CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN.
"Milaya," The voice repeated and Liliya turned her head. There he was. General Aleksander Kirigan. His hands rested at his sides, an almost imperceptible frown on his lips. A small smile spread across her face as she watched his face. It was blurry and her tears were still falling but he was there and they were alive.
"She poisoned me. I killed her," Liliya said, gesturing vaguely before she stared down at the floor again. Kirigan's eyes widened at her words and he held a hand out to her. She didn't notice so he stepped closer.
"Milaya. Come with me," Kirigan said. Liliya shook her head and reached out for the spade. Her fingers trembling as she picked it up. She then began to shovel the dirt into the hole again. Covering Polina, removing her. She just had to keep them away. Block out the memory but it felt like it would never go away. The image of her hands gripping Polina's throat. It wouldn't go anywhere. All the people she had killed had been haunting her. Every moment and now she didn't know what to do.
Then the shovel was pried from her fingertips and her head shot up. Staring at Kirigan who threw the shovel. He then held his hand out and Liliya took it. Her bloody and muddy fingers colliding with his clean hand. He was so clean. He helped haul her to her feet and she just stared up at him. Her hands sliding across his kefta up to his face. Her fingers gripping his jaw. A part of her felt like she was merely dreaming.
"General Zlatan. He... he wanted to kill me," Liliya muttered softly but Kirigan simply shook his head. His hand hooking around her waist and pulling her closer. He then pressed a soft kiss to her lips. His soft lips colliding with her chapped and slightly bloody ones. It was short, sweet but it gave her the reassurance she needed. He was there and they were fine.
Her fingers moved to his hair and she pushed through the locks. Enjoying the feeling of his hair against her skin. Her head falling against his chest as a sob escaped her lips. Her whole body shaking and she felt like collapsing into him. Her knees close to giving in as she grabbed a hold of him. Her whole body felt weak.
Then Kirigan pulled her up into his arms. He pressed a soft kiss to her temple before he began to walk away from the hole. He was heading towards town but Liliya knew that they were not going towards the inn. Her body trying to react, make him stop but she knew that no physical movement would stop him.
"The inn... the Sun Summoner. He's... he's in the bed, please. I need to see him," Liliya mumbled softly. Her hand falling to his shoulder, reaching out for his jaw again. Kirigan sighed and glanced around before he spotted Roma. The man was walking amongst the trees and then he saw the pair. He winced at the sight of Liliya before walking over.
"The inn where she is staying. The Sun Summoner is there. Collect him and bring him to where we are staying. Lord Yanovich will be happy to accomodate," Kirigan said. Roma nodded and then glanced at Liliya once more before disappearing. Liliya recognised the name but still found her eyebrows pulling togther. She didn't realise that Yanovich was around. She wouldn't have pickpocketed if she knew that a noble - her friend - was not far from her.
"Yanovich...? Oh... Is Genya with you? A healer... I don't feel good..." Liliya mumbled. Half of it was mushed together in some incoherent jumble but Kirigan managed to understand her. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he weaved through the woods towards the manor-house. The giant manor-house that Liliya had managed to miss.
"There is a healer and they will look at you. Don't waste your energy," He said. A soft huff escaped Liliya's lips as her head fell against his chest. She didn't like being carried around or told what to do but she did like being in his arms. It was comforting, he was warm. It was better than anything she had felt for days.
Liliya wasn't sure when she nodded off but when she came back to reality, she was sat in Yanovich's manor. He was stood a few steps away, watching Liliya with a worried look in his eyes. Liliya pushed her hands into the pillows, sitting up when she suddenly felt a hand against her chest. They pushed her down and Liliya let out a soft groan.
"You are still being healed. Wait," General Kirigan said. There was no room for argument in his tone. She knew that she couldn't argue so she merely hummed in response and allowed herself to fall back into a slumber. Vaguely aware of how her skin prickled pleasantly from the feeling of the healing. At some point she heard voices. One was feminine and she didn't recognise it until she realised it sounded a little bit like Yanovich. Lisenka.
Liliya blinked her eyes open enough to catch a glimpse of the recluse. Her hair was long and blonde, trailing down to her wait. It was in loose curls and she had a smile that Liliya had never expected. It was warm but cold, sweet yet bitter. She was so conflicting but it only made her so much more beautiful. Liliya stared for a moment longer before closing her eyes again.
