I've spent a good portion of today stealing glances at Henry when I knew he wasn't looking at me. I've also felt my parents' eyes on me a good chunk of the day though, but they've never approached me.
Do I want them to?
Absolutely.
I miss them.
Professionally, it's great that they're here today. Their presence is great publicity for the charities and the animal shelter in addition to everything else the team is doing for the event. Personally though? I feel like crawling into a hole and never coming out.
JJ's already suggested to me that I go and talk to at least one of our parents.
I thought about it and then after Henry kissed me, I saw the look they gave him. They're not over it. They're punishing him for no fucking reason.
I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt to see them treat Henry this way.
I guess a part of me always thought they'd be happy to see us end up together. I imagined my mom saying that age is just a number. My dad saying welcome to the family for real.
But apparently that was just another fantasy I had to go with the fantasy of Henry liking me for real instead of a fake fucking relationship.
In reality, Dad threatened to hurt Henry and Mom accused him of the unthinkable.
They haven't even apologized to either of us for what they said so how can I be expected to go and talk to them?
I love them. I really do. They've given me every opportunity and all the love I could have asked for. We just don't agree on this.
I've spent a good chunk of the day when I'm not being interviewed by myself or being interviewed with Henry playing with puppies. I want to keep one because our family dog passed away two years ago and we have yet to get another one. Alas, we all travel too much for it at the current moment. So I'll have to find this little guy a home today.
We've actually had a large amount of dogs get adopted today. It's been incredible.
Emily sighs, attracting my attention away from the lab puppy I'm playing with. I look up at her, noting disproval in her eyes.
"What?"
"You know what."
I resist the urge to roll my eyes, "I don't think I'd be asking if I knew what."
"You should go talk to them."
"Them implying the parents and their child over there who might want to adopt this sweet puppy?" I play innocent and motion to a family standing not too far away from me.
Emily shakes her head, "Well you might be right about that, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about your parents babe."
"What about them?" I ask, distracting myself with the yawning puppy in my lap. He looks so tired from all the excitement today.
"They've been staring at you most of the day."
I know. It's kind of hard to ignore them.
"I hadn't noticed." I say quietly, curling the puppy into my arms to take towards the family I'd been eyeing. "I'll be back."
I approach them and out of the corner of my eye I see flashes from cameras. "Hi, my names Mirabelle. Are you guys interested in adopting a dog today?"
The little boy smiles brightly up at me, one of his front teeth missing. "Yes!"
I look at the mom who nods and I crouch down to be the same height as him, "This little guy is looking for a home if you'd like to meet him."
He reaches out, but then hesitates. "Can I pet him?" He asks shyly and my heart melts.
"Of course. I think the two of you are going to get along very well. He likes his ears to be scratched," I whisper the last part and then set the slumbering puppy on the ground. He smiles and I stand up as the parents say thank you to me.
On my way back towards where Emily is chatting with a potential adopter, I see Bailey sitting in the stands by himself.
I glance around noting that my parents are talking to Henry's still just like they have all day. Hunter is with Kaitlyn and Henry is with Wilson and Quinn playing with a group of kids and their parents.
What is Bailey doing up there?
I guess we haven't really spoken since the night of the fire. He was so upset I thought he needed space, but maybe I was wrong.
I climb up the couple of steps and sit next to him as he looks the other way. "Hey B." I say cheerily, trying to start the conversation off on a good note. Bailey stays silent and I frown. "How's soccer going?" I ask, trying again to start the conversation.
"Fine." He answers shortly, crossing his arms over his chest.
I chew my lip hesitantly, trying to decide how much I should push this. Bailey's temper is shorter than Mom's which is very short to begin with. "So-"
"Just go back to your boyfriend and your perfect life here so you can continue forgetting about the rest of us. We don't need you." He snaps, an angry look in his eye. I'm taken aback by the harshness of his words.
