Soulmates and Musical notes
I stood in front of Rhysand and began to cut his hair. I slightly touched the strands falling down on his forehead before brushing them back. Ramdam ko ang pagsunod ng mga titig niya sa akin. Tila ba’y sinusubaybayan ang bawat galaw ko. He looks threatened.
Napangisi ako. “Aayusin ko ang paggupit, Rhy.” I gave him assurance and laughed quietly.
I folded my lips then went closer to him. Pinagpatuloy ko ang pagsuklay sa mga hibla ng buhok niya sa noo. Mabuti nalang at may suklay siya rito, if not, I would’ve probably used my hands. Hindi ko na alam kung anong maging kakalabasan ng gupit niya kung ganun. I grinned at that thought.
“Aria, sinasabi ko sayo…” He grunted when he saw my grin. Having second thoughts now, Rhysand?
Mas lumawak pa ang ngiti ko. I leaned down towards him while playing with the scissors on my hand. I don’t why but this is getting really amusing. Unang beses ko pa namang gagawin ito sa kanya, at nae-excite pa ako.
“I’ll be gentle...” I muttered, assuring him again.
His breathing stopped. Napaawang ang bibig niya habang nakaangat ang tingin sa akin. He didn’t even flinch or heaved a breath on his chair for seconds that made me worried. His mind was suddenly somewhere far away from me. Parang naging lutang ang siya bigla.
I cleared my throat. “Masyado ka namang matatakutin. This is just a haircut, Rhysand. Scissors won’t bite.” I laughed.
He just bit his lower and slowly nodded, still in a trance. He’s just staring on the wall blankly like something fogged up on his mind. Napailing-iling nalang ako sa kanya at sinimulan na siyang gupitan. I started giving him small trims first.
“It’s not the scissor I’m worried about.” Tahimik niyang usal at pinukulan ako ng tingin. His mouth parted like he was about to say something but then closed again. Bumuntong hininga siya at inalis ang mga mata sa akin.
“We have classes tomorrow. What are you going to the about that? Siguradong hindi ka makakapasok dahil wala kang gamit… at ako din. I left my things in the house. Do you want me to get them? I’ll ask someone in your house…”
Mabilis akong umiling. Strands of his started to fall to my palm which made me smiled. Strange… but this is quite a relief. Ang sarap pa lang gumupit. Pakiramdam may magbabago sa kanya ano mang oras. His features will probably change… and that’s the exciting part. I don’t know what to expect and so does he.
“Hindi ako papasok bukas. Uuwi na ako, Rhy. But, you can go. I don’t want to bother you anymore because of this… Kagaya ng sinabi ko, problema ko ito at ng pamilya ko.” Kalmado kong bigkas.
“But, this is our mess, Aria.” He fired back. His eyes flared back up to me again. Hinawakan ko naman ang baba niya at marahang binaba iyon para hindi matamaan ang mata niya ng mga nalalagas na hibla.
“I know.” I murmured. “But this is something I have to deal on my own… and I don’t want you involved. Malapit ka sa kanila at ayoko namang mapagbuntongan ka.”
I shivered when his fingers suddenly held my hand that was holding his jaw. Marahan niya iyong hinawakan at binaba upang makapag-angat ng tingin sa akin. Natigilan ako sa paggupit sa ginawa niya.
“Remember what I told you this morning? That your mother asked me things?”
I slowly nodded.
“She asked me personal things about you… Too personal that made me question why me? Bakit sa akin niya tinatanong ang mga ito. She asked and asked, and I don’t know most of the answers, I wanted to leave--I'm just pissed. I couldn’t take the questions… They were more like insults than just random questions, Aria… Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. I just froze there even if I wanted to defend you.” His eyes glinted with anger. “But, I didn’t. Because I know you wouldn’t want me to do that…”
My heart pounded hard like it lost its rhythm. Tahimik akong tumango at bumalik sa paggupit ng buhok niya. I’ve constantly told myself not to cry, or ruin his haircut.
“W-What kind of questions?”
Kalaunan ay hindi siya nakapagsalita. He silently stroked my arm as if already comforting me. “If you’re doing something in school that she doesn’t know. If you’re taking drugs or having an affair with your professor. If you’re taking alcohols. If you’ve ever been in the Guidance Office. If you ever had sex… and how many guys have you made out with.”
A loud gasp escape my throat. Halos mabitawan ko na ang gunting sa sunod-sunod niyang mga sinabi. How could she… Of all people, how could she asked these to Rhysand?
