3 months later...
December 2020
For being somewhere on the other side of the USA in a small household, it wasn't so bad. Yes it was a bit odd to live far away from everything he knew and being a complete stranger to anyone who walked by. But at the same time, it was nice. It felt nice being somewhere no one called his name or recognized him. It felt nice being alone and it felt nice to walk down the street by himself.
He had to admit, the first weeks had been tough. He was ashamed to admit that the first weeks of being in an unknown house had been awfully dark. It was a period where he refused to eat, and nightmares much worse than the ones before hunted his dreams. Nightmares, where his father's body was lying at his feet, bathing in a puddle of blood.
Anxiety and panic attacks were also troubling him more than before. He had had a few panic attacks before, but never like this. There were even times where he decided to do things to himself he never thought he would do. But it only happened once or twice the first month. It never became an addiction though, because having Steve telling him how much he loved him, again and again, helped a lot. There were just a few times where he felt like having his own blood dripping down in the sink was a message to his parents. To Jarvis.
But soon, he was drowned by shame.
It wasn't nice. He had felt like a burden for the wonderful people that had shown up at the hospital from out of nowhere. He had never thought that the little neighbor next to his house had gone through almost as much as himself.
Peter's parents had suffered a horrible death, or that's what Peter's incredibly beautiful (and incredibly sexy) aunt had told him the moment they arrived at their little, yet comfy, house in Queens. Even though it had been hard, having Peter at his side helped a lot.
Aunt May and Uncle Ben were very understanding of Tony's behavior. They took care of him and helped him in the best way they could. But Tony didn't know them the way he knew Peter. And while Tony was helping Peter through the horrible period of his parent's death, Peter helped Tony just as much.
But even though Peter was there, the kid couldn't cure the other's longing after Steve Rogers. Steve hadn't let him go one bit, even though they lived on different sides of the country. Steve had been shocked when he heard about Tony's decision to move. He had been pissed and sad and overwhelmed by emotions. But even though Tony was living in Queens right now and Steve in California, they still made it work.
It had been hard the first week. Tony didn't want to answer Steve's calls at the beginning, and when he finally picked up, he didn't want the calls to end. They talked for hours, and when they had to stop, Tony usually cried harder than he had ever before.
He had to admit it. Being in love sucked, no matter how wonderful it was.
But now, after 3 months of recovering and therapy sessions, he finally was a little bit like his old self again. He did have nightmares now and then, and panic attacks could happen. But it wasn't an issue anymore.
He felt okay. Not healed. Not amazing. But okay.
It was a Saturday afternoon. The snow was falling from the sky and covered the ground in a light layer of white powder. Peter was walking by his side, his phone in his hand while he was trying to catch some pokemons on the sidewalk.
Tony had his hands in his jacket pockets, throwing a few glances at Peter's screen as they were talking quietly to each other. They had no destination, they just wanted to go out for a bit.
Tony had never experienced snow in his whole life. So when he suddenly woke up with the ground covered in white snowflakes, it had felt weird. But amazing at the same time. Aunt May had already prepared newly bought winter clothes for him, just like she had done for Peter. She really was a pearl in her own way.
Tony lightly kicked a snow-covered rock with his foot, watching as it bumped away towards the street. He took a deep breath, inhaling the cold air into his body while Peter gave him a shy smile.
"Do you think we can live here forever?" Peter asked shyly.
Tony looked at him with a smile. "Forever is maybe a little bit much." He said.
"Why?"
The raven-haired turned his attention to the road again, trying to figure out how to explain this. "Well...I'm an adult soon, kind off...and I- ."
"Adult?" Peter interrupted, slightly confused. "Are you gonna move?"
Tony didn't answer at first. He just shrugged his shoulders. "We'll see."
"Then I'm coming with you." Peter said with a strict voice. Tony chuckled.
"I don't think Aunt May would like that." The older one said, trying to ignore the sad eyes that were starting up at him.
"Anyways, let's talk about something else." Tony said, trying to jump over this subject as quickly as possible.
"Mmkay.." Peter mumbled. They remained silent.
But the awkward silence didn't hold on for long as a small buzzing sound could be heard from Tony's pocket. Peter looked up at him interested as the raven-haired picked up his phone.
"Who is it?" Peter asked excitingly. Probably hoping for aunt May. She had promised them to make some pancakes while they were out on their little walk.
