derek's pov.
I turn the corner, feeling someone suddenly run into me, "Shit, I'm so sorry." I hear a familiar voice state.
I look down as the familiar face looks up;
Charlotte.
"I, uh- sorry, I didn't mean to-" She begins.
I shake my head, "You're all good." I mutter in a low, raspy tone as my eyes meet hers.
A sense of awkwardness fills the atmosphere between the two of us.
"I, uh, how's your head?" She asks to fill the awkward silence.
"What?" I ask, my brow furrowed.
"From the incident." She states.
I nod, my lips parting slowly, "Oh, yeah right. Uh, the doctor cleared me last week so I'm good to go. I'm back to work." I state.
Charlotte nods, glancing around, "I can see that." She states.
I nod, "Yeah." I mutter.
The both of us stand in front of the other, both of us glancing at the ground as the awkward feeling slowly withers away.
I clear my throat, "Can I talk to you?" I ask.
Charlotte shrugs, "I, uh- I have a meeting with Hotch and Strauss right now." I state.
I nod, my brow furrowing, "Oh, right, I heard your switching to arson?" I ask.
Charlotte shrugs slightly, "I was gonna move back to New York and work in the arson department, but I don't think I can bring myself to do that." I state.
A distant memory begins to fill my mind;
I nod in understanding, "Yeah, I know how badly you hate the New York lifestyle. I remember how big of a pain in the ass your mom was when you last saw her." I state.
"What?" She asks, her brow furrowed.
"What?" I ask in confusion.
Charlotte shakes her head slightly, "Nothing, I'm just- I don't know, I'm tired and I'm hearing things." She states, chuckling softly.
I nod, placing my hands in my pockets as I let out a breathless laugh, "I get it." I state.
Charlotte smiles softly as she glances over to Hotch's office, her brow furrowed, "Listen, I have to go. I have a meeting with Hotch, but maybe we could catch up later? We could have that talk you asked to have?" She asks.
I nod, "I would like that." I state in a low tone, placing my hand on her upper arm.
She flinches slightly at the impact—my brow furrowing in confusion as a distant memory fills my mind.
Charlotte shakes her head slightly, "Nate was a blackout drunk most of the time when he and I were together, and he and I were having our own issues so I didn't want to pile it on-" She begins to explain.
"What kind of issues?" I ask, my brow furrowing as I cut her off.
Charlotte sighs heavily, "He, uh, well... Nate used to get really drunk and when I didn't wanna pursue him because he would never fully consent to it, he would get super mad. And since he was blackout drunk most of the time, he didn't realize when he got angry. When he was angry, he used to hit me." She explains in a mumbled tone.
"He hit you!?" I exclaim, my voice rising a bit in anger, causing Charlotte to flinch.
Charlotte nods as my eyes begin to search hers, "That's why you were crying earlier in the interrogation room." I pause, piecing it all together, "You weren't scared that I had actually committed murder, you were scared because I was constantly slamming my hands against the table, yelling, and because I smashed the file box against the wall." I mutter in realization.
Charlotte nods again, letting out a shaky exhale, "He used to get so mad at me, and I haven't learned how to deal with it. That night, before I was kidnapped, when you came into the room, you saved me from getting pushed to the ground and repeatedly hit all over again. I mean- Nate was on drugs and none of you realized. He was getting aggravated and I pushed even more buttons by refusing to get back with him, because I knew he was on drugs." She states in a soft tone—her voice thickening as vulnerability fills it.
The distant memory slowly fades away as my longing eyes meet hers, "I would never hurt you, love." I mutter under my breath.
"What?" Charlotte asks, her brow furrowing.
I shake my head slightly, "Nothing. I, uh- I'll talk to you later." I state as Charlotte nods.
She slowly brushes past me, leaving me standing in the middle of the hall, looking like a complete idiot.
I let out a sharp exhale, my mind traveling with sudden thoughts;
Something happened between us—I can feel it in my bones, I just can't fully remember every thing that happened, so I can't just tell her that I know we belong together—that'll just make me make a total fool out of myself.
What the hell happened between us.
C'mon, Derek...
Think.
Think.
Think.
Why can't I fucking remember anything other than these fucking distant memories?
I need to get Charlotte back, I can't just let her get away—I can't lose her. I feel something between us, I can tell that she's hurt by it.
C'mon, Derek.
You can do this.
"She really fucking loves you." I hear a familiar voice state from behind me.
My brow furrows as I turn around, my eyes landing on Emily standing behind me.
"What?" I ask.
Emily chuckles lightly, "Charlotte." She begins, "She's in love with you." She states.
"Seriously?" I ask.
Emily shakes her head in disbelief, letting out a sharp exhale as she looks at me, her eyes searching mine for a minute.
"Are you really that stupid?" Emily asks.
"What? No. I'm not stupid-" I begin to defend myself.
"You clearly are." She states.
My brow furrows in confusion as Emily lets out a heavy exhale, "I'm only telling you this because no one else fucking will, because apparently it can trigger your mind and possibly send you into another coma and kill you—but I can't stand to watch you two like this because it'll kill me." She states.