“I would like to think that she asked those out of concern, but I doubt her. Why those kinds of questions when she can ask about how you’re excelling? How’s your health? About your friends and us… and not those kind of shits.” He growled lowly. Umangat ang galit na tingin niya sa akin.
I just nodded at him and gave me him a smile. “Let her be, Rhy. She can be… really straightforward sometimes. I’m so sorry because you have to hear those questions.” Huminga ako ng malalim. “At salamat sa pagsabi sakin ng mga ‘to…” I slightly leaned down tom him. His face was still bombarded by confusion, anger, annoyance, grief… but I didn’t mind. “I hope h-her questions didn’t change the way you look at me… I swear… wala akong may ginawa pa sa mga bagay na iyon. I have never tasted beer--or go to clubs--"
Umiling-iling siya sa harapan ko at hinawakan ang mukha. His both hands against my cheek, slightly pressing them as if he’s holding an outburst. “Not even a bit.” He shook his head.
“Not a bit--not even a doubt, Aria… Her questions only made me see you clearer actually. I’m completely convinced that I know you more than her now. Masama ba kung isipin ko iyon? It sounds selfish but that’s how it is for me… Mas kilala kita kaysa sa kanya. I wanted to claim that in front of her--in front of anyone.”
Tahimik akong tumango na may ngiti sa labi. “Yes, you knew me more that her.” I agreed instantly. Hindi ko na pagdadalawang-isipan ang isang ito. But, if there would be a chance where my mother and I are okay, I would tell everyone how much she knows me and I know her just as how a mother and a daughter’s bond should be.
That was one of my dreams actually. Our family, familiar with each other and happily travelling the world together.
“Rhy?” tanong ko pagkatapos lumipas ang ilang minuto. I’m almost done with his back and the sides of his head. Sa harapan nalang at tapos na ako. I gazed down to him, making sure he’s not yet asleep or something.
“Hmm…” he hummed before his eyes opened. Gumuhit ang ngiti niya nang masilayan ang pagtitig ko sa kanya. “What is it, my Aria?”
My cheeks heated. Mabilis ko siyang hinampas sa braso. “Lasing ka pa ba?” malakas na usal ko. He just laughed at me and shut his eyes again.
“Ano ba kasi ‘yun?”
Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi. I started trimming the front of his hair first, concentrated. And add some finishing touches to the few strands that are still reaching his eyebrows. I made sure it’s properly angled and curved. Mas gusto kong may ganitong hibla sa kanya. I like it this way because I feel like it has been his trademark ever since. Palagi talagang may naiiwan sa noo niya kahit gaano pa man niya kalagay ng hair gel noon. This simple, brownish and curly strand of hair, and a little messy because of the smaller strands and his baby hairs… I would easily know this belongs to Rhysand.
Napangisi ako. “Thank you. For letting me stay here. Seriously, Rhysand… What would I do without you?” seryoso ang tanong ko sa kanya. I’m not even trying to sound light, I honestly just wanted to know. Ano kaya ang mangyayari sa akin kapag wala siya sa tabi ko?
Who would help me get through all of this? Who would wait for me outside my classroom? Who will walk with me in school? Who would I go to when I’m at my weakest? Sino ang magtatrabaho kasama ko? Ang mag-aaral kasama ko? Ang magpaplano para sa hinaharap kasama ko? Who would motivate me in every small thing I do? I am… barely noticeable. Sino pa ang gugustihin na makilala ako kapag wala siya?
This questions are the ones that I can no longer answer. It was just Rhysand. He was all there is in terms of friendships to me. Kaya hindi ko talaga alam kung ano nalang ako ngayon kapag wala siya palagi sa tabi ko. All of a sudden, the thought of him leaving feared me.
“We have the same question.” he murmured, eyes closed. “What would I do without you…” he didn’t asked. He just whispered it like trying to get a glimpse of all possibilities. And not finding one.
“Alam mo bang may sinabi sa akin si Kuya kanina?” a grin flashed on his face. Kumunot ang noo ko.
“Ano daw?”
“He said he was now convinced that we are soulmates.” Sambit niya bago humalakhak ng malakas.
I shrieked when I almost hit his forehead with the scissor. Anong--bakit bigla-bigla nalang siyang tumatayo?! I could’ve cut his head!
Tinulak ko siya pabalik sa upuan. “Stay still, Rhysand!”
“Can you believe that, Ri? Soulmates! My brother has always been a strong-willed and sensible man, but do you believe that?” his chuckled continued while sitting back.