"Bailey-"
He stands up and shoves his hands into his pockets. "I didn't even want to fucking come today. Mom and Dad made me because that's what Walkers do; we're there for each other always." Bailey says bitterly, dragging a hand through his hair quickly. "When have you been there for me lately?"
I am fucking floored right now. What have I really been missing at home?
"I'm sorry that I'm not home. I'm sorry I don't call more, but B, I'm always here for you. I love you. I've been calling and trying, but I can't be there if you don't pick up the phone."
I stand up to try to take a step forward towards him, but Bailey shies away. "Just leave me the fuck alone. You've been pretty good at it lately."
A piece of my heart cracks because I had no idea how bad things had gotten for Bailey. This isn't the same kid I was surfing with a month and a half ago.
I sit back down for a couple of minutes trying to piece together when my brother decided he hated me so much. I know I'm hiding up here which is precisely what I now understand Bailey was doing.
I feel tears blur my vision and I sniffle, wiping my nose on the back of my hand just as Quinn decides to walk up the steps to come talk to me. His smile drops when he sees plain as day whatever fucking feelings are visible on my face because I'm at such a loss right now.
"Are you okay?" He asks, taking a seat next to me and angling himself to face me. It looks awkward with his long legs and I can't help but let out a broken chuckle.
"I'm fine Quinn. I just needed a moment." I need more than a fucking moment though.
His eyes scan my face and I want to shrink under the attention. I should get my ass up out of this chair, put myself together along with my big girl pants on and talk to my parents to get to the bottom of what's wrong with Bailey.
"Is it Henry?" He asks carefully and I shake my head.
"No. My brother, Bailey." I admit softly as Quinn reaches forward to wipe a tear I didn't know had fallen. I jerk back, remembering where we are and why anything affectionate can't happen. Quinn frowns, clearly not thinking about it. "There's photographers here." I murmur quietly and realization dawns on his face.
"Fuck, I forgot. Follow me."
Thankfully he doesn't try to grab my hand but I do feel guilty slipping away with him. This is Henry's event and I'm supposed to be his date. I'm supposed to be his girlfriend but here I am walking off with his friend.
I shake the thought out of my head to follow behind. All the focus is down below, right where it should be. I've played my part perfectly today and no one is going to notice that I disappeared.
I let Quinn lead the way despite the fact I probably know this place better than he does. We end up in one of the boxes, a couple down from the one I spent a good chunk of my childhood in. I sit down on the floor and a quiet sob escapes from my mouth as the gravity of what is going on with Bailey sinks in.
He turns to look at me and there's worry written all over his face. I press my hand up to my mouth to smother the sounds of my heart ache and then Quinn sits down next to me and pulls me into him. I rest my head on his shirt and I let it all out.
My family was fine until I left. If I'd never left, I wouldn't be fake dating Henry. I wouldn't not be speaking to my parents. I wouldn't have left Bailey to fall into whatever hole he's crawled into.
It's just a lot.
After who knows how fucking long, I finally lift my head from where it was resting on Quinn's chest, wiping my cheeks and under my eyes since I know I probably look like a wreck.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cry all over you." I say hesitantly, feeling a pounding headache start to form in my skull.
"Are you okay?" He asks, ignoring the fact that there's wet spots on his shirt from my tears.
I try to muster a smile, but I end up shaking my head. "Everything in my life is going horribly wrong at the current moment and I don't know how to fix it. My brother, Bailey, is going through some tough shit right now and I had no fucking clue. He is so angry at me and I'm lying to everyone except Emily and JJ. I am so overwhelmed." I admit, partially embarrassed that I'm throwing myself this pity party to begin with. Mirabelle fucking Walker doesn't do that.
"Are you doing anything for yourself right now?"
Does fake dating the guy I want to be dating count?
"Not really." I decide upon and he shakes his head. "I promise I'm not some damsel in distress. You're not always going to have to pick up my mess whether it's broken glass or me crying on the floor. I'll get my shit together eventually."
