Ashling's POV
The days passed by feeling like weeks. It's somehow Friday once again, making it one week since he broke up with me. I haven't been to school since Tuesday, I told everyone I was sick. It's not a total lie since I have felt like shit ever since... but still. I've barely eaten anything, and all I've done is sleep. I haven't even been doing my schoolwork. Mr. Asano emailed me saying he was worried about me... I wonder if Kaen told him.
Kaen.
I haven't seen or spoken to him since Monday, when I briefly saw him while walking to my car. This is the longest we've gone without contact since I've known him, and it fucking sucks. I've grown so attached to him in such a short amount of time, but I couldn't help it. When it comes to love, I don't really think time exists. You don't need to know someone forever to be in love with them. You feel it in your heart, your head, your stomach... literally everywhere. And you feel like you're floating. This past week has just been such a blur. I thought I was hurt when I went through all that shit back in Frostford... but this hurts more than all of that combined. I just don't want to feel like this anymore.
Akita wanted to come by today and bring me some soup, so I told her she could. I think I'm going to tell her what happened... and it's not going to be easy. She's very protective of me, and I know that the second she finds out what he did to me, she's going to want to murder him. But, she deserves to know. She's my best friend and I don't want to keep anymore secrets from her than I already am.
I told her I left the door unlocked so I wouldn't have to get up when she got here, and I'm startled when she walks into my room.
"Hey, sicky. How ya' feeling?"
"Better, thanks. I'll probably come back on Monday."
"Yay! I'm still bummed that you had to be moved out of our class... it's so boring there without you."
I chuckle at her, "I know, me too. Are you going to Del's tonight?"
"Yeah, course. I should actually be there now, but bringing you soup was more important. I wish you could come."
"Trust me, I'd do anything to feel better and get out of this bed if I could."
Not exactly lying on that one.
We talk for a little bit more as she catches me up on anything I've missed in school, but she hasn't brought up Kaen at all... which is strange.
It's hard trying to act like I'm okay, but she's not an idiot. You can see it all over my face that I'm not okay.
"Ash? Ash!"
"What? Sorry... I was zoned out."
"Clearly," she laughs, "Hey, let me ask you... are you okay?"
"Well, I'm sick so I mean—"
"No, not that..." she sighs, "You haven't seemed like yourself lately. And neither has Kaen. Did something happen?"
Guess now's a better time than ever to tell her.
My breathing increases and I look away as I start to feel tears forming in my eyes. I swallow the lump in my throat, "We broke up."
Her eyes fall, "Wow... so it is true."
"What?"
"I didn't want to say anything to you before asking, but people in school were saying that you guys broke up. I asked Del about it, but he said he didn't know anything. And then once you stopped showing up to school, and Kaen started acting like a real fucking dick again... I kinda just knew."
Tears slip from my eyes, "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you but I just wasn't ready. I was actually going to tonight, but guess you beat me to it."
"Please, don't apologize, it's fine. I'm sorry for you... I mean... are you okay?"
It takes everything I have in me not to burst into tears, but I couldn't help it. She grabs me as soon as I let out the first sob, hugging me tightly. "It's okay, honey, I know... it sucks... you're gonna be okay." She repeats to me.
I finally pull away and wipe my wet face, "Sorry, I don't mean to cry all over you."
"Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm your best friend, you can soak me in tears for all I care. Whatever helps you feel better." She wipes the tears away from my face, "Do you want to talk about it?"
Not really. But I know I should. I haven't said a word about it to anyone, so maybe talking about it will help.
It takes me a few minutes to catch my breath, but I'm finally able to."We... we got really close, and fell in love pretty fast. I was always told that it doesn't matter how long you've known a person, if you love them, you love them. That was true for me, and I thought it was for him, too. But I was wrong."
She holds my hands as I speak, comforting me without even having to ask. "He... he told me he didn't love me anymore."
"Oh, no..."
"I didn't believe him, at first. After what we had been through together, there was no way that could be true. And... and then..."
I start to get choked up again, but she rubs my back to help. "He told me that cheated on me." I say through a cracked voice.
Her face drops, going from a sympathetic look to anger. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah... he said he kissed this girl, and realized he wasn't in love with me... and then he fucked her."
The look on Akita's face is something I've never seen before, and to be honest it was kind of scary. She's usually very bubbly... but this look was something out of this world.
"I'm going to fucking kill him."
"No, please don't get angry, it's okay. At least he had the decency to tell me and didn't stay with me."
"You're seriously way too good of a person. How the hell could you possibly be defending him right now? After what he did?"
She's right.
I shouldn't be defending him right now. This wasn't my fault... at all. But all my life, I've just been so conditioned into thinking that everything was my fault... when it never was.
"So, this is why you haven't been coming to school?"
