This is almost 4k words to make up for last weeks update haha
enjoy and voteeee mwah
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Pansy Parkinson
I lie on Tracey's bed as she does homework. I can't stop thinking about the letter. I haven't told Tracey, or Draco, or rather anybody.
Even though I told myself I wouldn't do anything about it, it continues to bother me.
"Pansy, are you ok?" Tracey asks, turning in her chair.
"Just thinking," I mutter, picking at my nails.
"What are you thinking about," she presses. I know she's doing it for my own good, but could she not?
"Nothing," I sigh, pushing myself up from slouching down into her mattress. "It's not important."
I wish I could tell Tracey the truth.
She already knows almost everything.
The mark.
The lies.
The cheating.
But every time I considered telling Tracey, something held me back. If I ever tried, the words would struggle, and then it would all end in a mess.
"You don't have to lie," Tracey presses her lips together, staring right at me.
"I'm not," I reassure, brushing my bangs aside.
Tracey turns back to her homework, and I return to my thoughts.
What would be the worse that could happen if I didn't follow the Dark Lord's orders?
Actually, a lot, now that I think about it.
I could die.
That wouldn't even be the worse.
I would suffer. That's inevitable.
But it's worth it.
I'd rather carry the burden than Y/N. She doesn't deserve it, not after what I did to her.
What scares me is deep down; would I follow through with my own promise? If the right moment came and she was standing right in front of me, would the words come easy?
Half of me wants to tell her so badly, then she'll know what's coming to her. The other half wants to keep quiet and pretend it never happened. But you can't keep anything from the Dark Lord. He'll find out soon enough.
And worse enough, a part of me wonders if she'd agree.
She wouldn't.
But she could.
"Pansy, ready for lunch?" Tracey asks, and I blink, forcing myself out of my daze.
"Yeah," I huff, sliding off her bed, and we both leave her dorm.
I hate my dorm.
It's empty and sad.
Though the possibility of Y/N being there is slim nowadays, that isn't what's keeping me from entering. Being in there makes me feel unbelievably lonely, and I start thinking things I hate thinking.
As Tracey sits across from me in the Great Hall, the rest of the 'group' is nowhere to be seen. Terence has to eat second lunch since he has class at this hour. Y/N and Draco were self-explanatory. The same goes for Adrian. Adrian sits with Marcus Flint and that Quidditch three tables down. Blaise, I never know what Blaise is up to.
I stare down at my soup, swirling around the liquid with my spoon.
The steam rises to my face, dampening by bangs. The heat is alarming, and when I take a spoonful, my tongue burns. I push my soup aside and rip pieces of bread apart, stuffing myself with it.
"How come Adrian doesn't sit here anymore?" Tracey asks, looking between Adrian and me.
"We broke up," I reply flatly.
Ever since I saw Adrian the last time, which was when we broke up, I hadn't really given him a second thought.
I don't want to get back with him, so there wasn't much to think about when it came to him.
"Oh," Tracey's brow furrows, and she can't read my expression, whether I'm sad or happy. I can't be too sure either. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," I shrug and eat a small piece of bread.
Silence ensues, and Tracey just stares at me. I stare back at her, not sure how to react. I take a deep breath and look back at my soup. It looks as if it's the same temperature as before.
"Pansy, I can't do this," Tracey says solemnly, her eyes flickering with impatience. "If you're not going to talk to me, then I'm not going to keep waiting to listen."
My shoulders drop, and I avoid Tracey's gaze. My thigh trembles and I can't bring myself to confess anything. I know Tracey's waiting, and I hate that I have nothing to tell her.
I don't know why I don't want to tell Tracey.
She'd understand.
So why can't I just fucking say it?
"I-" I stutter, feeling helpless. "I'm sorry."
I hear Tracey sigh and feel the weight of her body lift off the table. I don't look up. I don't want to watch her leave.
Theo (Theodore) Nott
In one hand is my overdue library book as I walk through the corridors. I shake my head gently, forcing my hair to cover the front sides of my face.
As I stroll through the hallway, I smile and wink to all the girls who give me that look. Any girl who does that makes me laugh, not in a bad way, in an 'it's strange' way. However, the only girl on my mind right now is Y/N. Ever since the last time we fucked, it's the only thing I can think about. It somehow manages to interrupt my every thought.
Though I've been in many relationships before, obviously, none of them have lasted any longer than a couple of months. I'm pretty sure the longest person I've dated Pansy, which went on for just barely two months in third year, but I can't be sure. I don't even think Pansy counts me as an 'ex-boyfriend' since we were fourteen, and we barely interacted in that 'relationship'. I can't remember the last time I had a real conversation with her.
