♬ You put me high, upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity ♬
- "You Needed Me," Anne Murray
Jeongguk saw it coming before his eyes. He knew they would face a lot of hardships as they insisted in making this relationship work. This love they were both involved in was surely a ruthless game. Why did he hold onto that small percentage that this love was really theirs?
Because he truly, but tragically loves Taehyung with all his heart even if they were both men and their romance was wrong in everyone else's eyes.
Tragic Love. Why would he describe it that way? It hasn't ended yet. Taehyung haven't broken up with him yet. But he knew he has to because Taehyung would be tied with someone else now. It hurts even more because his lover is engaged with his bestfriend, Vivianne. As much as it sounds cliché because he read something just like this from the books in their library, it is the reality that he needs to accept.
All he is thinking right now was the fact that Taehyung was distracted a lot these days. Maybe he knew about it already that is why he was distraught. But why didn't he tell Jeongguk sooner so he wouldn't be hurt this way?
If he was Taehyung, he wouldn't refuse a marriage with Vivianne too. She had everything. Wealth, good personality, and she was born a female. All the best characteristics that a person could have, she had them. Vivianne had the purest heart and she was well-deserving of someone's love.
Taehyung could give her that. He will be the best husband God could offer her. It hurts so much that you couldn't see any flaws that would make them incompatible. If so, why would they have to meet? Why do they need to get hurt if they weren't each other's end game? To learn how cruel the world really is?
A knock made Jeongguk wake to his senses. In the span of few minutes, he already thought of a lot of things. All he sees right now is the image of Taehyung and Vivianne happily living together with their children, enjoying their married life inside their own home. "Jeongguk! Please, darling, come out! I need to talk to you, please," A husky voice begged, and he already know whose it is.
He wanted so bad to open his mouth to speak. He wanted so bad to run to the door, hug and kiss him for the last time before he could finally let go, but he didn't do it. He felt deaf, and dumb, and numb as he listened to the seemingly endless knocks of the love of his life.
"Love, w-we talked about this already, right? You should listen to me first b-before deciding things on your own. D-Do not think too much, darling. I-I am here! I could explain everything to you!" Taehyung screamed at the top of his lungs but Jeongguk never listened. He had tears falling on his face. He felt really sleepy, and tired, and plain sad. He had no courage to listen to anyone right now.
Before he knew it, he finally drifted to sleep.
Meanwhile, as Taehyung stood, feeling helpless in front of Jeongguk's door, someone grabbed him by his left arm and another went for his right arm. He was enraged because he felt like he's being harassed, but when he saw a familiar figure walking his way, he stopped resisting. "Father? What is this all about?" he said with his eyebrows almost meeting in anger.
"Do not let him go. Take him to the car," Matthew a.k.a Mr. Kim said, sounding bland with his expressionless face. The two men in black grabbed Taehyung tightly and dragged him to the Jeon's parking place for visitors. Taehyung tried to let go of their grasp but he couldn't because they were strong and trained enough to even lift him.
He was then forced to ride the car with the two men as Mr. Kim followed. Celeste who happened to see it tried to stop his husband with his plan of forcing Taehyung to go home. "What were you doing? If any of these comes out to the media, it will destroy our image and our company will crumble down because of criticisms! Can't you see that your son is getting hurt by these goons!?"
"They aren't goons, honey. I hired these men so they could help me teach our son a lesson. Do not worry, no one saw us when we dragged him here. Butler Albert, I will drive this car. Please assist Celeste instead and take her and Taehyung's car home safely," Matthew commanded and the butler nodded. They both went outside the car and Butler Albert handed Kim Matthew the keys.
Celeste just stared at her husband as he started the engine, a smirk was plastered in his lips. She wasn't impressed, at that moment she just knew her husband wasn't in his sound mind. She watched as the car started moving, leaving tracks on the Jeon's bare lot but escaping its vicinity.
Mr. Jeon was walking towards her direction when the car started moving away. He stood besides Celeste and was confused. "Innit your husband's car?" he asked. Celeste sighed and smiled bitterly at him.
"I think I should go home too. I'm so sorry about the ruckus my husband made. I'll converse with him at home. Please tell Jeongguk that I wish him a happy birthday. Hand this to him," Celeste took something from her bag and handed it to Mr. Jeon. The other was flustered as to what she meant.
"I haven't seen a ruckus, but anyways I would like you to know that I am grateful you attended my son's birthday celebration. I hope you and your husband had fun," Mr. Jeon and showed her a forced smile. Why does it look like he was being sarcastic?
