ROYA
I prepare the last batch of brownies for the day and put them in the display. Denver protested against me coming here to work today but I wasn't budging. He doesn't understand why I work, I don't think anybody does. This is a second life for me - happy customers, coffee and baking. I don't have any problems in this life.
I take a glass of iced coffee with a couple pieces of brownie and sit in the corner. My bus isn't scheduled for the next 20 minutes. I was scrolling through my phone when I felt a presence next to me.
I look up and lock my eyes on the black ones looking at me gently. I stop chewing and just stare at him. He looks tired, more than what he looked like a day ago. He looks like he's dehydrated and starved, and I shouldn't care but I do.
He looks at the chair next to me silently and I nod, allowing him to sit. He sits and sighs looking outside the glass windows in front of us. I take him in while I can, his hair are ruffled and his eyes have bags under them. His lips are rough which only makes me suspicious about him smoking again.
He promised he won't.
I look down and see his hands shaking while he rests them on the table. He's nervous. He has no need to be. I move the plate of brownies towards him, till it rests right in between us. He looks down at the scraping sound and then looks up at me. I gesture towards the plate, taking a sip of my coffee, silently asking him to eat. A very small, almost unnoticeable smile takes over his lips and he picks a piece, biting into it slowly, like he forgot how to eat.
I lean back a little, trying to catch Lana's attention from here. She looks at me from the cash register and I gesture her to get me a glass of water, she understands and nods at me. I look back at Jordan and see him looking out.
He wants to say something. He wants to say a lot of things. He just doesn't know where to start. He's scared, it's visible in the way he clenches his fists after a few seconds, or swallows air whenever his mouth opens and no words come out.
Lana comes towards us with a glass of water and places it in front of Jordan, leaving after receiving a small smile from him. He picks up the glass and gulps it down.
Clearing his throat, he places the now empty glass down. "We were all sitting down on the couches after a competition of shots," he starts.
I stiffen, he's starting with the events of the night.
"We both were the only ones at the party, Ian and Anna didn't go that day and Ryan was there so you played beer pong while we chilled out," he continues, his voice rough, "the whole night I say as you kissed him and danced with him and then when he came back, he had this smug look on his face like he had everything and I didn't," his face is filled with anger as he says this, anger that was there for a long time.
"He sat down next to me, keeping his eyes on you and rubbed it in my face saying how gorgeous you are and how lucky it is he got someone who's good in bed and innocent," he spits out in disgust, "I lost it, I knew he won't do any good for you in that moment and so later that night when he was challenged to cheat on you, I was so in on the bet because all I wanted was for you to leave that fucker," he tells me, creases in his forehead, "and it's not right. I know I should've told you what happened and what was going on but I wanted you to figure out and leave him on your own. I wanted to be the one who was there for you when you left him," his voice softens.
"And I'm an idiot. I let my jealousy for him and my possessiveness for you get in between my loyalty to you," he looks at me with broken eyes, There are no tears in our eyes, I guess we don't have any left.
"I hurt you because I wanted you and it only made you go further away from me," he states.
"And I know that I should give you time, that you need to think about it but I just can't stay away from you knowing that you're hurting and I'm not there to comfort you. I want you to trust me again Roya, I want you to know that there is nothing in this world that I want more than I want you, more than I need you," he holds my hand and intervenes our fingers, I look down at the gesture.
"I don't know what to say," I say and it's the truth. I don't know what I should say or what I have to say or what I want to say.
"Tell me what you're thinking Anderson," he squeezes my hand.
The nickname does something to my heart.
"I.." I try to gather my thoughts, grasp onto something that makes sense in my brain. Words, phrases, decisions, needs, anything.
"I was talking to Denver yesterday," I begin with the first thing that comes into m mind, he nods in encouragement and I continue from there, "I told him how I can never stay mad at you, how thinking about letting you in again sounds stupid but it's the only thing I want to do."
His lips curl upwards and his eyes shine for the first time today.
"I- I want you Jordan but somewhere in me , there's a part that's not- that's not ready to trust you again," I tell him and his smile vanishes, pain taking over his eyes as he looks away from me.
"I'm sor-"
"Don't Roya," he cuts me off with a rough voice, it isn't harsh but it isn't gentle.
He's angry at himself.
"Don't apologize for something that isn't your fault," he his free hand through his hair.
"I don' know if I can convince that part to trust you again but I can always try?" I recommend questioning, not sure how it sounds.
"You don't have to Roya, you shouldn't have to," he closes his eyes and presses his fingers on his forehead.
"But I want to?" I say more uncertainly than I wanted to and he turns to look at me.
"Why?" he asks as if me giving him another chance isn't believable.
"Because I love you," I shrug popping a brownie piece in my mouth as a smile takes over his face.
"I love you too Roya, I love you so much," he tells me, his eyes never leaving mine.
"Come on, let's go," I brush my hands off of any dessert particles and get off the chair, picking up the glasses and plate.
I make my way to the counter and place the empty dishes there, waving Lana goodbye as we make our way out. I was about to move towards the cabs, considering Jordan was in no position to drive when I stop in my tracks, looking at the person leaning on his car and grinning at me like an idiot.
"What are you doing here?" I walk up to him.
"Who do you think dragged this ghost here in the first place?" Denver wraps his arms around my waist and pecks me.
I turn around a little to look at Jordan with a raised eyebrow and he just sheepishly rubs his neck while shrugging, making me shake my head in amusement.
I turn around to look back at Denver, smiling at him.
"There's that smile," he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and looks at me.
"Thank you," I say, happy that he made an effort that he wasn't required to.
"I'd do anything for you Roya," he speaks in a low voice, "dragging a dead man out of bed is nothing," he adds and I laugh. I laugh an actual laugh for the first time in a while and his eyes light up.
He moves aside, making me step back and opens the door for me.
"We're going to get Ice cream first," I say looking at Jordan, not moving to sit yet.
Denver smirks and Jordan's eyes widen.
"How did you figure out? I showered before coming here," Jordan frowns, smelling his breath on his palm for signs of cigarette residue.
I raise my eyebrow at him, amusement clear on my face, "it's funny how you still think I won't figure out that you smoked."
"Told you man," Denver adds in, smirking.
"It was the last time, I swear and I myself put it out after the second drag because I couldn't do that to you," Jordan pleads, honestly.
"Get in, we're getting ice cream and hotdogs," I smile getting in the car and a relieved Jordan takes the back seat.
"Didn't you just ate brownies with coffee?" Denver points out as he sits in the driver's seat and puts his seatbelt on.
Jordan scoffs from behind.
"Do you want to die?" I smile at Denver.
He closes his mouth, smiling as he looks back at the road and starts the engine.
Arctic Monkey's Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High starts playing and I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that they both are now addicted to my playlist.
And I'm addicted to them.