Y/N came out of absolutely nowhere.
I've known Y/N for a long time, longer than I probably think. We just were never close friends. She had her group, Blaise, Terence, Pansy, the 'popular' kids of our year. Strangely enough, I'm acquaintances with all of them, I hope, I've just never been with them.
I do my best to stay away from them. I don't mind them or anything. They just aren't for me. However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like Y/N. I have for a while now. I just never asked her out or anything. I'm not close enough with her to do something so hasty. Sure, I'm pretty reckless, but not that reckless.
I'm still in shock that I let her do what she's done. Part of it is that I know I don't want it to stop, even if she has no affection towards it. I let her swallow my cum. I never do that.
I don't even care if I'm just a side-fuck. I want Y/N to fuck me so bad. Every time she leaves, which has only been twice, all I want is for her to come back. It's not even the things I want to do to her. It's the things I want her to do to me.
To have her on top of me. Letting me moan her name. Getting her to fuck me senseless is all I can think about. The fantasies of Y/N even just riding my thigh dry makes me hard.
Fuck, Theo, stop thinking about things like this.
You're walking through the halls of school, for fucks sake.
If I could just- to go so far as to think about dating her I-
No, she just broke up with Draco.
You can't compete against Draco.
You wouldn't compete against Draco.
Just drop it, Theo. She's not even interested in you.
What she sees in you is what you see in the rest of the girls at Hogwarts, a quick fuck, and nothing more. You know that, so stop holding your hopes so high.
But she talked-
You flirt with everyone, Theo. You mean nothing to her.
You mean nothing to her.
I groan, kicking the carpet on the wooded library floor. Angry at myself for thinking so deeply, I almost throw my book at the librarian's counter, but one look from Madame Pince keeps me from doing so.
As I turn to leave, from the corner of my eye, I see Y/N sitting peacefully deep in thought working on homework. She seems to be in the library a lot recently. I don't come to the library often, and whenever I come, she happens to be here.
She looks perfect, the golden glow shining pleasantly on her face. I study her longingly. On the inside, I'm embarrassed at the thought that anybody could be seeing me ogle at her. Just as I sigh, turning to leave, I'm almost sure she caught my eye, but I refuse to believe it.
I leave the library perfectly malcontent and wishing so badly that I had a cigarette.
Tracey Davis
I lie above my covers, staring up at the ceiling. I can't seem to sleep, though I want to very badly. I'm not sure if Daphne is in her bed or not, I didn't hear her leave, but then again, I didn't hear her enter.
I spin the ring on my finger with my thumb restlessly. Pansy clouds my thoughts, her look of defeat when I lashed out at her. I couldn't help it, though. I was so angry; I still am.
I had spent countless hours with Pansy, and yet she can't seem to tell me anything more than the bare minimum. It hurt, it really hurt.
Am I not trustworthy enough?
Am I not good enough for her?
How come she won't tell me anything?
She was stuck and wasn't taking the help that I'd offered. What was it? Was she just too proud to confess that she has problems just like the rest of us?
The past couple of months was spent by me guessing what's going wrong with Pansy. The end of November is now nearing, and, yet, I feel the same way I did a year ago, far away from Pansy and Y/N.
It's no secret that Y/N and Pansy are 'high society,' compared to them; I'm nothing. The only thing I have in common with them is that I'm Pureblooded, even that didn't get me very far.
It's strange to say that I'm a Pureblood when my life is nothing like Pansy or Y/N. I didn't grow up like them, wealthy. I was never poor but never rich. My family was never invited to the parties Pansy and them constantly talk about, or the gathering, or the get-togethers.
The only reason I'm remotely close with the Y/N group is Terence. Terence was just like them, rich. I don't care that much about money, but I feel the weight of not being insanely wealthy whenever I'm with Pansy or Y/N, and definitely Draco.
They never acted like they were better than me or higher than me, but it felt that way.
They all had something that easily separates me from the rest.
Pureblooded Slytherin.
I look like a fraud. Maybe I am.
I never seemed to figure out why I'm in Slytherin.
All the Slytherin attributes don't really align with me, but at the same time, I can't imagine myself anywhere else.
It's something I think about all the time.
Maybe I'm not supposed to be in Slytherin.
Maybe that's why I've never really belonged.
Merlin, Tracey, you've got to stop thinking things.
It's late.
You should be asleep.
I flip over onto my side, closing my eyelids tight, trying to force myself to fall asleep. Obviously, it doesn't work, and I start seeing shapes and stars in the pitch black of nothingness. I groan before flopping onto my back and huffing out loud.