"Nevermind the ruckus I've mentioned. But I am glad you were fine with our company," Celeste said and stared at Butler Albert. "I really need to go or my husband will look for me. Have a lovely night," Celeste said and returned that crooked smile Mr. Jeon tried to portray earlier. Jeongguk's father just nodded and smiled as well.
Jeongguk found himself lying on the floor of his room, his eyes a little blur and his head still dreamy. Did he dreamed of someone knocking on the door or not? Did Taehyung really came looking for him as he tried to explain his side or it was just a dream? Or did he dream of having his birthday party getting ruined by Mr. Kim?
If it was a dream, then Taehyung should be besides him because he slept with him last night. Where is he?
He walked to the direction of his vanity table. There he saw the tear stains on his face, meaning it all happened. He fell asleep crying because he just found out Taehyung was engaged with someone else. And he didn't respond to Taehyung's knocking before. Everything is now messed up.
"Jeongguk?" Someone called and knocked twice. "Young Master, are you awake?" Followed the name calling, he heard the door opening and someone started walking towards his way. "Everybody left already. Your father wants to talk to you. Go to his office right now, he commanded," Butler John said and Jeongguk dismissed him by nodding his little head.
Jeongguk could only hope it wasn't another episode of lecturing. He was so sick of it. He doesn't want a scolding after his birthday party. If he could ask to talk about it the next day, he would.
He proceeded to his father's office. The place was organized and the shelves were packed with piles of documents and books. His table was clean too but he held some paper he was reading with his eyeglasses on. "Before we get into my point let me hand Celeste's gift to you," Mr. Jeon stated and opened the drawer of his desk, getting the rectangular shaped gift and gave it to his son. Jeongguk accidentally read his father's English name on the name plate. Henri Jeon, Chief Executive Officer.
"Father, are you going to-"
"I am not done talking, Jeongguk. Let your father finish his sentences first," Henri said and placed down the papers he was reading. He felt someone's presence behind him and he saw how his father motioned his finger to ask for something. He received a brown envelope from Butler John. "See the content for yourself."
Jeongguk curiously took the envelope from his father's hand and looked for what's inside it. He silently gasped when he saw some photographs of him and Taehyung. "Our competitor businessman sent this to both Mr. Kim and I. It was anonymous but I am very sure who it was but that's not the deal. Jeongguk, enlighten me. Are you having a secret affair with Mr. Kim's son?"
"I did." It's the truth and he still do so.
Henri slammed the table hard. "Jeongguk!" His jaw was clenched and Jeongguk felt some rising anger in him.
"I loved him, father. And I still do. But I can no lo-"
"The way you view love is a frivolous one, my boy. Don't even try taking things seriously with that engaged man. Men are meant for girls, and girls are meant for boys! Same-sex relationship? It's a ridiculous concept! Being homosexual is a sickness! You dont want me to bring you to a mental hospital or convertion retreats, do you, Jeongguk?"
He continued to listen to his father's monologue. Blah blah blah, he thought. All of his father's words didn't make sense. The more that offensive and insulting words came out of his father's mouth, the darker his eyes and aura went. But all he could do was let out a snicker. "I know, father. I know damn well what you meant. I am not gay. I know you expected that answer from me but I am not being serious about it. Me having a romantic relationship with Mr. Kim's son? He was just my friend. There's no way!"
Jeongguk paused for a while, taking a small breath before letting out another sentence. "All I know was, Vivianne and Taehyung were the perfect match since the beginning."
Lies.
Who would tell Mr. Jeon that Jeongguk was hurting as he said those words in front of him? Who would tell him that he just denied the love of his life so this doesn't grow any bigger and so he could move on from him? Did he made the right choice though?
Henri let out a loud cackle that startled Jeongguk. "That's my son right there! I thought you lost your way whilst being with Taehyung. I've been worrying for nothing," He said after letting out that mighty laugh. "You made my night, son. I am so proud of you. I just know you're the perfect son that could manage our company well."
Jeongguk was very nonchalant with whatever his father was offering him but he smiled like he was happy for it. "Do not take me for a fool, father. Of course, I would inherit everything someday because I am your only son. Who else would receive it if not me?"
Jeongguk never wanted a luxurious but dictated life. All he needed was the freedom to do what his heart is telling him to do. That freedom he wanted wasn't even surpassing boundaries. But of course, he isn't born with a wise father. What a bad omen, he guesses. All he could do right now was go with the flow.
