this chapter is a bit sad sozzz
they will be on the mend soon enough i promiseeeee!! slowburn will be worth it
In the two weeks I'd been away, my phone had never gone quiet. Every day, there was a fresh wave of calls and text messages from my friends. All of them asking how I was, how I was coping.
And now, fourteen days later, I finally started replying to them, letting them know that I was feeling a hell of a lot better than I did when I had first left London.
Freya was the first person I'd text to let her know that I was coming back down to London, and right away she had let me know that they were shooting a video later on in the afternoon, and if I wanted to attend I was more than welcome.
Obviously, that meant that Harry was going to be there too, and with Harry it probably meant that Isabella would be there too. Or maybe not - I had no idea what was going on with the two of them, and honestly at this point, I couldn't care any less.
I'd told Freya that I'd be there - purely so I didn't let anyone else down, and also because I loved my job. I really did, and I had missed my friends. I didn't want to wallow by myself anymore, and it was finally time to move on with the rest of my friends and leave the Harry situation behind me.
The car journey back down to London felt longer than when I had come up, but in some strange way, I preferred it. It gave me some time to think over the whole situation, and also to try and brace myself for what was waiting back there for me. I knew that Freya and Simon had probably briefly told Josh and Talia about my history - not just with Harry, but my home life, too. It was something I'd kept close to me in the past, but I had a feeling that it was soon about to change.
I was just about on the outskirts of London when a call from Freya came through to my car system. I swiped on the touch screen in front of me, accepting her call.
"Hey!" I said cheerfully, hoping that the jovial tone would convince myself that I wasn't absolutely dreading seeing everyone again.
"Hey girl! How far out are you? Me and Josh just got to the studio," she says on the other side of the phone, and I check my satnav.
"It says I'm about fifteen minutes out, if traffic is acceptable. Is that alright? I hope I won't be late, feel free to start without -"
"As if we are starting without you. You're getting a good welcome back, and then we can get on with the work," she says, and her tone tells me that she will not shift on her decision.
"Okay, okay. I'll try to get there a bit quicker so I don't waste any time, I really can't wait to see you again," I tell her, unable to keep the smile off of my face as I turn off of the motorway, driving into the city centre.
"Me too. I know Simon is excited to see you. He's been talking about you nonstop since I said you were coming to the shoot," she says, and it sounds like she's smiling as she talks.
"I'm excited to see him too! And you! Maybe the five of us, me you, Josh, him, Talia - we can go out for dinner or drinks this week. It would be nice to spend it together," I suggest, and the squeal from the phone makes it sound like she agrees with my idea.
"They'd love that! We can arrange it when you get back. Anyway, I've got to go now, Josh needs me in the studio. I'll see you in a bit, text me when you get here, okay?"
"I will. Promise," I tell her, hanging up the call soon after. My music comes back on, acting as background noise whilst I concentrate on going the right way to the studio. I'm only ten minutes now, and I have to remind myself that these people are my friends, and I have nothing to be anxious about.
But he will be there. How am I supposed to see him and not break down into tears?
My friends will be there.
But so will she. How am I supposed to see her and not rip her hair off of her scalp?
The thoughts in my head swirl around relentlessly, and it takes me a while to try and even think about overcoming them.
I'm now five minutes away, and I'm so close that I recognise the streets. This is the route I take when driving to the studio from my apartment. I turn the satnav off, following the roads the way I recognise them, and soon enough, I arrive at the gates of the studio.
There are two security guards I don't recognise by the doors of the studio, and I reach for my pass inside of my bag that I keep there at all times.
It was issued to me not long before the whole situation had arisen, as a precaution for tightening up the security and privacy for shoots such as this. Before now, we'd had few instances where our buildings had been broken into by fans, and not only did it disrupt filming, it also risked the safety of the guys and the crew. So, now you had to have a pass with you to get into the buildings.
I parked up in the corner, bringing only my phone and my pass with me as I clambered out of the car. Walking over to the building, I saw that I was alone, and the rest of the car park were just empty cars. I wondered if I was the last to arrive.
"May I see your pass, please?" The security guard asked, looking down at me. He was a lot taller than I was, and if I was anyone else, he would've intimidated me completely. After checking my pass over, he stepped aside and let me in the building, closing the door right behind me.
"Jeez, I feel like they're protecting the Queen or something," I mumble under my breath, making my way down the corridor to the toilet.
