Two days later.
Kaisyn wore a hood over her head with a pair of dark shades as she walked into the studio building.
She kept her hands in her pocket, walking inside the room that had Drew's name written on it, ceasing a conversation between him and Toosii, who she wasn't expecting to see here.
"Wassup Yani?" He smiled, wrapping his arms around her in a hug.
"Hey Na." She mumbled, her soft voice hoarse, and he frowned.
"You crying?" He reached to remove her shades, and she stepped back.
"Nah. I'm a lil sick." She chuckled, dapping Drew up, who she had eventually forgave.
"Right." Toosii nodded, not believing her as she walked in the booth, closing the door behind her.
"Play that beat I asked for Drew." She said in the microphone as she pulled the headphones on.
The beat began playing, and she waiting to sing the hook.
"So many things going on inside my life. So many things I wish I can turn into right. See where I'm from, its not that easy to survive; everyday another murder, another homicide." She sung, closing her eyes.
"If I'm being real, I rather die before I try to fake it. And ima keep, reaching for my destination. Its gone be hard cause the world is full of temptation; But I ain't scared cause my brother taught me how to face it. And I'll be standing here, ready for any situation."
"I lost my homies to the hood and my closest to the streets. I'm so tired of seeing caskets all I wanna see is peace. Lord please, won't you take me out this struggle shit, make me a better woman help me get hella rich." She sung, pulling away from the mic.
"Run it back." She cleared her throat, before listening to herself sing through the headphones.
Toosii watched her, seeing her normally fair toned face a light shade of red. She had her hair thrown up into a bun, wearing a pair of spandex shorts and an oversized hoodie.
Her voice was melodic, flowing smoothly on the beat. Kaisyn knew how to sing very well, but she stuck to rapping because she like that more.
She wasn't feeling rapping right now though. She always spoke real shit, but with this song, she wanted to talk that shit foreal.
Kaisyn was so tired. So tired of being strong, lonely, so tired of grieving. She was tired of it all, and it was very evident.
She just wished she could get over it. And she was actually going to try this time. She was going to try to let her past go, she wanted to be healthier. It would just be a very slow start.
"Say Drew, can you give me a few minutes with her real quick?" Toosii asked, and Drew nodded, walking out of the room.
Toosii walked in the booth, and Kaisyn looked up as he stood in front of her. He slowly pulled her shades off, revealing her puffy, dark red stained eyes.
"Kaisyn, damn girl." He wrapped his arms around her, and she sniffed, tears flowing down her face.
"Man I'm so tired of this life shit. I'm so fucking tired bra." She softly cried, and he rubbed her back.
"I'm so tired Nana." She mumbled, holding around his neck, sniffling.
"Sit down, come here." He pulled her with him to the couch, the two of them sitting down, and he intertwined their fingers as she laid her head on his shoulder.
"You can talk whenever you want. We got time." He rubbed her hand, resting his head on top of hers.
Kaisyn slowed her breathing down, trying to put together her thoughts.
"You ever felt so.. numb? Like nothing at all. No sadness, no anger or anything. Just-nothing." She mumbled, sighing in defeat.
"I'm not sure." He answered, his thumb grazing over the skin on her hand.
"I'm always so mad at the world. And I've always blamed the killer of my brother, but-it's not him, Nana. It's me. I'm the reason that I'm always so upset." She said, her voice low.
"Jaisyn was always a happy person. No matter the trouble we got into, he had a smile on his face the whole time. My baby teeth was so straight and white, he showed them mufuckas off whenever he could." She chuckled, and Toosii smiled.
"We was more than twins, you know? We was like the same person. We had that telekinesis shit, foreal. Like I would think something, and then he said it out loud, literally all the time."
"He was my best friend Nana. I lost my best friend, and I haven't been able to recover since." She mumbled, holding his hand with both of hers.
"I used to be so sweet. I mean, I always been a hothead, you know? I been fighting my whole life, been a hood nigga." She chuckled, and he shook his head at her.
"But I was sweet, and I still had a heart. I was nice, I didn't have a lot of friends, but I was nice to whoever I met. My heart was so pure, even after all the shit I did, the people I killed. I was still soft-and so, selfless."
"And then Jai died, and my world literally crashed. I ain't never felt pain like that man. Think about being able to literally feel your heart shatter, my stomach burned and shit."
"It felt like a part of me, my physical being, had been took. Like something was missing from my heart. His death was so hard for me, because there was nobody there to comfort me, to tell me everything would be okay, you know?" She began to cry, wiping her face.