Tony looked down at his screen, the corner of his mouth rising when he saw who it was. "Steve," he said lowly before accepting the call with quick fingers. "Thanks for calling Macdonalds, what can I help you with?" he said with a little smirk on his face. Chuckling when he saw how Peter tried to cover down his laugh by placing his hand over his mouth.
No answer.
"Tony?"
"My name is Jordan, how can I help you?"
"Oh haha, cut it off I know it's you."
Steve's displeased voice could be heard from the other line and Tony chuckled lightly, watching Peter as the boy went back to the game on his phone. He defiantly didn't have any interest in listening to the two of them as he walked a few steps ahead.
"Fine, you're no fun today." Tony fake groaned, hearing how Steve snorted amusingly.
"Was I supposed to act like I didn't recognize your voice the second you opened your mouth?"
"Pretty much." Tony said nonchalantly, smiling widely at the sound of his boyfriend's voice. "So, what's up?" He asked.
"Not much. Just won a few video games against Sam. He got mad and went home a few minutes ago."
"What a dick."
"I know right." Steve responded with a little laugh. "Nah, he actually had to go. Bucky needed his help for something. Something about Nat, I don't know."
"So Nat and Barnes are officially together now?" Tony asked out of interest.
"Pretty much,"
"Fucking finally,"
Steve chuckled. "So, what are you doing?"
"On a walk with Peter. It's cold and I'm pretty sure some of my body parts are paralyzed." The teen responded with a nonchalant tone, making Steve laugh quietly from the other end.
"Maybe you should put some more clothes on then." Steve said and Tony could hear the smirk in his voice.
"Easy for you to say. You're not the one freezing your ass off in the snow."
The blond sighed. "Believe me, I would very much like some snow. It's so weird with Christmas around the corner and no snow."
"I can send you a snowball as a Christmas gift." Tony joked.
"Thanks." Steve snorted, making Tony smile widely in response. "I kind of wish my parents still had our old house in Brooklyn. Then we could celebrate Christmas together."
"Yeah..same." Tony said thoughtfully.
"You know, it would be nice if we could spend Christmas together."
Tony didn't hear him. His eyes were locked on the kid in front of him as he ran up the stairs to Aunt May and Ben's house. He hadn't even noticed that they had reached the house already.
"Are you coming?" Peter asked with a quiet voice.
Tony looked at the house before letting his eyes travel down to a small park down the road. "In a sec." He responded casually. Peter tilted his head questioning before making his way inside the warm house, figuring that Tony wanted to be alone.
"You still there?"
"Yeah," Tony responded while letting his feet drag him down the road towards the small park. "You were saying?" He asked, already forgotten what their previous conversation had been about.
"Uuh..I said it would be great if we could spend Christmas together." Steve said with a hesitant voice .
Tony chewed his inner cheek thoughtfully. "I'm..uuh"
"Sorry, I just thought-"
"-No it's fine! I just...I don't know if I could-," The raven-haired took a small break. "I just don't know if I can come back just yet."
"I understand,"
Tony exhaled thankfully. He had now reached the park and he decided to sit down at one of the few benches that were placed on the frozen ground.
"I miss you though." Steve mumbled, causing a warm feeling to spread in Tony's chest.
"I miss you too. I just don't want to meet everyone at school yet, or anyone in Malibu for that matter. Don't want them to start whispering rumors or treat me like the poor orphan Tony Stark." He explained a little shamefully while hugging a first of snow in his hand. Watching the ice turn into liquid and drop down his fingers, landing in the snow underneath him.
"Yeah, it's probably for the best. You don't even need to worry about missing anything." Steve chucked. "The only thing you've missed too far is that Beckman has stopped bullying people the way he used to."
Tony snorted. "Yeah, I'll only believe that when I see it."
"Then there is this weird Christmas party coming up."
"And you love parties, don't you?" Tony teased sarcastically.
"Yeah, it wasn't like I ended up having sex with the school's most popular guy."
Tony scoffed. "First) I don't see any problem with it. Second) we didn't really have sex. And third) if it wasn't for that night, you wouldn't have realized that your straight ass wasn't as straight as you thought."
The raven-haired smiled proudly to himself when he heard how Steve once again released a small laugh.
"Okay fine," Steve gave in. "But I'm not going to this party though. The last time I was getting ready for a party, you got kidnapped."
Tony rolled his eyes. "Right, the party we wasted time planning. Wonder how it turned out."
"Without us? Probably not great."