The silence of being awake alone is interrupted when there's a knock on the door. My eyes revert to the door, my heart stopping as I wonder who it could be.
I stare at the door, and another knock ensues.
"Who is it?" I whisper, still unsure whether or not Daphne is in her bed across from me.
"Tracey, c'mon," Terence whispers back.
At the sound of Terence's voice, I perk up and slip out of bed. I throw on my slippers and his Quidditch hoodie before tiptoeing to the door.
"What took forever?" Terence asks as I close the dorm door gently behind me.
"I did not take long," I roll my eyes as Terence, and I descend down the staircase to an empty Common Room. "Why'd you wake me up?"
"Were you really sleeping?"
"No," I grumble, leaning against his shoulder as we quietly leave the Common Room, ascending the staircase the exit the Slytherin Dungeons.
"I don't get why you can't just sleep. Just close your eyes."
"Some of us aren't lucky and are meant to suffer," I reply dramatically, as Terence slips his hand into mine; I feel warm when he squeezes it. "Why did you get me, though?"
"For fun," he shrugs with a smirk. "And because it's snowing."
He then pulls my arm, and we run through the corridors, our footsteps echoing off the ancient stone walls. He stops at one of the balconies, leading me outside. I'm suddenly glad I wore a hoodie.
Terence was right, not that I thought he was lying. It was snowing.
Even though it was late November, it hadn't snowed yet, which rarely happens. The dainty snowflakes float from the clouds. It was a light snowstorm, ad I could feel the snow melting on my nose and landing in my hair.
I turn to Terence, who grins at the snow, his hair is all snowy, and I brush it off, feeling how soft his locks are.
"Glad I woke you up?" He raises a brow before sticking his tongue out to catch the snowflakes.
"Very," I giggle before trying to catch some snowflakes myself. I shiver when the cool flakes land on my tongue, making me colder than before.
"I asked you out around this time last year," Terence grins, leaning against the balcony railing, catching the snowflakes in his hand. At Terence's warm touch, the snowflakes melt.
"You remember? I was so happy. I'd liked you since third year," I scrunch my nose at my third-year self. How embarrassing.
"Of course I remember, and I've liked you ever since I saw you."
"How romantic," I laugh, trying to think of Terence swooning before me in third year. If he did try to make any moves back then, I was much too oblivious.
"I'm not lying," Terence frowns at my laugh.
"I know, don't worry," I give him a quick peck on the cheek. When I do, I feel his frigid skin against my lips. "It was snowing when you asked me to be your girlfriend."
"I was so scared."
"Were you really?"
"No, not really," he smirks sheepishly.
Our gazes lock and time around me starts to slow down. I feel snowflakes land on my eyelashes, and I have to flutter my eyelids to keep from seeing in a blur. Terence's hand is raised to my cheek, his hand warms my skin instantly, and just as we lean in, we hear stomping in the corridors.
"What are you two doing out there?" A high-pitched shriek calls out. I spot another figure that stands behind the first.
The air suddenly feels dense, and time is no longer slow as it was before. Looking back, I should've known.
I should've known that would be the trigger to the bullet that tore everything apart. There was a reason something didn't settle correctly. There was a reason my breath hitched when the footsteps began to ring in my ears. There's always a reason. If only I hadn't been so ignorant of the blaring warnings.
As that very second rolls on, there is no going back.
Terence grabs my wrist, and we quickly move to hide against the wall of the balcony. We huddle up close to each other, leaning into the corner of the walls. I can feel Terence's chest rising as he breathes, and his fast-paced heartbeat matches mine.
"Thought you could hide?" The high-pitched voice shrieks again, this time in front of me.
I scream, and Terence holds me closer in his arms.
The Carrows.
"What are you doing past curfew?" Alecto Carrow asks, her glare disgustingly giddy with excitement.
Neither Terence nor I respond. When I'm just about to open my mouth to speak, Terence nudges my slipper with his shoe. Filled with fear, I press my lips tight together and keep quiet.
"No answer?" Amycus Carrow speaks this time. Her voice is even more deranged than her sisters. "Then, of course, you'll face the consequences."
One can only guess what that means. Rumors of the Carrows disciplines have made their way throughout Hogwarts. I've heard the worst. I've seen the worse.
I immediately panic, my eyes wide with anxiety. My breath twists in my throat, and I'm almost thankful for every breath that's able to escape my lungs.
Without warning, the Carrows grab Terence and me by the collars, pulling us apart. The comfort of being in Terence's arms quickly disappears, and I feel lost and alone.