"Nobody, no fucking body ever told me that I'd be okay. I had to get up and make a life for me, I was forced to be okay. I told myself that I'd be fine, everything would be fine." She mumbled, and Toosii's heart melted, able to literally feel her sadness.
"I'm so tired of pretending to be okay. I'm tired of being so hard, so tough. I wanna be a baby. I want somebody to tell me that they got me, that everything will be okay, just like Jai did." She softly cried, and he rubbed her hand, making her smile.
"I'm just ready for the pain to go. I wanna be happy, I don't wanna be this person anymore. But I don't know how Nana. I don't k-." She cut herself off, covering her face as she cried into her hands.
"I'm sorry Kaisyn." He wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back until her cries calmed down.
"Syani, you never gave yourself time to grieve." He told her, and she sniffed, her head on his chest.
"When he died, you said so yourself that you forced yourself to be okay. That ain't how you grieve. You never accepted his death, you just went on with life. You never actually processed it."
"You can't do that. If you wanna get over this, you have to accept that fact that he's gone. I know it hurts to hear, but he won't be back Kaisyn, and you can't change that mama. You have to accept it. And then you need to grieve, foreal."
"You have to acknowledge what happened, and take the steps to let it all the way go. You can't go back and change what happened that day, as much as you want to. It wasn't your fault Kaisyn."
"You can't hold his death over your actions. You still have plenty of time to become who you wanna be. Accept what happened, let it go, and forgive yourself, the killer, and Jaisyn. You have to forgive to move on Syani." He told her, comforting her the entire time as she softly cried.
She let his words soak in, her cries quieting as she calmed down.
"Thank you so much Toosii. I needed to hear that." She mumbled, wiping her face.
"You'll be okay. Not now, maybe not tomorrow and probably not anytime soon. But one day, you gone be okay. And it's gone be natural, you won't have to force it. You control your own life, don't let it control you." He kissed her forehead, and she smiled.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tight as he hugged around her waist.
"When you real, you gone go through a lot of shit. Stay solid though, you gone be good one day Kaisyn." He mumbled, and she sniffed, nodding her head.
"Thank you so much. You are so perfect Nana." She sniffed, wiping her face and kissing the side of his.
"Somebody gotta be the sane out of us." He chuckled, and she laughed, still wiping her face.
"Are you okay?" She asked, and he nodded, meeting her eyes.
"You so beautiful even when you crying like a pussy." He said, and she laughed, mushing his head.
"Thank you Na. Shit, this crying gone piss me off foreal." She cleared the lump in her throat, drying her face as he stood up.
"You finna leave?" He asked, and she nodded, grabbing her handbag.
"Come on, let me walk you out." He held the door open, and she walked through it, following him out of the room.
He held her hand as they walked out of the building, and over to her car.
"Thank you Nau'Jour. I appreciate you, foreal." She said, getting in her car and looking over at him.
"What?" She chuckled, meeting his eyes.
"Nothing, you welcome. I'm here to listen whenever you wanna cry." He told her, looking away because she'd caught him staring.
"Look at me." She said, grabbing his face and turning it to face hers, bringing him closer to her. Toosii's breath slightly hitched as she stared deep into his eyes.
"You got a girlfriend, don't try and get yourself in no trouble wit' me Nana. Respect her. You hear me?" She rubbed his jaw, and he didn't respond, mesmerized by her tone of voice.
"I ain't even do nothin'." He rasped, his eyes slightly lowering.
"You didn't have to. I see it all on your face that you wanna kiss me. And I'm telling you to let that go." She mumbled, letting his face go, and he licked over his lips.
"It wasn't like that. You just pretty so I was lookin'." He chuckled, and she smiled, rolling her eyes.
"Sure. Whatever." She smirked at him, cranking her car up.
"Just so you know, I would let Samaria fuck me before I let you. I'd fuck the shit out of her. She so pretty and I know that nani is too." She held his face with both of her hands, softly kissing his cheek, and he lowly groaned, making her laugh.
"Man stop, you slut ass girl." He pulled his face away from her, and she laughed again.
"You want a threesome I can give you that." He shrugged, and she chuckled.
"Nah. Threesomes are bad for couples. I wouldn't do that with y'all foreal I'm playing. We friends, that's it. And you my best friend, I'm not gone let sex come between that. Nice try though." She smiled, closing her car door and letting the window down.
"Lame, L, boooooo. Tomato, tomato, tomato." He opened and closed his hand, and she busted out laughing, making smile.
"Be safe Kaisyn." He waved, and she blew a kiss, before backing out of the parking lot.
y'all want a foursome sometime in the book? maybe five? 👀