"Mhm..."
"And, let me guess— there was no "conflict" with your other class, right? You changed classes because you couldn't stand to see him."
"Yeah."
"That fucking asshole. He's ruining everything for you and he doesn't even fucking care. Yeah. He's dead. I'm killing him. This is so fucking unfair, Ash."
She looks at me after her little rant, to notice that I'm crying again. "Oh, no... baby, come here." She pulls me into another hug, "I'm sorry for getting angry like that. I'm just so pissed off that he thinks he can hurt my best friend and get away with it. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve anything but happiness. I'm so sorry, Ash." She caresses my head while slightly rocking us back and forth.
I needed this.
Kaen's POV
Del's party is the last place I should be going to right now... but I just needed a distraction.
I'm angry, sad, heartbroken... and so fucking lost. I've become so comfortable with Ash in my life that I can barely function without her in it. I'm scared I'm going to go back to my old ways.
Anger. Emptiness. Meaningless sex. Loneliness.
I didn't want to go back to that. I hated it. I was so fucking lonely, and it was so dark. Ash was the light in my life brightening up everything, and now all I see is darkness once again. I can't stop thinking about her, and hoping that she's okay. She hasn't been in school, and it worries me. But I don't have the privilege of knowing her well-being anymore. I know people in school are still talking. Only now, it's wonders about us breaking up.
I've been acting like the biggest fucking asshole to everyone again. I know Ryder is disappointed in me, and I don't blame him. But to be honest, I don't really care. I don't give a single fuck about anything... except for her.
"At least you're sulking alone outside this time instead of in my room."
"Yeah, whatever."
"If you were going to be like this, why did you even come?"
"I don't fucking know, D. I thought it could be a distraction. But it's not."
He pats my back, "I know, kid, I know. If you want the truth... I don't think anything could distract you from this."
"I don't know what to do, man. I'm so fucked up. I can't sleep, I can't workout... I can barely fucking function at this point. I've never felt like this before."
"I'm sorry, Kae. You're just going to have to—" He stops mid sentence when he sees a car speeding down the road, causing the tires to skid when it stops.
"Akita? What the hell are you—"
"You fucking piece of shit!"
She starts hitting me repeatedly, "How could you fucking do that to her? What the fuck is wrong with you?" She yells, while hitting me.
"Kita, stop." I grab her wrists, "Calm down."
"Calm down? That's real fucking rich coming from you. And how could you even say that to me when you know why I'm so fucking pissed off right now."
Guess she found out.
"You don't understand."
She manages to get her wrists away from me and starts hitting me again. "What's not to understand? You fucking cheated on her. I should— hey! Put me down!" Del grabs her away from me, lifting her into the air.
"Put. Me. Down! Don't make my use my affinity on you."
"Then calm the fuck down, Kita." She stops fighting him and he puts her down, "Thank you. I'm assuming Ash told you what happened?"
"Are you telling me that you fucking knew?"
"Well..."
"And you didn't say anything?! What the fuck is wrong with you? Both of you!"
"Kita, please. You don't know the whole story."
"What's there to know? First, you tell the poor girl you don't love her, and then tell her you fucking cheated on her. Sounds pretty simple to me."
"Kita—"
"You should've fucking seen her tonight. Her eyes were so red and swollen, and she barely had any voice left. She told me she hasn't stopped crying since it happened, and tonight was no exception. She hasn't eaten or even moved from her bed. She looked fucking horrible. She was fucking sobbing into my chest, Kaen. I've never seen her like this before, and knowing that you were the cause... makes me want to kill you even more."
My heart broke once more when I heard her speak. I wanted to fucking scream. I wanted to hurt someone. I couldn't fucking take it anymore. I wanted to tell her to shut up because that's not the truth... that's not what happened.
But I couldn't. If I told her the truth about it, she would go running to Ash and tell her... and I can't have that. She needs to hate me just like Ash does.
"Yeah, well... what are you gonna do? People break up. Get over it."
She looks at me in disbelief, "Fuck you, Kaen. You're a fucking asshole. You fucking shattered her heart, and you don't even care. Don't fucking talk to me. Either of you." She storms off back to her car, speeding away.
"Well, that went great."
"I'm outta here."
"Wait, Kae—"
"What, D?" I yell.
"Why didn't you tell her the truth? You're gonna let her sit there and hate you, too?"
"What choice do I have, Del? If she knew the truth, she would just tell Ash. Better if they both think I'm a piece of shit and hate me. It's fine."
He gives me a sympathetic look, "I'm sorry you're caught in the middle of this, but I'm sure things will be fine with you and her. See you later."
When I get into my car, my hands grip the steering wheel tight enough to make my knuckles turn white. I slam my head on it a few times, before sitting back into my seat.
"What have I done?"