"Mirabelle, we're all messes so I don't fucking care about that. What I care about is that you're not doing anything for yourself. Everyday not spent living is a wasted opportunity. We only have this one life and so many take it for granted, but it seems like you're more focused on everyone else that you have no time for yourself." Quinn says calmly as if we're talking about cheese instead of this philosophical idea. "You're going to wear yourself thin. Tomorrow is only the first game of the season and the higher ups haven't said when they want you and Henry to break up."
Which means I'm in this for a while still.
I force a smile on my face that I hope is fucking convincing because I am so emotionally drained right now. "That's a really beautiful way of looking at it, but I've lived more in my time than people live in a hundred years. I can sacrifice a little to help the people I love."
Quinn's dark eyes are swirling with emotion and he tilts my chin up slightly. "Mirabelle that's no way to live. You need to do something for yourself."
"What are you suggesting?" I ask, my voice feeling hoarse. My stomach is flip-flopping inside at the close proximity between us and I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
A small smile graces his lips that attract my attention away from his eyes. His really nice mouth. I wet my lips in anticipation and then Quinn's mouth is crashing onto mine.
It's not sweet or slow.
It's fast and feels dangerous but in a way different from Henry's soft inviting lips.
Quinn pulls on my braid causing me to open my mouth fully to his onslaught as the kiss deepens. I shift my legs to straddle his waist and he presses me against him from his hand placement on the small of my back.
He groans loudly when my fingers curl around the top of his shirt, grazing the hard muscle underneath.
"Quinn," I say shortly, feeling out of breath as he steals another kiss, not giving me time to process...this.
I don't know what to think, but the kisses with Henry earlier and the other day are slowly getting shoved to the back of my mind. Quinn is invading my mouth, my mind, and it feels surprisingly good.
My fingers rake through his hair and there's no doubt that he knows what he's doing. That thought hits me like a bucket of ice water dumping over my head. I break the kiss, immediately scrambling backwards. "Oh my god." I whisper, covering my mouth with my hand and Quinn's eyes widen.
"Don't freak out, just talk to me." He says trying to maintain a level of calmness that I don't have.
"I'm supposed to be dating your friend! Yo-You are notoriously in magazines and gossip rags with women and I just—fuck, I can't go there with you." I stammer nervously, standing up to leave. There's a whole fucking event down on the field that I helped with. What am I doing up here? I should be down there talking with Hunter and JJ. I run a hand over my face, I just keep making bad decisions right after another.
Quinn shakes his head, "You're supposed to be fake dating my friend, there's a difference. Sure, I like women and I like sex; I'm not ashamed of it and I'm not going to deny it. I like you. You're funny, beautiful, and you have no problem telling it how it is. Mirabelle, you know what this world is like. I know what I look like in the media, but I like you enough that I hope you don't care."
I'm at a loss for words.
"I don't need you to tell me that you feel the same way, but based on that great kiss, I'm really hoping you might. I just want to know if you'll give me a chance," He asks and I can feel myself pulling in two directions.
On one hand, I hear JJ and Emily telling me that if Henry and I were going to happen for real, then we would have by now. They want me to move on from him. On the other hand, I've been in love with Henry for so long and I feel like I'm somewhat close to getting him to see me in the way I've always dreamed he would. But I can't wait forever for him to see what's always been right in front of him.
"Mirabelle." I look up at him and Quinn steps forward to tuck a piece of hair that's fallen from my braid behind my ear. "Will you give me a chance?"
I bite my lip hard enough that I wouldn't be surprised if it were bleeding.
He isn't Henry, but maybe that's a good thing.
Besides holding my hand outside the restaurant, he hasn't given me any kind of indication that he's interested in me for me. Henry really didn't seem to like when Quinn tried to crash our dinner so I would say that he's definitely jealous, but is that because he likes me or is that because he doesn't want to share someone who isn't really his?