Got late but it's a super long chapter😏. Enjoy and post your reactions as you read 🤗
It's a long chapter and a weekend, post 300 comments and I will give you an update tomorrow? How does that sound? 😏
First draft: May 23, 2021
"I'll be in the parking lot in a couple of minutes!" Salma spoke into the phone as she rushed towards the lot. She almost knocked into a lab attendant walking in the opposite direction. "Sorry! I'm sorry!"
The lab attendant raised his arms, expressing his disbelief and disappointment.
"Sorry!" Salma apologized and continued running. "What? -- no Mr. Hanson, the one near the -- yes the main office. Yes, okay. Thank you. I'll be there."
Salma shot out of building and down the lawns, dodging students, shouting apologies and warnings.
"Salma!" Jason shouted as she passed them.
"Later!" Salma shouted without turning around.
Jogging down the pavement, she jumped over the curb and into the lot. Salma looked around, shielding her eyes from the sun. She could not locate the navy blue sedan that was supposed to be here.
Salma took her phone out to call Mr. Hanson when it beeped with a text from Zayn. Salma swiped the notification aside.
"Mr. Hanson, I--"
"I am just entering the lot," he said. "I see you."
Salma looked up to see the sedan enter the far end of the lot. Her phone beeped again. Another text from Zayn. Salma swiped it open.
Zayn: Are you done with your class?
Zayn: I needed a small favor but if you are engaged elsewhere, let me know.
Salma frowned as she quickly typed a reply. What was he up to?
Salma: yeah, why?
Salma: No, I am free. Just a quick meeting with the Hansons in the parking lot.
Salma locked her phone and pocketed it as Mr. Hanson parked the car in a slot. His wife, Jameela stepped out of the car, closely followed by Austin bounding behind her.
"Assalam o alaikom." Jameela smiled apologetically, shading her blue eyes from the the sun. "I am so sorry for the trouble. Austin was adamant that --"
"Don't worry, Mrs. Hanson," Salma returned the smile. "It isn't a bother."
"Here's my card!" An arm shot up towards Salma's face, missing it only because of her quick move back.
"Austin!" his mother warned.
Salma accepted the card, crouching to be at the kid's height. He was hopping on one foot. Salma grabbed his arm gently to make him stand still.
"It's beautiful." She smiled at the kid, pointing at the drawing. "Is this you with the trophy?"
"No." Austin shook his head. "It's Zayn! He's the bigggggest champion in the whole universe!"
"Is he now?" Salma chuckled.
Austin nodded while his mother shook her head in amusement. A honking horn interrupted them.
"He's getting impatient. We have to go!" Jameela raised an arm to hug Salma. She kissed her hair. "See you in the masjid. Thank you for everything."
"Don't mention it."
Salma's phone beeped with another text. Again, it was Zayn.
"Austin, say Salam. Come on!"
"Assalam o alaikom, Sally!"
Salma quickly put the phone away to receive the kid's super bumpy hug.
"Wa alaikom Assalam." Salma hugged him back. "Be good, okay."
"Okay!" he promised, running towards his car. "Tell Zayn I said hi!"
"I will."
"And also that I love him!" He fumbled with the lock.
"What?" Salma feigned shock. "And what about me?"
"No, I don't love you." He deadpanned, shaking his head.
"Austin!" Mr. And Mrs. Hanson cried in disbelief, while Salma was overcome by a fit of laughter. Austin froze.
"Apologize!" his mother demanded.
"That's okay, Mrs. Hanson," Salma said, trying to suppress her laughter. "He's just being honest."
"I love her too but I love Zayn more," Austin explained to his mother, giving her the puppy eyes and fiddling with his fingers nervously.
Jameela shook her head in disbelief.
"Get in the car," she ordered the kid before turning to Salma. "I'm sorry. I don't know why he's like this."
"It's alright," Salma reassured.
Nodding at her, Jameela got in the car and they drove off.
Salma waved at Austin until the car took a turn and disappeared from sight. She opened a side pocket of her bag where a stack of hand drawn cards were piled neatly. Salma put Austin's card with the rest and zipped the pocket close.
"One job done," she muttered to herself as she swung the bag over her shoulder and took her phone out. "Now I just gotta find Niall and . . ."
Zayn: The brat's parents? What was his name again?
Zayn: Pass Louisa a message for me, please.