People moved and she heard Kirigan sit down on the couch. Aleksander reached out and pulled her head into his lap. Her body moving to curl up against him, her eyes squeezed shut. Her whole body ached but it was better. No bullet wounds, no bruises, no concussions. Just her and the man she loved. Her eyes opened and she stared up at him.
"Did you test the boy?" Liliya asked. Aleksander nodded and she waited to see if he'd elaborate. The unspoken words between them to which Aleksander shook his head. Liliya chuckled and rolled onto her back. Her body adjusting so just her head was rested against him.
"Shot, stabbed, threatened, poisoned and ambushed for a boy who wasn't even the Sun Summoner," Liliya muttered. Her arms falling over her face and she was tempted to sob but the idea of crying felt like it would take too much energy. Energy she did not want to give over. She was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to be with Aleksander. Her Aleksander.
"We will go back to Os Alta and you will need to rest. The King will decide what to do with the Boy but I assume he will be sent back to Shu Han," Aleksander explained. Liliya quickly bolted upright. Her head nearly smacking against Aleksander's. Her hands then reached out for his and pulled them closer, shaking her head furiously.
"No. Not Shu Han. Don't send him back. Isaak. Isaak will kill him. Isaak is alive and he will kill him. Anywhere but Shu Han," Liliya said quickly. Tripping over her words as she stared at him. It took Aleksander a moment to comprehend what was going on and then he said nothing, urging her to explain, "The Fjerdans. They didn't take him or he escaped. I don't know but Isaak is alive. He tried to kill me. He is working for the Shu Han. I don't know if he can still summon shadows. He didn't do it but... he's, Aleksander, he's alive and we cannot send the boy back to Shu Han," Liliya said as she turned to face Aleksander.
Her hands reaching out to cup his face and pull him closer. Trying to convey her point as she rested her forehead against his. Aleksander let out a soft sigh and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.
"We won't send him back to Shu Han. Now, just get some rest, milaya. We are going home in the morning," Aleksander said before he slipped away from her. Liliya threw her hands out, wanting to cling to him but he slipped away. Her gaze fixed on the back of his head before he was gone. A soft sigh escaped her lips as her body collapsed against the couch.
It took her a moment before she stood up. She looked around and realised that she was in a bedroom and spotted the bed. She then walked over and collapsed against it. She didn't understand why she couldn't sleep in a bed with Aleksander but she was glad to be able to sleep at all. It was late and she was exhausted.
Sleep consumed her quickly once her head hit the pillow.
***
After a few days rest, Liliya felt better. She felt alive again. The aches from her body had vanished but the nightmares didn't. Despite sleeping next to Aleksander, seeing Genya, seeking out comfort in training with Roma, nothing helped. The dreams kept coming but she ignored them. The dreams were the worst of her concerns.
General Zlatan. Isaak. Finding the real Sun Summoner. They were all her concerns. They all threatened Ravka and the King wasn't happy. Not after the disaster with the Shu boy. Daish had been granted stay in Ravka and Yanovich had in fact decided to take him in. Taught him to fit in. Yanovich would be good to him. Liliya knew that but she still couldn't get any of it out of her head.
The memories. The killings. The people she hurt with her bare hands. Not even with her abilities but with her hands. Polina and the thief. The ambassador. She had killed them all and they haunted her. Liliya's head felt like a mess and nobody could calm it. Not even Aleksander's soothing touches or stroking of her hair.
So, she just lay awake in his bed. The night was cool and the windows were ajar. Moonlight leaking through the glass as she combed her fingers through his locks. At least giving him some comfort so he could stay asleep, lulled into it by her calming movements. He was listening to her heart thump and pretending to sleep.
He knew she was awake, she hadn't slept for the past two days. He recognised it in her sluggish movements and that she never seemed to stay still. All night she tossed and turned despite her best efforts. That night she had at least been a little more still. Just stroking his hair as she stared but Aleksander had to ask.
"What are you thinking about?" He questioned. His voice was sleepy and hoarse. It made her jump. She had thought he was asleep but then he opened his eyes, blinking sleepily at her. Liliya thought for a moment before sighing.
