- Roxanne Grey -
* Five Years Later *
"We're gathered here to say farewell to Bryon Hart who has gone to the hands of God." The Priest begins.
No matter how long you prepare for this moment, it always ends up the same. The endless sadness clouding your heart and limitless tears. It's sad really, I knew this day would eventually come and yet I didn't sit down to think that it really would happen.
Bryon was diagnosed with Huntington's disease at the age of twenty-five, so for five years prior to when I came back to this town, Bryon has suffered with the knowledge of his early demise. Although he never fully accepted it, as his time decreased and little by little his body and mentality started to decline, he left the world with no regrets.
Five years later I stand here, staring at his lifeless body.
As I listen to the Priest, my dress was suddenly lightly being tugged and I looked down at the puzzled little boy with luminous hazel brown eyes.
"Mama why is daddy sleeping inside of there?" Parker asks, confusion exuding from his eyes.
Bryon's family and friends glance at Parker, then at me with sympathetic looks. This is always the worse part of funerals, the closer you are to the deceased one...the more pity you receive for it. Not to mention Bryon not only left his lover but his three year old son Parker Hart.
It's sad that we brought a child into the world who would only know his father for a short amount of time. However, other than being with the one he loves, Bryon had another dream of having a child. It took two years for him to convince me, well that and accidentally conceiving him the one day I forget to take the pill.
Even so, from the day he was born, I've never loved anyone this much in my entire life. There was just something about holding your child that changes you. Being with Parker everyday allows me to forget who I was, to not be that troublemaker and to be a better mother instead.
Once the Priest finished, tears erupted from Bryon's mother Heather. Every stayed silent as the woman cried for her son, infact some people joined her. I was tempted to break down but Parker would be worried, he wouldn't understand. Right now he think's Bryon is asleep in some box.
One by one, everyone walked up to the coffin, placing a red rose infront of his picture and paying their respects. Heather kissed his forehead and wiped a tear away, then left so the next person could go.
Soon it was my turn and I held Parker around my arms, so he could say goodbye to his father.
"Parker." I say.
He smiles. "Can we wake up daddy?"
"No honey, we can't." I explain. "He'll be asleep for a long time and wants you to say goodnight."
His eyes slide from Bryon to me. "When will he wake up?"
"Just say goodnight, baby." I rub his back.
He looks back at his father and smiles. "Goodnight daddy, wake up soon so we can play."
More stares and whispers from behind, more useless sympathy and unnecessary pity. I've know for years that he was going to die, yes it's still hard to deal with, but I knew what I was getting into before I started.
Staying with him and having a child, I knew what the inevitable was and chose to continue with it. I'm not regretful for what I've done because at the of the end I got a miracle out of it.
I place Parker on the ground and he ran around the cemetery.
After I placed my rose and said my goodbye, they lowered Bryon's casket into the ground.
Goodbye Bryon.
*****
* 7 Months Later *
"Mama where are we going?" Parker asks me, while sipping his apple juice.
I started the engine and before pressing my foot on the gas petal, I looked behind me at Parker who was strapped into his car seat and said. "Grandma and Grandpa's house."
"Will daddy be there? I miss daddy." He says, frowning.
I smiled at him, then rubbed his little legs. "I miss him too sweetie, but we're not going to see daddy's mommy and daddy, we're going to see mine."
Parker looked confused, which I'm not surprised about since he's only three and hasn't met my parents yet. For fives years I have hid away from them, I haven't seen them in so long. Two weeks ago they called me to make amends and finally meet Parker. And so that I could also meet my little sister, Anne.
At first I was hesitant, going back home that is. However, my son needs to meet my family and besides everytime I visit Heather it's always gloomy. I'm not complaining but after seven months the last thing I want to do is visit a mourning mother who revolves around her sons death.
So Parker and I will be taking a road trip, get new scenery and take a vacation from everyday life.
* Several Hours Later *
During the ride we played multiple tunes and sang, well Parker tried to sing. It was cute as he tried to sing the lyrics but couldn't remember them and just mumbled some other stuff.
We also had to stop a few times for pee breaks since Parker has a bladder the size of a pea. Then I had to calm him down whenever he threw a tantrum from the long ride or when I took away his apple juice. After a while he just dozed off, when I noticed I stopped the car and took some pictures of him. Now it's night and I've been driving for hours and finally we've arrived in town.
Twenty minutes of driving around and eventually I made it to my parents house. I parked my car next to theirs in the driveway, then took a deep breath and looked back at Parker who was rubbing his eyes.
We're here.
I'm home.