Salma typed a reply, shaking her head.
Salma: His name is Austin and he's not a brat. He said hi, btw.
Salma: okay. You can't get through to her?
Salma started walking out of the lot. Zayn replied almost instantly.
Zayn: Thank you. It's important.
He was still typing. Salma figured it was something to do with Derek. She hoped it was nothing too bad.
Zayn: No, she blocked me an hour ago.
Salma frowned as she typed a response. Did they have another argument on reporting Derek?
Salma: Did you two fight again?
Zayn: Yes
Salma sighed in exasperation.
"I told you to not push her man," she muttered to herself.
*Beep*
Salma read the text hastily.
Zayn: Tell her she's still got monkey arms. Face the reality.
Salma blinked.
"What?!" she cried after rereading the text. Salma thought he made typos until he send another text.
Zayn: blocking me won't change that fact.
"The hell is this?" She frowned at her phone as she typed a big fat no. She got another text.
Zayn: Also tell the ferret I said hi.
"Dude, are you serious?!" she whispered.
Salma: No can do.
Zayn's reply was instant.
Zayn: You promised!
Salma sighed.
"You're nuts" Locking her phone, she put it in her pocket and decided to go find Niall.
"That's just sad, Bee."
Salma jumped out of her skin. She whipped around to see him casually leaning against the giant oak she had just passed. Arms folded, shoulders relaxed, and an amused smile playing on his lips.
"Come on, You're really going to go back on your words that fast?"
"Zayn?!"
"In flesh."
"B-but --"
"Surprise!" He chuckled, stepping away from the tree.
"That's -- that's a good one," Salma said, trying gather her wits that were scattered all over the pavement. "How are you? How's your injury?"
"My, my! You almost sound happy to see me," Zayn joked.
"It was just unexpected," Salma explained. "When did you come back?"
"Flew back in this morning," Zayn replied. He jerked his head to the pavement behind him that lead to the benches they usually occupied. Salma was a bit caught off guard by his casual manner. She hesitated for a second before falling in step with him, hoping he hadn't noticed. "They took me out of the squad to heal so I decided to come back."
"So you were texting me from--"
"The café," Zayn finished, walking towards the benches. "I was waiting for y'all to finish."
Salma peeked around the hedges. Her heart sank a few inches realizing it was unoccupied. Zayn slipped into one of the benches
"Where's everyone else?" Salma looked around.
"Probably still busy," Zayn said. "It's just us for a while."
Salma swallowed her unease and walked around the table to sit opposite to him. The last time they'd shared this space alone. He had asked her to hold his hand.
"So." She cleared her throat, putting her bag by her side. She had to keep talking or her nerves would swallow her whole. "How's your injury? Is it the gunshot wound?"
Zayn flexed his arm and felt his side.
"It's on the mend," he replied shortly, then changed the subject. "How are things around? Everything alright with Austin?"
"Yeah," Salma said, grabbing her bag. "It's just that the kids were asking about you, so I told them you were injured. They figured they had to draw you cards."
Salma chuckled, grabbing a handful of 'get well soon' cards from the pocket of her bag. She gave him the bundle.
"Aww, Bee, that's lovely." Zayn smiled warmly,taking the pile from her and going through them.
"I was really short of ideas anyways so I told them to go ahead," Salma said. "Austin was absent but I suppose he heard about it from his friends and made his parents drive him here with his card. He probably knew you'd be here. He loves you a lot."
"He has potential to be a good kid," Zayn said, still smiling as he read his cards.
"He is a good kid."
"Not really." Zayn glanced at her. "He can be pretty rude. I actually was thinking of meeting Mr. Hanson about last time but --"
"Don't do that, Zayn," Salma interrupted him. "He's just a kid."
"He needs to learn his manners or he'll grow up being just like me," Zayn finished.
"And there's nothing wrong with that." Salma returned.
Zayn stopped reading his cards and looked up at her.
"You really didn't say that."
"No seriously," Salma said. "You're not a bad person, Zayn."
"You believe that." Zayn scoffed, sitting back and looking away.
"I do," Salma replied simply. "You made some terrible choices, but you're not a bad person."
Zayn turned his gaze back on her. Salma didn't back down.
"Should I take it that you've forgiven me?" he asked quietly.
Salma felt a ripple spread over her heart. She almost broke eye contact.
