Chapter 2
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The alcohol numbed my senses and my balance was long gone. I walked side to side on the empty road that early morning. My head spun and my thoughts were clouded.
I stumble into the side of our house and fell to the ground. I had no energy to get up so I stayed.
I was waiting for the clock to turn six and for my mom to go for her morning walk. She never missed it and she always left the door opened.
I did this often, drinking until I could stand nor talk. Once you had begun it was easier to continue than stop, when you stop you made the problem real for yourself. I didn't care what happened to me, if I woke up somewhere unknown or not at all.
The air was crisp and filled my lungs as I walked around the block. Sitting and waiting was just going to make me fall asleep and than I would snitch on myself. So I walked until my mind got clearer and the sky got brighter.
In a weird way this was the best moment since I got here, the world was quiet and I was lost of responsibilities.
I got back to my house just in time to be out of my moms site, she had her hair in a ponytail and had on her fitted athletics.
I had my fights with her but I also looked up to her. She had her life in such a control, nothing that happened to her could change that. She ate healthy and thought healthy.
When I got into the house I heard my dads snores from a few room away. Other from that the house was quiet. I took careful steps to my room and crashed into my bed. With the alarm set to an hour I fell asleep.
"Samantha, turn off your alarm! My moms frustrated screams woke me up.
My head was pounding so hard that I was convinced that it was my heartbeat. I knew I was still drunk and would be for the rest of the day.
"I'm up," I yelled loudly.
"Turn off the alarm!" The ringing from my phone became clear even for me now and it made me feel even worse.
When the peeping finally stopped I forced myself into the shower. I rinsed of all the dirt that had not faced the wasted me and washed my hair from the sticky liquids.
I couldn't physically put food in my body yet so I chugged a water bottle as I stared into the wall.
Would it ever change? I could change my ways but the situation would always be the same.
The classroom was already filled and I was late, the only empty seat was the one beside Billie.
I gave her a weak smile as I sat down. She responded with the same weak smile before putting her head in her hands and slowly closing her eyes.
"Why the fuck are you here?"
Zeth turned in his seat to talk to me and I felt my head beat as I our eyes meet.
"You where wasted and I heard you stayed there long as fuck too,"
"Mhm," I let my eyes fall to the table.
I knew he wanted to be nice and he succeeded but I was too fucked to respond correctly.
"Samantha Johnson!" my voice once again flew across the room.
I opened my eyes and and his body towered over me
"I'm here,"
"I see that,"
Billie chocked down a laugh and a few eyes got stuck on me.
"Whatcha want than sir,"
He bit down hard and I could hear his teeth scraping onto each other.
"a fair warning for now but if you keep behaving like this and sleeping on my lessons you will end up at the headmaster,"
I nodded slowly and breathed out quietly. I needed to shut my mouth for just a few more seconds
As soon as the bell rang I got up and walked out. I could hear them walking behind me and whispering to each other. So I walked faster.
"Sam! Wait up," Zeth shouted behind me and I was forced to slow down.
"What," I tried not sound complete like a bitch but enough for them to leave me alone.
"It's tradition to annoy the new girl," Zeth began.
"So your hanging with us for the day," Billie continued.
I followed them for the day and the lessons I didn't have with them I breathed.
I didn't belong with them, the tall boy with dark skin and a warm smile, the pale girl with black hair and the two boys who you couldn't tell apart except from a dot on a nose. They belong together and they didn't need me.
One class I sat next to Billie and I couldn't pretend anymore so I gather my things and got up.
"Hey where you going," she said.
"Out,"
Our eyes locked each other in and she nodded.
"Please find us at lunch," she smiled softly at me and I gave her a weak nod before walking out.
I relaxed in the dirty bathroom in the stall where slurs and hate messages where written. I didn't trust people, how could I. Everyone I had know and really trusted had left me more fucked than I was before.
But she lured me in, she was excited. So I did what she had asked. The smell of food filled my nose and I chocked down vomit. Everyone sound pierced my ears and every stare made me smaller, except when I caught hers.
Sat down and a blonde girl stared me down.
"what's your name baby," she said slowly laced with fake kindness.
Billie looked at me and I ignored her. I felt embarrassed and my hopes fell. Billie was taken by some basic chick with foundation way to dark for her.
"Sam," I tried keeping up a front and keeping myself seated.
If I ran away I would look stupid. So I stayed and listened to there conversation but I wasn't really there.