Forbidden Friendship
My friendship with Rhysand was the longest I have. I have known his moves, the tone of his voice, the way his expression changes and all—he has been an open book to me. But we’ve never been in an awkward situation such as this.
Kanina ko pa gustong magmura habang nakatitig sa mga swimsuits na ibinili sa akin ni Rhysand. Nakalapag ang tatlong bikinis na may iba’t ibang desings sa higaan ng room na kinuha niya para sa amin. Hindi ako makapaniwala… Alam niyang kahit kalian ay hinding-hindi ako magsusuot ng ganito!
There were three colors. Maroon, yellow, and black bikinis. Tapos may malaking towel rin siyang binigay sa akin, shades, at lotion, it’s as if he already knew the things I would need. Pero ganun pa man, wala akong balak na suotin ni isa sa mga ito! Even though I can tell by the size, sakto lang ang mga ito sa akin… w-which is kind of weird. Paano niya nalaman na kasya sa akin ang mga ito? My frame is way smaller than it looks, so it’s hard to guess…
Napailing-iling ako sa isipan. Baka kinuha nalang niya ang pinakamaliit na nakita niya sa pinagbilhan niya ng mga ito.
Nasapo ko ang noo ko bago tumingin sa bintana. I can see the number of people on the beach from here. At hinding-hindi ko makikita ang sarili ko na naglalakad na suot-suot lamang ang bikini. “Shit…” tuluyan na akong napamura. Bahala na… Basta hindi ko ito gagamitin! Babayaran ko nalang siya…
Napatango ako sa sarili. I walked towards the door with a made up mind. I’ll just wear my dress in swimming… pagkatapos ay bibili nalang ulit ako ng damit rito, at gagamitin ang bikini para sa panloob ko nalang.
I pushed the door with a frown on my face. Agad kong naanig ang likod ni Rhysand sa balkonahe na para bang kanina pa naghihintay. Mabilis akong napahinto nang wala na siyang suot pang-itaas. My mouth parted while I pull down my gaze on his back. S-Since when did he became this muscular?
I must say his body changed a lot. Noong High School parang buto at balat nalang ang natitira sa kanya. Mas malaki pa ako sa kanya noon. But now, he does looked ripped--almost like a man now.
Tahimik akong lumapit sa kanya. Hindi ako gumawa ng kahit anong sa bawat hakbang at ng abot-kamay ko na siya ay hindi ko na ang pinalampas ang pagkakataon. I slapped his head from the back.
“The fuck--Aray! Ano ba?!” singhal niya at inis na bumaling sa akin.
He eyed me from head to toe. “What? I picked your favorite colors for the bikinis, Aria…”
“Kahit na!” asik ko. “Sa tingin mo masusuot ko ang mga iyon? Rhysand, I have never wore a bikini before! You can’t just m-make me now…”
He bit his lower lip, as if trying to stop his mocking grin.
“Ah, ganun ba?” parang wala lang sa kanya na tanong habang pinipigilan pa rin ang sariling ngumisi. “Well then, just take those bikinis as a token of my appreciation. See? May souvenir ka na.”
“Tanga…” singhal ko sa kanya at tinupi ang mga braso. “Talagang nananadya ka, ah? Gusto mo talagang magsimula tayo rito?”
“Hmm, pwede naman...” He mumbled then flashed his grin. Kumindat pa siya bago sinuot na ang shades niya ulit.
Ilang sandali siyang napaangat ng mukha na para bang dinadama ang hangin sa balkonahe. Few people started to walk in front of the room where we are and most of them are taking pictures. Napangisi ako nang may naisip habang tinitignan siya. Ah, ganun? Gusto niya palang magsimula dito, ah…
I quietly head back and grabbed one of the bikinis. Napahagikhik ako bago nagtungo ulit sa labas.
I watched him as he stretched both of his arms on the air. Hindi na ako nag-aksaya pa ng panahon at mabilis na tumalon sa harapan niya at nilapag ang bra sa mukha niya bago tumakbo papalayo.