"All the people I killed. Zlatan. Isaak. Daish. They just play over and over again in my head," Liliya mumbled. Her words were soft. She knew that he needed sleep more than she did. He was General of the Second Army. She was just... an advisor who could summon shadows and fire. It was nothing special, not compared to him.
"They all would have killed you if you'd given them the chance," Aleksander said as he moved to sit up. Liliya shrugged and then pushed herself to lean against the headboard. Her gaze moving to his face as he shifted under the covers. He gestured for her to move into his lap so she did so. Crawling over and curling up. His fingers stroking her hair.
"Doesn't stop me from feeling guilty. I can just see their faces over and over again. It's exhausting. I can't sleep. I barely eat. It all makes me feel sick. I can't stop thinking," Liliya continued, her voice still a mumble as she grabbed his fingers. Playing with his fingers before she lifted it to her face. She pressed a soft kiss to the palm of his hand before resting against it.
"Milaya, show me your shadows," Aleksander commanded softly. Liliya furrowed her eyebrows together but sat up and made the quick hand gestures. The shadows swarmed the room, engulfing them in darkness. She could barely see his face and he was only a few centimetres away, "Show me what you can do with them," He added. Liliya then made a few more movements and dragged one of the books of his shelf. It landed in her lap and then the shadows vanished. He then picked up the book and smiled at the cover. His favourite.
"You should read. I'll fall asleep in a few minutes," Liliya said as she moved out of his lap. Aleksander then pulled her back, gripping her hips and not allowing her free. A soft huff escaped her lips as she looked up at him. He the took her hands.
"What you can do with these is what makes you so perfect, milaya. What makes you so dangerous and what makes people so scared. Isaak. Zlatan. Polina. The Shu. They fear what a gorgeous creature like you can do. What a perfect woman like you can do," He said lowly. Keeping his voice quiet, making it suddenlt feel so much more intimate. His words made her cheeks heat up and she just stared at where their hands join.
"Doesn't mean they deserved to die," Liliya muttered. Aleksander hummed, as if he was contemplating her words. He then pressed a soft kiss to her temple.
"But if they didn't die then you wouldn't have this power. The Saints brought you to me for a reason, milaya. As Yanovich told you, they blessed you with this power. Do not waste it and dwell on trival things such as death. We are at war. War with those who hate us," Kirigan said as he brushed his fingers through her hair. The redhead paused for a moment, not entirely sure what to make of his words. She knew they were at war, he had just never phrased it in that way. Never so openly and never in relation to the Saints.
"And the only way to survive is to win," Liliya muttered. It was a lesson she had long been taught. In a nation torn by war both foreign and domestic, she was used to that. The only way to live was to survive and the only way to survive was to win. Now, Aleksander was telling her to apply that to everything. It was strange but Liliya knew it was better that way. It brought her some sense of comfort. If she didn't win, she would be dead and Liliya didn't want to die. She had never wanted to die. The only way was winning.
"And the only way to win is to kill and take the power that they deny us," He whispered. Liliya hummed in response, her back pressing against his chest. Her hand grabbing his and pulling it around her waist, "We deserve to have the power after everything that has happened. The Shu hate us. Polina wanted you dead because you were blessed. The thief wanted you dead because he knew the power you held. They have to die otherwise they would oppose us. Do not feel guilty for saving the Grisha from their cruelty. Their deaths were necessary to protect us. They are insignificant," Aleksander continued. His words only deemed her more comfort. Her body relaxing more as he continued to stroke her skin, comforting her.
Her mouth opened to respond but she was at a loss for words and the exhaustion felt closer than ever. Her hands falling limp as she fell asleep against his chest. Aleksander smiled softly and pressed a kiss to the shell of her ear. He whispered a soft goodnight, allowing her to sleep peacefully in his arms.
***
author's note! okay so this is a little shorter but i feel like it's kinda wrapped up, like the sort of arc, i'm not sure, i think we're getting there, obviously lots of things still opened ended and READY FOR ACT TWOOOO, which i still need to plan (yikes) so yeah, but here's the last chapter and i did a double update cause ofc, so yeah, i love y'all so SO SO MUCH, thank you for sticking around up until now and i hope you stick around for act two, it shouldn't take any longer than a week to come out, maybe shorter depending on how nice my brain wants to be, but yeah, love y'all and thank you for reading!!! <3