When I try and reach out to Terence, desperate for his soothing touch, I'm only yanked back with so much force that I choke on the fabric that pulls at my neck.
The Carrows lead us through the dark and dim corridors. We walk for so long that I begin tripping over my own feet and everything around me goes blurry. I have no idea where I'm headed as I squint my eyes, trying to recognize my surroundings.
The only meager comfort I have to hang onto is Terence's footsteps that follow along with mine.
Terence Higgs
As I venture deep into the shadowy unknown, something feels oddly familiar. I can feel Tracey's presence beside me until I can't. When I try and reach out for her, I'm left helpless, grabbing the air.
The grasp on the collar of my shirt is loosened, but I'm too afraid to run. If I did run, I wouldn't know where I'd be going. Even if I wanted to run, I wouldn't be able to. My feet are stuck to the ground. I'm not sure if it's me or magic.
I stare, standing in pitch black. Screams and shouts float around me, but I can't figure out where they come from. The shrieks send shivers down my spine and make my stomach churn.
Lingering around me is a type of corrupt power or magic. I can almost touch it, but when I feel for it, it doesn't appear.
I shiver when I feel somebody behind me, except when I find the courage to turn, nobody is there. I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse.
Suddenly, I begin to walk, not on purpose. It just happens. I'm pushed along to a destination I'm unaware of. The shadows around me move around, and it takes a moment, but finally, I'm able to assume I'm in a room.
Across from me is a door, the handle reaches out to me, and I'm persuaded to run forward and open it. When I try and deter the straight line to the door, it feels like I'm falling for infinity.
I stagger myself back to focus on the door. Every step closer, the horrifying screams of pain get louder. I recognize the shouts, but I can't seem to put my finger on who they belong to.
My hand reaches out to handle the screams surround me. I can't escape them, and my head rings with the thundering sounds.
My fingers wrap around the handle of the door, and my skin connects with the metal. When my hand touches the metal, a painful shock runs through my body. I swallow, fighting the agony, pushing myself to open the door.
I'm left in defeat, and my shoulders drop when the opened door leads to nothing. I look down below me, and all I can see is black fog.
I jump when the shouts and screams resume, almost falling into the pit of darkness. This time, they're behind me. Trembling, I turn around to face the noise.
I'm transported to another room, and I can hear screams and shouts, and as soon as I turn, I see her. I see...I see...I can't figure it out. Wait no, yes I do it's-
"TRACEY!" I shout, running up to her. She lies mangled on the floor in the center of the rounded room. I only know this because when I looked around, there were no corners. She twitches and moves on the ground. "THE DREAMS!"
As I try and hold Tracey on my lap, desperate to pull her up, but even though she moves her body is limp and is glued to the ground.
I stare at Tracey falling unconscious in my arms as a sinking feeling melts in my stomach. Millions of questions arise in my head, giving me a headache.
There is only one thing I can be sure of.
The nightmares I've been having non-stop were no mistake.
They were a vision.
"TRACEY DON'T LEAVE ME!" I shout nonsensically, "You can't die like this Tracey. Not like this."
I whimper with nothing left to hold onto. Tracey's body lays lifeless and her twitching has slowly come to an end. I'm convinced she's died until her eyelids slowly flutter open.
"Te-r-renc-ce, where- where- are you?" Tracey's voice is hoarse and oblivious to the fact that I'm holding her as close to me as possible.
"I'm right here, Tracey," I reply desperately, stroking her soft hair. Her cheeks are cold. "Tracey, it's happening- it's all happened- the dreams."
The room falls dead silent, and for a moment, I think Tracey's dead. Relief washes all over me when I feel her heartbeat against mine. The pulse of her wrist pumping up against my hand.
"The- the- dr-dr-dreams...?" Her voice is aloof and is like wisps in the air. "The dreams," She repeats this time with more assurance, her eyes focus as the notion registers in her head. "The dreams," she says again limply. However, it's sober and confident. But at the same time, the words are intertwined with the sudden realization of what I'm able to do.
Suddenly, the shadows that surround me are pulled down and behind them hid a real room. The corner-less room around me disappears. When my eyes squint from a blinding light coming in from up above, I realize that what I'd just endured had been an illusion.
Except for Tracey.
That was real.
She remains inert in my lap. I hold her tighter, searching for the comfort she always gives me.
A booming voice thunders. I'm not sure which Carrow speaks, "WHAT DREAMS?!"
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If anybody remembers when I was sick, well I wrote this while I was sick so sorry the writing isn't the hottest.
Please vote mwah
Thank you so much to the following people who either followed me added my story to their list/library:
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