What am I doing here again?
My head feels weird. Not bad. But weird.
Something about helping people?
Something about helping...Wanda and Vision?
Oh right, now I remember.
I stepped through the doorway of my brothers and sister-in-laws home, entering it without even a knock.
"Well geez, don't your little munchkins have some vocal cords! I could hear them from half a mile away but at least they helped me find your house better than last time," I laughed cheerfully as I referred to my last visit like an inside joke. Except I didn't get the joke. Didn't they just moved? No, no they've been here for at least nine months since they had kids. Right? I don't really remember.
"Hailey! Oh my goodness, I did not expect you to come popping up! Why are you here?" Wanda asked as she looked like she was about to...use magic over the babies cradles?
"Well I couldn't just miss my nephews birth! But it sounds like I was too late!" I joked causing the crowd to laugh enthusiastically. Wait, crowd? "Did you hear that?"
"Hear what?" Wanda asked innocently making me furrow my eyebrows but before I could think for any longer my brother joined us with binkies in his ears.
"That is not where those go!" Wanda scolds jokingly as Vision pulls out the binkies, staring at me.
"Hailey?"
"Hey, little bro. Long time, no see," I greet, grinning but he just looks shocked.
"Why are you here?"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that? Does an aunt need an excuse to see her adorable and loud nephews? And speaking of loud," I start, plucking the binkies out of Visions hands and stuck them in the babies mouthed, silencing them.
"Ooh..." Wanda whispered making my grin widen and Wanda and Vision look at me, impressed.
"Already the greatest aunt in the world!" I bragged quietly looking at my sleeping nephews.
"Look, I think it's..." As if on cue, the kids's binkies pop out of their mouth and they continue to wail.
"Geez Louise! Tough crowd..." I muttered. Geez Louise? What am I, fifty?
"Vis?" Wanda asked causing Vision to hum in reply.
"What are we doing wrong?"
"Oh, don't worry, dear. We'll figure it out. Perhaps we all need more time to get to know one another." As they talked I leaned over the wailing cradles and moved my hand over them with tiny sparks spitting out from my fingers, like fireworks, making the twins go silence in awe. They giggled, watching the blue electricity pop and crackle in the air as I felt Wanda and Vision watch me.
"Or maybe we just need some help," Wanda said as she looked at me.
"How did you do that?" Vis asked in disbelief looking at his giggling sons.
"Humans are so easy to distract, I thought tiny slobbering humans would be easier! And I was right like usual," I laughed causing the crowd of people to laugh again making my eyebrows furrow again. "You seriously can't hear that?"
"Hear what?" Vis asked with concern, staring at me as I stared back at him. I opened my mouth, thinking but closed it when I looked at Wanda. Something's wrong. This isn't right.
"Oh never mind! You know me, always paranoid!" I laughed it off with ease, creating another spark above the cradles without looking and heard...nothing. We all looked confused and looked over at the cradles but they were empty. We looked around in confusion.
"Mommy? Daddy?" We looked over to were we heard the sound, finding the twins standing in front of the stairs but different. They looked around 5 or 6.
"Huh?" Vision said confused as Wanda gasped and I stood trying to understand how the hell they did that.
"Well, hi!" Vision greeted quietly, getting over his kids growth spurt rather quickly.
"Hi!" The kids ran up to their parents, hugging them as I stared at the touching reunion.
This is weird.
Third person POV aka my dear hilarious narrator will take over for me
"Morning. We are now assessing a clearer picture of this crisis. And thanks to Captain Rambeau, we now have first-person intel from inside the Westview Anomaly. Our initial theory had Wanda Maximoff as one of many victims. We now know she is the principal victimizer and has taken a new hostage, her own friend Hailey Stark aka Circuit. Jimmy," Hayward summed up to the group of adults before gesturing to Jimmy.
"Quick history on our subject. Born in Sokovia in 1989 to Irina and Oleg Maximoff, both killed during an air raid when Maximoff and her twin brother, Pietro, were ten," Jimmy informed before Hayward jumped in.
"The twins were subsequently radicalized, volunteering at HYDRA," Hayward simplified which was definitely for painting Wanda as Satan because he's a biased Dickward.
"It's an oversimplification of events, but, yes," Jimmy confirmed causing Hayward to look at him, way too offended for a simple comment.
"After unspecified experimentation with the Mind Stone, Maximoff gained telekinetic and telepathic abilities."