"I have," she replied firmly.
Zayn swallowed. His attempt at a smile failed terribly. He went back to reading the pile of well-wishes.
"But you haven't forgotten, have you?"
Salma felt a pain radiating off of her chest. She wished she could tell him she had but she could not. She looked away, biting on her trembling lip to steady it.
She heard Zayn exhale sharply. A sound of defeat and disappointment. In her or himself, Salma couldn't tell.
"I'll get going," he said, collecting the cards in a neat stack. "Have to find Niall. Thank you for the cards."
"You know that I can't," Salma spoke up.
Zayn froze.
"It's not a choice I make to stay hurt and keep bleeding. I wish I could control the suffocating feeling that overwhelms me or congestion in my chest or the triggering memories. The pain . . ." Salma took in a shaky breath. "If there's one thing I could do, I'd forget it all so I could stop hurting and move along with my life. I don't expect you to understand or --"
"I do," Zayn said earnestly. "I understand what you're going through."
"Do you?" She laughed, sniffing. "Or do you take me for that cold, unforgiving creature that's feeding off of a man's guilt, like the rest of them?"
"Who's them?"
Salma shrugged.
"I don't know about 'them', but I am lucky enough to understand the concept that is described as 'Ghill' in the Qur'an," Zayn began.
Salma turned to him, shocked.
"What do you know about 'Ghill'?" she whispered.
"That it's a powerfully painful feeling finding residence in someone's heart, and that it is neither voluntary, nor easy to bear. It's uncomfortable, tormenting and very valid. And no one has any right whatsoever to guilt you into forgiving me or normalizing our relation, or --"
"That's exactly what it is!" Salma cried. "Of all the idiots on the planet how is it that you understand me --"
"Did you just call me an idiot?!" Zayn frowned.
"Does this mean you actually understand that I forgive you but I can't just –"
"Love me?"
"No."
"So you can love me?"
"No, can't just move on like that?!" Salma cried. "I can't forget the hurt and pain. It's there. I can't unfeel it at whim. Do you actually understand that I can't respond to you like – like –"
"Like I wish that you would?" Zayn finished for her.
"Yes!" Salma agreed. She almost sounded grateful that someone was translating into words for her the load weighing down on her heart. "Do you, Zayn?"
As Salma searched his eyes desperately seeking the answers to lift the pressure off of her, Zayn felt his heart break all over again. She was still suffering for his mistakes and she did not deserve it.
"I do," Zayn replied, hoping that it would reassure her. "I wish that you'd love me back but I understand that you can't."
Salma blinked, releasing a breath. She sat back, her gaze downcast.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Yet." Zayn added.
Salma looked up.
"What?" Zayn raised a brow. "You really thought I was walking out of here like a butt-hurt loser?" He folded his arms over the table, and smirked. "I haven't given up on you, Bee," he said. "Because I'm not known for giving up."
Salma pressed her lips together, desperately trying to not start laughing at the absurdity of his words. This was madness. She felt like crying one minute, and then cackling at him the next. She looked away, shaking her head in disbelief and amusement. There was this awareness of how light she felt. A smile this big hadn't stretched at her lips for quite a while. Was it because he didn't take offense to what she said, or because he knew she was hurt and was willing to support her without blaming her?
"Oh hell naw!" a displeased voice said. "What is he doing here?!"
Salma turned around to see Louisa and Jason making their way towards them, followed by Niall, Claire, Charlayne and – much to Salma's displeasure – Lena. Louisa slipped next to her, and Jason next to Louisa.
"I, am about to pass out!" Charlayne dragged herself towards the table. "Come here, make yourself useful and --" She crashed next to Zayn, draping her arms around him. "Hold me steady, my knight in shining armour!"
Salma looked away awkwardly.
"Oh crap." Charlayne blinked, straightening up. "You don't mind, do you? I didn't mean to --"
"I think the person you should be asking is me?" Zayn eyed her arms in distaste.
"Psshtt! Like you mind?" She rolled her eyes.
"Off!" Zayn tapped her interlocked hands with a rolled up card.
"Whatever, dude!" Charlayne pushed off of him and crawled closer to Claire sitting on the adjacent bench. She gladly let her friend borrow her shoulder.
Lena and Niall took a seat on either side of Zayn.
"Hi Zayn!" Lena flashed him a smile. "Surprise visit?"