Maybe someday he could forget about Taehyung. Or just maybe, he could stop lying about everything and be with Taehyung. He would be the happiest if that happens. But after some turns, he was sure this lifetime wasn't for them. He finally has to let go of something that wasn't his in the first place.
"I do not want to disappoint you, father. I hope you know that."
"Young Master, you had a new mail," Butler John said when he approached the dining table with Mr. Jeon and Jeongguk having their breakfast. It has been a week since he had the worst birthday celebration ever. But he was able to go on no matter how painful it was. He never saw Taehyung too since then.
"From whom?" asked Henri, wiping his mouth with the table cloth.
"U-Um, Jeongguk's tutor," Butler John said but still he asked to see the envelope. The Butler nervously handed it to him.
"He's asking you to take regular classes for now because he's taking a leave. It's really from Professor August," Mr. Jeon assured and returned the envelope to Jeongguk. The Young Master scanned the parchment himself before putting it back to the envelope. "What will you do?"
"What do you think, father? Should I go or request for the activities in advance so I could just answer them here?" Jeongguk inquired. Mr. Jeon look liked he was intrigued.
"The latter, I presume."
"Alright," Jeongguk had decided. Nowadays, he just let his father take the lead. "I'll go to my room for now," he said and took the mail with him. Mr. Jeon nodded and understood what Jeongguk will gonna do.
"He's back to his boring practices," Mr. Jeon said rather amused to Butler John.
"I'll take my rounds now, Sir," Butler John said bowing and Mr. Jeon dismissed him.
Jeongguk's aura screamed disappointment, gloom, and misery. It hurts so much to be apart from your lover. It felt like a half of his heart was taken from him. He never knew he could be this sad over the seperation.
Reading and writing surprisingly still makes him better though. Taehyung was his inspiration but his words are darker and bluer than before. His work was affected but at least he was a little productive. "Young Master," Butler John called since Jeongguk forgot to close the door.
"Walk in."
Butler John approached him by his vanity table. Jeongguk was writing something on his journal. "He wrote something for you too, Young Master."
"Who?" Jeongguk answered with his bored expression.
"Mr. Kim Taehyung."
Jeongguk was frozen. That's when he remembered Butler John saw them kissing in the library. Why didn't he tell his father about it? "I slipped his letter inside your tutor's letter because I know if Mr. Jeon sees it, he's going to tear it to pieces like what he did days ago with the previous ones."
"Taehyung wrote something for me too before?"
"Yes, but your father never wanted for you to see them."
"Why do you exactly do this? You work for him and you follow all of his orders, right? Do you want something from me too? Name the price," Jeongguk said and he's about to take out his wallet but he stopped.
"I've been taking care of you since you were a child, Young Master. I treated you like my own and tried to give you everything I could offer. But only when you're with Taehyung that your eyes shine like the stars in the sky. He brings out the better in you, Jeongguk. And I am happy whenever I see you happy, Young Master."
"I-I'm..." Jeongguk stammered. He forgot his manners since he lost Taehyung. "I'm very sorry I took you the wrong way."
"It's alright, my child. I know you didn't mean them. You were just hurt." Butler John smiled at him. "Go ahead and read the letter that he gave you before your father gets here and sees you."
Jeongguk nodded his head and opened the envelope of Professor August for him to see the other envelope which contained Taehyung's message. "H-He wrote for me?" He voice was shaking and he was obviously emotional. Butler John wanted to embrace him but he's just too shy to do so. He just nodded his head to his young master.
Jeongguk wiped the about-to-fall tears on his eyes and widened his doe eyes so he could read the words properly.
My Darling,
I feel so alone right now, my love. Have you read the letters I've sent you? Aren't you going to respond to them? Do you hate so much, darling, that you do not wish to get news from me anymore?
I wanted to tell you how much I long for you right now. I am still waiting for you, my love. I've been here at the café we stopped by to eat that night. I've read countless of books they offered me for the whole week.
If you haven't read all of my letters except this one, then I'll tell my message once again. I'm waiting for you, Ggukie. I had enough of the coffee they served me. Although I've been addicted to caffeine lately, you're still the drug I wanted to take carelessly. You are still the love of my life, my darling.
As usual, eight in the evening my love. I'll wait for you to come. This will be the last time I'll be writing to you if you will not come tomorrow evening. Only I have one request, I want you to be happy. I hope you are happy. If you ever find someone better than me, I hope not to the point you will forget about me.
I love you today and I love you still tomorrow. You are the only future I wanna have.
Your Lover,
Kim Taehyung