"You said it," Tony smirked, laughing quietly for himself as a peaceful silence filled the air.
"Gotta go," Steve said disappointed and Tony felt how a weird ball of dissatisfaction filled his stomach. "Call you later?"
"Not if I call first."
"You gonna make this a race?"
"I would win either way."
"Yeah sure." Steve challenged dryly before a small chuckle left his lips. "I love you."
Tony sighed quietly. "I love you too."
The words felt heavy as they left his lips. Like heavy rocks rolling down his under lip with the hope of connecting with the ground. The small sound of Steve ending the call echoed in his ear, a small beep sound that made his heart once again turn into a hard ball in his chest.
Tony closed his eyes, feeling the snow falling from the sky on his cheeks, how it stuck to his eyelashes when he tilted his head back. He tried to imagine the beach. Not the beach in Queens, but the beach in Malibu. He inhaled deeply through his nose, trying to ignore the empty space in his chest where the people in his life were missing.
"Enjoying the weather?"
Tony jumped up from his relaxed position when the dark voice next to him made his eyes widened in fear and surprise. He wasn't alone on the bench anymore. He had company by a rather tall man in dark clothes, with his hood over his head and his arms crossed over his chest.
Pictures and memories flashed before his eyes and he quickly blinked his eyes a few times. "I-um..yes?" He said shakily.
The man chucked a little, not looking at him as he threw one leg over the other. "Just kidding. It's cold as shit."
"Do we know each other?" Tony asked, his eyes frozen at a random spot on the ground.
"Oh right, sorry."
The man made a nonchalant movement with his arms and pulled down the hood from his head, revealing a black and messy hairstyle that pointed in different directions. Tony raised an eyebrow in surprise when the man turned his face to him. Green emerald eyes looking at him with comfort and adoration.
"Ryan?" The teen said, more as a statement than a question. The man smiled at him stiffly.
"Yeah, still alive." He scoffed, his voice a little raspy when he spoke. Dark circles had been created under his big green and Tony could swear he could smell a strong scent of cigarette smoke.
"You sure?" Tony asked with a doubtful look.
Ryan shrugged. "Nope, but I'm working on it." He said before running his hand through his thick curls. "How are you doing?" He asked instead.
Now it was Tony's turn to shrug. "It's complicated," he said, not feeling very excited to share his inner feelings.
Ryan smacked his lips together, getting the tension the teen was giving him. "Right, but I assume something is going right." He said cheerfully, pointed at the phone in Tony's cold hands.
Tony followed his eyes, smiling slightly at the subject and Ryan nodded with an amused smirk.
"May I ask why you are here while Mr. Prince Charming is on the other side of the country?" Ryan asked with an interested voice, making Tony roll his eyes at the name.
"He's not charming."
"M-hm.."
"No seriously, I'm the charming one in the relationship." Tony said with a dead serious facial expression.
Ryan smiled at him, patting him lightly on the shoulder. "Well, I'm happy things are better for you after everything that has happened." He said, his lips forming a comforting smile as his eyes met Tony's. The teen had to admit, he didn't feel as cold anymore.
"So what are you doing here?" The younger one asked, shivering a little as Ryan removed his hand from his shoulder and settled himself back to his personal space.
"Trying to hunt down Anderson," Ryan answered rather casually. "While they're trying to hunt me down at the same time."
"Any luck?"
"Not yet, I'm trying to move myself around. Making it harder for him to find me, but also harder for me to find him." He said before leaning forward and rested his arms against his knees. His breath turning into thin smoke as it left his lips.
"So you're going to spend the rest of your life seeking revenge?" Tony asked with a hint of dryness in his voice.
Ryan snorted. "There's not much else for me to do. Plus, I don't think I'll be able to do anything else from now on. I can't go on knowing that the pig who ruined my life is still out there breathing, while someone who deserves it more is laying under the ground."
Tony nodded understanding, even though he didn't know what to answer. His mind was already thousands of miles away. He had promised himself to not think of that night so much, because it usually caused problematic anxiety attacks to appear. But right now, he had to think back at the scene in the burning corridor. That time when Ryan had been holding his partner in his arms, desperately trying to stop the blood flow from his stomach while tears were streaming down his cheeks.
"You know," Ryan suddenly said. "I am actually moving towards Malibu. You could always come with me. Pretty sure Charming would love it."