"Yeah, I was missing Bee." He gave Salma one of his 'eye-crinkling' smiles.
"Sure you were." Salma chuckled.
"Why aren't you in LA, loser?!" Louisa shot at Zayn.
"I wanted to let you know in person that the condition of Monkey-arms is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of --"
Zayn tried to smack her nose with the rolled-up card but Louisa snatched it and threw it over her shoulder.
"You --!"
Zayn jumped towards her and Louisa screamed, shooting out of her seat to get away. Salma and Jason got to their feet to get out of the idiots' way.
"Hi Salma!" Jason grinned, as Salma slipped in next to him leaving a Louisa-sized space between them.
A round of 'hi's' and 'hellos' followed his greeting while the two baboons continued wrecking havoc behind them. Salma greeted back Claire, Charlayne, Niall, and not Lena. The two girls ignored one another.
"Where were you shooting off to earlier?" Jason asked.
"Had to meet someone real quick."
"That someone being Zayn?" Charlayne wiggled her eyebrows.
"No," Salma deadpanned but there was no stopping the giggles or Lena's deadly glare.
"Just relax! There's nothing wrong with having monkey--!"
"I'll murder you. Leave me alone!" Louisa growled, pushing him off. She jumped over the table to sit between Lena and Niall, away from Zayn's reach.
"Ferret, budge. Your Monkey has laid claims on my Brownie."
Salma and Jason quickly moved away from each other to increase the Louisa-sized space between them to fit Zayn.
"Tell your mother that, Harris, you just want to sit next to your 'Bee'."
"And why are you jealous if I do?" Zayn said as he settled down, his arm brushing into Salma's.
She focused on the bickering between the two, to relax, and not edge away from him, which was her instinct.
"Jealous? Sweetheart, she'd rather kill you, than kiss you," Louisa returned.
"Not true!" Salma said without thinking.
Everyone turned to her.
Crap!
"So you'd kiss him?" Louisa made a face.
"Who wouldn't?" Lena winked at Zayn.
"Girl, your standard is shit, we know, I was talking to Salma." Louisa side-eyed her before turning to Salma.
"I meant the killing part," Salma clarified.
"Yeah, you're nice like that, but would you kiss him?"
"Of course she . . . would?" Jason finished uneasily when Zayn and Salma turned to him. He eyed the two fearfully. "Not? . . . Wouldn't. Would –whatever!"
He turned to his phone, going quite red in the face.
"See, you broke my Boo!" Louisa pouted. "He's malfunctioning."
"You want to see me functioning?" Jason smirked at her. Then glanced at Salma, went even redder in the face, and turned back to his phone.
Salma bit her lip, laughing silently. Zayn felt her suppressing her laughter and smiled, cocking his head towards her.
"He really doesn't want to leave a bad impression on you," he muttered.
"Or he's scared of the big brother squeezing the life out of him?" Salma suggested.
Zayn smiled, eyeing Louisa fondly.
"What's the deal with you two?"
Salma and Zayn turned to the source of the question.
"Like are you dating? Or not?" Charlayne asked. "Is it no strings attached? What's the deal?"
"No, not 'no strings attached'!" Salma cried.
"So strings attached?" Claire frowned, turning to her brother. "When did you start dating her?"
"I didn't." Zayn shook his head.
Lena smiled in triumph.
"Oh poor thing," she muttered, loud enough for Salma to hear.
"You're not dating?" Charlayne blinked.
"No," Salma confirmed.
"What is this then?"
"Just us?" Zayn suggested with a shrug.
"Us, as in . . ."
"They got married," Niall dropped the bomb. Salma and Zayn stiffened. "I officiated it. If anyone has any qualms, shove them up your," he threw Salma and Zayn a quick glance, "um, rears? And cry me a river. You're late. Thank you everyone."
The table burst out laughing. Zayn and Salma relaxed. As everyone went back to their chitter-chatter, Salma heard Louisa gossiping with the other girls.
"They're trying things out," Louisa told a curious Charlayne and Claire. "Salma told me."
I did? Salma frowned as she texted Sarah asking where she was.
"Nothing is official."
True that, Salma agreed in her head. Except that I married him.
"Is that so?" Lena replied, sounding quite relieved.