"Shit!" I whispered, remembering that I'd promised to text Freya to let her know I was here.
Just arrived, came inside as it was freezing. Gonna pee then will meet you?
Meet me in Josh's changing room
Okay
Josh's room was a strange place to meet, considering I'd never been in there before. It was private for a reason, but I decided to not question her today. She clearly knew what she was doing.
Leaving the toilets, I heard footsteps coming from the other end of the hall. Naturally, I looked over to where they were coming from, and recognised the face who stared back at me.
"Lily Holt?" The voice asked, and I broke out into a grin, running towards them.
"Kev!" I shouted happily, launching myself into his arms, and he reciprocated by giving me a tight squeeze.
"I was beginning to get worried about you! I asked Harry if you were alright but he didn't say anything - are you alright?" He asked, and it hit me, that he didn't know anything about the situation.
"I - uh, yeah. He's - we're - it's complicated. But I'm going to be fine! Sorry if I worried you, but I'm back now, and yeah. All good," I stammer, trying to look at the floor because the minute he looks at me like that again I'm going to have a break down and tell him absolutely everything.
"You come to me if you need to, you know that? The minute you need to talk to a familiar face - I'm just a call away. Alright?" He asked, and I nodded my head.
"Thank you, I mean it. I should - uh, probably get going. I promised Freya I'd go talk to her, she might strangle me if I take any longer," I say lightly, giving him one last hug before pulling away and walking past him.
I know this place well enough by now to know where Josh's changing room is, and I get there in no time. Before I know it, I'm knocking on the door, stepping back and waiting for someone to open it.
The door opens, revealing Freya on the other side, and it takes everything in me to not charge across the hall and knock her over with a fierce hug. But, I have learnt some self control. Well, to a certain degree, anyway.
"Bitch!" She screams, and she's the one that comes racing out of the room and over to me, wrapping her arms tightly around me, squeezing tight. She's tough competition to Kev, and he's a trained security guard!
"I've missed you!" I say into her shoulder, resting my head comfortable underneath her chin. It's a perfect height difference between the two of us, really.
Only moments later, I hear noise behind her, and Simon is coming out of Josh's room too, followed by Talia. They're both joining into the hug, telling me how much they'd missed me too. Then, of course it wouldn't be complete without Josh joining in at last, and I am full of so much happiness in this very moment I feel like I could cry with joy. This is where I belong, and who I belong with.
"I love you guys," I say with a sniff, because tears have started to fall at how happy I feel right now.
"Girl, we love you too!" Freya races to say, beating everyone else to it.
"Yep!" Simon agrees, and Talia smiles, nodding her head along with him.
"Me too," Josh says quietly, him and I sharing a mutual look of understanding.
"Anyway, we have a video to film! I've missed out on plenty of shoots, let's get back to it!" I say, wriggling out of the hug and clapping my hands back together.
"The work ethic on this woman," Simon laughs, and Josh applauds my words.
"You work yourself too hard," Freya sighs, shaking her head, but the smile never leaves her face.
"I just love my job. What can I say?" I smile, spinning around and looking at my friends, feeling giddy with excitement. "Let's go!"
Freya is the one to walk by my side, with Josh just in front, and Simon and Talia following behind.
"Bitchface is here today, unfortunately," she tells me, and immediately I know who she's talking about.
I shrug my shoulders. "So what? If she starts anything, I have plenty to say to her and I'm more than happy to have an audience," I say simply, and she looks impressed at my friends.
"Lily Holt, I have never been more tempted to wind her up just so you can give her what she deserves. But no, I will be staying far away from her today," Freya tells me, and I have a feeling that it's a good idea.
"I guess we'll see if she's going to test her luck today," I say under my breath, following her into the room.
My eyes scan the room, noticing each person one at a time until they finally land on him. And straight after, they land on her. Luckily, they're sat in the far corner of the room, and I can't see myself having to interact with them for this shoot, but knowing my luck, something will be going down at some point this shoot. I can feel it.
"Your camera is over here. Normally you'd be running today, but Jon is off sick, so will you be alright to cover?" Freya asks, guiding me over to the still camera at the front.
"Yeah! That's fine. I hope he's okay?" I ask, my words ending in a question.
"Oh, no, yeah. He'll be fine, it's just a stomach bug I think. He said he'll be fine for the weekend," she tells me, which is good news at least.
She leaves me at the camera, which is where I subsequently hear my name being screamed from the back of the room. So much for keeping a low profile and avoiding trouble today.
