It was all a mess of dreams and memories. Mess of memories about her father and her uncle Remus and dreams what the life could have been if she had stayed in Gryffindor.
Cassiopea Black knew she was dreaming when she saw her father's smile and heard Remus telling her how proud he was that she was in Slytherin, that she was controlling Voldemort himself... And that she was the key to winning this war.
But in the same time she wanted this mess to be true. That would mean that her dad was still alive and that she could talk to him, could hug him and never let him go.
But as she opened her eyes and felt the warm sheets under her body, she realized that it was all just a dream. Like those dreams she used to have for her birthday years ago.
She took a deep breath and looked around.
Cassie firstly looked down and she saw that most of her chest and her left arm was covered in bandage. She slightly remembered what had happened and how the werewolf attacked her.
Then she looked at the chair on her left.
She expected anyone, but him to be there. She expected Lestrange or Kol or Draco or Daphne or Narcissa or Andromeda or Bellatrix. Even Potter. But not the man, sitting in the chair, who almost jumped as he saw Cassie sitting in her bed.
He took a deep breath, tears in his eyes as he watched how she opened her mouth, then closed it.
And again.
"Hello, Cassiopea," Remus said, more relieved than happy. She wondered if he was relieved because she was alive or because she was OK. "Aren't you going to say something?" he asked.
"What do you want me to say?" her voice sounded rough from hours if not days without speaking.
She waited for an answer even though she knew that there wasn't one. She waited, staring at his eyes - red from crying.
"I am sorry," Remus said. "This time for real... Cassie, you have no idea how bad I am feeling about what I have done, what I have told you..."
Cassie nodded. He had to be sorry. He had to feel sorry, he had to feel guilty. Because he was. He gave up on her. He gave Potter a chance and not her.
Because Potter was always the important one.
Not her.
She learned to cover up the pain every time she realized that. She knew how to cover up the pain and denial behind a single smile and how her eyes would lit, but only because she didn't want the tears to show up.
She was the master of her face, her body and she controlled the things around here.
Not anyone else.
So she didn't let Remus' words to reach her. Because if they did, she would have to think that this time, this final time, he was coming to make things right.
Or he was here because of Dora.
Cassie stared at him for a little longer.
It was strange, wasn't it? He called her vain, stupid, ungrateful and now he was here. Here, crying because he hadn't known if she was going to wake up or not. He was here, half a world away and was asking her for forgiveness.
"Cassie. Say something. Please," he begged, his eyes filling with tears again as he watched how his once beloved goddaughter looked at him with face that showed no emotion and dead eyes. "Please," he begged the Dark Lady once more.
She almost laughed at the side of the man she once thought was like a father to her. She remembered all those moments filled with love and laughter, all those nights she couldn't sleep and Sunday mornings when they made pancake cakes and laughed as the ruined the kitchen again...
And now... Now all that love and warm feelings were gone. It was all gone where no one could bring it back here. It was all gone and neither Remus nor Cassie could do anything to bring it back to life.
The exact same way they couldn't do anything to bring Sirius home.
"Remus, is..."
She felt her cousin's arms before she heard her voice. She felt how warm she was. She smelled the odor of that silly perfume they made when Cassiopea was little.
Biscuits with chocolate.
Cassie buried her face into her neck, breathing the smell, breathing Dora and her childhood in.
Her cousin cried in her hair as Cassiopea was looking for the right words to say. Was sorry enough? Was 'I would give anything to make things right' enough?
So Cassie just stood in her cousin's arms, feeling Remus staring at her back. She did not want to turn around and see his face. The pain on it killed her.
"Oh, Merlin!" Dora whispered through her tears. "Are you OK? Mom is coming, but we were closer. Narcissa is so worried about you, but Remus didn't let any of us stay here..."
She was talking faster and faster as she looked at Cassie's face, explaining her most of what had happened.
Cassie's heart stopped as she heard the last part.
Lestrange was dead. His head, his leg and arm ripped from his body. His face frozen into the horror of a werewolf, trying to kill his Dark Lady, forever.
Cassie blinked a few times. Trying to decide if she was OK or not. Lestrange. What was Lestrange to her? Not a father. Not an uncle. Just another Death-Eater.
Like Draco's dad. Like Voldemort. Like Snape. Like... Everyone except for her family and the Snakes.
"Cassie ?" Remus asked again. "Do you forgive me?"
She looked up, her eyes finding his as the anger arose in her body the same way as the smile grew larger and larger. She laughed.
"You want me to forgive you?" Cassiopea Black asked coldly. "For what, exactly? Leaving me? Avoiding me? Choosing Harry freaking Potter over me?!"
Remus was speechless.
"Oh, or maybe for the fact that you called me ungrateful little shit? Or that you did not invite me to my own father's funeral!"
"Cassie..." Dora said, but Cassie went on.
"Do you have any idea how painful it is to watch the only person apart from my family that I could actually trust choose someone else? My whole life is a series of someone choosing someone else over me?"
Her heart was beating faster than ever and the broken parts of it crashed into her chest over and over again as she watched her godfather listening to her words.