“What the--Aria!”
I heard the laughers of the people near the balcony. Napahalakhak lang ako at hindi tumigil sa pagtakbo. Bumaba ako sa hagdan at tuluyan ng nakaabot sa buhangin bago siya sinilip sa likod. My eyes widened when I saw him revolting towards me. Kumalabog ang dibdib ko at napatili na habang natatawa pa rin sa kanya.
I reached the coastline and splash of waters from those who are in the water started to reach me. Nabasa na rin ang bahagi ng damit ko at buhok.
We ran across the shore. The sands tickled on our feet, some tucked in my hair already because of the raging wind bringing the small, white specks to my wet hair. From the horizon afar is the approaching sunset, and to the sea is its glistening reflection.
Tumigil ako sa pagtakbo nang mahirapan ng habulin ang sariling hininga. I grinned at him while watching him stop too. Napayukod rin siya at napahalakhak ng mahina. He leaned on his knees for few seconds to catch his breath before walking towards me.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang bigla siyang tumakbo ulit.
“Ahh! Rhysand, put me down!” I screamed, panicking. Bigla niya na lamang akong hinawakan sa bewang at binuhat. Pinasan niya ako sa balikat niya at pinaikot-ikot pa sa ere. Pakiramdam ko naman ay hihimatayin na ako sa pinanggagawa niya. I didn’t even catch my breath yet!
“R-Rhysand!” I yelled. I started punching his back but I couldn’t but to let out laugh too. Para siyang tanga ngayon habang binubuhat ako. He was yelling too loud and hysterically. “Rhysand!”
He stopped running in circles before putting me down. Pero hindi pa niya ako tuluyang binaba at hinilig lamang ako sa dibdib niya para mapanatili pa ring buhat-buhat ako. That position forced me to wrap my arms around his neck, my fingers touching the bits of his hair from behind. Doon ko na rin lang napasin ang mga buhangin na nakadikit na rin sa balat niya.
Napatitig ako sa mga mata niya.
All of a sudden, I felt like I was in a trance. Hindi napawi ang ngiti niya sa labi at naniningkit na ang mga mata niya sa pagtawa. The light of the setting sun became visible in his face. Napansin ko rin ang lapit namin sa isa’t isa. I couldn’t even draw a single finger between our distances. Sobrang lapit na ng mukha niya sakin dahil sa pagkabuhat niya at hindi ako makawala hangga’t hindi niya ako ibinababa.
Ilang hibla ng basa kong buhok ay pumupunta na rin sa mga pisngi niya dahil sa hangin. Napangiti ako at inalis ang mga iyon sa pisngi niya. I stroked his cheeks with my hand and that made him stop laughing.
Lumawak pa ang ngiti ko. “The bra looks good on you.” Sambit ko at inalis sa pisngi niya ang maliit na strap ng bra. Mukhang nasira niya ito sa paghila niya kanina paalis.
He immediately groaned, he shut his eyes as if pushing the thought of embarrassment from his mind. “At talagang dito ka pa tumakbo?”
It’s my turn to quiver in realization. Nahihiyang tumingin ako sa paligid. “Bibili nalang ako ng bagong damit mamaya...”
He rolled his eyes. “Ako na.”
I grinned at his offer. “You know, I’m really lucky to have you as my friend, Rhy.”
Napawi ang ngiti niya sa mga salita ko. “Me too…” He whispered roughly then put back the grin on his face again. “So, let’s keep each other for as long as we can… Okay?”
“Yeah…” bulong ko at mahinang napatango. I bit my lower lip and held on his shoulders. Bahagya akong napatingin sa paligid. “B-Baka pagkakamalan na naman tayo rito…”
“Hayaan mo sila.” His grin grew widely. Napasinghap ako nang mas inangat pa niya ako. “That’s okay with me. Parang hindi pa tayo nasanay.” He chuckled.