Salma felt her arm and shoulder burn with contact from Zayn's flexing biceps, who was eagerly gesticulating while talking to Niall about the recent match with Seattle Sounders. She tried to distract herself again, but she had no interest in either of the ongoing discussions. Jason was sitting too far away. Niall and Zayn were talking sports, while Charlayne was telling the other girls about this game, played in pairs, that was really constructive for couples. The tingling burn from the contact was becoming unbearable, so she dropped her bag.
"You okay, Bee?" Zayn was quick to ask.
"Uh huh," Salma replied, diving after the bag. When she sat up, she was careful to put at least an inch or two between them.
She breathed a sigh of relief.
Should have done this earlier!
"So we'll divide into pairs!" Charlayne announced. "Let's try it. Choose your teammates!"
Salma blinked. Her heart racing straight out of her chest.
What?
"Me and Zayn!" Lena shouted.
"I'm not playing," Zayn said, taking his phone out.
"Why not?" Charlayne frowned.
He scoffed.
"I don't have time for this crap."
Salma's phone beeped with a text. She pulled it out, expecting a reply from Sarah. Except, it was Zayn. She frowned.
Zayn: Fancy a coffee? I still owe you one from this morning.
Salma smiled as she typed a reply.
Salma: No, thank you. And you don't owe me lol.
She heard the beep of Zayn's phone and the associated groan of disappointment that he let out. Her phone beeped with a reply. She quickly put her phone on vibration to not arose the others suspicion of the two texting each other, while sitting next to each other.
Zayn: Spoilsport.
"Whatever dude." Charlayne rolled her eyes. "So it's Claire and I, Louisa and Jason. Lena, you can either go with Niall or Sal --"
"I'm with Niall!" Lena quickly said.
"Why?" Niall cried. "What if I wanted to be with Salma?"
"That won't work?" Zayn interrupted the teaming battles.
"And why's that?" Niall challenged.
"It's Bee and I!" Zayn said. "You're late. That's why."
Four people blinked their confusion. Louisa and Jason laughed.
"I thought you said you didn't have any time for this crap." Claire raised a brow.
"I mean, will you look at that." Zayn put his phone away. "I suddenly have all the time in the world. It's curious, isn't it?"
"It's lame, if you ask me." Niall eyed him flatly. "Also, is Salma even playing?"
"Why?" Lena smirked at her before Salma could tell Niall she was not interested. "Can't remember Zayn doing something nice for her?"
The table went quiet. Except for Lena's friends hissing at her angrily. Salma and Lena held a stare down contest.
"He didn't choose you, is not my fault," Salma replied, meaning it in more ways than one. "If you wish to be his partner in this exercise, be my guest. It's not my call to make."
Lena scoffed.
"Absolutely no jealously or over-protectiveness. Very telling, indeed. It's clear as day how one sided this is." She folded her hands and sat back.
Salma felt Zayn stiffening beside her. Everyone else avoided looking at either of them. Lena had said, what the others believed, out loud. Zayn stayed quiet. Clearly, her words had both hurt and embarrassed him.
"I'm going to suggest not projecting your own insecurities on others," Salma said grimly. She was angry for a lot of reasons and that girl was pushing her buttons. "Just because your affections aren't returned doesn't mean everyone else is in the same dilemma."
A few awkward glances were shared between the others.
"Don't make this about me, missy! Everyone knows this!" Lena returned angry but confident, knowing she had them both cornered. "He likes you. You don't!"
"Not true."
"So you like him --"
"I love him," Salma countered.
Everyone on the table froze, then jolted by the shock of her words that hit them like a truck. Eyes bulged, mouths drops, a few disbelieving gasps, laughs and a cry of surprise from Jason rippled around the table.
Salma ignored Zayn who was watching her, surprised, a slight frown creasing his brow and lips parted. She had her steely gaze fixed on Lena, who seemed to have a vacuum squeezing her from inside.
"You have a problem?" Salma pressed.
"Obviously not!" Claire intervened, recovering first. She was clearly fighting off a smile. "Let's – let's just play the game."
"So it's Zayn and Salma, and Lee and Niall. All settled," Charlayne said, trying to overcome the awkwardness and shock of what just happened. "First, swear to each other that you won't lie, then go around collecting memories that one of us might have been a part of. When you come back, we'll validate what you recalled, and whether or not, we recall something you've missed."
Salma stomach twisted into a painful knot. This was a horrible idea.