" I am alive," she said slowly. "I was dead after my father's death. Because he was my father and I had all the rights to grief..."
"Cassiopea..."
"No! Leave me alone. It has always been 'Harry this' and 'Harry that', not 'Cassie, how are you?' or 'Cassie, do you want to talk about something?'! I spent years torturing myself if I was good enough for you or for dad or for the Gryffindors... Or even for aunt Andromeda. Then you left."
Her heart broke again as she said those three simple words. There were the truth, Cassiopea told herself. There were more then just random story from her past. There were the story.
Because Remus really left. He smiled, he laughed, he made jokes and told stories. But not with her. Not to her.
To Harry.
"I went through hell when my dad died," Cassie said. The words burnt her throat as she spoke, her eyes burnt. "And you didn't even let me say goodbye to him. Did Bill told you where he and Fleur found me?"
"Yes," Remus nodded.
"Oh, then you know that if they hadn't found me that day, I would have died. Literally I would have jumped. I was planning to. I didn't want to know who I was hurting. I only wanted my pain to go away."
She realized that Dora was there, that she wasn't responsible for most of this, but Cassie didn't want to stop. She couldn't.
Remus had to know.
"Just like you when you were a child," she said. "Am I going to become a werewolf?" she asked her cousin. "Or the headmaster just killed... The man..." she could bare to say Lestrange, "because he was... More tasty than me?"
"Oh, good. You woke up."
Cassie looked to one of the Sayre twins. Morrigan. Also known as Mor. The healer.
She smiled at Cassie. "You aren't turning into a werewolf," Mor said. "Don't worry. But you may or may not start to eat more meat."
"That's a shock," Cassie said. "So I am not going to run with wolves in the Forbidden Forest once a month? Merlin. Why do I even try?"
"Cassiopea..." Remus tried to say, but Cassie again turned to Mor.
"Are there any painkillers? I have a headache from all this talking?"
"Sure," the Sayre girl said. "You want me to get the Snakes for you?"
"The Snakes?!" Remus asked.
"Won't you shut up for a second?" Cassie hissed. "Yes, thank you, Mor."
"My pleasure."
**********
24th February, 1981
Sirius Orion Black knew exactly how dangerous one's life could be. He had experienced Death-Eaters' attacks, running with werewolf every month, having battles almost every single day (some times more than one battle a day), drinking poison and living in the same household as seven Death-Eaters.
However he never knew how happy he could be until the little piece of happiness in his arms appear into his life almost magically. He had heard her fist words (and was grounded for two weeks), he had held her in his arms the way he had always wanted, he read her fairy tales every single evening, he soiled her (when Emma asked him why Cassiopea had 15 different dresses and 40 different outfits, Sirius just said that his daughter is going to dressed as good as Sirius himself was dressed... That still didn't explain his wife the fact that Cassie and Sirius had matching shirts), he sang for her (and only her) and he did every single think he could think of to cheer her up when she was moody.
Like today.
He tried everything when Cassiopea grabbed the back of the chair in her room earlier in the afternoon. And by everything he meant giving her her favorite toys, making an idiot out of himself, telling stories and jokes... And Cassie still didn't turn around to see him.
Emma was downstairs with Andromeda and Dora, drinking tea. The kid was great and she had entertained Cassie while Sirius was chatting with Andy, but Cassie was one of those babies who get bored pretty quickly. And if daddy wasn't there to read her a fairy tale or play with her, there was crying, crying and oh, yeah. More crying.
So Sirius had decided that he wasn't going to get Emma to help him with moody Cassie.
He was a grown man. He could handle a baby.
...
Actually. Could he?
"Come on, Cass. Look at me," he fell down on his knees, trying to get her in his arms, but she cried and hit him. "Young lady!" Sirius said, offended. "You can't just hit your fat..." then he saw her hands grabbing the chair harder as she turned slowly around.
Sirius stood up and went to the door, trying not to lose Cassie out of sight. "Love!" he called. "Come quick!"
Cassie had released the back of the chair and was taking the first step. And another one as her mom came into the room. Emma's eyes were searching for any damage.
When she saw Cassie walking, her hands covered the wide smile on her face.
This was one of the best days in both of their lives. Their little girl, walking, talking. Growing up. Sirius realized how unhappy child he was just as he watched how his daughter took her first steps, slowly, clumsily. How unhappy Emma was...
And as he was thinking, Cassiopea fell.
Both parents rushed to her, thinking that she was going to cry or anything, but Cassie just hit both of their hands. "No, mama. No, papa," she said and stood up again. Without any fear, without any tears, Cassiopea Black took another step, then another, then another... And she reached her stuffed dog.
Emma and Sirius looked one another with huge smiles on their faces. Cassie hugged her toy and looked at her parents. "Cassie yes?" she asked slowly with a sly smile.
"Cassie, yes," Sirius said and turned to his wife. "Go to the chair," he said and he went to Cassie. "Go to mama, Cass. OK?"
"Cassie, yes!" the toddler cried happily, raising her toy high in the air like a wand, like a flag.
Sirius smiled. "Go, sweetheart," he said lovingly. "Go."