I remained silent. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang isasagot roon. I guess we really did looked like a couple? I couldn’t even think of how did we…
Napatikhim ako at niluwagan na ang kapit sa kanya. Napatitig nalang ako sa kanya ng matagal. Ngayon ko lang napansin na hindi pala siya nakakasawang titigan. His gazes, his rough appearance, his smile… How inconveniently irresistible. Hindi na ako magtataka sa dami ng naka-date nito.
Even as a guy fading in the background, Rhysand Alexander Castiel still hits differently.
We spent the rest of the day together. After watching the sunset, the both of us had dinner and impatiently head to the small bonfire that was prepared for us. Tahimik na ang paligid at wala ng halos mga tao sa beach. May maliit na kumot lang ang nakalapag roon para sa amin at mga popcorns na nakahanda.
Pagod na umupo lang kami roon at nagkwentuhan lang. We talked about the things we used to talk to like our careers in the future, the houses that we would like to have, the separate paths that we might have someday.
“Sabi ni Kuya, kung gusto ko raw pwede niya akong dalhin din sa states. He would let me live with him there.” He smile beside me while playing with his popcorn stick.
I quietly nodded. “Gusto mo ba? Magandang opportunity din ‘yun!”
“Yeah…” He murmured as if tempted by the idea as well. “Ikaw? Any plan going abroad? Don’t your parents want you to teach there? Mas in-demand ‘yung mga teachers doon.”
Umiling-iling ako. “Ipa-priotize nila muna ‘yung mga kapatid ko. T-They are planning to bring Bea to the states, and continue her studies there. Doon daw siya muna sa grandparents namin…”
“Pero ikaw na itong graduating na.” Mariin niyang sagot.
“I can manage what I can do, Rhy.” Sagot ko. “Besides, Bea needs that more than I do. Valedictorian pa naman siya ngayon.” I proudly said.
He just sighed and continued rolling his popcorn stick on the fire. Nanatili ang titig niya roon na para bang may mas malalim pang iniisip dahil sa sinagot ko. “Good for her.” He murmured. “Pero Valedictorian ka naman noon, ah? They should at least consider your case…”
Natahimik ako bago dahan-dahang tumango. “Yes, I was Valedictorian. Pero nakuha ko lang naman ang posisyong iyon dahil sa responsibilidad, unlike Bea who’s very pursuant for that. Sobrang ginalingan kaya niya…”
Nagkabit-balikat lang siya. “I don’t know. I don’t see myself in your position. Mahirap sigurong maging panganay, no?” He let out a chuckle. “You grew up with a lot of responsibilities and expectations to shoulder.”
“That’s just how it is, Rhy…” Bulong ko bago humilig sa balikat niya. Natigilan siya sa ginawa at naramdaman ang bahagyang pagsilip niya sa akin. Pinasadahan ko rin siya ng tingin. “Let’s just be thankful that we grew up in a successful family, hmm?” I asked him instead.
Mas lalo lang kumunot ang noo niya at umismid.
“That’s an advantage, sure. But that’s not a privilege for me. It’s hard to live the standard of being wealthy everyday.” He said arrogantly.
“Rhysand,” dismayadong tawag ko sa kanya. Why does he always sound ashamed?
“What?” Giit nita pabalik. He ignorantly avoid my gaze and continued playing with his stick. Kahit na tumunog na ang popcorn niya ay pinanatili niya lang iyon sa apoy. Napatitig ako sa sariling hawak bago lumabi.
Sandaling nangibabaw ang katahimikan sa aming dalawa.
“Am I too irresponsible, Aria? Or selfish? Or rude?” he asked out of the blue.
Nawala ako pagkakahilig ko sa kanya at tuluyan na siyang hinirap. I was about to laugh at him when I noticed his face. My smile immediately faded. He… never asked about himself. Kung magtatanong man siya ay mula sa kalokohan lang. But now, he definitely does look serious.
