was already in a giant mental breakdown. As soon as the interview was over, I held back all that pain I was feeling until I reached one bathroom.
I sat on that damp floor, and I didn't even think twice before picking up my little knife. After so many months of fighting, I was back to getting more scars. Those scars, which I used to hide with long clothes and sweaters on summer days.
Even though I felt a little relieved, I couldn't stop crying. A few minutes later, I heard Leo telling us to leave the place. At that moment, I had to improvise an easy and quick way to stop the bleeding. Since my pants were white and the cut was bleeding profusely, I grabbed a tissue, wrapped some toilet paper around my leg, and put even more tissues on the top. Then I fixed my hair, which was a mess, washed my hands, splashed some water on my face, and quickly went to the van.
When I walked in, the only one who seemed to have noticed that something was wrong was Damiano, who was strangely looking at me. But even so, I don't think he realized what had happened. When we got back to the hotel, I threw myself on the couch and slept for over 3 hours. Sometimes, sleep is also a good way to forget about problems. Before taking a shower, I sat on my bed and slowly removed all those layers of toilet paper that were wrapped around my leg. As I was taking off each layer, the area started to hurt even more. When I was about to remove everything, I heard the bedroom door open. Holy shit, Dami had found out, again.
I even tried to hide the cuts with a towel, but he'd already seen it.
"Vic... Victoria?"
"I know... I screwed up everything, again."
"You didn't screw up everything. It's like I said, we don't need to be strong all the time," he said, sitting on my bed. "Can I see.... the leg?"
"Y... Yes, of course."
When he removed all the paper, the cut area started to hurt even more than before. It was a little red, and it had weird spots.
"You better take a shower first, then I'll fix that," he said, looking into my eyes.
Suddenly, it seemed that all that discussion we had a few hours ago was already forgotten. For a moment, it's seeming also like that kiss was forgotten too. But it's like I said, just for a moment.
After I took a shower, he took care of my leg. He was the one who disinfected that cut, put a cream on it, and put some bandages there. After we lay in the bed for a while, he started to spread my legs apart and stared at me intently.
"What's going on?"
"You know, Vic? I didn't kiss you that night because I was drunk."
"Then why did you kiss me?" I asked, a little confused.
"For real, I don't know either, I just felt I needed to do it," he said, starting to make small circles with his finger on my leg. "And you, Vic? Why did you keep kissing me?"
That question was difficult to answer because, like him, I did it on the impulse of the moment. I ended up not answering her, and there was an awkward silence in the air until I spoke again.
"So, all those beautiful things... Did you mean it?"
"Of course, I mean it, Vic."
As we spoke, he was looking me right into my eyes. He wanted to get closer to me, and I to him, but we both knew that it was wrong.
"No, Vic sorry, I can't," he said, pulling me away. "I'm dating. And just because I'm upset with Gio doesn't mean I'm automatically free to have an affair with my best friend."
"I think you'd better have thought about it before kissing me, Damiano," I said, leaving my room.
-
hiii!
i really hope that y'all are liking the story!
tks for reading <3
mel.