"It's a trip down the memory lane!" Charlayne cheered, taking out a water bottle. "It'll either make you or break you. Let's spin the bottle."
Not me, ya Allah, please not us!
She may have squared off against Lena to defend Zayn but this was a horrible exercise for them because Lena was right. They really had nothing worth revisiting or recalling.
"Wait!" Claire stopped, a mischievous smile playing on her lips. "How about we start with the team that didn't have time for this crap and is suddenly very interested in playing the game."
Salma's heart thudded at a made pace. She had to find a way to stop this without humiliating herself, or Zayn.
"I agree." Charlayne grinned.
"Me too!" Louisa giggle. "It'd be fun."
"No, we should follow the rules," Salma said, desperate for an escape.
"There's no rules!" Charlayne laughed. "It's a game meant for party-goers except half the table is never there at parties so we play sober. We make the rules as we go."
"Then I suggest you stick to the bottle turn," Zayn said, sensing Salma's panic.
"And I suggest, majority is authority." Louisa countered. "Those in favor of sending Zalma on a trip down the memory lane, raise your hands!"
Charlayne, Claire and Louisa's hands shot up. A second or two passed and then Lena turned her taunting gaze on Salma and slowly raised her hand.
She smirked, knowing exactly what she was doing.
"Zalma, huh?" she said, scoffing. "Sounds like a sickness, but yeah, Zalma first."
Claire shared a glance with Niall and suddenly looked unsettled.
"My vote is on the condition that department buildings will be out of bounds," Claire said quickly, turning to Charlayne. "Grounds only."
Salma knew what she was doing. Her and Niall had witnessed the worst. No one wanted to revisit that memory.
"Why?" her friend asked.
"Fine, then no vote from --"
"Deal!" Charlayne agreed quickly.
"The count is equal," Zayn smirked at Louisa. "Since your suggestion failed. We follow mine."
Louisa looked around the table and her eyes zeroed on Jason.
"Jase?" she raised a brow.
Jason looked between her and Salma, and Salma and her.
"Jase?!"
"Alright! Alright!" He shot his hand just as Salma was about to ask him not to.
"We win!"
***
First draft: May 23, 2021
Salma clenched her teeth to contain the storm. Mrs. Coles wasn't in her office. Relieved, she hurried towards the lab, desperately swiping the card, hoping her permit was still valid. The machine beeped. Fighting a flood of tears and a spinning head, Salma shoved into the lab, not waiting for the doors to open properly. She made a beeline for the cupboard stores at the back.
There weren't many students. Or maybe she didn't see many. Her vision blurred the moment she reached the first row of cupboards. She stumbled past the second towards the third row. There was a camera fitted on the wall of second row and she did not want her meltdown recorded. Her legs gave way the moment she turned the corner. She crashed on the floor, dropping her bag and crawling towards one of the cupboards to sit against.
The flood gates broke. The visions attacked. The sobbing started.
From Zayn yelling at her for throwing herself at him in that alley behind the dormitories, to him cussing her out in front of Lena and Charlayne when she'd requested to talk.
The memories stabbed.
The torment began.
And it ended up on the roof.
At night.
Alone.
With Zayn.
Feigning to kill himself so she could humiliate herself.
To tell him that she loved him when she did not.
To grabbing her forcefully.
Manhandling her.
Pushing her to –
"Stop!" Salma cried in pain, grabbing her head as her heart seared, threatening to explode. "Please stop!"
It didn't.
Her tears continued.
Her sobs grew more frantic.
The pain took over.
Balling her into herself for protection
"Ya Allah, please!" the voice within flew to the skies above as she lay on her side, her head buried into her knees. "Please make it stop! Heal me!"
And there she laid.
Obscured.
"Heal me!"
Alone.
"Give me strength."
And broken.
"To face it!"
With just her pain and her pieces.
Away from the harsh judgements. The brutal comments. The inhuman pressure and expectations. The oversimplified conclusions.
She prayed and dug deep within herself.
Trying to find a miracle in the missing pieces of her being.
***
First draft: May 25, 2021
She opened her eyes drowsily.
Her blurry vision rested on the sturdy brown cupboard as it came into a sharper focus. A vibration from beneath made her more conscious of her surroundings. Salma pulled herself up, disturbed to realized she had actually dozed off on the laboratory floor during her meltdown. Her head spun dangerously.