Ilang segundo akong nag-isip ng isasagot. “Well…” I cleared my throat. Maybe he’s… self-reflecting all of a sudden? Napadami ‘ata ang inom niya kanina nung nag-dinner kami dahil panay serve ng waiter nung champagne…
Napakamot ako sa leeg. “Most of the time, you are rude. Panay mura mo kasi… B-But the irresponsible and selfish, no, you’re not like that, Rhysand.” I answered him honestly.
His lips curved into a thin line. Bahagya siyang napayuko bago ako tinitigan na. Ngunit mabilis lamang iyon at umiwas rin agad ng tingin sa akin. “What else don’t you like about me?”
“H-Huh?”
“I’m asking if there are things that I’ve been doing that makes you uncomfortable.” Pagka-klaro niya.
Napaawang ang bibig ko. I averted my gaze from him and started to think about those things. “Saan nanggagaling ang mga tanong na ‘yan?” saglit akong tumawa para alisin ang namumuong tensyon sa pagitan naming. He didn’t even flinched nor blinked. Nakakatitig lang siya sa akin na para bang naghihintay lang kasagutan.
“Just answer me, Aria…”
“O-Okay…” I heavily sighed. “I hate it when you…” napakurap-kurap ako. I can’t believe I’m about to say this to him. "When you are with your friends--" naputol ang nga salita ko nang may tumunog sa tabi niya.
I gasped at the familiar tone. Pakiramdam ko nanlamig ang buong katawan ko sa tila sampal ng reyalidad sa akin. Nabitawan ko ang hawak ko at nagmadaling pumunta sa tabi ni Rhysand. His back was beside him under his towel. Mukhang kanina pa iyon natatabunan ng towel niya.
"What's wrong?" Rhysand's voice became rigged. Hinawakan niya ang balikat ko sa paghuhukay ko ng gamit niya sa bag.
Mas nangibabaw pa ang kaba sa dibdib ko nang masilayan ko ang oras sa relo niya. I-It's almost 9pm...
Nang makapa ko ang phone ko ay mabilis kong hinugot iyon palabas. My fingers trembled when I saw my mother's number on the screen.
"Aria... Let me answer it." Dinig kong bulong ni Rhysand sa akin. Umiling-iling ako sa kanya at tuluyang tumayo. I tucked my hair from behind before answering the call.
"Ma..."
"You disgraceful child! Napakapabaya mo talagang bata, ano?"
My tears started to surface. Naiwang nakaawang ang bibig ko para humingi. I couldn't agree more with her. H-Hindi ko na namalayan ang oras...
"I'm sorry... H-Hindi ko po sinasadya--"
"Save your words! Umuwi ka na ngayon din! Dian almost loss her breath because of you! Nagkamali ng pagkakahiga sa kanya ng yaya dahil iniwan mo! I told you, you're supposed to be the one doing this! Buti nalang at naitakbo agad namin sa hospital..."
Background noises echoed on the line. I felt like my whole world suddenly shattered. Natupok ko ang bibig ko at nag-umpisa ng bumuhos ang luha.
"M-Ma..."
"Umuwi ka na, Aria!"
Bigla nalang niya akong binabaan. I slowly put down my phone and stared at it, trembling.
"Aria..." I heard Rhysand called me anxiously.
"P-Please, take me home..." Nanginginig na saad ko at mabilis ng naglakad papalayo sa baybayin.
I used to think of this as a spare day. I want to enjoy it more. Pero kung ito lang naman ang kahahantungan ng pag-alis ko, mas mabuting hindi ko na ito hinayaang mangyari sa una palang. Masyado kong sinulit ang araw na ito at naging pabaya na ako.
I enjoyed it too much that I didn't notice the time. I enjoyed it with Rhysand... and it's starting to scare me now, because it feels like crossing a forbidden line in our friendship.
***
-kimsyzygy