"Walk with me." She states, gesturing for me to walk down the hall with her.
I nod, following after her as we begin to walk through the bullpen.
I let out a sharp exhale as we turn the corner, walking into an empty hall, "What was the deal between Charlotte and I?" I ask.
Emily turns to me, pulling me into an empty office, shutting the door behind us, "You and Charlotte were endgame—everybody here wanted to fucking be you guys. You guys deserved each other, and you both were made for each other. You both were so in love with each other, but being the fragile people that you are—neither of you believed in love, so you never admitted it. I had never heard the words 'I love you' come from your lips. You rarely ever said to Savannah, so I always thought that you would end up all alone—that was until you met Charlotte." She explains, pacing around the office.
I stand there, wordlessly—my mind trying to process every bit of information that Emily tells me.
Emily stops in her tracks, waving her hand in front of my face, "Did I break you yet? Is your mind processing this? Do you feel like you're gonna faint yet?" She asks.
I nod slightly, "I'm okay, you didn't break me, nobody can break me. My mind is processing this, but I'm still following. I'm not gonna fucking faint, dumbass." I state.
Emily shrugs her shoulders, "Okay, well, in my defense—you have the braincells of a peanut so how am I supposed to know that you aren't just going to pass out on the floor right now because your brain can't process this." She states, annoyance filling her tone.
I groan in annoyance, tossing my head back slightly, "Can you just fucking finish already so I can see if I can remember any of this?" I ask, trying to change the subject.
Emily nods as she begins pacing again, "As I said before, up until that burning fucking building and your accident, I had never heard the words 'I love you.' come from your mouth, but in that desperate need, you said it—you admitted that you loved Charlotte. You told her that if you died, she needed to move on—you told her to promise you that she would take care of Reid." She explains.
Emily sighs, her longing eyes meeting mine as they begin to search mine, "You made her promise so many things. You showed the most vulnerable side of you, that nobody else in the team had ever shown." She states.
Emily lets out a shaky exhale, "You made her open up, Derek. She came into the bureau, and joined this team, but didn't feel like she was at home. You took something so damaged and so gentle, and you gave her a fucking home." She states in distress.
Emily tosses her head back, "I hate getting emotional, but you both are emotionally killing me. I can't continue to watch the two people who are destined to be together, not be together." She states, her eyes watering.
Emily pushes me out of anger, "How can you not fucking remember this? How could you just let her go? How can you let the person who you love most go? How could you fix something so fragile and then just break it all over again? How could you do this?" She asks, repeatedly, as she begins to break down into tears.
"Hey, hey, hey. I'm sorry. I didn't-" I begin.
Emily shakes her head, "It's not your fault. I just- sorry, I have been watching Charlotte fall apart and ruin her life in the last four months—just because she lost you. I need you to go back to her, Derek. As one of your best friends, I'm telling you what's best for you—I need you to go take care of her. I need you to remember. Please." She pleads.
I nod, my lips parting slowly, "I'm trying. I really am. I remember the CD, vaguely. I'm getting these hazy flashbacks that I try so hard to remember and keep in my mind for as long as I can. I just- it's difficult." I state.
Emily nods slightly, wiping the tears from her eyes and cheeks as she lets out a shaky breath, "You two deserve each other." She states in a low tone, her eyes meeting mine.
I nod, "I know." I state.
Emily slowly brushes past me, patting my shoulder slightly as she does. She opens the office door slightly as she begins to exit.
"Hey, Derek?" Emily asks, stopping in her tracks as she stands in the doorway.
"Yeah?" I ask in a low tone, turning around slightly to face her.
Emily lets out a sharp exhale, "You made her that CD for her birthday—she was the only one that was allowed to listen to music in your car." She states with a soft smile.
"Thank you." I state as Emily nods, shutting the door behind her.
I toss my head back, letting out a sharp exhale as my eyes flutter shut. My mind moves like a fast-working machine, reminiscing over all of the memories that happened throughout my lifetime.
C'mon, Derek.
Think.
Remember those memories with Charlotte.
C'mon.
Everyone is counting on you to remember.
C'mon.
Think.
Think.
Think.
When did you make Charlotte feel most at home?
When did you take care of her most?
When did you fall in love with her?
Just remember...
C'mon.
It's not that hard.
Just think.
I let out a sharp exhale in defeat, shaking my head slightly as I look down to the ground.
It's no use.... I think to myself as I give up on all hope;
I'm never going to remember, so what's the point of trying?
But then, the entire world shifts under my feet and my mind starts to travel—giving me hope.
The memories start to slowly come back and take me to the place that feels most like home;
Charlotte.
They take me back to Charlotte.
My heart. My home.
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authors note;
honestly, i think that this is such a great cliffhanger to leave off on, don't you agree? ;) — prepare for some chaos ;)
sorry for the slight delay—i had hoped to update a little earlier, but i got caught up with greys. tonight's episode completely wrecked me, and i had thought i wasn't going to update at all—but i needed a distraction and writing is my go-to.
anyways, i hope you all enjoyed this chapter. i love you all so so so damn much!! you all deserve the world. <3
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