I opened my door and got out, then went to Parker's door and opened it. Once I unbuckled him, I picked him up and leaned his head on to my shoulder. He was still sleep but as soon as he gets inside, he'll wake up in no time.
Gradually I walked to the door and felt anxious, the last time I spoke to them we didn't end on a good note. What if they judge me? Having a child at such a young age and living with a man who was ten years older than me. What if we get into a fight? I can't argue with them infront of Parker, he'll get worried and start crying.
Before walking up the step, I pause. There's one thing truly bugging me as I stand infront of my parents house and that's the man who lives next door to them. I stare at his house, it's still the same as when I left this place.
My first love, the only man I've loved.
Damien Black.
It's been almost six years since I've seen him, since I broke it off with him to be with another man. The cruel ending to our love and a mistake sometimes I wish I could take back. However, as I look at Parker it's totally worth it, if I had stayed with Damien I wouldn't have ever had this experience.
Since he can't provide me with a child, I don't regret breaking these ties with him. Although that doesn't mean I don't wish that I didn't. When I sit at home alone, while Parker is sleeping, a loneliness creeps up on me. One that even Bryon couldn't fulfill and he always knew deep down Damien was still on my mind.
I snap out of my thoughts when Parker begins to grumble and I focus on the door. When I went up that step, I rubbed Parker's back then knocked on the door.
Within ten seconds, the door flew open and behind it was my father. We shared a look, a look of lost time and sadness. My father looked older—not shocked it's been five years. I notice there are various grey strands on his head and stare.
A few seconds later he smiles. "Roxanne."
"Dad." I smile back, tears threatening my eyes.
Without warning he wraps his arms around me and Parker, hugging us both tightly. "I missed you."
"I missed you too, dad." I reply, rubbing his back with my free hand.
Then loud thumps from the floor grow louder and louder, and closer and closer. Dad released me from the hug and behind him was a small little girl with dark colored hair and amber eyes. She stared at me with confusion but smiled nonetheless.
My sister.
That was my sister.
"Daddy who are they?" Anne asks.
Dad smiled at the both of us. "This honey, is your big sister Roxanne and nephew Parker."
"Hello Anne." I say, smiling at her.
She ran off. "Mommy! Mommy!"
Dad gestured me to come and inside, so I did, happily.
*****
After a long night of catching up, introducing Parker to them and sympathetic comforting, it's the next morning and Parker is wide awake jumping on the bed.
"Mama!" He yells. "Wake up!"
I grumble, I'm exhausted from staying up all night. The last thing I want to do is get up out of this and and do things. Even if I could, Parker is excited and jumpy which means he'll bother me all day.
So I opened my eyes and yawned. "Morning Parker."
"Morning mama, Grandpa Lou and Grandma are making Pancakes!" Parker grins, his favorite breakfast food has always been Pancakes and lately I've been to busy in the morning to make them.
I kissed his forehead. "Let's go downstairs and get you some pancakes."
He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the bed. "Let's go mama!"
So I followed him out of the room and down the stairs, where mom and dad and Anne were in the kitchen. Mom was cooking the breakfast, dad and Anne were setting up the table.
Parker ran to mom and tugged on her jeans. "Are the Pancakes almost done?"
"Yes, go sit down and I'll bring them to you." Mom says, then looks at me. "Good morning Roxanne."
I seat myself next to Parker. "Good morning mom, dad, Anne."
Dad sat down across from me and Anne sat next to him. "Morning sweetie."
"Morning Roxanne!" Anne grinned. "Mommy is making her yummy pancakes!"
Looks like the love for pancakes is in our genetics. "Yeah, I haven't had her pancakes in over ten years."
Which was true, even though I did live with her for that amount of time she was never awake at breakfast time to cook them. Last time I ever had her breakfast was when I was like seven.
When mom finished, she filled our plates with fluffy pancakes and then sat down at the end of the table, next to me and dad. It took no time for Parker to dig in and after laughing about it, we joined him and ate too.
*****
Unfortunately mom had to work, Anne stayed home from school and dad took a well-deserved day off to spend with me. We sent Parker and Anne away to play in her room while me and him talked.
"Parker's a great kid, full of life." Dad says, seating himself on his favorite recliner.
I sat down across him on the couch. "Yeah, I know."
"Did you make sure he doesn't have...you know...what his father had?" He stares at me, concerned.
I nodded. "Bryon had him tested before he...died, doctors told us we have nothing to worry about."
"Thats a relief, I doubt you need more things to worry about other than raising a four year old by youself." Dad shakes his head. "That and I saw you out the window last night, staring at Damien's house."