"Back up, Jimmy. Does Maximoff have an alias?"
"No, sir."
"No funny nickname?"
"Not a one."
"And earliest tracking had her using her powers against the Avengers. Is that correct?" Bro, you're not even trying to look unbiased at this point and it is painfully embarrassing.
"Right before she earned their trust and became one herself, befriending Circuit."
"Lagos and Germany, we all know how that turned out. Thanks, Jimmy. Now that we have the lay of the land, let's talk about strategy. It is the policy..." Jimmy walked back to his previous spot next to Darcy, annoyed slightly.
"I try not to speak ill of people..." Jimmy trailed off, trying to find the worst word to describe Hayward while still being kid friendly.
"Then allow me. Hayward's a-"
"-terrorists," Hayward finished which thank god because his voice is nails on a chalkboard in hell.
"Wanda's not a terrorist," Monica, the goddess of my heart, defended.
"By your own account, you described the experience of being under her mind-control as "excruciating, terrifying, a violation."" Out of context! Videos popped up on the screens around them from when Monica was in WandaVision as Hayward spoke. Which could've caused Monica to have an anxiety attack or PTSD but what do I know I'm just the narrator that knows everything. Anyway, f-ck Dickward, stan Monica, Darcy, and Jimmy. They're the true dream team. Oh yeah, anyways...
"My point is, I don't believe she has a political agenda or any inclination toward destruction," Monica argued, completely right. Yeah Wanda's definitely a kidnapper but she isn't a terrorist, you dumbass.
"Monica, she blasted you halfway across New Jersey," Hayward reminded condescendingly. That still doesn't prove she's a terrorist, that just proves she's a #girlboss. Gaslight, gate-keep, girlboss.
"And I survived because she chose to protect me," Monica argued, getting more and more irritated. Okay Monica, I love you but she just chose not to kill you she didn't really protect yo- I mean yeah Wanda protected you because she's amazing and generous, obviously.
"She's holding thousands of people hostage," Hayward reminded even more condescendingly than last time. THAT STILL DOESN'T PROVE SHE'S A TERRORIST. She's a kidnapper but that doesn't mean she has a political agenda or stands to gain any political influence! Are you deaf?!
"And it could have been thousands more if she hadn't put up her own quarantine. Listen, I don't believe this is a premeditated act of aggression." Marry me.
"You don't? Bring up the visual," Hayward commanded making a video pop up on his screens. "This morning, I received authorization to share this highly-sensitive material from S.W.O.R.D. headquarters. Until very recently, it was the top-secret location of the Vision's corpse." Why did you have his corpse-?
The video displayed showed Wanda aggressively breaking into the headquarters, or so it seemed, and breaking a glass window to Visions corpse. The video is disrupted and ends with Wanda next to his body which was cut up and being decommissioned for the vibranium. If I saw my loved ones corpse on a metal bed being cut up for their body parts, I'd be pretty aggravated too. Aka I would murder all of them in the room with no mercy.
"When was this?" Monica questioned as she watched the video in disbelief.
"Nine days ago. Maximoff stormed our facility, stole the Vision's body, and resurrected him." She has the mind stone and can do that? Well okay then.
"But that's in direct violation of Section 36 B of the Sokovia Accords," Jimmy noted, staring at the video. There's a rule about stealing and resurrecting Vision? There's seriously a specific rule for this scenario??
"And the Vision's own living will," Hayward informed a little too smugly. I'm pretty sure being chopped up in pieces in front of his girlfriend is also against his living will but you obviously don't care so whatever.
"He didn't want to be anybody's weapon." He's not...being...used....as a weapon though? He's a suburban dad?
"Maximoff, in her grief, disregarded his wishes. All right, that's it for now. Let's work the problem, people. Dismissed." But-but he isn't being used as a weapon? I...I don't know what any of you are talking about?
"But how did she even do it? Bring him back without the Mind Stone?" She's a powerful badass, that's how.
"Who knows? But she has the world's only vibranium synthezoids playing Father-Knows-Best-In-Suburbia and Favorite Auntie. What happens when they learn the truth?" Wait, is Hailey a synthezoid? She could fit the criteria but everyone including herself calls her an android so who knows? Oh yeah, I do. But I won't tell you.
Until next time, on Dragonball Z or whatever this book is about!
So when am I getting paid?
I'm not? Why?
Because I'm just words on a screen being typed by a weird teenager who is acting like she's a different person?
Damnit.