Tony mumbled something under his breath before shaking his head. "No thanks,"
"Why not?" Ryan asked, his voice surprisingly offended as he looked at Tony's unreadable face.
"It's complicated," he said again. Ryan looked at him distrustfully, his mysterious eyes scanning him up and down a few times. Acting like he knew something iimportantthat Tony didn't know about. The snow felt incredibly nice in the teens hand as he once again squeezed it between his bare fingers, distracting himself from Ryan's constant staring.
Suddenly, he felt how a fist of cold ice hit his neck and he yelped before standing up with a little jump.
"What the fuck was that for?!" He asked while brushing off the snow from his back head and neck. Ryan laughed to himself, shrugging his shoulders while Tony's deep-brown eyes shot a death glare towards him.
"You seemed kind of dead. Wanted to wake you up." Ryan said smugly.
"Speak for yourself," Tony muttered in anger before grumpily turning around, brushing off the snow for his neck.
"Ouch," Ryan laughed. "I almost got h-" his sentence was caught short as a ball of ice-cold snow hit him right in the face.
Tony chuckled to himself while brushing his hands on his pants. "You were saying?"
"I deserved that," The older man muttered after he brushed off the some from his now frozen face. Tony rolled his eyes at him before he sat back down on the bench, feeling incredibly pleased with himself for his actions.
They looked at each other for a short second, communicating through their eyes before turning their attention to the park again. It was a beautiful park. All white and glittering as ice crystals were hanging from the trees and the snow-covered ground shot its beautiful light over the town.
A small bird caught Tony's attention as it jumped around in the snow. It was so small but still fascinating as it raised its small wings and flew up in the sky.
"You should go home." Ryan said, also watching the bird as it sat down on a small pole a few meters away. "Don't make the same mistake as I did."
"Which was?" Tony snorted. Not liking how the older man was trying to decide his life choices for him.
"Letting my happiness slip away just because I was scared."
Tony looked at him slightly offended. "Pardon?"
"You heard me," Ryan said with a smug smile. "Don't hide here when your life is somewhere else."
"Steve isn't my life." Tony snapped.
Ryan raised an eyebrow. "But he's your world, right?"
The teen looked down at his shoes, not answering the question, which made the dealer chuckle lightly before shaking his head. "Look, I was in love for a long time, but I was too scared to tell the person how I felt. I was scared that it would ruin both his and my life. But now, here I am, and the person never got to know how I really felt." Ryan explained and pressed his hands into his jacket pockets.
Tony swallowed thickly. "Jeremy?"
"Yep," Ryan responded with a small voice. "That bastard was a genius, but when it came to our partnership, he was very oblivious."
Tony nodded, not daring to look up from his snow-covered shoes. "I'm sorry about what happened to him."
Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "I knew it was coming sooner or later." He said before suddenly turning very serious. He turned to his side and placed his hand on Tony's shoulder again. Causing the teen to look up at him with tired and regretful eyes.
"Kid, you decide what you do next. But if you really are a smartass, you should go back to Malibu. Tell Charming how you feel, for real. A simple " I love you" isn't gonna fix anything." Ryan placed his hand on Tony's chest where his heart was beating safe and sound.
"Open up, even though you hate it. Tell him everything, prove to him that you love him before it's too late." Ryan said, his green eyes burying themselves into Tony's as his hypnotic voice surrounded the teen's surroundings. The tight hand on his shoulders made him sweat nervously, and the sentence burned into his thoughts.
Tony opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. He shook himself out of the emerald orbs and turned his attention to the pole where the bird was sitting, only to notice that the small animal was gone.
"I-I can't," Tony stuttered, forcing the words out of his throat.
Ryan looked at him displeased before removing his hand. The teen could feel how he stood up from the bench. "Think about it." Ryan said, pulling his hood over his head again. "Take my advice and do what's right. " He mumbeled almost threatening while brushing off some snowflakes from his black jacket. He gave the teen a small nod.
"I'll see you again Tony Stark." And with that, he disappeared with quick steps down the sidewalk.
Tony didn't answer. Too stunned by the man's words to get anything out. And soon, he was left alone in the cold. Confused, angry and with weird voices inside his head, accompanied by a hurting and arching heart..
****
Hope you like this chapter even though it wasn't so much action in it. But I'm trying to slow the story down again before the ending. I think there will be at least 4 chapters left or something. The end of this story is very close, but I hope you have enjoyed this story so far.
Love Jessie ♡