I bit my lip.
"Listen Roxanne, Damien moved out a year ago. I'm not entirely sure where but he's gone." Dad assures me. "You won't have to see him and spark up bad memories."
He...moved out? "I'm good, no need to worry."
"I hope so." He says.
Then it became quiet and we just stared at the TV. I'm not sure what he was thinking about but the only thing in my thoughts were how fate didn't want us to ever meet again. That he moved out because our encounter cannot happen, that I missed my chance and somewhere deep down inside of me, an indescribable pain grew.
Damien moved out.
He's gone.
*****
* A few days later*
I've decided to stay longer than I originally wanted to, that's because I'm not ready to go back to real life. To the city where I'll be alone taking care of Parker and having to deal with the sadness around me. When I drop off Parker to visit Heather and see her sad expression.
Or working in a job where everyone gives me sympathetic looks, since they all know about Bryon. It's been seven months and everyone still treats me like he died yesterday. Yes, I will sound cruel if I say this but am I the only one who can let him go for one second?
I literally just want to not think about Bryon or Huntington or Parker having no father for one freaking minute! Which is why I don't mind staying here for as long as I can because as soon as I go back, the harsh reminder of how lonely I really am will hit and a void will grow within me.
So since I'm staying here longer, while mom and dad were at work and Anne was at school. I decided that Parker and I will go shopping for some dinner to make them, since I've gotten here they've showered me with kindness. It feels like a home now and all has been forgiven. We've let go of that bad blood for the sake of the little ones and because we dearly missed one another.
Truthfully I've needed my family for a long time, dealing with what I dealt with without them was hard. I mean Bryons family was accepting but they weren't my family.
Not to mention Bryon was ten years older than me so everyone thought I was trying to use him for money. Which took a few years to prove otherwise.
"Mama when are we going home?" Parker asked as I stapped him into the seat.
I closed his door, opened mine and sat down. "Soon, baby."
"Maybe daddy will be home." He smiled.
It pains me when I hear Parker talk about his father, I would tell him that he'll never come back. However, I can't. He wouldn't understand death and explaining it would only confuse him.
So I dismissed it and started my car, then drove off.
*****
"Mama! Mama!" Parker runs to me, holding a box of Little Debbie Brownies. "Brownies! Can we have it?"
Another food Parker can't live without.
Brownies.
So I picked him up and sat him inside of the shopping cart, then picked up a bottle of prune juice and tease him. "How about prune juice?"
"Eww mama!" He giggled.
I pinched his cheeks and kissed his forehead. "Yes you can have your brownies."
"Thanks." He says staring at the box happily.
After agreeing to his guilty pleasure, I went to the next isle to get some pasta. I picked up a box of Ziti and held it in my hand deciding if I wanted to make baked Ziti today. Mom loves cheese but dad and diary are a horrible mix.
"I wanna' walk." Parker says.
As I decided, I picked Parker up and placed him on the floor. "Don't leave the isle, honey."
"Okay mama." He agrees and runs down the isle.
Finally I decided that baked Ziti sounded great and grabbed four boxes. Then threw them into the cart and started looking for other pasta's just incase they needed any.
Once my cart was filled with all kinds of pasta's, I look up to find Parker gone. My blood turned to ice and I quickly paced down the isle, still holding a box of Pici.
"Parker?" I say, looking around for him. "Parker where are you?"
Relief flew inside of me when I heard Parker giggling, it sounded like he was in the next isle. So I walked towards the isle, however, I immediately freeze at the sound of another voice.
A very familiar voice.
"Where's your mother little guy?" The man asks.
Gradually I walked towards the isle and the closer I got, the more nerve-wrecked I became. My heart started to race and an undeniable hope grew in me. A hope that I was right yet another part of me desperately wanted me to be wrong.
Unfortunately one side won.
The side that belonged with fate.
Parker looked at me. "Mama!"
Then the man next him looked away from Parker to me, his eyes wide.
The box that I was holding quickly dropped as we looked into one another's eyes, an overwhelming feeling growing inside of me.
And just as they did six years ago,
Deep jade eyes made contact with mine.
====(Authors♥Note)====
Hey guys! I just wanted to update as quickly as I can, I didn't realize how many of you would think that the previous chapter was the last. But I assure you we've got more to go, not a lot more, but nonetheless more.
And I've been updating rather quickly because I noticed that I literally started writing this story a year ago and it's time to get this done. So expect frequent updates. Thank you for those who stuck by me this entire time and my slowwwwwwww updates. Love yah! ♥