Groggy and perturbed about her state, she pulled her vibrating phone out of her pocket. The living daylights were knocked right back into her as she unlocked the device, chasing every other thought or concern out of her mind. There were dozens of security alerts and notifications.
Salma hastened to pick up the call, supporting her spinning head with her hand.
"Hello?"
"Salma! What happened?!" Spogmae's voice demanded, before telling someone else. "I've established contact. I'm through -- Salma, what's going on? You went dormant –"
"I'm fine! I'm okay—" Salma began.
"Your calls went unattended, messages unread, security alerts ignored –"
"I'm really okay!" Salma reassured hastily, hoping the Green Coats had not overreacted to her lack of response. "I dozed off and --"
"In the lab?" Spogmae cried, disbelief clear in her tone.
Salma pinched the bridge of her nose. She was not even surprised to know they knew her location.
"Look I needed time to myself, alright. I just got here on instinct and then I dozed off!"
"Hold on -- no, I've gone through to her," she heard Spogmae telling someone. "Yes, she's fine. Withhold orders for emergency protocol."
Salma sighed. So she couldn't even have a meltdown on her own terms now.
"Salma? You want to start explaining?" Spogmae demanded.
"No," Salma sighed, mumbling, "but when do I get what I want these days."
"You're saying?!" Spogmae prompted her to speak louder.
"I just had an argument with someone and got upset and slept."
"What happened?" It was now Burak Kaka. She heard the two Green Coats converse before he turned back to her. "Who --"
"No one important." Salma cut him off. "Normal life things. Nothing that asks for Green Coat attention. I just needed a moment alone."
"Alright, come out," he said. "You need to get back home to settle the triggers."
"Give me five –"
"No, now!"
"You know what, to hell with everything. I'm not moving!"
Salma cut the call and rested her head aching head against the cupboard. Anytime minute now, she expected the Green Coats to barge in to escort her out but she no longer cared. The sleep may have dried her tears and settled her racing heart but her head was still heavy and chest still ached.
"You meant that?" Zayn had asked the moment they started walking.
"No," Salma replied. "My problems with you are between you and me. I'm not going to let people use that to their advantage."
Zayn nodded. They crossed the grounds in silence. The ghosts of their unpleasant past jeering at them at every nook and cranny they passed, threatening to blow up the freshly established understanding between them. From the canopy at the far end loomed the memory that almost everyone on the table except Jason and Louisa had witnessed. That of Zayn openly admitting to drugging her and keeping her in his house.
"I drugged you because I wanted to! And I'd do it again should I get a chance!
Salma cowered into herself, away from that canopy, only for them to step on the pavement lined with more benches, with more ghosts.
"You tried to turn my family against me. And now you took away my best friend! What more do you want from me?!"
Salma bit into her cheek, her throat clogging up, when her screaming reverberated in her mind. Louisa had witnessed that.
Zayn stayed quiet, his features hard and tortured. As if knowing what ghost awaited them by the dormitory building, their steps fell in a silent agreement as they chose to go around the building.
Little did it help, however. They only walked into the humiliation of another rude exchange. Salma closed her eyes and clench her teeth in pain to see the alley up ahead. He had cornered her there once.
"Mind my touch now, do you? You didn't seem to mind when you threw yourself at me back in the forest!"
A strangled gasp escaped her lips. Salma halted. This was becoming too much. Terrifying visions were flashing past her mind, toxic words resurfacing, hurtful events she had buried away and forgotten about, were all coming back full force. She was scared of taking another step. Who knew what poisonous memory was going to ambush them around the corner? Gnawing at their already nonexistent bond and burning whatever crumbling bridge Zayn and she had managed to build over the last few weeks, and especially earlier that morning.
Zayn couldn't meet her gaze. He had probably forgotten about it all, and getting a rundown like this must have been a rude awakening; both humiliating and painful.
"I want to see Sarah," Salma blurted out.
"Bee, I'm really --
"I have to pray. It's getting late." Salma said, hoping he would understand that she was not in the state to delve deeper into the subject.
"Okay," he quietly agreed, much to her relief. The look on his face told her the walk wasn't pleasant for him either.
Wordlessly, they turned around to retrace their steps. Both of them doing their best to ignore the haunted air and the obscenity of his past harshness, hanging midway on the path leading up to the dormitories.