Binaba ko na ang gunting na hawak nang matapos na ang paggupit ko sa harapang bahagi ng buhok niya. I began to push the strands back to finally narrow it.
“Oo naman.”
His laughter immediately faded. Ngumiti lang ako habang marahang sinusuklay ang buhok niya bago tumango-tango ulit.
“Noong High School tayo, naisip ko na din ‘yan. Hindi mo ba naalala? I asked you if we were soulmates. I know we’re not kids then, but I used to… get curious. Kaya kung ano-ano nalang ang sinasabi ko sayo.” Bahagya akong natawa. “We were just fourteen.”
Binitawan ko na ang buhok niya at tinabi na rin ang gunting. I stared at him when a smile on my face. He’s such a wholesome… with his new hair. Mas lalong nakikita ko na ang buong mukha niya.
Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. “Bakit? Baka tama naman ang kapatid mo, ah? I know you’re not into that stuff, but who knows? Maybe in some pattern of our lives in the past, we were together…” Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi. He’s probably getting the wrong idea by what I meant. “…together. Just together, Rhysand. It’s like we reflect each other’s personality perfectly… Parang ganun. I really don’t how to explain it…” napasapo ako sa noo ko. He’s looking at me so yearning. Yearning for my words that would might help him understand.
I can’t believe he’s not familiar with this. Palaging pinag-uusapan ng mga kaklase namin ito noon, ah?
“Just think of it like we’re both lines… And we are parallel. Identical in length and in all sorts of measure. We completely resemble each other, and we’re always up to the same direction but--”
“But never touching, never meeting, never overlapping.” He finished my sentence and sighed. “I get the math lecture, Aria. Parallel lines are only up to the same course together and all…” tamad niyang pahayag.
Lumapad pa ang ngiti ko. “Just like us. Even if our lines don’t touch, Rhysand, at least we’re on each other’s side, right?” I asked like a child. Natawa nalang ako sa sarili at napailing-iling. Tinupi ko ang dalawang braso ko at hinarap ang seryoso pa ring mga mata niya. His eyes have gone colder now, and yet he still forced a nod.
“Sa tingin ko ‘yan ang ibig sabihin ng kapatid mo. We’re soulmates, but not in a romantic way, Rhy. Just soulmates in nature.” I shrugged.
Tumango-tango lang siya na para bang wala na sa sarili. He forced a smile then got up to his feet. Pinagpag niya ang mga buhok niya sa balikat bago pinagmasdan ang nalagas ng mga buhok sa paanan niya. He flustered a smirk before eyeing me carefully. “Happy now?”
I nodded, contented with his new, much clearer appearance. “Mas malinis kang tignan. A little change is what all you need, Rhy… Tignan mo lang ‘yung mga reaksyon ng mga kaklase mo bukas, I swear they would line-up in front of you!” I laughed, thinking of how he would be dragged.
Napawi ang ngiti ko nang mapansin ang pagbaba ng mga mata niya. His smile disappear from his face too, his brows slightly pulled as if something’s bothering him. At mukhang alam ko na rin kung ano ito.
I softly smiled and took a step towards him.
“You wouldn’t be in school.” He whispered. “You’re not coming with me.”
I touched his hand. Napasinghap ako nang ginamit niya ang pagkakataong iyon para hilain ako ng mas malapit pa. Then his pushed his fingers on mine, intertwining our hands just like he always does. Hindi man niya sabihin, pero alam kong ito ang paraan niya para damayan ako.
“Gusto mo bang… manatili ako rito bukas? I-If you don’t like… I can go home. T-Tapos kapag hindi pa rin papasukin, maghahanap nalang ako ng hotel--"
“No. I like the first idea… Stay here. Stay here as long as you want, soulmate.”
Kumunot ang noo ko. “Soulmate?” I shook my head then chuckled when I realized what he’s up to. “Really, Rhysand Alexander? Hindi na tayo mga bata... This is too childish.”
“Yeah. Cute endearment, right? I should thank Kuya.” Biro niya at napangisi nalang rin. He then stilled after a few seconds before pushing few strands of my hair behind my ear. His brown eyes flickered sweetly in the dark. “If he’s convinced, and you’re convinced too, then let’s make it official. We’re not just best friends now, Aria. From now on, we’re each other’s soulmate.”
--
The day started without Rhysand. Natulog ako sa maliit kama na mayroon siya sa apartment habang siya naman sa couch. When I woke up the morning later, he’s not there anymore. Which means he granted what I wanted him to do. Ang pumasok para sa araw na ito.
Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ba ang pwede kong gawin rito bukod sa paglilinis. He has food stored here so I don’t have to worry about that. I spent the whole morning cleaning, from the tiniest dirt up to the last inside his apartment. Hindi rin naman mahirap linisan dahil hindi naman ganoon kalaki ang kwarto. Pero kahit na malinis na ang lahat ay wala pa rin masyadong buhay ang lugar. It only seemed more solemn and empty now. Perhaps, what it needed was furniture and all. I can only imagine how it would turned out to be. Rhysand, filling this place up with things from his own savings one by one.
Napanguso ako habang nakatayo sa gitna ng living room, dala-dala ang walis sa isang kamay ko. And there’s no denying that he is starting to that. How did he get so smart on his own?
Napayakap ako sa walis at tumayo sa harap ng salamin. Napadaing agad ako sa itsura ko. I’m dust all over. Nanghiram lang din ako ng t-shirt at shorts kay Rhysand na ngayon ay may dumi na rin. Napabuntong hininga ako at inalis ang pagkakatali ng buhok ko. I let my hair fall down on my shoulders and slightly massaged my head. Parang sumakit ‘yung ulo ko sa matagal na pagkakatali ng buhok ko.
I pushed the door open and stared at the empty hallway. There are musical notes echoing from one of the doors beside Rhysand’s door but I'm not so certain if they are really are. Mukhang may tumutugtog o may nagpapatugtog lang. It's like the only thing existing in the hallway now. And others who were leaving in this building seemed not to mind.
Lumabas ako bitbit pa rin ang walis at ilang mga basura na naipon ko.
I struggled pulling the trash sa pagkalabas ko pa lang. And I have to bring these all the way down...
I frown. Kailan ba huling naglinis si Rhysand dito?
Napailing ako habang hinihili ang malaking suot. Typical Rhysand. Messy.
I stilled when a pair of hands held the edge of the bag on floor. Pasimple nitong binuhat ang dala ko na para bang nanghihingi ng permisong ibigay ko ito.
My eyes widened. "Naku, kaya ko na 'to--" my voice halted as well as my breathing when I saw a familiar face in the morning and not beneath the moon. Mag gulat rin sa mukha niya, pero mabilis iyong napalitan ng ngiti. We both slowly stood up.
"Aria..."
"Ashen?"
We both spoke at the same time. Napasinghap ako at napatitig sa kanya ng matagal. My lips curved when he suddenly laughed like he's staring something silly. Napakamot ako sa leeg ko bago tumayo ng matuwid sa harapan niya.
"Y-You're h-here?" I asked stuttering and looked around. I noticed the musical notes fade, and there is silence again. Pero sa pagkakataong ito hindi na masyadong magiging kawalan ang katahimikan. Ashen? Here? How?
He seemed out of words too. Napakurap lang siya at napasinghap rin. He looks like he just got up, looking really sleepy on his simple white t-shirt, leather jacket and pants. Nakaputing sapatos rin lang naman siya na nagmumukhang luma na. His guitar hanged on his back and he looked awfully tired.
"Nakatulog ako dito. I was... looking for a job last night, and there's a bar across the street looking for a singer. Napag-isipan kong pumasok pero wala ng tao... I decided to wait until morning and they hired me--then I just took a room in for the night." He immediately explained.
Too startled to react, I clasped my hands together and smiled at him. W-Wala siyang sinabi sa akin na maghahanap pa pala siya ng trabaho... Akala ko ba pauwi na siya kagabi noong huli siyang tumawag?
"That's great, Ashen..." I managed to say. "Magkakaroon ka na ng sarili mong lugar roon." I shook my head in awe, realizing that the musical notes I first noticed when I stepped outside came from him.
Napatango siya. "I will... But, by then." His face softened. Eyes looking more brighter and sharper than before. "Will you still be one of those who are watching? Hindi malayo amg bar mula dito, Aria." Nagtanong na siya kaagad.
Natawa ako at napailing-iling. I still couldn't believe he's standing in front if me. I laughed then nodded. "Oo naman. But, I still do prefer you looking freely on the side of the street somewhere under the moon."
Mas lumapad pa ang mga ngiti namin. He shook his head too before grabbing the trash again, determined to take it down himself for me.
He slightly leaned down to me to whisper on my ear. "Me too. I still prefer that, too..."
***
-kimsyzygy