"JJ," I smile warmly, stepping to the side of the camera to let him give me a hug. Honestly, the amount of hugs I'd received today was insane.
"So glad you're back! I tried calling to see if you were okay, but you didn't reply -"
"Yeah, sorry about that. It's a long story...didn't wanna worry anyone and all that rubbish," I say politely, pulling away from the hug.
"Anyway...glad you're back," he said, sensing I didn't really want to go into too much detail.
"Yeah," I gulp, looking away from him, and back over at the corner, where Harry and Isabella sat, in deep conversation. "Good to be back," I continue, tearing my eyes away from them. It wasn't going to do me any good getting upset over them, so I needed to busy myself instead.
JJ said his goodbyes, going back over to his own little corner whilst everyone else started to get set up. Freya pretty much stayed by my side, and I often caught her sending death glares over to their corner.
"Freya, I think they get it," I laugh, after catching her do it for the fifth time in succession. She looks over at me, her mouth open like she was going to say something.
"No buts, leave the being angry part to me. Trust me, I can handle it just fine," I smile, and she seems to understand.
"Sorry. It just makes me so angry that he brought her here too."
"No one knew I was coming back today, correct?" I ask, looking at her with my eyebrows raised.
"No, but -"
"Look, I don't like her, or him. But there's only so much I can be angry at, and her being here today was no ones fault. Plus, I've already told you - if she starts something, I am more than ready for it."
"Alright, but what if Harry tries to talk to you? Have you thought about what you'll do then?" She asks, and I freeze momentarily. She'd caught me out there.
"I'll walk away. I'm not even going to give him the time of day," I say, making it up on the spot. The truth was, I didn't have a plan on what to do or say if he tried talking to me, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew that walking away would be the best idea.
"Alright then. I'm going to go and see Josh for a second, then. Just call me over if you need me, okay?" She says, giving me one long last look before going over to talk to Josh.
Once alone, I started to fiddle around with the camera a bit, changing some of the settings so the lighting and focus wouldn't be a problem later on. I had around five minutes of uninterrupted peace until I heard my name being said from a few steps away.
Isabella.
I stayed where I was, and kept on looking at the floor. I was going to give her a chance to walk away from this. I didn't really want to have this conversation in front of all of my friends, but if she kept trying it, I would not hold back.
"Oi, I'm fucking talking to you," I hear her say, and now I finally look up. It seems, that she has also caught the attention of a few others, with Talia and JJ shooting me a concerned look.
"What do you want?" I ask calmly, still keeping my position behind my camera, not daring to move.
It seemed to be just her stood there, and Harry was nowhere to be seen, not even in his corner. Had she really waited for him to leave, and straight away come for me? Pathetic, and I would be sure to let her know it.
"Finally decided that you would come back after running away?" She sneers, and there's something to dark in her voice. I had no idea she genuinely hated me this much.
"Yeah, you know, it was nice being away. Not having to deal with this," I shrug, gesturing to her. "Kinda wish I'd stayed up there right about now."
"You're not the only one who wishes that. Why don't you just fuck off back up there, and don't come back," she says, glaring at me.
"That's enough," Simon says, stepping in between me and her, towering down over her. "If you are gonna continue like this, I'm more than happy to have you escorted out," Simon says, and it's intimidating because he's usually the most laid back guy out of all of us.
"No offence, Simon, but this doesn't involve you, so back off and let me talk to her," I hear her say, and genuinely nearly burst out into laughter. Who the hell does she think she is?
"What the fuck is going on?" A new voice says, and everyone's attention swivels to Harry, who is stood at the door of the studio, looking from Isabella, to Simon, and then to me.
Fuck, I hate looking at him in the eye. It makes me want to forget about the fact I hate him, and the fact he hurt me beyond repair because -
No. I won't let him make me forget about this. It's unforgiveable.
"Your fucking lapdog came for me," I snarl, finally having enough. "You know, it's bad enough that you tell her she has to be nice to me, but even worse that you stay with her after you tell her about my Nan dying!" I say with a raised voice, and if anyone in the room hadn't known what had happened to make me leave, they did now.
"Harry, we're going," she says haughtily, grabbing her stuff from the table and marching over to him. He gives me one last stare, and for a moment I thought he'd at least look guilty.
But it turns out that I don't know him at all anymore, because he walks out of the door, hand in hand with Isabella.