"I see you are going to act like this never happened?" a snarky voice said.
Salma turned around to see Lena casually standing by the building, her arms folded and one of her heeled foot resting on the dormitory walls.
"Figures." She smiled, pushing away from the wall. "Don't worry. I am here to remind you."
She started walking towards them, her eyes zeroed on Salma.
"We'll do without, thanks!" Zayn said coldly.
"Remember when you asked Zayn for a quick word," Lena began regardless.
Zayn tensed bedside her.
"And he told you to F—"
"Shut up, Lee!" Zayn drowned her voice.
"--ck off?!" Lena finished with a poisonous smile.
Salma did her best to not recoil from the pain pulsing in waves from her heart. Before Zayn had upped his game of monstrioty on the roof that night, this was the one offense Salma had really taken to heart.
"And yet, here you are?" Lena tsk-tsked. "You know what that makes you?" She raised a dramatic brow before spitting the word. "Shameless!"
"You really need to --"
Salma grabbed Zayn's sleeve to stop his outburst.
Zayn turn to her to protest, only to find her stony gaze fixed on Lena, her brow etched into a hard line. Overtime, Salma had really gotten good at turning to stone, taking hits after hits and holding her integrity. She knew this cold display of composed indifference would be costing her, but she had to slay before she could allow herself to fall.
"I am shameless," Salma admitted.
"Bee?!"
"For I have to serve a purpose that's worth a million me's," Salma said, ignoring Zayn. "What of you? You don't even have a life, what to say of a cause bigger than it?"
As the two girls glared at each other silently, someone ran up behind them.
"Salma!" It was Jason. He skidded to halt, looking at the three and sensing the obvious tension. His face drained of color. "The professor --" he pointed behind him awkwardly. "Professor Lawrence is looking for you."
Salma narrowed her eyes suspiciously. Professor Lawrence had taken a full week's leave to attend a conference in London. Something about the way Jason avoided eye contact, looking ashamed and defeated, told her he intended to rescue her from the walk of shame with Zayn. He had just realized he was too late.
"Come on," he mumbled as Salma threw one last glare at Lena before heading towards her department.
"Salma, I'm really sorry, l -- "
"Don't talk to me, Jason!" Salma snapped, stunning him to still as she raced away.
Of all the dunces sitting on that table, he had a very good idea how complicated her relation to Zayn was. His succumbing to Louisa's immature insistence felt like a betrayal.
And now here she was, on the floor of Entomology lab-III picking up and gluing her pieces together.
Her phone buzzed with a text. It was Zayn. A fresh one to add to the many he'd send her before. Salma swiped to dismiss it. Instead, it opened.
Zayn: I know you're hurting. I'm really sorry that you had to go through all of this. No one understand your pain but you, but if you wish to talk about it, I am here for you. I'll be waiting for you next to the rock formation by the parking lot.
Salma drew in a shaky breath, massaging her aching head.
Go home, Zayn.
Despite her distress, Salma was quite resolute. She was not going to waste the progress the two had made. She was not going to allow this fresh blow to send them back past square one. She was going to fight tooth and nail to maintain and built on top of that, but right now she was in no state to resume that uphill task.
She quickly typed a response.
Salma: I want to go home. Thank you.
Hitting send, Salma pressed the power button to turn the device off. She needed a break.
She rose to her feet and walked out into the lab with unsteady steps. It was eerily empty. No wonder no one had come looking for her. Stepping out, she was confronted by Mrs. Coles in her office. However, before the ever-suspicious lab assistant could start questioning her about her sudden and unexplained appearance from within the lab, Jason stepped in to rescue her. Apparently, he had followed her despite Salma's snub.
Zayn was waiting by her car, and so were the two Green Coats, all three of them looking extremely grim.
"I'll see you around," Salma muttered to Zayn. He nodded, his face still hard, and hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans.
Burak Kaka started the ignition as Salma got into the car, but Spogmae didn't follow. She shut the door for Salma.
"I have unfinished business," she told Burak Kaka.
As her colleague nodded at her, Salma reached for her arm.
"Leave Zayn alone," she warned.
The Green Coat took her hand in hers, patting it as if to reassure her. She gave Salma a tight smile.
"Rest well. And de-stress your mind."
Burak Kaka started driving away.
Author's Note:
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J.